I barely noticed the music anymore. I fell asleep after drinking almost an entire bottle of wine. I had a dream of wintertime – a strange dream where I was making a snowman with Bethany but I was wearing only a coat over the shirt I had on at that moment. I was awoken later by Bethany – she had entered the room and gently nudged me. She said it was time and motioned for me to follow her up the stairs.
It was dark outside but the house was illuminated by dozens of white candles. Vincent was nowhere to be seen. Bethany led me to the bathroom. There was a drape over where the mirror should be. I realized I had not even seen my reflexion for over two months. She then motioned for me to remove my t-shirt and get into the bathtub. I eagerly complied and was careful not to knock any candles over. The sensation of water was so foreign to me that it caused every inch of my skin to tingle – and in a way actually hurt.
Bethany scrubbed my body the way a mother might bathe a toddler. Afterwards she turned the water on and helped me rinse off. As she dried me she explained, “The initiation starts soon but first we have to change your hair color. When you were a child with us you had the blackest hair I have ever seen on a little white girl. And your eyes…they were as dark as obsidian. You don’t wear glasses, do you?” I shook my head as I looked at the hair dye materials. She continued, “Good! I only bought the cosmetic contacts for you. You have to promise to wear them from now on, okay?” It seemed an interesting request but I nodded my head. She commented, “Great!” and had me sit on the edge of the tub so she could massage the dye into my hair.”
After she finished she asked me to wait in the bathroom as the dye soaked in. She left and I patiently waited for her return. It was nice to be alone with no noise except the dripping of the faucet. I was not really lost in thought; I just relaxed with a totally clear mind. Eventually she came in and removed the towel from my head. Her face glowed as she looked at me. She stood up, pulled the drape off the full-length mirror and asked me to look. I stared at myself. I first gazed upon my face. I was shocked I suppose at the stranger staring back at me through the mirror. Gone was the face that could fool someone into thinking it belonged to a teenager. In its place was an older-looking woman, new contours etched in the malnourished thin face. My eyes had noticeable wrinkles, my teeth had a yellowish, smoker’s stain – this seemed more a transformation than the darker eyes or the black hair that now had grown to cover my ears slightly. Bethany smiled and removed the towel from my body. I glanced down and my body seemed to have changed as much as my face. I was much thinner, my hip bones protruding slightly as did my ribs. Yet it seemed what I had lost was all my muscles. In their place was fat, undefined, and saggy-looking. Even my breasts had deteriorated to look more like those of a middle-aged woman; at least that was my impression at the time. In fact, if I had seen myself two months earlier I would have guessed the age of the woman in the mirror as being somewhere around forty. The old Melanie was perhaps not only gone figuratively but literally as well.
Bethany gave me a hug, “You look beautiful!” I appreciated her compliment at that time as it offset the shock to my self-image. I lifted my arms and glanced over at the razor by the sink. Bethany cautioned, “I know it’s not lady-like but Vincent said that to get back to your animal instincts you should think and look like an animal. Sorry I hope you don’t mind.” I did not even think of Nicole’s request before we were married to be more masculine. I just nodded my head in compliance.
She reached outside the door and retrieved a white, lacy nightgown – the kind you see in movies from the 1960s. She asked me to put it on – it was weird I thought to actually have something that approached real clothing. She asked me to follow her out – I took one more look at the stranger in the mirror and then followed.
Bethany asked me to sit at the table and hold out my arm – again! I smiled and anxiously awaited the insertion of her needle. I took a deep breath and watched as the blood left my body. She then asked if I could hold everything in place. At that point she took out another IV unit and started the process on her own arm. She made sure to ask me to stop if I started feeling tired or dizzy. I said I would as I watched the flasks both fill up with our precious life fluid.
Once the task was accomplished Bethany showed me a bottle of wine. She asked what I thought made it special and I shrugged my shoulders in ignorance. She said “It is dated for the year you were born to Vincent and me.” She then got up and took out two large crystal glasses and pitcher and put them on the table. I wondered what was next but what followed was something I would never have dreamed – she poured blood from both flasks into the pitcher and then mixed in the wine before then pouring out the bright red mixture into our glasses.
Two months earlier I would have found such a ritual vulgar, but fascinating – not something I would ever participate in though. Yet now I felt a compulsion to partake of the unique beverage. She smiled with an expectant look on her face as I brought the glass to my lips, hesitated a moment, and then tasted it. I actually liked the sweet taste. She had also partaken of the contents in her glass and continued looking at me to see how I liked it. I smiled and drank the rest; then to show her my approval I asked for more.
As we drank Bethany announced, “We are now united in spirit. The life force of your blood is holy and has transcended the veil to mingle with mine as it did in your previous life. We are now united!” She continued, “I have partaken of your blood every night since your return. I prayed that our souls would blend in harmony and now I am certain they have.” She went into detail about ancient cultures using similar rituals and that even the modern Christian sacrament was, as she put it, a blood rite. She even said the ancient symbol of the chalice was symbolic of the uterus and explained how males envied the power women held to procreate – and how women united with each other and feminine universal energy in these powerful rituals. In her view, it was a rare male who could truly connect to the spirituality of creation, and so it had been males who had sought to destroy ancient rites – to preserve their power and hide their sense of inferiority to women.
It was weird, I had thought that she just had some strange blood fetish, but in those moments she explained what seemed to be a complex fusion of feminism and mysticism. I was captivated by her ideas. She asked, “Would you be willing to take some vows this evening? You don’t have to but if you feel like ascending to a higher level you can.” I was captivated so I asked, “What must I do?”
She smiled and sat up as she emptied the rest of her glass, “I will tell you then so we can start our new life! The first thing is that you must agree to take your old name. Is that okay?” I nodded my head. She took a deep breath and continued, “The next thing is that you will be by my side for the rest of my life.” I looked in her eyes which were sparkling in the candlelight, “With pleasure!” She began to shed a tear and took both my hands, “The last thing is that you must vow total and complete celibacy.” Maybe she detected some un-said reluctance. She sighed, “It is necessary to put behind certain earthly desires. So you must renounce any and all forms of sex and sexuality from this moment forward.” I hesitated a moment. All these demands would have been unthinkable to the old me, but at that moment they made sense, they were reasonable, and I agreed, even after she repeated that she meant absolute abandonment of sex in all its forms. When I promised, “Yes, I can agree to all of the vows” she was overjoyed! Afterwards, we went to the couch and just rested there. I rested in her lap and soon fell asleep. When I awoke Bethany was still there with me. The sun was beaming into the room, the white drapes were flowing in the breeze, and everything seemed like a wonderful dream.
Vincent called and said breakfast was ready. I remember feeling as though I was a child again and that this was my new family. We got up but, when I almost fell due to being light-headed, Bethany caught me and said that I needed to get my energy up. She said she had several more surprises for me this day and that I needed a full stomach.
Vincent gave me a plate with eggs, toast a
huge portion of bacon and a large cup of coffee. Bethany had a bowl of cereal and said that her doctor had told her she should avoid all high cholesterol foods since she had a slight heart problem. I hurried through my breakfast and Vincent asked if I wanted more. I said I would appreciate extra food if it was okay and he praised my healthy appetite.
Vincent started talking about politics. It seemed every event in the world confirmed his view that humanity was on its way to extinction. He frequently asked my opinion of this issue or that – wars in the Middle East, the environment and even abortion. He had an opinion on everything. He said that many people might think he was some sort of survivalist nut but he did not care – when the system collapsed he would have the last laugh. However, he made it clear he was not some sort of Libertarian committed to any ideal; he merely saw what was coming and had no intention of being caught off guard. I generally saw where I should agree with him to gain his approval. Bethany seemed quite pleased that we were getting along so well. Actually, on most issues I found what he had to say filled with merit.
Vincent asked, “Everyone up for a long hike in the dried out riverbed?” We both eagerly nodded and he told Bethany, “Go find our girl some shorts and a shirt.” He turned to me, “Got to warn you, your feet will certainly get a chance to be broken in.” I replied, “I’ll manage” and he laughed, “Good! Just make sure to watch out for rattlesnakes.”
Some people might wonder if I truly was connecting with my new existence. The strange thing is that it made absolutely perfect sense at the time. My only thoughts at this point were my concerns about whether I would finally get out of that room for good. I also felt, for some reason, obligated to follow each and every request Vincent and Bethany made of me. Perhaps my identity was not as strong as I had always believed it was. Maybe my mind had been successfully purged of its past and now I could ease back and “retire” from everything in life up to that point.
Bethany asked me to follow her and we went into the hallway where she opened a closet. She rummaged through but said we were in no hurry since Vincent liked to relax before any major exercise. She eventually found some clothes she said would fit me and asked me to try the things on. Then she said, “Wait! I cannot wait until this afternoon – I have something to show you, Jennifer!” She took my hand and led me to a closed door and then asked me to close my eyes. I did and upon leaving them closed for a few seconds realized I should have removed the contacts before going to sleep the night before. Then she said, “Surprise!” and when I opened my eyes I was startled by what lay before me – a beautifully decorated room!
I scanned the room with utmost interest. There was a large bed with the most beautiful quilt upon it. The wall had pictures of gorgeous desert landscapes, and there were cute stuffed animals on the shelves. I walked over and touched the quilt. Bethany smiled and asked if I liked it – I said it was beautiful. She seemed to get excited at that and said, “I started sewing it for you when you first arrived. I wanted it to be special, just for you.” I actually felt tears coming on as I looked at her. I reached out and she walked over and we held each other as I started crying on her shoulder. She asked me to sit down a moment so she could explain everything.
She pointed at the animals and said, “These were yours, before you left us. I kept them in storage for when you came back. And everything else I just thought you would enjoy.” She was quiet a moment before continuing, “Vincent made the bed frame by hand as well as the rocking chair in the corner. The drawers belonged to my grandmother. They are empty but we will fix that soon.” I looked on the tops of the dresser adorned with little model horses and toys associated with farm life. Perhaps I should have been thinking of my own children’s rooms at that point but I was not – I craved the love this woman was showering upon me.
She invited me to sit down with her on the bed. She said, “I have a few things to tell you. Now that we have united in blood we do not have to have our regular rituals as often.” I looked at her in disappointment and asked what that would mean from now on. She held me, “Anytime you want to share of yourself you can ask. Maybe once a week will be okay?” I sighed, “I guess that will be fine.”
I had to ask her about the other vow that she seemed to have taken with me – of celibacy. I inquired, “Our vow…the one about…” She interrupted, “No sex?” I nodded my head. She seemed to perk up, “Vincent and I have not engaged in any form of sex, with each other or alone, for over twenty years. About two years after you he decided to repress any such desires – he felt that they were God’s way of tricking people into getting pregnant and having to raise another batch of humans to amuse His whims. And even though I was unable to have any more kids he believed it was his way of spiting God anyway.” I asked, “And you agreed?” She seemed to become far more introspective as she replied, “At first I just thought it was one of his ideas he had to play around with. Yet after a few months I realized he was serious. Yet you know as time passed, and I read his books on eastern esoteric ideals, I discovered how unnecessary sex in any form really was. So after two decades I can say I don’t miss it. And besides, it has liberated me to explore higher thoughts.” She stared at me and smiled, “Look Jennifer, give it a year, see if you have power to become total master of your body, okay?” For some strange reason the way she put it sounded like a worthy challenge and I said, “Don’t worry. If you and Vincent can do it so can I.” She appeared happy and said that I could find lot of things to put my energies into. In psychology what she seemed to be describing was sublimation. It was strange... at that moment I considered maybe the lifestyle I was used to had been so filled with sexuality that maybe my life allotment had been spent. Perhaps now I could concentrate on other things. Again, my mind was thinking in new terms.
Bethany asked me to get dressed and said that Vincent would probably be ready to go in about fifteen minutes. She suggested that if I wanted to grab a quick smoke I should do so in the kitchen as Vincent had a strict rule against smoking outside during the dry season unless he was right there. She said any fire in late summer and everything would burn down in minutes.
While we were smoking Bethany said that evening would be the first night in my new room. She explained, “We will be together but Vincent will lock the door at night, if that’s okay. The windows have bars but he insists that this is the way it has to be until he completely trusts you.” She giggled, “You are like my little kitten. Once you can prove yourself trustworthy you will be granted all the freedoms you want. It’s not so bad is it? Just show Vincent you are a good little girl, okay?”
Bethany asked me to drink some water before we left as it was a hot day but I asked if there was any beer available. She went over to the refrigerator and took out a can but then warned, “I know you love this but maybe you should not drink too much – it might not be healthy.” For the first time with her I actually felt the desire to rebel. I am not sure it was due to less fear of being punished anymore, or maybe I had indeed become addicted to both alcohol and cigarettes. All I knew was that just before leaving I gulped down the last of the beer and took a long drag off the cigarette I was holding.
The walk was tough on my feet but I enjoyed every minute. It was not the nature I was used to and maybe that made it even more interesting. Strange though, while my clothing was rather loose fitting it felt far more restrictive than I had grown used to this summer. As for my feet, I just figured that my soles would toughen into a leathery cushion if I spent enough time outdoors. Ironically this new life might afford me the liberation, connection to the nature, and peace of mind I had always desired.
When we returned home Vincent asked, “You good with a hammer?” I laughed and said I might be, and so he introduced me to his new project – building a windmill for electrical generation. He explained his project, “We need to be totally off the grid. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and not have to rely on society at all.” As he talked, his vision seemed captivating and I actually became excited in helping him meet
this goal.
As he invited me to go over the blue prints and planning involved with constructing our project I became impressed with Vincent. He seemed intellectual, although I had not summoned up the courage to ask him about his educational background. Apparently he was also good with his hands. I had never met anyone who really had that talent – Matt and Nicole both would have had a hard time assembling a cheap table from some “do it yourself” store. Vincent seemed totally capable of constructing a complex thought as well as something far more tangible.
The rest of the afternoon we worked on starting the foundation for the windmill. I injured myself a few times but nothing that could not be fixed with some band aids or tweezers. When we ate dinner we discussed the project with Bethany who seemed really impressed with our efforts – although maybe she was more impressed with how Vincent and I were beginning to bond.
In the evening we all sat on the porch. It was funny I thought that Vincent did not seem to be into drinking or smoking yet he did not comment on either Bethany or I. The only time he made a remark was when we were all discussing some political issue and in the middle of the sentence I started coughing. He said that maybe I should try to limit myself to only two packs a day. Again, I felt a portion of me trying to figure out a way to minimize his suggestion. In fact, when he said that if I kept it up that he would wind up out-living me I laughed and thought to myself that I no longer cared about living to be 100 years old.
Vincent said we had a big day coming up and that we should all get our rest. I looked forward to sleeping in a real bed. After I finished getting ready Bethany came in and Vincent locked the door behind us. We crawled into bed together and she held me and asked if I was comfortable. I told her I really was. She said goodnight and I relaxed in my new environment. For a very, very brief second I thought about turning over and trying to show my affection in a more forbidden fashion but I worried about the consequences of such an action. Then I reflected on what she had said about total celibacy and decided it was best to extinguish such thoughts permanently. At least I could hold out for a year and see what I felt by then. Besides, Bethany saw me as her daughter and that might throw her over some psychological edge, and I certainly did not want that.
Deliverance from Evil Page 8
