She nodded. “Sebastian?” she asked hesitantly. “What just happened, well, has never happened to me before. Am I supposed to feel so—”
“Unsettled, shaky, breathless?” At her nod he grinned. “You are supposed to feel all that and more,
Amanda, much more.”
“Even though I have a child, I’m not—well, what I mean to say is that I haven’t really—”
He put a finger to her lips. “I know you aren’t experienced in the ways of love, sweetheart, and even though we are ‘married’ now I want you to know I don’t expect that from you, although I feel an irresistible attraction to you. I won’t take advantage of you. In fact, I think I’ll sleep out here tonight.”
“No, I’ll not deprive you of your bed! We are both adults and I trust you. We can share.”
This seemed to shock him beyond all reason and she laughed. “I do believe I’ve scandalized you, Sebastian! But really, it would be silly for either one of us to sleep on the floor when there is such a large, comfortable bed in the other room, don’t you agree?”
“It just so happens I do agree. Why don’t you go on and change while I check on the children? I’ll be there soon.” Amanda stepped into the room and sighed, wondering what she had gotten herself into. She hurriedly shucked off her clothes and donned a high-necked, faded pink cotton nightgown and climbed between the covers. Oh, the bed was so comfortable she could hardly keep her eyes open and she let them droop. So when Sebastian entered the room he thought she was asleep, but as he began undressing she shamelessly opened her eyes a slit to watch him. He took off everything but his underwear and turned toward the bed. Amanda almost sighed aloud at the strong muscles outlined in his body. When she felt him crawl under the covers beside her she used the guise of sleep and curled up to him, sliding her head onto his chest. She could hear his steady heartbeat and his not so steady breathing as he brought his arm around to snuggle her against him. Never had she felt so safe as she did now in the cocoon of his embrace. Sighing contentedly, she let herself drift off to sleep.
CHAPTER SIX
When Amanda awoke the next morning the sun was just peeking over the horizon and there was no sign of Sebastian. Rising from the bed, she cherished the happy feeling that still warmed her heart. She didn’t remember a time when she had looked forward to the start of a new day, but she did today. It would be a lovely warm summer day and she would enjoy it to the best of her ability. Donning her favorite blue dress, she made her way into the dusty kitchen and took out the eggs she had brought from town. As she was putting the plates on the table two sleepy children sat down and Sebastian came in from outside, his hair wet and smelling clean as the outdoors. She smiled at him, immediately noticing the absence of the badge that proclaimed him to be a U.S. Marshal. His gun belt, however, was riding on his hip as always, gun intact.
“Don’t be alarmed if you see some men ride up today, Amanda. I’m expecting quite a few deliveries this week, so there will probably be a lot of people coming and going. If they stop here at the house just send them to the barn. I have so much to do to get it ready I’ll more than likely be spending my entire week there and in the stable.”
Amanda glanced up, fork poised halfway to her
mouth. “What stable?”
Sebastian grinned. “The stable I’ll be building at the end of the week. Have I never told you what I plan to do with this old place?”
“I thought you were going to farm it. You said you were very good at it.”
Shrugging, he said, “I don’t like farming. Of course I’ll plant enough for us to eat and to bring in a bit of extra money, but it’s not where my heart is. I want to raise horses. I want to breed them and train them and maybe even race them.” “What a wonderful idea! Did you hear that, kids, we’re going to have horses! Sometimes you really amaze me, Sebastian Knight!”
“Well, I’d better get started if I want to have it finished by the end of the week.”
Matthew jumped up. “’Bastian, can I help you? I
want to get ready for the horses, too.”
“You bet you can help me, Squirt!”
Amanda watched her two men strut out the door and
laughed. “Can you believe them, Marissa?”
The little girl stared up at Amanda with wide blue eyes. How hard it must be for the poor little girl to have lost her whole family and have a new one thrust upon her. Holding her hand out, she said, “Why don’t we get you dressed, Marissa, and after I have everything cleaned up you can help me make a pie for dessert tonight.”
Her eyes lit up and she shyly followed her new mother into the bedroom. As Amanda slipped a little yellow dress over her head, she said, “Grandma used to let me help her make pies, too. Papa says Grandma went to Heaven.” She paused thoughtfully as Amanda brushed her hair and tied a yellow ribbon in it. “Amanda, do you know where Heaven is?
I need to tell Grandma I love her.”
Fighting tears, Amanda hauled the little girl close to her. “I’m sure your grandma knows just how much you love her, honey. We can only go to Heaven when God calls us there, way up in the beautiful sky. But if you talk to your grandma, I’m sure she can hear you.”
“Do you think she can? I thought so, but at the orphanage Prissy said she couldn’t. Prissy is the oldest and thinks she knows everything, and she told me I was being a baby for thinking grandma could hear me.”
“Now don’t you worry about Prissy. You just do what you think is right, and if it helps you any, I believe she can hear you.”
Smiling, Marissa took one of her little dolls out on the porch to play and Amanda got to work on the neglected cabin. She took the rugs out and gave them a good shake before pinning them to the line to air out. She swept and scrubbed the wood floors until they shone. She cleaned all the soot from the fireplace and cookstove and washed the grime from the windows so that the sun brightened even the farthest corners of the room. When the house was gleaming, she brought Marissa in and together they baked bread and peach pie and threw together a small lunch to take out to their men. They stepped into the barn, pausing so their eyes could become accustomed to the dimness, and called out for Sebastian and Matthew. When Sebastian saw them he smiled and mentioned that he knew of a perfect place for a picnic. The children ran excitedly ahead as they crossed behind the barn to a small creek that ran through their property. Dropping down beneath a large oak tree, they waited for Amanda to hand out the cheese sandwiches she had made with the freshly baked bread. Munching happily, they all lounged against the tree and enjoyed the lovely day. It was with reluctance that Sebastian headed off back to work and Amanda returned to the house.
That evening, just as the sun was about to set,
Matthew and Sebastian were strolling home across the prairie when Matthew caught sight of a baby bunny. “Look at that
‘Bastian! A baby bunny! Can I pet it?”
“If you can catch it,” he said, chuckling.
Matthew set off at a run and chased the poor little rabbit all the way back to a small copse of young trees. By the time he came back he was winded and his face was beet red. “Couldn’t catch it, huh?”
Matthew glared at him as he tried to catch his breath. “Why didn’t you tell me I couldn’t catch it?”
Sebastian ruffled his hair as they continued on their way. “Because some things you have to learn on your own. I’ll tell you what: If you start bringing a carrot out each day and show the bunny you won’t hurt it, maybe he’ll learn to
trust you enough to let you pet him.”
“But that’ll take forever!” he whined.
Sebastian stomped his boots off at the door to the cabin. “But wouldn’t it be worth it?” he asked as the boy followed him thoughtfully through the door.
Sebastian stopped abruptly just inside, the changes Amanda had made, along with the sumptuous smells of supper, all hitting him at the same time. He looked around at the clean, cozily lit room, his daughter setting the table and his ‘wife’ s
tanding over a pot at the cookstove. All at once he felt as if he’d finally come home. Ushering Matthew before him they cleaned up and took their places at the table as steaming plates of chicken and dumplings were set before them. Sebastian ate quietly, gazing thoughtfully at his new family and the transformed little cabin. A feeling of belonging surrounded him and filled a void he hadn’t realized was there.
He smiled at Amanda, and she returned his smile sweetly.
“Guess what we found in the field, Mama?”
“What did you find, sweetheart?”
“You can tell her, ‘Bastian. We found a bunny,
Mama! Not just any old bunny but a little baby bunny! It was
so pretty and I tried to catch it but it ran too fast!”
Amanda graced Sebastian with an angelic look before turning back to her son. “That’s wonderful! Maybe next time you can pet him.”
Matthew nodded emphatically before continuing to munch on his chicken and dumplings. Marissa was quiet, as Sebastian assured Amanda she had always been. “I’ll be starting on the stable tomorrow since I was able to get the barn fixed earlier than I expected.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“I’ll be pretty busy for the next several days and I won’t always be able to take Matthew with me. I’ll try to watch for my deliveries so they won’t disturb you.”
Amanda smiled. “Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind.”
“Once I get the stables up and stocked I can begin working with the horses. I plan to train them myself but I may need to hire someone for help every now and then.”
Amanda looked worried. “So these horses will be wild?”
“Not exactly. There’s nothing for you to worry about, for the most part they’ll be tame, but in need of more
extensive training for a variety of different purposes.”
“I see. Should we keep to the house, then?” “Absolutely not. As long as you stay on the opposite side of the fence they’ll not hurt you.”
“Can I ride horses with you, ‘Bastian?”
“Maybe once everything has settled down here,
Squirt.”
“Can I ride horses too, Papa?”
Startled, Sebastian’s gaze flew to his daughter. Although she had found out at the same time he did that he was her father, she had still always called him by his name. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he touched her sweet cheek
with his finger. “Of course, Marissa.”
Marissa’s bright blue eyes pierced the adults. Sometimes a child of few words, she made what she said count. “Papa, Matthew calls Amanda ‘mama’. May I?”
Sebastian gripped the table tightly to control the flow of emotions coursing through him. Clearing his throat, he said, “I think that’s something you should ask Amanda.”
Marissa’s wide eyes met Amanda’s, which were threatening to swim with tears. “Amanda, may I call you Mama? I never had a mama before.”
Amanda looked up at Sebastian to try and read his reaction, but the moment her eyes met his she knew it had been a mistake. Although he tried to hide it, she could see the emotion flare in his eyes. Nodding slowly, she managed a smile for Marissa’s sake. “I would love that, Marissa,” she said softly.
Not to be outdone, Matthew leaned across the table. “Mama, does this mean I can call ‘Bastian Papa? Does it?” They looked at each other and read so easily the deep longing for family in the other’s eyes. They nodded simultaneously, and Matthew jumped off his chair and skipped around the room happily. Relieved to have the mood lightened, Amanda laughed and bid the boy to return to his seat. The rest of the meal was conducted in thoughtful silence, with Matthew’s ever-present chatter.
That night, Amanda again changed and crawled into bed while Sebastian was busy outside. When he came in, he smiled at her and blew out the candle. He undressed and slipped into bed beside her, careful to keep several inches between them. They were still and quiet for several moments before Sebastian murmured, “Amanda, I could tell you were upset by what Marissa said at supper, and I want you to know I won’t blame you if you don’t feel comfortable allowing her to call you mama. I can only speak for myself, but the thought of Matthew wanting me to be his father fills me with pride.”
Amanda laid her hand on his arm. “No, Sebastian, I love Marissa, but I can’t help wondering if what we’re doing is wrong. We are four people who have never had the kind of family we wanted, and now all of a sudden it’s been miraculously bestowed on us. What happens to Matthew and Marissa when it’s time for me to leave? Should we allow it to become so emotional when we know it won’t end in happily ever after?”
Sebastian placed his hands behind his head and gazed up at the ceiling. “Do we ever know what will happen in the future, Amanda? We set out on this adventure with a plan, but there is no guarantee that everything will be how we want it. Neither one of us planned for the children to become so attached to us so quickly, but it happened. I think we should just let things progress as they will and take it one step at a time. As for leaving, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Amanda nodded, glad for the cover of darkness so he couldn’t see her chin quiver at the thought of losing her new found family. She was surprised when he leaned over and kissed her cheek softly, then moved slightly until their lips met in a chaste kiss meant to comfort. Amanda slipped her hands up his back, holding tightly to his broad shoulders. Sebastian deepened the kiss, literally feeling as if he were melting into her. His hands roamed of their own free will, lightly caressing her soft skin through the cotton of her nightgown. He nibbled at the delicate place behind her ear, causing a stream of delicious shivers to overtake her. Loosening the braid that held her hair captive, he rubbed his lightly whiskered cheek against the silky softness, as he’d wanted to do so many times. He inhaled the scent of her, smiling at the added aroma of cinnamon. His hand slid over the small mound of her tummy and naturally progressed to the softness of her breast. Amanda gasped at the contact, and Sebastian snatched his hand away, almost as if he’d been burned. Indeed, his hand was throbbing from the short, heated contact he’d had with her and now ached painfully to be replaced. But reality returned, and with it his conscience. Sighing raggedly, he drew her into his arms, lying woodenly beside her. “Go to sleep, Amanda,” he rasped into the darkness.
Amanda’s eyes welled with tears that she refused to let fall. What was wrong with her that he didn’t want her? Was it something she had done or his damnable sense of honor that kept them physically apart? Amanda wanted to be a real wife to him, whether the marriage was legal or not meant nothing to her. But how could she tell him she wanted him without seeming like a loose woman? Sebastian was an honorable man and would probably think less of her if she offered herself to him. Able to bear almost anything else, she knew she could never bear to see disappointment in his eyes because of her. She sighed, unconsciously playing with the hair on his chest until his fingers closed over hers. She sighed again, knowing she had a long night ahead of her.
Amanda was putting breakfast on the table the next morning when Sebastian walked through the door, again with wet hair. “Did you take another bath in the creek?” she teased, trying to ease the dark mood she sensed he was in.
His electric blue eyes gazed into hers humorlessly for a moment before he sat down at the table. “I’ve been in need of a splash of cold water these last few mornings,” he muttered.
Amanda was not so naive that she didn’t know what he meant, and she blushed ferociously. The meal was eaten in silence; even Matthew didn’t have much to say. When Sebastian stood up to leave, he jumped out of his chair. “Can I go with you, Papa?”
“Not today, Matthew.”
The child watched him walk out the door before
turning to his mother with a pout. “I wanted to go!”
“I know you did, sweetheart, but Sebastian told you that he would be doing dangerous work and you couldn’t go with him.”
“But what am I suppose
d to do?”
“Why don’t you take Marissa out and find your little bunny. You can each take one carrot to lay out for him.”
Brightening somewhat, Matthew took the small girl by the hand and led her from the house, oblivious to the adoring look she bestowed upon him. It would do him good to be a big brother, Amanda thought happily as she started washing the dishes. So intent were her thoughts that she didn’t hear Sebastian come in the door. When he touched her arm she was so surprised that she dropped the plate she was cleaning into the water and immediately they were covered with bubbles. Afraid he would be angry, she looked up at him only to see his blue eyes twinkling down at her. She lowered her gaze and burst into laughter at the sight he made, his face covered in a beard of bubbles. Taking a clean towel from the table, she gently dried his face for him, watching in fascination as his eyes darkened more with every touch of her finger.
Amanda set the towel down nervously. “So what brings you back to the house so early?” she asked, returning to the dishes.
Sebastian grasped her shoulders and turned her to face him. “I’m sorry, Amanda. I’m sorry for what I did last night and how I behaved this morning.”
“No, Sebastian, I—”
He put a finger to her soft lips. “Shhh. I want you to know you can trust me.”
“I—”
“I brought you here so we could help each other, not so I could take advantage of you. If you want me to sleep in the barn from now on I’ll understand.”
“No! You don’t have to—”
“I have to get back out to the stable. I’ll see you tonight.” Turning abruptly, he strode out the door.
“Ooooh!” she cried in frustration. “If that man had let me get a word in edgewise he would learn that I already trust him!” she fumed, giving in to her temper and kicking the table leg.
The summer days blended together one much the same as the other. The children became very close and, after a few weeks, Matthew’s bunny came to trust him so much that more often than not he was seen riding on the child‘s shoulders. The relationship between the adults was more complicated, but still pretty easy going, for the most part. Amanda worked the house and the garden during the day and sewed fervently every night. Sebastian spent most of his days working on the stables, taking the children with him whenever he could. When the stables were finally done and stocked with horses, he began to train them, and the children would sometimes lay in the soft grass and watch him work.
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