by F. Anstey
CHAPTER X.
+Podbury insists on an Explanation.+
SCENE--_A flight of steps by the lake in the grounds of the Insel Hotel,Constance. Time, late afternoon. A small boat, containing three persons,is just visible far out on the glassy grey-green water._ BOB PRENDERGAST_and_ PODBURY _are perched side by side on a parapet, smokingdisconsolately._
PODBURY. Do they look at all as if they meant to come in? I tell youwhat, Bob, I vote we row out to them and tell them they'll be late for_table d'hote_. Eh? [_He knocks out his pipe._
PRENDERGAST (_phlegmatically_). Only be late for it ourselves if we do.They'll come in when they want to.
PODB. It's not safe for your sister,--I'm hanged if it is--going out ina boat with a duffer like Culchard! He'll upset her as sure as eggs.
PREND. (_with fraternal serenity_). With pin-oars? Couldn't if he tried!And they've a man with them, too. The less I see of that chap Culchardthe better. I did hope we'd choked him off at Nuremberg. I hate thesight of his supercilious old mug!
PODB. You can't hate it more than I do--but what can I do?(_Pathetically_.) I've tried rotting him, but somehow he always managesto get the best of it in the end. I never saw such a beggar to hang on!
PREND. What on earth made you ask him to come on here, after he declaredhe wouldn't?
PODB. I! _I_ ask him? He settled it all with your sister. How could _I_help it?
PREND. I'd do _something_. Why can't you tell him right out he ain'twanted? _I_ would--like a shot!
PODB. It's not so easy to tell him as you think. We haven't been onspeaking terms these three days. And, after all (_feebly_) we'resupposed to be travelling together, don't you know! _You_ might drop hima hint now.
PREND. Don't see how I can very well--not on my own hook. Might lead toructions with Hypatia, too.
PODB. (_anxiously_). Bob, you--you don't think your sister really----eh?
PREND. Hypatia's a rum girl--always was. She certainly don't seem toobject to your friend Culchard. What the dickens she can see in him, Idon't know!--but it's no use my putting _my_ oar in. She'd only jump on_me_, y'know!
PODB. (_rising_). Then I _must_. If that's what he's really after, Ithink I can stop his little game. I'll try, at any rate. It's a longworm that has no turning, and I've had about enough of it. The firstchance I get, I'll go for him.
PREND. Good luck to you, old chap. There, they're coming in now. We'dbetter go in and change, eh? We've none too much time.
[_They go in._
_In the Lese-zimmer, a small gaslit room, with glazed doors opening uponthe Musik-saal. Around a table piled with German and Englishperiodicals, a mild Curate, the Wife of the English Chaplain, and twoOld Maids are seated, reading and conversing._ CULCHARD _is on a centralottoman, conscientiously deciphering the jokes in "Fliegende Blaetter_."PODBURY _is at the bookcase, turning over odd Tauchnitz volumes._
THE CHAPLAIN'S WIFE (_to the_ CURATE, _a new arrival_). Oh, you will_very_ soon get into all our little ways. The hours here are _most_convenient--breakfast (_table d'hote_) with choice of eggs or fish andcoffee--really _admirable_ coffee--from eight to nine; midday dinner atone. Supper at nine. Then, if you want to write a letter, the post forEngland goes out--(_&c., &c._) And on Sundays, eleven o'clock service(Evangelical, of _course!_) at the----(_&c., &c.,_) My husband----(_&c.,&c._)
FIRST OLD MAID (_looking up from a four days' old "Telegraph"_). I seethey are still continuing that very interesting correspondence on "OurChildren's Mouths--and are they widening?" One letter attributes it tothe habit of thumb-sucking in infancy--which certainly ought to bechecked. Now I never _would_ allow any----
THE C.'S. W. Nor I. But corals are quite as bad. Only this afternoon Iwas telling a Lady in this hotel that her little boy would be muchhappier with a rubber ring. You get them at a shop in theHoch-strasse--I can take you to it at any time, or if you like tomention my name----(_&c., &c._)
SECOND O. M. One correspondent thought the practice of eating soup withtable-spoons tended to enlarge the mouth. I really believe there may besomething in it. [_A pause._
THE CURATE. The weather we have been having seems to have materiallyaffected the harvest prospects at home; they say there will be little orno fodder for the cattle this year. I saw somewhere--I forget where itwas exactly--a suggestion to feed cows on chickweed.
PODB. (_at the bookcase_). Capital thing for them too, Sir. Know a manwho never gives his cattle anything else.
THE CURATE. Oh, really? And does he find the experiment answer?
PODB. They take to it like birds. And--curious thing--after he'd triedit a month, all the cows turned yellow and went about chirping andtwittering and hopping. Fact, I assure you!
THE CURATE. Dear me--I should scarcely have----
[_He gradually comes to the conclusion that he is being trifled with,and after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, gets up and quits theroom with dignity._
PODB. (_to himself_). _One_ of 'em gone! Now if I can only clear theseold tabbies out, I can tackle Culchard. (_Aloud, to_ CHAPLAIN'S WIFE.)You don't happen to know if there's a good doctor here, I suppose? Alady was saying in the Musik-saal--the lady with the three daughters whocame this afternoon--that she was afraid they were in for bad feverishcolds or something, and asking who there was to call in.
GETS UP AND QUITS THE ROOM WITH DIGNITY.]
THE C.'S W. Oh, I've _no_ belief in foreign doctors. I always find a fewdrops of aconite or pulsatilla,----I have my homoeopathic case with menow. Perhaps, if I went and had a talk with her I could----
[_She goes out energetically._
PODB. Another gone! (_To the_ OLD MAIDS.) So you aren't going down tothe Cloisters to-night? I'm told there's to be some funthere--Hide-and-seek, or something--first-rate place for it, especiallynow the moon's up!
FIRST O. M. Nobody told _us_ a word about it. Hide-and-seek--and inthose quaint old Cloisters too--It sounds delightful! What do you say,Tabitha. Shall we just----? Only to look _on_, you know. We needn't_play_, unless----
[_The_ TWO OLD MAIDS _withdraw in a pleased flutter._ PODBURY _crossesto_ CULCHARD.
PODB. (_with determination_). Look here, Culchard, I'd just like to knowwhat you mean by the way you're going on.
CULCH. I thought we were both agreed that discussions of this kind----
PODB. It's all bosh our travelling together if we're not to have anydiscussions. You've been on the sulk long enough. And I'll thank you toinform me what you're after here, going about alone with MissPrendergast like this, in the Museum with her all the morning, and onthe lake again this afternoon--it won't _do,_ you know!
CULCH. If she happens to prefer my society to yours and her brother's, Ipresume you have no claim to interfere.
PODB. I don't know about that. How about Miss Trotter?
CULCH. If I remember rightly, you yourself were not insensible to MissTrotter's--er--attractions?
PODB. Perhaps not; but I am not engaged to her--you _are_. You told meso in the train.
CULCH. You entirely misunderstood me. There was no definiteunderstanding between us--nothing of the sort or kind. In fact, it wasmerely a passing caprice. Since I have had the privilege of knowing MissPrendergast, I see clearly----
PODB. Then you mean to propose to her, eh?
CULCH. That is certainly my intention; have you any objection to offer?
PODB. Only that I mean to propose too. I dare say my chances are as goodas yours--even now.
CULCH. I doubt it, my dear fellow; however, don't let _me_ discourageyou.
PODB. I don't intend to. (_The figure of_ MISS PRENDERGAST _is seen topass the glazed doors, and move slowly across the Musik-saal; bothrush_ _to the door, and look after her._) She's gone out into thebalcony. 'Jove, I'll go too, and get it over!
CULCH. I should not advise you to do so. It is possible she may havegone there with the--er--expectation of being joined by--by somebodyelse. [_He smiles complacently._
PODB. You mean she gave you a _rendezvous_ there? I d
on't believe it!
CULCH. I did not say so. But I am not prepared to deny that I have beenwaiting here with some such expectation.
PODB. (_holding the door_). If you go, I go too--that's all.
CULCH. Don't be absurd. You will only be _de trop,_ I assure you.
PODB. _De trop_ or not, I mean going--she shall choose between us.
CULCH. (_turning pale_). I suppose you intend to enlighten her as tomy--er--little flirtation (before I knew _her_) with Miss Trotter? Doit, Podbury, do it--if you think you'll gain any good by it!
PODB. Telling tales is not exactly in my line. But you don't go on thatbalcony without me--that's all.
CULCH. Well, listen to reason, my dear fellow. What you propose isridiculous. I--I don't mind conceding this: we'll each go, and--er--titup, as you call it, which goes first.
PODB. Done with you! (_Produces a mark._) Sudden death. You'reEagle--I'm the other Johnny. (_Tosses._) Eagle! Confound you! But I meanto have my innings all the same.
CULCH. You're perfectly welcome--when I've had mine. I'll--er--wish yougood evening.
[_He stalks out triumphantly._ PODBURY _places himself in a positionfrom which he can command a view of the Musik-saal, over the top of"ueber Land und Meer," and awaits results._
