One day just as Amanda was sitting down for a cup of tea there was a knock on the door. She sighed, by now growing tired of all the deliveries. When she opened the door, she stood dumbfounded for a moment before throwing her arms around the woman standing at her door. “Sharon Mahoney, where on earth did you come from? Come share a
cup of tea with me and tell me all about it!”
Sharon laughed gaily and followed her friend inside the cozy cottage. Accepting a cup of tea, she said, “When we reached St. Louis my brother-in-law was waiting for us at the train station. He said that he’d lost our claim out west to squatters and didn’t have the time or the energy to fight them for it. He said he’d remembered what a nice town Alton was and decided that we’d be just as happy here, so he bought some land and, I must admit, it is wonderful! A small creek runs through our property and, well, I suppose you know that since it seems our land adjoins yours. I honestly was just coming over to borrow a cup of sugar from our neighbors until I could get to town and buy some more. I was stunned to see you at the door!”
The children walked in at that time and Amanda
called them over. “Sharon, I’m sure you remember Matthew?
This is his sister, Marissa.”
They exchanged greetings and Matthew asked permission to visit their father before racing Marissa out the door. “Have you been to church yet, Amanda?”
“No, I’m sorry to say I haven’t. We had planned on going tomorrow, though. Will we see you there?”
“Yes, most definitely. The minister is wonderful and I have met the most interesting people there.” She frowned. “Mrs. Amos is rather nosy, though.”
Amanda laughed. “I have had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Amos, and I can say with conviction that nosy doesn’t even begin to describe it! Her heart is in the right place, though,” she said softly, remembering what the woman had said about Sebastian being in love with her.
Sharon smiled. “I shouldn’t be so petty, she is a very nice woman. Oh, but she asks so very many questions!”
Amanda poured them each another cup of tea. “I’m so glad you’ll be our neighbors. We’ve been so busy working around here that we haven’t gotten back to town even once since we arrived.”
“Well, it’s certainly been time well spent. You have a lovely home, Amanda.”
Amanda glanced lovingly around her home with a smile. “I’m very happy here. Honestly, Sharon, I’ve never
been happier in my life.”
Sebastian chose that moment to walk in the door, causing Amanda to nearly choke on her tea. “It’s nice to see you again, Sharon. Matthew told me you’re living near us now.”
Amanda poured him a cup of tea and placed it in his hands. His smile was tender as it lit upon her.
“And yourself. I see you are no longer wearing your badge.”
“That part of my life is behind me. We’re raising horses now.”
“Wonderful! Justin was just saying this morning that
he needs a good horse, maybe I can bring him over?”
“Anytime.”
After Sebastian returned to work, Sharon winked at Amanda. “I can see why you’re so happy,” she teased.
Amanda blushed. “Well, it was so nice visiting with
you, Amanda. I hope to see you tomorrow.”
Sunday dawned bright and early with a beautiful blue sky and a cool breeze to ward off the summer heat. Amanda dressed in the new yellow dress she had made for herself and set out the clothes she had made as a surprise for Sebastian. After a hurried breakfast, she ushered the children into their bedroom and, with a happy heart, put on the clothes she had lovingly made for them. Marissa was clad in a pretty pink calico dress, which sported a ruffle along the bottom and Amanda pulled her dark, curling hair back with a long pink satin ribbon. For Matthew she had made deep blue trousers and a shirt of powder blue.
By the time Amanda brought the children out
Sebastian was standing by the wagon waiting for them. She stopped at the sight of him, feeling as if she could hardly get a breath. Since the first day they had come home, he had taken to wearing denim pants and work shirts, and Amanda thought he looked wonderful in them. But now, seeing him in the charcoal gray trousers and crisp white shirt she herself had made for him, he looked devastatingly handsome. She barely controlled the urge to run to him and fling herself into his arms.
“Amanda, you look beautiful,” he said softly,
seemingly as surprised at her appearance as she was with his. “And,” he motioned to himself, “thank you for the new clothes.”
“What about me, Papa, do I look pretty?” Marissa piped up.
He grinned, swinging her up into his arms. “You’re prettier than a princess, my dear. And Matthew is quite pretty, himself.”
Matthew’s mouth dropped open and he turned to his mother. “Mama, did you hear what Papa called me? I’m not pretty. I’m not a girl, Papa!” he said with disgust.
Sebastian only laughed as he lifted him into the wagon. He turned to Amanda, and their eyes locked. His thumb caressed her hand as he stared into her eyes with deep longing. “My lady,” he murmured, “your carriage awaits.”
Amanda said nothing, her whole body tingling at the slight contact. As they started off toward Alton, Sebastian said, “Yellow is a good color for you.”
She smiled wistfully. “I’ve never had a yellow dress before. It’s my favorite color, and I’ve always wanted one, but—” her voice drifted off.
“You should have a dozen yellow dresses. It makes your hair glow all the more and softens your lovely dark eyes.” Taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart, she knew she couldn’t utter a word just then if her life depended on it. He was always so attentive, so tender and caring. Why then did he lay still as a board every night, keeping as much space between them as possible? And why, no matter how far apart they started out, she always woke up in the morning enfolded in his arms? The man drove her crazy trying to figure him out!
They entered the church just as the first song was beginning and Amanda soon had her hands full trying to keep the children, used to running outside all day, from fidgeting. By the time the sermon was over and the last song finished, she was ready to usher Matthew and Marissa outside to run off their energy. Of course, the line moved slowly through the doors, and she was forced to explain, for the tenth time, exactly why they had had to come to church instead of staying home to chase butterflies. Finally out in the sunshine, she ordered the children to go play and she collapsed onto the bed of the wagon.
Sebastian chuckled. “The little imps were full of gusto this morning.”
“Yes, they were,” she retorted saucily, “and between the two of them fidgeting and you pulling at your collar as if you’ve never worn a shirt before I certainly had my hands full! We’ve barely stepped out of the building and I see you’ve already undone your top two buttons!” As she finished her rampage her eyes fell to the top of his shirt, a tiny glimpse of hair peeking over the loosened buttons, his hard muscles evident beneath the thin material. She swallowed and turned away, certain she would be going to hell for having such impure thoughts on church property.
Amanda walked over to where Sharon stood under a shade tree, waving gaily. Sebastian accompanied her, tucking her hand possessively into the crook of his arm. The men talked business while the women chattered and watched the children play. “I hope we have a baby soon,” Sharon said wistfully. “Maybe Matthew and Marissa can come over to our house sometimes?”
“That would be lovely, if you’re sure they wouldn’t
be too much of a bother.”
“I can promise you that there’s nothing they could do
to bother me. Children are such a joy.”
Amanda smiled, feeling blessed with good fortune. Her only wish now was that she could have a future with her family, a future that included all the days of the rest of her life. They were everything she had ever wanted, these three people who had become more importan
t to her than life itself. If only she could find a way to make them hers forever.
The Mahoneys, including Justin’s brother Jake, invited them for dinner and they accepted eagerly. It was nice to have friends, Amanda thought that evening as she put the children to bed. They had spent the better part of the afternoon laughing and having a good time. Amanda had helped Sharon prepare dinner, Sebastian was given a tour of their property, and the kids played outside with a puppy. All in all, it had been a wonderful time, and already Amanda was busy planning to have them over to her house next Sunday. When Sebastian finally came in from checking the horses Amanda was sitting on the bed brushing her hair, a thoughtful look on her face. He took the brush from her hands and began stroking her honey blond hair. “What are you thinking about?”
“I was thinking how much fun I had today,” she replied. “I never knew just having dinner with another couple could be so enjoyable. I want to invite them here next week.” “Okay,” he said, concentrating more on the texture of her hair than on the words she spoke.
“I can do that? You don’t mind?”
“Why would I mind? This is your house, too, you
can invite anyone you like.”
Amanda looked up at him with such an angelic smile he felt his insides turn to molten lava. “Amanda,” he said hoarsely, touching her cheek with his finger. He kissed her lips softly before striding determinedly to the door. “I have some work I forgot to do. Get some sleep.”
Dumbfounded, she watched him walk out the door. “Ooooh, that man makes me so mad,” she fumed, throwing the brush at the bedroom door.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Sebastian knelt on the ground one sunny day, hammer in hand, nails strewn around him, contemplating how best to fix the rails of the fence. He picked up the hammer, smiling when he saw Matthew come up beside him. “Hey Squirt,
where’s your little shadow?”
“She’s helping Mama bake pies today. Can I stay with you?”
He nodded as he began driving the nails into the wood. Matthew climbed up to sit on a secure middle rail, dangling his arms over the top one and fixing Sebastian with a troubled gaze. “Do you like my mama?”
“Of course I do,” he laughed. “What makes you ask a question like that?”
“Well, sometimes I see you kiss, and I know that’s a good thing because of the way Mama smiles. But, I’ve been thinking, you don’t really kiss very much and sometimes Mama watches you with a sad look on her face when you’re not looking.”
Concentrating more deeply than necessary on the fence rail, Sebastian replied, “You really shouldn’t worry about the relationship between me and your mother. That’s for us to work out.”
“I know. But she’s never been happy like this before and I want her to be happy. I’m scared that if you don’t like her we’ll have to go away and she’ll be sad again.
“Papa, I don’t ever want her to be sad again.” Sebastian’s gut wrenched painfully. He set the tools down, giving Matthew his full attention. “Can I share something with you, Matthew? But I’ll need your word of honor that you’ll not tell your mother.” The child nodded solemnly and Sebastian continued quietly, “I love her.” Matthew’s eyes lit up and he threw himself into Sebastian’s arms, knocking them both backwards. “That’s
great! All you have to do is tell her and—”
Sebastian sat up, keeping Matthew on his lap.
“Listen to me, son. If I came right out and told your mother something like that, it would scare her off. Sometimes people find it hard to trust other people, and I have to earn your mother’s trust before I let her know how I feel. I must show her I am worthy of her trust. Does that make sense to you?” Matthew thought for a minute. “Like when I left the carrots for my baby bunny and after days and days he finally knew I wouldn’t hurt him?”
Sebastian was stunned at the child’s perception.
“Exactly like that. Only with people, it takes a bit longer.”
Matthew frowned. “How do you know, Papa? How
can you tell when someone trusts you?”
Gazing at him thoughtfully, he muttered, “That’s what I’d like to know, Matthew. That’s what I’d like to know.”
When Sebastian finished his work, they walked side by side back to the house. Amanda was just putting supper on the table, and he admired how pretty she looked in her new blue and yellow calico dress. How hard the nights had become for him, lying next to her, so close yet so far away, wanting to touch her and hold her as if she were really his wife. Every night he found it more and more difficult to keep his hands from her soft body, and on various occasions he’d stepped over the line, kissing her until he thought he’d explode from wanting her. The minute he saw her, every time he saw her, desire raged white hot through his body. He’d have to start sleeping in the barn, he told himself sternly time and time again, only to return to the bed with her and the sweet agony of longing.
“Sebastian?” he heard her say. “Sebastian, please pass the salt.” Her request finally got through to him, and he passed the salt across the table. Quite accidentally, their fingers touched, and lightning shot through his veins. Evidently Amanda reacted the same way, and they both snatched their hands away, watching helplessly as the salt tumbled to the table, fortunately missing all the food but making a mess of the entire table.
They were unaware of the bewildered looks their children bestowed upon them. Matthew shrugged and Marissa giggled. The couple ate silently, the tension between them tangible in the air. The kids excused themselves and went to their bedroom to play. Amanda automatically began clearing the dishes, her mind on her still trembling hand and the strong effect Sebastian had on her. Sebastian wiped the table and grabbed the newspaper, The Alton Telegraph, staring at it as if he were actually able to see the words. From the corner of his eye he watched Amanda work, admiring the sway of her hips as she moved from one task to another. After she finished, she handed him a cup of tea as she did every night. Yet again when their fingers touched the cup fell crashing to the floor. With a muttered curse, Sebastian threw his chair aside and slammed out of the house. Amanda sighed dejectedly as she cleaned the mess off the floor certain that tonight would be the night he’d decide to stay in the barn.
She put the children to bed and slowly changed her clothes, donning a new white nightgown. The soft cotton didn’t make her feel any better, and she sat in the middle of the bed brushing her hair thoughtfully. Finally, after waiting so long she was sure he must already be asleep, she doused the lamp and climbed beneath the covers. The moon was full and shining gently through her window. She tried closing her eyes, but sleep would not come, so she stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out a way to tell Sebastian how she felt about him. So it surprised her some time later to hear him come through the door. She turned to look at him, wondering where he had been and what he’d been doing. Was he thinking the same thoughts as she was? He smiled at her and said quietly, “Did I wake you?”
“No,” she admitted ruefully, “I couldn’t sleep. I was
afraid you weren’t coming back in tonight.”
He climbed into bed beside her, tension clinging to him like a second skin. He didn’t want to tell her that he’d planned on taking a cold dip in the creek and spending the night in the barn, but she’d been too much on his mind.
Amanda raised up on her elbow and looked down at him. He said nothing, but she could tell the moment his control snapped. His arm snaked around her neck and pulled her head down to his, kissing her with a passion that she had only guessed was held inside him. He ran his hands through her silky hair, whispering loving words in her ear. He kissed a path of fire down her throat while his hands caressed her back, and she knew she’d never felt anything so exquisite. His fingers trembling, he slowly unbuttoned the nightgown down to her waist, his fingers inching toward her aching breast. When they finally touched, Amanda felt lightheaded with pleasure, hoping this moment would never end. Now his lips were at her throat, and as
they moved lower she thought she might die from the wanting. She felt his breath on her breast a split second before his tongue licked her sensitive nipple, drawing a surprised cry of pleasure from her. Never had she felt anything so wildly intoxicating, so thoroughly stirring.
Tearing himself away with a groan, Sebastian sat up, running an unsteady hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Amanda.”
She jumped off the bed, her forwardness surprising even herself. “Don’t you dare, Sebastian Knight, don’t you dare apologize to me again! I can’t bear to hear it.”
“But I am sorry, sweetheart. I promised I would not take advantage of you—”
“Who asked you?! Who asked you to make such a promise? We’re living as husband and wife; of course we’d want to carry it on to the next level. It’s only natural to feel this way, but your damnable sense of honor keeps getting in the way!”
All Sebastian could think about was how lovely she looked standing beside the bed, her face flushed, her gown gaping open to expose her lovely form. “But we aren’t really husband and wife, now are we?” he said quietly.
Amanda burst into tears. She was angry with herself for giving in to her emotions and angry at Sebastian for bringing them out in the first place. “I don’t care! All I know is that I have never been happier than I am here with you, and I want to consume every morsel of happiness that I can before I have to leave.”
Suddenly he was standing beside her, gently placing her head against his hard chest, rubbing circles on her back while tucking her hair behind he ear. “I swear I didn’t know
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