During the next few days Vincent, Bethany and I fell into a routine. We would take a hike after breakfast, rest a while and then Vincent and I would resume work on the windmill. A strange thought came to my mind while I was hammering in a nail, an amusing thought – I wondered what Nicole would have thought of me now. In many respects I was far more masculine than she could have ever imagined me to be. In fact, aside from my obvious female anatomy I was beginning to look and feel more masculine. My body was certainly as tanned, hairy and bruised as any male construction worker, and while my back and arm muscles ached from the hard work I laughed to myself that I would eventually bulk up my upper body. I thought that someday I would like to see Nicole again and get her reaction to my eventual evolution into a truly butch woman. Yet remembering my past relationship with Nicole seemed to trouble me. I quickly repressed the thoughts.
Later that evening Bethany asked if I was up to our ritual. I was tired but I did not want to pass up the opportunity – it had been almost a week after all. As I sat there I confessed, “I had some troubling thoughts today.” She asked, “Please tell me.” I was afraid it would hurt her feelings. However, I needed to share, so I told her that I had thought…well, about my best friend earlier in the day. She asked in a sad manner, “Do you miss her?” I shook my head. She sighed, “Would you like to have a ritual of release?” She said she would set everything up for the next day as she removed the needle and put the contents of the flask in the refrigerator. She seemed a little troubled so I took her hand. She smiled and asked if I might like some wine before bed. She got out a bottle and sat it on the table – then she went back to the refrigerator and poured some of my blood into a glass and then filled it with wine. It was so surrealistic drinking wine by candlelight while realizing her glass contained contents that only a few minutes ago were pulsating through my veins. I asked if I might have a little and she smiled, “Certainly my dearest!” As I shared from her glass I asked, “Can we have a full sharing ritual again soon?” That brought a huge smile to her face. Despite the wrinkles around her eyes she was so very radiant! She replied, “Absolutely!” She got up and poured the rest of my blood into another glass, mixed it and we sat there smiling and holding hands as we finished our drinks. I did not remember much of the evening after that as I guess I had a little too much alcohol and must have passed out. I awoke the next morning to find Bethany holding me. She whispered, “Everything is prepared so get dressed and come outside.”
Chapter 7
Bethany left the bedroom and I put on my shorts and t-shirt. After a quick stop in the bathroom I walked down the hall and opened the door. As I stepped out onto the porch Vincent met me. Without saying a word he handed me a pen and paper. I thanked him and he motioned for me to continue out to the yard. As I looked away from him I was taken by surprise at what I saw; it was Bethany sitting in the yard totally nude and in a lotus position. She smiled and motioned for me to join her. As I approached I noticed a necklace with a small emerald suspended between her breasts. Vincent turned and walked away and Bethany asked, “Please join me.” As I knelt down she laughed, “No! Remove your clothes first.” I hesitated, and looked behind me as Vincent took a seat on the porch. She sighed, “Don’t worry about him. Remember our vows? All he will see is you without clothes, nothing more. In time you too will repress desire so much that it will disappear…as it did in Vincent and me years ago.” I decided to go ahead with her request. As I removed my things Bethany told me to take them to Vincent – they would later be thrown in the wash. I finished and walked up to Vincent who was reading a book. I reached out and he grabbed my things without appearing to lose his place. I suppose Bethany was right after all.
When I returned I noticed a faint outline of a five pointed star surrounding Bethany. The area outside of the shape was clear of plant material and further out it looked as though someone had watered the vegetation. There was a little wooden box next to her and a bottle of liquid. She stood up and hugged me before asking me to kneel down beside her. She instructed me, “Please write all the people’s names that were close to you in your past existence.” I wondered what she had in mind but did not argue. I started the process – Matt’s name first, then Nicole’s, then my children – Alex, Erika and Kathleen, and finally Nicole’s children Lilith and Maria. Bethany took the papers and then asked if that was all – if there might be someone else. I asked, “My father?” and she nodded. I wrote down his name and then handed it to her. She continued, “Have your mind project images of these people onto the paper. Please meditate on this for a few minutes.” I complied. There was complete silence except for the wind blowing through some pine trees and the occasional sound of one of the pigs from behind the house. After a few minutes Bethany continued, “Here, let me have the paper now.” She put in into the box, placed it between us and poured the liquid on it. She closed her eyes and said, “It is almost finished.” She motioned for me to join her in the lotus position and we both remained silent and motionless for a couple of minutes before she called out, “The bonds are sealed in this box. Now we call on the energy to be released to the winds!” At that she moved the box outside the star and set it on fire. It took only a few minutes for the box to be reduced to ashes.
I asked, “Is that all?” She smiled, and then spit into her hands, rubbed them together and picked up the ash and remaining embers. She stood and flung them up into the sky with both hands. She kept the pose with her arms stretched into the sky and in an excited voice asked, “Will you join me?” I stood up, stretched my arms up and looked at Bethany. We kept the pose as she explained, “This ritual of release will ensure they prosper. They will find happiness, joy and prosperity even though you will no longer be in their lives anymore.” In a strange way it did seem to clean my mind of whatever thoughts that lingered for my family! She lowered her arms and I followed her lead as she reached out to take my hands. She said, “They will all be well. Now it is time to think of yourself and your development!”
Bethany began to lead me back to the house. Vincent was still in his chair. As we walked onto the porch he seemed to have a somewhat disgruntled voice as he told Bethany, “We need supplies in town.” He motioned for Bethany to go over to him and they discussed something in a hushed manner. Bethany came over and asked, “Is it okay if you stay in your old room until we get back?” I said it was and she took my hand and led me to the stairs. I went down and waited. Vincent finally came in and, with his voice still conveying an irritated tone, he said, “Here is some really expensive wine but you are worth it Jennifer. We won’t be gone that long.” The room felt cold, especially having been in the sun, and I began to shiver. He left a moment and came back with an old t-shirt and he tossed it at me. He turned his back and said, “Put it on. We will be back later.”
He locked the door behind him and I sat on the bed. As I was about to open the bottle the music came on – quite loud at that. I wondered why he was doing this but as I noticed he had given me a glass bottle, I had assumed he trusted me enough that I was not going to harm myself. I smiled and felt good that he trusted me. As I began to drink the wine I looked forward to when I would be able to accompany Vincent and Bethany out in the world.
I lay down and reflected on Bethany’s ritual. I truly did not miss anyone any more, but I hoped they would be okay back in Portland. I wondered if Matt and Nicole had symbolically buried me by now. I thought to myself that maybe I was not really all that good of mother after all – sure, I had been through a lot, but perhaps someone with stronger maternal instincts would be thinking entirely differently than I was at that moment. Maybe all Vincent and Bethany had done was made me realize my life was a lie. They were my rescuers! Maybe my kids, as well as Matt and Nicole, would be better off without me and I was better off where I was. I looked at my legs covered with hair and bruises – the legs of a peasant I thought. Yet perhaps they symbolized who I was meant to be. Maybe I had diluted myself all of these years thinking I was so special. Maybe my whole lif
e was a fraud, and maybe I was lucky to have actually had Vincent and Bethany to save me and actually care for me.
At that point I decided to go ahead and finish the bottle. I assumed the reason they gave it to me was to let me relax while they were gone and I was not looking forward to hours of boredom. I made sure not to fall asleep smoking this time though. Soon, after I knew I was completely drunk, I closed my eyes, and despite the blaring music, passed out.
When I woke up the music was off, which was a good thing since my head was feeling as if someone had smashed it with a hammer. And, not only was I suffering from a hangover, my eyes hurt since I had again forgotten to take the contacts out. Soon Bethany came in and greeted me. She asked, “Would you and Vincent like to go fishing together?” I groaned, “Yes, but can I get some coffee and a pain killer first?”
As I ate a late lunch in the kitchen, Vincent opened the front door and said, “Time to go!” I had not been in a car for months. What had once been very mundane now took on a special significance. I felt like a little girl being given a special treat by her father. I felt like maybe I was being integrated into the family. I hurriedly changed into the clean shorts and shirt Bethany brought me and headed for the door. Bethany promised that if we were successful we would have a big fish fry that evening.
I rushed to his truck and got into the passenger seat and soon we were off. He started talking about his favorite fishing spot but then he slowed down and parked the car. He looked at me and asked, “Are you happy with Bethany and me?” I said I was – and what was actually unbelievable was that I sincerely meant it. He nodded his head and looked at me, suspiciously I suppose and then he turned the car around and started heading in the opposite direction. I had no idea what was going on.
He was silent as we drove. Each turn took us closer to the main road until after a while I was seeing signs for Hermiston. We got closer and closer until we were passing homes on the outskirts of the city. He then pulled over at a school and asked me to step out. I had no idea what he had in mind but I complied. Then he said something totally shocking, “Jennifer, do you want to leave us? If you do there you go, it’s up to you.” Was he being serious? I looked around at the empty playground, and looked at Vincent. Then I asked if he wanted me to leave. He answered, “No, absolutely not. You are the center of our lives now. I just want to know if you want us anymore.”
It is hard to explain what I was thinking that moment. The old me would have wondered what ulterior motives he had. Was I really being released or was he going to shoot me in the back if I did choose to go? However, that was not what I was thinking. My thoughts were of fear that they no longer wanted me to be with them. So instead of running off I got back in the truck and shut the door. I looked at Vincent and asked, “So where is this wonderful fishing spot you promised me?” He smiled and said we would be there in no time as we turned around and away from Hermiston.
In a while it was just Vincent and I fishing in some desert stream. I asked if perhaps I should actually be fishing since I had no license, but he assured me that in all the years he had fished there he had never once encountered a game warden – but he said if one did show up I should claim to be his visiting niece. I thought it odd that he had not discussed my staying with him in Hermiston. I figured he would talk about it when he was ready though.
After a few relaxing hours on the stream I had caught absolutely nothing but mosquito bites but Vincent had managed to catch seven large trout. After reeling in the last fish he asked me to come over to him. He looked at me and then the fish he had lowered into the bucket. Then he asked, “Do you think the fish is beautiful Jennifer?” I said I loved the colors. He then said, “Okay, watch!” He then held the fish in his hand, reached into his tackle box and then, in one fast motion, sliced its head off. “Did that bother you Jennifer?” I shook my head to indicate it had no effect on me at all.
Vincent then said, “You know, someday this whole nation will be at war with itself. The ones who survive will be the ones who can take another human being and cut their head off with as little thought as I did that fish. Do you think you have that strength – the strength to take life so easily, without any guilt or regret?” I was silent for a moment and then said, “I took that girl’s life at the house, isn’t that enough proof?” He looked at me and commented, “Yes, you did kill her – no big deal either, she would have been too weak, too focused on finding out ‘who she was’ and all that crap. She would have been killed off in no time – you just shaved a few years off the inevitable.”
Then Vincent said something I had not expected at all – he put his hand under my chin and forced me to look up at him and then he said, “The problem with that girl was she was like this fish – falling for the bait you might say. And then you were maybe feeling like you had to kill her to save your family. Don’t get me wrong, that was quite noble of you, but I am just not sure you have passed the test yet to join Bethany and me in facing the future.” I asked what he meant, what test did I have to take? He responded, “You killed in self-defence, which again is noble. However, could you just kill someone and not feel a thing; just do it even if that person was no threat at all?”
Vincent had no idea that I had indeed taken life, many lives in fact. I asked him, “What do you have in mind?” He moved his hand to hold me by the back of the head. And said, “Your final test will involve taking the life of a human being – no fight though, just the simple act of ending their life.” I wondered I should say at that point. I looked at him, and then decided to merely reply, “Well, okay.”
Vincent then pointed at a rock and asked me to sit down. He said he would give me the opportunity shortly. He even said, “You can choose any type a person you like as long as they are an adult. I would rather die than hurt a child. Yeah, my threats to you earlier were only in jest. I would never have hurt your children. So you think about it. Your first target can be a man or woman, black, white, Hispanic or even another Asian. I can’t guarantee I can fulfil your request but I will certainly try.”
I looked away from Vincent and towards the water. I thought to myself that, whatever force governed, the universe was determined that I was destined to take life. Even now it seemed my future would be one of violence. It was perhaps as sure as the water in that brook would flow in the same pattern tomorrow, next year and when I was but a memory on this earth. I had always seen life as in my control ultimately, but at that moment…I was willing to just give up. I might as well submit to my fate. I was curious though, how did Vincent wind up as he was? What was our common denominator?
I asked, “How many people have you killed and why?” Vincent sat down and looked me in the eye, “Jennifer, or maybe right now since it’s just you and me here, I can call you Melanie…you know once I tell you everything you will never have that opportunity I gave you earlier today.” I looked away, sighed, and then put my hand on his and said, “You know, I will never leave.” At that he took my hand and suggested we put the equipment in the car and take a walk along the river. Once done he again took my hand and we started our stroll.
For a moment I wondered what might evolve in the next hour or so. What were Vincent’s intentions at that moment? Here we were totally isolated from the rest of the world and obviously biology always was involved when a man and woman are alone together. In my mind I pondered the possibilities – and wondered about what I should do if it seemed he desired intimacy with me. I would be lying if I said I was not attracted to him, yet what of Bethany and her expectations regarding our vow? However, I had made vows to Matt and Nicole and had rationalized those away, making sure my own desires reigned supreme over any promises. Why should this be any different?
We walked along the rather primitive trail. Yet soon into our journey he seemed to be reading my thoughts since he commented, “By the way Melanie, don’t be worried about anything happening, if you know what I mean by that. I rejected such forms of intimacy years ago – as you must as well.” I was both disappointed and
relieved at his comment. I supposed that this just made my promise to Bethany easier – yet I wondered to myself if I could be satisfied with an emotional bond, the holding of my hand or my shared moments with Bethany. Vincent then started in his discussion – or confession – as to how he, and yes Bethany, had become murderers.
He began his story asking, “You remember what I told you about my daughter being killed by a drug dealer? You know what happened to him? The cops caught him and he was charged with involuntary manslaughter and attempted murder. That’s right! The justice system basically said my dead little girl was just an unfortunate accident!” At that moment he let my hand go and knelt down, picked up a stick and started etching the name “Jennifer” in the sand. Then he scratched it out, stood up and hurled the stick into the water, “You know what this insane system did then? They decided to plea bargain. It seemed that after the girlfriend said she was at fault, which I suppose resulted in diminishing the chances of getting a conviction on the attempted murder charge, everyone got together, everyone but us, and he agreed to plead guilty to the manslaughter charge in exchange for all other charges to be dropped. And you know how long he was in jail?” I shrugged my shoulders and said I had no idea to which he screamed, “Two years! Two years, and I bet he thought he was lucky, but nobody knows what those events did to us!”
Deliverance from Evil Page 9
