Emily's Choice

by Heather McCoubrey

  She took her mug to the living room and sat on the couch in the dark. Sipping her mug of warmed milk, she glanced around the room and smiled to herself. She remembered the night her father had come home from a poker game and fallen head first over the couch that she’d moved earlier in the day. He’d been so mad and had made her promise to never change the furniture again without the express approval from both him and Grace. She’d agreed but been rather put out about it. She should have known even then that she’d become an interior designer later in life.

  She pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and tucked it around her legs. So many cherished memories haunted just this one room. Many nights they sat around watching television together, Grace knitting and Clint reading a book. Endless board games between herself, Hope, and Tyler. Prom pictures. Homecoming pictures. Birthday parties.

  And before Emily realized it, tears were pouring down her face. She set her mug on the coffee table and curled up on the couch, wrapping the afghan around her shoulders. She cried until she had no tears left, hiccuping softly and trying to calm her racing heart. She hated to cry, hated the feeling of being emptied and dried out. Hated the puffy, swollen eyes and the red, blotchy skin that always accompanied her bouts of tears. But the worst was that it never made her feel better. There was no cathartic well-being for her. All it did was leave her feeling wrung out and weary.

  This time was no different. Wiping her eyes and face, she quietly blew her nose and then picked up her mug. She continued to sip the milk as her mind played through all her fondest memories.

  “Can’t sleep?” Clint asked quietly from the doorway.

  Shrieking softly, Emily jumped and came close to spilling what was left in her mug. “Jeez, Dad, you scared the crap out of me.”

  “Sorry.” He chuckled, sitting down on the couch next to her.

  “It’s okay. I just didn’t hear you. You’re stealthy.” She smiled into the dark.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t get comfy and my brain wouldn’t shut down.” She motioned with her mug. “Was hoping some warm milk would help.” With her free hand, she patted her father’s arm. “You?”

  “Bed was too empty for my liking. Figured I’d check on the cow.”

  “Have you been out to see her yet?”

  “No, was on my way when I saw something moving in here.”

  “Do you mind if I come with you?”

  “Not at all. Be glad for the company.”

  When they got to the barn, her father opened the gate to the stall where the cow was being kept. They went inside and found the cow laying down in the hay. Emily went straight to the front of the cow, stroking her nose and whispering soothing words. Clint passed his hands over her belly.

  “Is she okay?” Emily asked.

  “Yep, shouldn’t be long now. She’s secreting, and I can feel contractions. We’ll have a calf by morning, no doubt.”

  Emily smiled and continued to pet the cow’s face and head. Long before she’d had her own child, she was familiar with the birthing process. Many a night had seen her out in the barn with her father and brother, waiting for a new calf to be born. It had been something neither Hope nor Lila had cared for and Emily had always chalked it up to their city upbringings.

  Emily settled down into the hay, leaning her back against the stall wall. “Guess there’ll be no need for the vet?”

  “Nope, this little mama is doing it right.”

  “Good. I always hated when the vet came. Meant there was trouble and danger.”

  “We’ve lost some pretty good cows through the years.”

  “Will you call Tyler?”

  “No, she’s doing well, and there’s no reason to have him come over for an easy birth. Besides, Sophie needs her rest and I certainly don’t want to call over there and chance waking her up.”

  “Good point.” Emily laughed.

  “How’s your job going?” Clint asked, settling himself down in the hay.

  “It’s going well. We’ve got plenty to keep us busy and just got a new opportunity to send in designs for a business. Kendra should be back at the end of the month. One of her goals for next year is to pick up some more commercial business.”

  “Will you split the responsibilities?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She does the commercial stuff and you do the residential stuff?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything one way or the other.”

  Clint nodded.

  They lapsed into silence, lost in their thoughts and grief. The viewing earlier in the day kept running through Emily’s mind like a track with no end.

  Even though she’d been at the hospital when Grace had been taken off life support, it still hit her like a sucker punch when she saw Grace laid out in her favorite outfit, a light application of makeup, and looking all the world as if she were just taking a nap. It had taken all the air out of her lungs.

  She dropped into the chair in front of the coffin, closing her eyes and praying this was a nightmare she would wake from. Eyes still closed, she pinched the inside of her arm. She blew out a long breath. It hurt, not just the pinch, but Grace’s death.

  “You holding up okay?”

  She stilled. She felt his hand on her shoulder, felt the heat through her shirt, and wanted more than anything to melt into it.

  Realizing where her thoughts and heart were headed, she stiffened.

  “Fine, thanks,” she said stiffly, pulling slightly away from his hand.

  He took the seat next to her, staring at Grace. She could only assume he was consumed with much of the same thoughts as she had been. As much as Jason had hurt her, she couldn’t ignore the pain he was feeling right now. He loved Grace very much and had relied on her as his mother for a long time. His weekly breakfast/coffee time with her over the past two years had most likely only strengthened their bond and Emily knew he had to be suffering right now.

  “She loved you, you know,” Emily said quietly, placing a gentle hand on his arm.

  “I’m gonna miss her so much,” he choked out.

  “Yeah, me, too.” Emily sighed and sat back in her chair.

  “She’s been there for me for so long. I have no idea what I’ll do without her.”

  “We just have to keep moving on, living our life and keeping her in our hearts. She was so proud of all of us, and she loved us all very much. We have to keep that in our hearts, too, and take it out when we need it most.”

  “She’s helped keep me sane since you left,” he said quietly. He turned imploring eyes on Emily. “I probably would have been camped out on your doorstep, if not for her.”

  Emily flinched at the pain and conviction she saw in his eyes. This wasn’t what she wanted to know or hear. She just wanted peace. It was all she’d wanted since that morning and what she’d been longing for for what seemed like forever.

  “I haven’t changed my mind, Jason. Grace’s death doesn’t change things for me. Sadie and I are still going back to Boston.”

  Jason nodded. He stood and walked over to Grace. Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He closed his eyes, bowed his head, and was quiet and still for a few moments. Then he pressed one last kiss to her forehead and slowly walked to the back of the room.

  Seeing evidence of Jason’s grief brought a tear to Emily’s eyes, and unable to help herself, she turned in her seat to watch him. He stopped in front of Hope and gave her a hug. They spoke for a minute before, with one last hug, he moved on to Tyler. He shook Tyler’s hand and offered what looked like cordial condolences before moving to Clint.

  Clint shook off Jason’s offered hand and instead wrapped him in a bear hug. They spoke for a few minutes, and then Jason walked out of the room. Not once did he look back to the front of the room . . . and the room seemed empty with his departure. She didn’t want to dwell on that fact, nor how her heart had filled at the sight of him when he’d sat down next to her. She certainl
y didn’t want to dwell on how much her heart hurt for him and how she’d had to force the words out to discourage him from ideas that she’d be staying in Mosquero.

  No, she didn’t want to dwell on Jason because it only caused her pain. She wanted to forget. She wanted to go home to Boston and go back to pretending she was fine and dandy.

  She talked a good game, but she knew, deep down, leaving Mosquero would be hard.

  “Looks like it’s time,” Clint said, standing and moving behind the cow.

  Emily, startled from her thoughts, jumped to her feet. “What should I do?”

  “Just keep soothing her,” he said.

  She nodded and sat down in the hay, petting the cow’s face and humming a soft lullaby. Twenty minutes later, they had a brand new female calf and a tired mama cow. “She’s beautiful,” Emily said, speaking softly to the cow. “Great job, Mama!”

  “Glad to have that over with before daybreak,” Clint said wearily. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up and hit the hay.”

  “Me, too,” Emily said. “I’ll walk with you. Will they be okay?” she said, pointing at the new little family.

  “Yeah. I’ll leave them here in the stall for the rest of the night. Let them rest and bond.”

  Emily closed the gate behind her and wrapped an arm around Clint’s back. “Good work, Dad.”

  “Thanks to you, it was easy. You’ve always had a way with them. Keeping the mom calm makes for a quicker and easier birth.”

  They reached the kitchen door and slid quietly into the house. Emily turned and kissed her father on the cheek. “Night, Dad.”

  “Night. Get some rest.”

  “You, too.” Emily went into the living room and laid down on the couch. She didn’t want to risk waking Sadie, and she knew she’d never fall asleep in that tiny bed anyway.

  Helping her father with the birth had been fun and had taken her right back to her childhood. She loved living in the city but, oh, how she’d missed being here and part of the cycle of life on the ranch.

  You can take the girl out of the country . . . Yeah, leaving here was going to be hard.

  Sighing, she closed her eyes and willed sleep to come quickly.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Emily awoke with a start and bolted upright, thinking she had overslept. She looked at the clock, and seeing it was only six thirty, she laid back down, willing her racing heart to settle down. She realized two things immediately: the first was the scent of fresh-brewed coffee wafting into the living room, and the second was the smell of bacon that was not far behind the coffee.

  She couldn’t imagine who would be awake at this hour. She didn’t think it was her father as they’d only gone to bed a few hours ago. There was no way it was Hope, the notorious beauty sleeper. She would have heard the front door open if Tyler had shown up, but he was no chef. The man could barely work the microwave.

  Curiosity getting the better of her, she got up from the couch and went upstairs to use the bathroom and to freshen up before making her way into the kitchen and whoever was working magic in there.

  As she passed by her father’s room, she could hear muffled sounds coming through the door. She paused outside, and when the sounds didn’t cease after a few seconds, she carefully opened the door a crack to peer inside. It was a sight that almost brought her to her knees. He was lying on his stomach, face buried in a pillow, sobbing. She wanted to go to him, to offer comfort, but she knew he would never accept it. Nor would he appreciate having his privacy invaded. She quietly shut his door and continued down the hall toward the bathroom.

  She knew she’d never forget the sight of her father on the bed. He was the strong, silent type, and she’d never seen him shed a single tear. Seeing it didn’t diminish the strength her father projected, if anything, it only reinforced it. Everyone needed to experience the healing power of crying, and if Emily were a betting woman, she’d bet that this was the first time her father had addressed his grief since Grace’s death.

  When she was finished in the bathroom, she went into her room and noticed right away that Sadie wasn’t in her bed. Where could she be? She wondered if Sadie had awoken in the night, worried that she hadn’t been able to find Emily. What if Sadie had needed her while she’d been in the barn with her father? She threw on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt.

  Dressed and barely presentable, she rushed from the bedroom and quickly searched the upstairs. Emily didn’t find Sadie in the guest room where Hope was sleeping or in Tyler’s childhood room. She hurried down the stairs, and reaching the foyer, she began a search of the rooms. She didn’t see Sadie anywhere. When she got to the kitchen doorway, the sight that greeted her had her stopping in her tracks. Jason and Sadie were making breakfast, and Sadie was standing on a chair in front of the stove, watching Jason stir eggs in a pan. Emily stood where she was, taking in the sight, marveling at how the two of them meshed so well, despite how little time they got with each other.

  “Should we add more cheese to the eggs?”

  “More cheese!”

  “More cheese it is then.” He sprinkled the cheese into the egg mixture and ruffled Sadie’s hair when he was done.

  Emily smiled to herself as she watched them. What a pair they made.

  “Daddy! Love Daddy!”

  “And I love Sadie!” he said, hauling her up into his arms, squeezing her tight.

  “Good morning,” Emily said brightly, entering the kitchen and heading for the coffee pot.

  “Mama!” Sadie exclaimed, jumping down from her father’s arms and running to hug her mother.

  Emily scooped her up and twirled her around the kitchen. “Working hard on the eggs, huh? Everything smells so good!”

  “Make breakfast. Yum!” Sadie said, pointing at the stove.

  Emily took her mug of coffee and sat at the table. “How long have you been here?”

  “I got here at six,” Jason said with a smile. “She was in here playing with the puppies.”

  “Six!” Emily exclaimed. “Well, at least she slept in a bit.”

  “Six is sleeping in?”

  Emily laughed. “It is when you consider she’s usually up at seven every day, our time.”

  “I see your point.”

  While Jason helped Sadie finish up breakfast, Emily got plates and silverware and set the table. Then she put bread in the toaster. While it was cooking, she retrieved the butter and Grace’s homemade marmalade out of the fridge. Jason brought the eggs and bacon over to the table and they all sat down.

  “This looks and smells delicious,” Emily said. “Thank you for making breakfast.”

  Jason nodded, and they ate in silence for a few moments.

  “I’m sure you’ll be busy with all the funeral stuff. Are you planning to bring Sadie with you?”

  “I was, yeah. I don’t really have anyone to watch her.”

  “My dad said he’d be happy to take her until we all get back. He hasn’t had a lot of time with her and he’d like some.”

  “He’s not coming?”

  Jason shook his head. “Not because he doesn’t want to. We’ve got one pregnant cow and one sick one. He wants to stay close.”

  Emily nodded. “We just had a birthing early this morning.” She took a sip of her coffee. “If he’s willing and he doesn’t think she’ll be in the way, that would be a huge load off,” she agreed.

  “Great!” He turned to Sadie. “Want to hang with Papa Joe and play with the cows today?”

  She bounced in her seat. “Yes! Yes!”

  Grinning at Sadie’s enthusiasm, she pushed her plate away. Out of nowhere, her grief reached out and pricked her heart. “I think I’m gonna go up and get a shower before Hope gets up and hogs it,” Emily said, standing and taking her plate to the sink. “Thanks again for breakfast.”

  Jason stood and walked his plate to the sink. He brushed his hand down Emily’s arm. “I’ll take Sadie home with me now. Let me know if you need anything.”

  Sighing, Emily took a s
tep away and watched Jason’s hand fall to the side. Why did he insist on touching her all the time? It wasn’t helping his cause and only made her uncomfortable because she wanted the past and the pain to disappear. His touch made her yearn for things she couldn’t have. “I will.” She turned and went to stand behind Sadie. Leaning down, she kissed the top of Sadie’s head. “Be good for Papa Joe. I love you!”

  “Love too!”

  She left the kitchen and slowly climbed the stairs. She was glad Jason was around to help with Sadie, that more than anything was a burden lifted and one she truly appreciated. But it gave her a glimpse of what a true family life would be like and it hurt her heart. That glimpse was what their life should have been.

  Jason ruined that and she needed to keep that in the forefront of her mind . . . and her heart.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Are we ready to go?” Clint asked as everyone gathered in the foyer.

  “Yes,” Emily agreed, opening the door and walking out onto the porch.

  The Camancho clan was not the first to arrive at the church. Many of Grace’s friends were already there and eager to shake hands and offer their sympathies. They got out of the vehicle and headed toward the entrance. Elizabeth rushed to Clint’s side and gave him a hug. “Thank you for being here, Elizabeth,” Clint choked out. “I’m so lost.”

  Clint’s sister, Elizabeth, and her daughter Chloe, had arrived late last night from California and were staying at Tyler’s house. It had been at least ten years since Emily had seen them, and though the reason was sad, she was excited to see them.

  Chloe came to Emily’s side and gave her a hug. “I’m so sorry, Em.”

  Emily nodded and returned the hug. “It’s good to see you.”

  They walked together into the church, but it was slow-going because many of the people already in attendance stopped them to offer condolences and share stories. They finally made it to the front and filed into the pew. Gina and Phoebe joined Emily in the pew. Emily grasped Gina’s hand. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered in Gina’s ear.