The Eagle and the Dragon

by Chris Duffin

  Copyright © 2019 Chris Duffin

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN: 978-1-5445-0193-2

  This book is dedicated to my three beautiful children, Briley, Coralie, and Isla. As I watch you grow and reflect on how your childhoods differ from mine, it drives home an understanding of exactly how surreal some of my experiences have been. I work hard every day to make sure that you never need to experience the hardship I knew. At the same time, I wouldn’t trade the life I have lived for anything in the world. It is a life that has taught me many valuable lessons and imbued me with wisdom that—through this book—I intend to pass on to as many other people as possible.

  Briley, Coralie, Isla, I hope that one day you will read these words and know you are in control of your own destiny, shaping your world and your environment. My highest priority in this life is to be an example to you through my actions, my words, and my choices.

  While there are many other people I would like to thank for their support on my journey, I will keep this list brief. I want to honor my three incredible sisters, Melissa, Janis, and Amy, and my dear wife Jacqueline. You have been the most supportive and impactful people in my entire life.

  Melissa, Janis, and Amy, you’ve been by my side since we were children. Jacqueline, finding love, support, and a shared vision was something I never anticipated. It has had a tremendously positive ongoing impact. Without the four of you by my side, giving me strength and believing in me, I doubt I would have made it through the darkest days. I love each of you so deeply. Thank you for being who you are. Your love, loyalty, and friendship bring pure joy to my life. I will always have your back, the same way you’ve always had mine.

  Contents

  Introduction

  Part One: The Eagle

  1. Embracing Fear

  2. Handling Uncertainty, Pain, and Loneliness

  Interlude #1: Restoration

  3. Functional and Dysfunctional Relationships

  4. Perseverance

  Interlude #2: Proactivity

  5. Discovery

  6. Novelty

  Part Two: The Dragon

  7. Building

  8. Transformation

  9. Legacy

  Conclusion

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Introduction

  As Ganya and I made our way toward the edge of the ridge, dusk began to fall. As we approached our destination, the landscape opened up into a meadow with a large rock standing at its edge.

  The meadow contrasted beautifully with the oak trees. It was summertime in northern California and the hills were golden. The grass, feeling the effects of months without rain, was brown, but the leaves of the oak trees were a glorious green.

  Ganya and I scrambled up the twenty-foot rock and settled ourselves at the top. Ahead of us, the rock dropped away thirty or forty feet, giving us a tremendous view across the valley. From this vantage point, we lay on the rock and waited for the sun to set.

  As the sun dropped below the horizon and night fell, we saw lights from faraway towns begin to flicker in the valley. Up in the mountains where we were, there were no lights, so the moon and the stars shone brightly above us. We felt miles from civilization of any kind.

  Ganya and I lay back and stared at the night sky, chatting about the things in front of us; the moon, the stars, and distant galaxies. We wondered how far away they were and what they were like. What was going on in those other galaxies?

  As we lay on the peak, our thoughts turned to the people in the nearest town. What was life like for them? We could see the lights, but we had no idea how it felt to live in a city. To our young eyes, this small town of about ten thousand people seemed as strange and exotic as the distant celestial bodies. Our days were full of running around the mountains, digging holes and making forts, chasing small animals, and enjoying the little piece of the world we called home.

  The lights sparkled before us, promises of a world neither of us understood. We didn’t know that the town was small by urban standards. To us, it was a gigantic city, an entirely different world.

  Darkness set in, and Ganya and I knew it was time to head back. We pulled out our shared flashlight, scrambled down from the rock, and made our way back to the homestead. There were no roads leading to the house, only backwoods trails and secret routes. We were only four or five, but we roamed freely around the mountains and knew them like the backs of our hands.

  On our way home, we passed through another couple of meadows. One contained the rusted-out frame of an antique vehicle. Only the outer frame survived: the interior had rotted away years before. When it was light out, Ganya and I sometimes used it as a place to play. I never did find out how it came to lie abandoned in those fields.

  Ganya and his parents had lived on the land in teepees for a couple of years, and they had begun to build a more permanent home. Over a basic framework, the outside of the house was sheeted with plywood. The inside was bare, nothing but wood and a few installations. It didn’t have electricity or running water. The focal point was a large living room whose windows overlooked another large meadow, which sat below the house. My mother, my brother, Pat, my mom’s boyfriend, and I had recently moved in with them, sharing their half-built home in the northern Californian mountains.

  As we approached the house, we saw both our families clustered around the main living room, illuminated by candlelight, talking late into the night.

  We wandered in, worked our way upstairs, climbed into our sleeping bags, and listened from the edge of the stairwell as our parents discussed politics, religion, spirituality, and every other subject under the sun. We were an eager audience as they ranted, discoursed, and tried to figure out solutions to the world’s problems.

  As we listened, we also talked. What was going on in those other galaxies? What was going on in those towns we could see from our rock?

  Ganya, my best childhood friend, and I playing on the side of Sue and Tom’s Mountain outside Ukiah, California.

  Drawing Strength from an Outsider’s Perspective

  I felt like an outsider for much of my childhood. Growing up in the mountains, disconnected from the lives most people live, I felt a mixture of emotions.

  Sometimes I was lonely, knowing that I was so isolated from much of the world. On the rare occasions my family and I visited towns or caught glimpses of a television, I felt a sense of awe mingled with jealousy as I imagined the lives others lived, the opportunities they enjoyed, the excitement they felt.

  I wondered what it would be like to live in a town. Could I be comfortable living like the people I saw on my brief visits to urban environments? Would I be able to fit in, or was their experience so far removed from my own that I would feel like an outsider? Would city dwellers accept me, or would they feel that I wasn’t one of them? Would I always feel different?

  I’m sure you’ve felt like an outsider. Whatever your history, we all know the feeling of being separate from others. We all know what it’s like to believe that we don’t belong, that we are excluded. I’ve yet to meet anyone who has never known the anxiety and uncertainty of feeling like an outsider.

  Those emotions can have a major impact on our lives. They can strongly influence our performance and our success, which is why we need to develop skills to manage them, and to manage the thought patterns they can lead to.

  It’s all too easy to become so isolated that we begin to lose sight of our resources. Every obstacle we face looks overwhelmingly large, and we don’t know where to turn for support. Without resources or people who we can lean on, we may feel that the trou
bles of the world are on our shoulders.

  In this unproductive state, life may look like one challenge after another. Our problems appear insurmountable and our long-term goals—where we want to be in five, ten, or fifteen years—look unattainable. In this way, isolation can kill our motivation, shutting down our ability to tackle the challenges in our lives and move forward.

  This book is my story. In it, you’ll read about how I moved from that life of isolation and uncertainty to a successful career as an engineer, extraordinary accomplishments as a business executive, and the pinnacle of the powerlifting world. You’ll learn how I founded Kabuki Strength, positioned the company as a leader and authority in the strength industry, and found a happy and fulfilled family life.

  No doubt your story is different from my own, but I hope you will find inspiration and motivation in these pages. I have faced some extraordinary obstacles and, in the process, developed and defined my mindset. Whatever the obstacles in your life, I believe you can overcome them with the courage to reframe your views, stay disciplined, and use your challenges to develop the strength you need to win at life.

  It’s my hope that this book will inspire you. That by reading it, you will start to redefine what’s possible for you and take on challenges you may not previously have believed you could take on. I want you to chase your dreams, yet to do so with iron discipline and unshakeable purpose, in a way that delivers meaningful results.

  I have completely reframed my life on multiple occasions, and transcended some extraordinary and challenging circumstances based on my personal vision. If I can surmount all that I’ve surmounted, I have no doubt that you, too, can overcome whatever you think is holding you back, enact real change in your life, and live in alignment with your vision for yourself.

  As you will see, this book is more than a typical memoir. Each chapter explores significant themes that I encourage you to reflect on. Use the themes as a jumping-off point for your own self-reflection and self-development, and put the lessons contained within the stories to use in your own life.

  My life story includes a dizzying range of experiences. While I wouldn’t wish the challenges I’ve faced on anyone else, I used those experiences to develop a set of life philosophies. These are philosophies I apply in both my personal and professional life, and with family, friends, and colleagues.

  In writing this book, I’ve identified the key elements of these philosophies and examined where, when, and how I learned them. A philosophy is woven into each one of the chapters of this book with the intention of guiding your reflection. It’s my hope that the stories I have to tell, combined with the themes covered in each chapter, will spark recognition in you and help you to take ownership of the principles described.

  Not every story in this book is told sequentially. Each one begins with a story from the relevant time period, with specific relevance to the theme of that chapter. Sometimes these stories represent my earliest memories of that time period. At other times, they’re plucked from the middle of that particular era.

  Likewise, the stories are often grouped around the prevailing theme of each chapter, as opposed to a simple chronological retelling of events. This is especially true of the early chapters. Like most people, my recollection of my childhood is imperfect, so the exact sequence of events in those early chapters is sometimes unclear in my mind. Each chapter concludes with a brief description of the transition, as I move from one place—and one theme—to another.

  I’m incredibly passionate about inspiring people to make changes in their lives. While we are all influenced by our environments, it’s too easy to use our circumstances as an excuse. I believe in using the obstacles in our lives to spur adaptation, to grow strength, and as a catalyst to chase the things in life that scare us.

  All growth is built on adaptation. The only way we can grow, physically, mentally, emotionally, or even spiritually, is by adapting to change. When we adapt, we become stronger. This simple insight forms the bedrock of my business and my life’s passion: teaching people how to live better through the development of strength.

  While I’m interested in the development of strength in all its forms, my primary business focus is physical strength. I work with people who want to get out of pain, create strong physical bodies, and live more powerful lives.

  There are many different types of strength, however. This book addresses the other aspects of strength that are sometimes overlooked. Mental strength. Emotional strength. Spiritual strength. Strength of will and strength of character are as important as physical strength, and this book aims to fill a gap in the way we talk about all three.

  Stepping out of your comfort zone will develop your strength, no matter whether you achieve your desired outcome. You may fail, but you can still use the experience to become a stronger and better person.

  The Eagle and the Dragon

  This book is divided into two parts: the eagle and the dragon. These two parts correspond to the two tattoos on my body.

  Between them, my two tattoos cover almost my entire body. The first is two eagles, one spread across my back and one spread across my abdomen, both shackled to my ankle. The eagle represents the realization of potential. It tells us that the only thing that can hold us back from growing, flowering, and taking flight in this world is ourselves.

  No set of circumstances can define who you are. No personal history can hold your future hostage. Whatever has happened to you, it is not who you are. Recognizing the distinction between what has happened to you and the vision you hold for your life will allow you to move forward and take flight. It will free you to become who you can be and share your gifts with the world.

  My second tattoo is a dragon, the Ouroboros, which eats its own tail. This Ouroboros covers my entire upper body; my chest, shoulders, arms, and upper back.

  At first glance, you may think this is strange, perhaps even gory or cruel. The true significance of the Ouroboros, however, is as a powerful symbol of reinvention. By consuming itself, the Ouroboros also renews itself. By destroying our beliefs about who we think we are, we open ourselves to reinvention. This is a continuous, never-ending process, represented by the circular depiction of the Ouroboros.

  This is the theme of the second part of this book: purposeful reinvention. It is about choosing who we want to be and defining the life we want to live. It is about the ceaseless process of redefining our ambitions and the impact we have in the world.

  These are the two threads running through this book. The story of how I transcended an extraordinary childhood and realized my true potential, and the deliberate self-reinvention I’ve engaged in during my adulthood.

  Why I Wrote This Book

  When I share parts of my story and my life philosophies, I’m consistently amazed at the response. It has a substantial impact on the people who hear it.

  People have taken the time to email me to tell me that they were on the verge of committing suicide but were inspired by my story to save their own lives. Others have told me that they have moved their lives in a positive direction, by taking a new job or starting their own business. People who have been unhappy but comfortable have shared with me how they have broken out of the life they thought they were supposed to live and began to discover how they really wanted to live.

  These responses come from the relatively limited sharing I have done so far. This book is a way to tell my entire life story, and to bring that story to as many people as possible. It is a component of the legacy I want to leave in the world.

  Nonetheless, I want to make it clear that this book is not a how-to guide. I can’t tell you how to live your life, I can only offer inspiration and guidance. You will need to define for yourself exactly how to make use of the themes and approaches contained within these pages.

  This has not been an easy book to write. It has been demanding and heart wrenching to revisit certain parts of my life. It’s uncomfor
table to share my experiences so vulnerably. Nonetheless, I am determined to leave the world a better place for my presence, and this book is part of that determination.

  If I could make one request of you, my reader, it would be this: if you find value in this book, share it with those who could benefit from it. Whatever inspiration this book can bring you will be multiplied if you share it with others. The more people we can reach with this message, the more good we can do in the world. Let’s reach as many people as we can.

  Part One

  Part One: The Eagle

  Chapter One

  1. Embracing Fear

  1979–1983 (Age Three to Six), Sue and Tom’s Mountain and Surrounds

  Snakes feel strange. Their skin is cold and smooth, almost silky. The sensation as the rattlesnake’s taut body glided over me was chilling. The rattle at the end of its tail flicked back and forth a little, indicating its displeasure. Rattle. Rattle. Rattle.

  I held the snake’s head in my hands, with my thumb and index finger on either side of its neck. Its mouth was open because I was squeezing just behind the jaw, making sure that the snake couldn’t move. As it coiled around my forearm, wrapping and unwrapping itself as it sought an escape from my grip, I could see directly down its throat.

  Moments before picking the snake up, I had caught it. Then I reached down and picked it up. It was powerless to resist. Its only options were to lie limp in my hands or wrap its body around my arm. Looking into the snake’s reptilian eyes sent a shiver of fear through my body. If I let go or lost control, I knew I’d be dead.

  At the age of six, Pat decided it was time for me to learn how to handle them, in case I was ever cornered by one. I always carried a walking stick with two branches growing apart at one end, so that it formed a “y” shape, just as Pat directed me. When I saw a snake, my job was to capture it. If it was moving, this was relatively simple. I could approach it from behind and trap it under the stick.