Certain Rules

by G. L. Snodgrass

  What was I going to do now? I’d never be able to face him again. Oh sweet god, I thought. We have Mr. Thompson together next period. Well this definitely meant I’d be skipping that class. I had to.

  The girls outside the stall were giggling, making jokes about morning sickness and about worshiping at the porcelain goddess. I so didn’t care. May they all contact scabies or fatal flatulence in church.

  “Katie, are you okay?” Mattie said as she slowly opened the door to my little safe haven. That was it, all that was necessary to push me over the edge. My body began shaking as deep throaty sobs burst out of me like small explosions. I slumped to the side and curled into a ball with my face buried in my knees. Mattie had sounded so concerned. Such a good friend. What would she think if she knew the truth?

  I knew what happened wasn’t my fault. That I had done what I had to do. But my friends wouldn’t see it that way. Especially him. Scott was so perfect, other than those occasional violent tendencies. He was supper intelligent, larger than a small mountain, stronger than a beefed up bear and so sweet he could put a person into a diabetic coma.

  I tried to catch my breath while Mattie squatted next to me and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

  Giving her a weak smile. I tried pushing myself out of my hole. She smiled encouraging me the best she could.

  Shooting the outside crowd a nasty look that was enough to get them to back off for a moment, I pushed my way to the sinks, not caring about those dumb enough not to get out of my way.

  “Is there anything I can do?” Mattie asked as she rubbed my back. Her touch didn’t bother me, I found it soothing. Maybe I could get over this. Could I put this behind me? Every fiber of my soul wanted to.

  A vision of Scott rubbing my back flashed in my mind. I wanted so bad to bury my face in his shoulder. What would it be like to let someone hold me? Only if I could do it without him knowing why.

  Mattie smiled at me in the mirror, obviously happy to see me looking like I’d regained some semblance of semi-control. The face that looked back at me appeared to have been run over by a lawn mower. My red eyes announced to everyone that I’d been balling my eyes out. White blotches of pale pasty skin made me look like a poorly made quilt. To top it off my hair had become a tangled mess. A look that was not conducive to remaining invisible.

  “What’s going on Katie, is there anything I can do?” Mattie asked.

  A weak smile didn’t seem to be enough to reassure her. “It’s nothing, just teenage hormones. I’ll be okay in a minute.”

  “Crap,” she said. “I thought fifteen was bad, if this is what eighteen looks like then I don’t want any part of it.”

  I actually laughed a little. Leave it to Mattie to pull me out of it.

  “You know if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here. I can shut up long enough to be a good listener when I try,” she said, looking way older than her tender years.

  “Thanks,” I said, splashing water on my face again and pulling some gum from my purse. I had to start doing better, I couldn’t go through life like this. “Don’t tell anybody about this, okay?” I said, she knew who I was talking about. Nodding her head, she gave me a reassuring hug.

  .o0o.

  I stepped into Mr. Thompson’s class at the last moment. No way was I spending time discussing my crying jag with Scott James. Of course the only open seat was right next to him. He was still in silent treatment purgatory. Nobody would voluntarily sit next to the pariah. Nobody except me.

  His eyebrows narrowed in concern as he flashed me a look of pure care. My heart melted into a gooey mess. You can do this, I mumbled to myself. Shake it off and pretend likes it’s no big deal. I smiled at him, trying to reassure him that everything was great.

  Mr. Thompson was handing out paper. The students started letting out groans as they read them. My stomach gave a lurch dreading what was coming.

  “I’ve decided to pair you up for your semi-annual term paper,” he said to the class before handing me a paper. There, third group down – Rivers/James --. Any other time I’d have been ecstatic to have been teamed with Scott, Heaven knew I could use the help and he was smarter than god when it came to History. I glanced at him from under my bangs and he smiled, obviously relieved also.

  My heart smiled every time I looked at him. These people didn’t deserve to be in the same room as him. Okay, I might have exaggerated a little. You know what I mean. I got mad every time I thought about what they were doing to him. His senior year was ruined because some bitch couldn’t keep her pants on. I’d do anything to make it all go away for him.

  Chapter Eight

  Scott

  New goal, make Katie happy. Make her senior year something to remember. I could do this, it didn’t mean I was interested or anything. Even if she had that whole sexy librarian thing going for her. A guy could care about making her life interesting without being interested. Right?

  Okay, I was interested as hell. I shouldn’t have been. I knew this was the wrong time. Probably the wrong girl. All I knew was it was important to me that she smile. It made my day.

  She was like a skittish colt. Too fast and she’d bolt. Or worse, dig herself into a hole so deep she’d never come out.

  Katie left half way thru the game saying she had to help her aunt with something. She waved and caught Mattie’s attention during a break then flashed a thumbs up and mimed she was leaving. Mattie nodded and waved good-bye.

  After the game I headed out to warm up the truck while Mattie changed. I pulled my jacket in tight and stuck my hands in my pockets as I walked into the empty school parking lot. Who schedules a basketball game the day before Christmas break?

  A light snow covered the ground, it’d please Grandfather. More snow now meant less water needed later. The soft breath of a breeze brought a faint wood smoke smell to the town. Winter had arrived.

  “Hey Scott,” Someone said behind me as I reached to open my door. My back tensed up, I knew that voice. Was it going to be now, the fight that I’d been anticipating and/or dreading for these last two months?

  Danny stood there alone, his white cast pocking out from his jacket sleeve. He’d obviously waited for me to come out. My hands instinctively clinched into fists. I couldn’t believe he had the guts to face me alone. He smiled that silly smirk of his and shrugged his shoulders as if he’d swiped a French fry from my plate.

  “What do you want,” I asked.

  He hesitated a moment and ran his hand through his hair. “For what it’s worth, it wasn’t about you,” he said with a sheepish grin.

  My blood boiled. It wasn’t about me. I swear, did he think everything revolved around him. I unclenched my fists and let my shoulders slump. We wouldn’t be fighting, not today. “What do want Danny, you can’t fix this with a silly smile and wink.”

  He looked down and kicked a stone. At least he had the grace to look embarrassed. “Well, at least it didn’t take you long to find someone new.”

  My forehead creased in confusion. What the hell was he talking about?

  “That library girl,” he said with frown. “I hear she’s knocked up. The girls said she spends half the day throwing up in the bathroom.” The straight lips and narrowed brow gave him a look of disgust that was unusual for him.” Like mother, like daughter you know.”

  Katie? Did he mean Katie? I immediately dismissed the pregnancy rumor. No way was that true. Then it hit me, they thought we were together. What, did he think I could jump from girl to girl like him? He probably thought everyone was like him. Gina and he deserved each other. I turned to get into my truck. Mattie would be waiting and believe me, he wasn’t worth my time.

  “Scott,” he said. “Be careful, she’s not what you think.”

  What in the hell did he mean by that. The fact that he was talking about her made my skin crawl. He didn’t deserve to be in the same world as her. “Listen Danny, You and your friends stay away from her. If you don’t, that broken wrist will be the least of your problems. You got
me?” I said, holding his gaze and burning the message into his soul.

  Seeing that he got it, I jumped into the truck and spun out of there, making sure to spray enough gravel and dirt. Hopefully some of it would pop that silly smile of his.

  .o0o.

  Katie

  Who would have believed that I’d miss school? Five days off and eleven to go and I was already bored out of my mind. It wasn’t learning new wonderful things I missed. Lunch and sixth period more than anything. I’d spent a good deal of last night trying to figure out some way to call Scott. I almost called Mattie and hoped Scott answered. How pathetic is that.

  Aunt Jenny mumbled to herself in the kitchen. Her head buried in a cupboard. “What are you doing Aunt Jenny,” I asked.

  “Looking for the vanilla.”

  “Why?”

  “Christmas Cookies,” she said pulling out of the cupboard with her prize and a large smile. When she smiled like that she reminded me of my mom. But mom never made Christmas cookies. “I’ll take ‘em around to some friends tomorrow.”

  “Wow, that sounds neat, can I help?” I’d never made Christmas cookies either. Maybe it was time I learned.

  “Sure, we’ll make double batches and you can give some to your friends.”

  She really had no clue, I didn’t have friends. I thought about Mattie, and Scott, and even Kevin. They were friends. A person couldn’t ask for better. “Could you take me out to the James’s farm to drop off some cookies, I think it’s out on highway Thirty Three.” My heart stopped while waiting for an answer. She nodded and said it’d be no problem. My heart started again and my palms began to sweat.

  We spent the day buried in flour and up to our elbows in chocolate chips and sugar icing. I couldn’t remember when I had a better time with an adult. Aunt Jenny was pretty cool when you thought about it. She had a messed up teenager dumped on her door and she hadn’t batted an eye. Hadn’t pressed me for details. Hadn’t laid down the law. She only had a couple of rules. Keep my room clean, and let her know where I was at. Help with the house work and pick-up after myself.

  After a while the whole house wore that delicious fresh cookie smell that made your tummy rumble and nose surrender. I learned how to decorate cookies with cake icing. Making pretty Christmas shapes in red and green.

  After the last batch, she sighed then pulled an index card out of the back of her recipe box.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  She looked hesitatingly at it then back at me. “It’s my mom’s, Your Grandmother’s recipe for divinity. Last year was the first Christmas I didn’t have any.” She shook her head. “Your grandmother’s divinity was famous throughout half the county.”

  My lungs felt like they were empty and I swear I almost cried right there in the kitchen over a desert confection. “Are we going to make some?” I asked.

  She thought for a moment and said, “Yes we are. Especially if you’re taking it out to the James’ place. Scotty James always did love my mother’s divinity.”

  It took me a second to realize she was talking about Scott’s grandfather. We finished the cookies and then made my grandmothers divinity. When we were done I made sure to copy the recipe into my journal.

  The next morning dragged by as I took a little extra time getting ready. I’d called Mattie to ask if they were home. She’d laughed and said where else would they be. I could tell the off days were getting to her too.

  My wardrobe was seriously lacking. I’d spent the morning going through everything I owned and came up way short. What did a person wear to deliver Christmas cookies? I settled on my favorite, okay tightest Jeans and a fitted green shirt. It matched my eyes. And I’ve got to admit, highlighted my shape very well.

  This is no big deal, you’re just going to deliver some cookies for gosh sake. I kept telling myself. It didn’t matter how often I said it, my heart continued to race and my palms continued to sweat.

  I came out of my room to find Aunt Jenny standing there with an unwrapped box. “I planned on giving you this for Christmas. Something tells me you could use it now.” She held out the box with smiling eyes. I could tell she was as excited about this present as I was.

  Taking the heavy box to the dining table, I lifted the lid. I’ll admit that I squealed. My aunt had given me the most beautiful calf length wool grey pea coat with wooden toggle and rope buttons. I held it at arm’s length and marveled at how beautiful it was.

  I put it on and ran to the bathroom to see what it looked like. It fit perfectly. A woman’s coat. Aunt Jenny smiled and held out a matching set of gloves, wool knit cap, and white scarf. I couldn’t believe it. Wait until Scott saw me in this.

  We gathered our cookie filled platters. I floated out the door and into Aunt Jenny’s Mazda. We were five minutes into the trip when I asked Aunt Jenny about my mom and whether she’d liked making Christmas cookies. My aunt laughed and shook her head.

  “Your mom hated the kitchen. She’d rather vacuum the whole house than make a sandwich.”

  “What was she like, growing up I mean.” I couldn’t believe I asked. We never talked about the past. The first six months with her I’d sort of been in a daze the whole time. It sort of became habit. An unspoken rule, neither of us delved too deep into the past.

  Aunt Jenny thought for a moment and seemed to make up her mind. “Wild from the day they brought her home from the hospital.” A secret smile crossed her lips with a fond memory. “Always pushing the boundaries. I was the older sister. I was the one who was supposed to break the rules first. Your mom beat me to every single one.”

  I looked at her, she was still attractive. I felt brave so asked, “Why didn’t you ever get married Aunt Jenny. I mean, you’re a pretty woman, you know how to make killer Christmas cookies. What more could a guy ask for.

  She laughed, but didn’t answer my question right away. Finally she said, “I guess because I let the right one get away.” After a long pause she continued. “In my junior year I had a massive crush on a senior. We dated for a time. It was wonderful. But my dad was never happy about it.”

  She sighed again “I gave this boy a hard time about leaving me and going to college. We broke up. It was mostly my idea. I think I wanted to break up before he left. It sort of made me think I was in control. He came back four years later with a wife and a two year old son.” Her eyes clouded over into a lost world for a moment then she chuckled and shrugged her shoulders.

  I wondered about what she’d said. “What happened with my mom, why’d she leave town.”

  “Dad and she fought like cats and dogs. He was the pastor and said we had to set an example. She used to say it was none of his business and run around. There wasn’t anything he could do. I didn’t know why she left until you showed up. Not long after turning sixteen she disappeared. She left a note, but it didn’t really explain. We never heard another word until I got the call from the social worker in California.”

  It was hard to believe that mom was two years younger than me when she left. I wondered what her life had been like. Slowly I realized that she‘d been pregnant with me when she left. Did anyone here in town know what had happened? Maybe my father was from this town. Had gone to the same school I was going to. Had I met him and not known? Was it possible to meet your father and not know it was him? Wouldn’t I be able to recognize him? My heart pounded as my mind began to fly to all of the questions and issues surrounding my unknown dad.

  The car fell into a heavy silence for the rest of the trip until Aunt Jenny slowed down to pull onto the James’ road. You couldn’t call it a driveway, at almost a quarter mile it passed between snow-covered fields with corn stalk stubble poking through.

  My heart was pounding a thousand times a minute as we pulled into the dirt yard behind the idyllic farm house. The place looked like a Currier and Ives poster, mid-west edition. A light green old house made of wooden clapboards. With a porch extending all the way around. Smoke rose from a field stone chimney making the place look inviti
ng and more than willing to welcome you. My palms continued to sweat, I couldn’t believe how nervous I was.

  The yard was laid out in an irregular triangle shape with a gray metal garage on one side and a fire engine red Dutch barn on the other. Before we came to a stop Mattie stormed out of the house letting the screen door bang behind her. She wore a flowery print apron and was busy drying her hands as she walked towards us.

  A black and white border collie rushed from the barn, barking once before sidling up to Mattie as if protecting her from these evil non-pack members. Mattie was so lucky to have a dog. The earthy smell of manure and old hay struck me as I stepped out of the car. I quickly scanned the yard. No Scott, was he here? I hadn’t asked Mattie if he’d be there when I called her. I didn’t want to be too obvious. My heart dropped at the thought that I might not get to see him today.

  You’ve got it bad Kate, I thought.

  On older man came out of the house, and used the rail to come down the stairs one step at a time. This must be their grandfather. I could see Scott in his eyes and his wide shoulders but he had Mattie’s lips and forehead.

  “You’re here,” Mattie said rushing up and giving me a quick hug. She stepped back, dropped her hands and looked at my new coat. “Wow, I like it. You look great,” she said forcing me to twirl so she could see it all.

  “Hi Miss Rivers,” she said to my aunt, “Thanks you for bringing Katie all the way out here.” My aunt nodded and returned her smile.

  “Hello Jennifer, it’s nice to see you again,” Mr. James said walking up and shaking my aunt’s hand. She looked into his face tentatively then reached out and gave him a big hug.