I studied his expression for any sign he didn’t mean what he said. I couldn’t find one, but I still felt unsettled.
“Of course, I’ll go.”
Asher exhaled a deep breath and threw his arms around me. “Thank you. I’m sorry,” he said into my neck. “Whatever that was, I’m sorry.”
I wanted to feel reassured, but part of me kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything’s been so amazing, so easy. We felt perfect for each other, almost too good to be true. I didn’t want to go looking for trouble, but I admit to being on the look out. He’d become important. Everyday I got to know him more. Everyday he became more tightly woven into the pattern of my life and I worried about what would happen if he wanted to pull away. Would everything unravel? Would I be able to stitch it all back together?
I hoped I never found out.
Asher
How, in such a short span of time, did I get so involved? School. Hockey. The band. Mentoring Payton. Not to mention choir and jazz band.
And Jordan.
Especially Jordan.
It’s like my life in Minnesota never existed. I hadn’t looked back once. I realized my friends back there didn’t see me for me. They saw me as someone. Carly Ryan’s son. It had been impossible to hide my identity. Everyone knew, had always known. They asked questions.
Can you get me tickets to your mom’s next show?
You gonna be a singer just like her, Asher?
You think you’re better than everybody?
What’s it like having a mom who never comes to see you?
None of them had any idea what they were talking about. I’d come to terms with Carly Ryan. She didn’t want to be Carly Sloane, wife and mother. Maybe I wished she’d have figured herself out before she had me, but then, I wouldn’t be here. I guess, if anything, I owed her for giving birth to me and maybe that was enough.
Jordan’s had so many opportunities to ask me about my mom, but she hasn’t. One day I’d tell her how much that meant to me. Until then, I’d just be thankful.
“Dude, show me that part again,” Payton demanded. He’d come a long way in the month we’d been working together and not just musically. I liked to think we’d bonded and he really did look up to me as a mentor. Not that I presented the best example, but better than most.
“Like this.” I played the notes again, almost exaggerating my movements so he could see.
We’d learned to compensate for having opposite dominant hands. I showed him how to play left handed and he had to figure out how to adjust and play right handed, but it worked and ultimately the mechanics were the same. I’d also shown him some online videos he could watch and I could tell he had.
We decided to do a song he already knew really well by his favorite band. Carbine was a bit country, a bit blues, and lot rock. It helped I liked them, too, and already knew a lot of their songs.
We only had two and a half weeks left until the talent show and call me crazy, but I knew Payton would be ready.
We worked on the song for a few more minutes but then Payton stopped playing.
“Hey, Asher?”
“Yeah?” I started picking out a tune I’d been humming all morning.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Something about the tone of his voice made me stop and look at him. “Sure, kid. Anything.”
Payton hadn’t opened up much, but we talked a little. Ms. Jackson gave me some guidelines. I could be Payton’s friend, but I wasn’t a trained professional. I couldn’t be his counselor.
“What would you do if-” he stopped, his face twisting with indecision.
I stared at him for a second. “Is this a question for you or for a friend?”
His face cleared a little. “A friend.”
I nodded. “Okay. What is it?”
“Let’s say this friend,” he gave me a look. “Payson, has another friend, named Toby. And Toby gets in trouble a lot.”
I raised my eyebrows and Payton had the good grace to appear somewhat remorseful.
“No, man. Like real trouble.”
“Okay. What about this Toby guy?” It made sense Payton had friends who got into real trouble as he put it.
“Well, Payson and Toby have been friends for a long time. But Toby’s bad news and Payson’s trying to,” Payton glanced at the ground and shrugged before meeting my eyes again. “Payson wants to stop doing that stuff with Toby.”
Hmm. I sat back in my chair and studied Payton. “What’s keeping Payson from telling Toby to take a hike?”
Payton made a face. “We’ve, um, they’ve been friends a long time. Payson’s kind of hoping Toby will, you know, stop doing all the other stuff.”
“Toby’s the reason Payson’s been getting in so much trouble?” I asked, lifting one brow to let Payton know I knew exactly who we were talking about.
Payton’s shoulders fell, but he kept up the pretense. “Yeah, man. It’s like he’s two different people. When he’s around Toby, he wants Toby to still like him, so he does sh-, I mean, crap he knows he shouldn’t.” Payton smiled, guilty as hell. “Sometimes, it’s kind of fun, right. But then,” his smile died. “But then, he gets home and his parents are mad and his mom’s crying and he knows he’s just a punk kid who’s all messed up.”
Well, crap.
Now what?
I took a full minute without saying anything to think about what Payton had just told me. I knew exactly what he felt, had been there before myself, had even done stupid stuff because I wanted my friends to keep being my friends and felt like I had to follow along for that to happen.
Sitting forward in my chair, I rested my elbows on my knees. “Dude, you already know the answer, right? You can’t let other people decide your destiny. This guy, Toby, he doesn’t care about you.” Payton frowned and I didn’t know if it was because I’d hit a nerve or because I’d dropped the Payson lie. Or both. “I know it sounds cliche, but it’s true. If Toby was really your friend, he wouldn’t pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. Man, five minutes of fun is not worth a lifetime of negative consequences. I promise.”
Payton chewed on his lip. “I told him I joined a band the last time he wanted to hang out. He made fun of me. Said he bet my band sucked. It’s not even true. I just needed an excuse other than hockey because he knows I’ve skipped practice to hang out with him before. That’s why my dad takes me, but Toby thinks I can ditch my dad, no big deal.”
“Payton, that’s manipulation. He’s playing on your emotions to get you to do what he wants you to do. Don’t fall for that bull. And if he was your friend, he wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with your dad.” I thought for a minute. “Why don’t you start a band? Do you know anybody who plays?” Payton had a decent singing voice.
Payton nodded. “That’s kind of why I said it. I’ve been talking to some guys. We all like Carbine and I told them about working with you.” His eyes lit for the first time since we started talking. “We were saying how cool it would be to start playing together.”
“Dude, that’s your answer.” I hoped he could see it as plain as I could. Ultimately, he had to choose.
“It sucks, man. Toby’s been my best friend since kindergarten.”
I almost asked him if the guy’s name was really Toby, but then I decided I didn’t really want to know. I wanted to tell that punk to leave Payton alone, but he Payton had to fight his own battles.
“I know, but people change. Just because he was a good friend before doesn’t mean he still is. You can care about him and wish he’d do the right thing, but if he doesn’t, that’s on him. You can’t let him drag you down with him.”
Payton hung his head, but he nodded.
“Hey,” I said and waited until he looked up. “Listen, you can call me. If you need help or you make a bad choice or whatever. You can call me. I’ll be there.” The kid had two older brothers but they’d moved out. He had Jordan, too, but sisters were different. If Payton needed me, I’d do what I could t
o help him.
“Thanks, man.” Payton held out his fist.
I tapped it and turned back to my guitar. “Let’s go over that last part again. I think you’ve almost got it.”
Chapter Fifteen
Jordan
I hated myself for the resentment I felt every time I saw Asher’s name and not mine on the list on Dad’s door. I pushed the feelings down and tried to act like I didn’t care. At the end of every game, Asher waited for me outside the locker room with this anxious expression that only made me feel smaller.
I played in every game. I had an amazing boyfriend. What more could I ask for?
“Jordan!” my mom called up the stairs. “Asher’s here.”
Time to put on my happy face. We were going to the concert in the park tonight. Asher and the guys had been practicing and warming up for the last couple of hours at Jarom’s house, but now he needed to head over to the park. He’d insisted on giving me a ride so we could leave together at the end. Natalie and Kelly planned to meet us there and keep me company while the guys played.
I took one last look at myself in the mirror. Asher claimed to love my style, but I didn’t miss how all the girls at school looked at him and then looked at me. I knew they wondered why he wanted to be with a girl like me and sometimes, so did I. But I refused to change. Any guy who liked me would have to like, or at least accept, all of me. I couldn’t lose myself to please some boy. I wouldn’t.
So, I ran down the stairs wearing a loose pair of overalls with a long-sleeved graphic tee-shirt underneath, hot pink Chucks, and a backwards baseball cap I found in Bobby’s room after he moved out. I only ever wore mascara and I’d pulled my hair into a low ponytail.
“There you are. Asher’s had to make small talk with your dad,” Mom teased with a wink at Asher.
“I’m always up to talk hockey, Mrs. Parks,” Asher replied.
I shook my head. Suck up.
“You guys have fun.” Dad stood up from where he’d been sitting on the back of the couch. “Kelly and Natalie are meeting you there?”
“Yeah, so I don’t have to be by myself when Mr. Rock Star here is on stage.” I rubbed Asher shoulder.
He rolled his eyes before addressing my dad. “We shouldn’t be too late. I think the guys want to get something to eat after our set. But we should be done by nine, so, not late.”
“Just be home by midnight,” Dad said.
“Have fun. And good luck, Asher. Maybe I can talk Coach into going to the park a little later to hear you guys.”
Asher’s ears turned red. “Oh, well. Yeah, that would be cool.”
Mom grinned and I grabbed Asher’s hand. Definitely time to leave.
“See you guys later,” I called over my shoulder as I pushed Asher out the door.
“Your dad’s going to go to the concert,” Asher muttered on the way to his car.
“Don’t be dramatic.” We got into the car and Asher hurried to back out of the driveway.
“Dramatic? Do you know how much balls it took to ask out my Coach’s daughter?” he asked.
“Seriously? You didn’t act like it.”
He glanced at me. “Are you kidding? I thought everyone could see me shaking that first practice after we’d been making out in the backyard and your dad flipped the lights on and off. I thought for sure I was a dead man.”
“I think it helps you live so close. He knows where you sleep. And you know he knows.”
Asher’s mouth dropped open a little. “That’s terrifying.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s too late to lose your nerve now, buddy. So, buck up.”
The park had already filled with people by the time we arrived. Bands had been scheduled all day, but the more popular groups had been scheduled for the evening. Apparently, Breakout was a crowd favorite.
Asher parked on a side street and then held my hand as we walked toward a cluster of tents set up behind the sound stage.
“How much longer until you meet the guys?”
“I need to go straight there. Are Natalie and Kelly here yet?”
I checked my phone for messages. “Yeah. They’re over by the t-shirt vendors.”
Asher kissed the side of my head. “It’s called merch.”
“Oh, excuse me.” I bumped him with my hip.
“I’ll walk you over to them and then go find Jarom.”
“It’s okay. I can find them on my own. You’re getting antsy. Just go and I’ll see you when you get done.”
Asher hesitated. “I have enough time.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m fine. I know you have stuff to do before you guys go on.”
Asher pulled me to a stop. “You’ll be front and center so I can find you?”
“Screaming my head off like a groupie.” I slid my arms around his neck. “Kiss for luck?”
“If you’re offering.” He lowered his head.
“I a-” his mouth covered mine.
“Meet me by that blue tent when I’m done?” he asked much too soon.
“Mmhmm.”
He kissed me with his smile. “I have to go.”
“Okay, okay.”
We split, Asher to find the rest of his band, me to find my friends. Natalie had a game earlier and Kelly had a meet. I would have gone to the volleyball game, but we had a game, too.
“Hey, girl!” Natalie called out as soon as she spotted me.
“How was your game?” I asked.
“We won.”
“We did, too,” Kelly said, holding up a black shirt with a logo for an indie band on the front. “I think I’m gonna get this one.”
“How about you? Did you guys win?” Natalie asked me while Kelly paid.
I nodded. “Yeah, we wiped the ice with them. Three to zip.”
“Nice.”
“You excited to hear your boy sing?” Kelly asked as she tucked her new tee-shirt under her arm.
“I hear them sing almost everyday.” I heard Asher everyday, at least.
“This’ll be different. Live music with all the equipment and the crowd. It’s incredible,” Natalie said.
I shrugged. I had no idea if it would be different or not. I knew I’d love it no matter what.
“I’m going to get some cotton candy. I’ll be right back.” Natalie squeezed her way through the crush of people to a stand selling bags of cotton candy. Several people waited in line. She’d be a minute.
“How are things going with you two, anyway?” Kelly asked.
“Who? Asher and I?”
Kelly nodded.
“Fine. Great. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. It’s been awhile since we talked and I just, you know, wondered…” her voice trailed off and I felt myself get a little edgy.
“Wondered what?”
“It’s nothing. I’m happy for you.”
I turned to face her, frowning. “Kelly, what are you talking about? Why would there be anything wrong between Asher and I?”
Kelly bit her lip, looking worried. “I shouldn’t have even said anything. We just haven’t talked in so long.”
I put my hand on my hip and glared at her. “Kelly!”
She held up her hands in surrender. “It’s just I have a few classes with him and I see him in the halls. Your schedule is so different, you’re never nearby. He’s always got girls hanging all over him. I don’t think he encourages them, but he doesn’t really push them away, either.”
What?
“What do you mean ‘hanging all over him’? What does that mean? Like touching him?”
Kelly face contorted. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s probably nothing.”
“Probably?” I wanted to throw up. Other girls had their hands on my boyfriend! And he let them? What the hell!
“What’s going on?” Natalie asked as she stuffed a fluffy glob of cotton candy into her mouth.
“What’s going on is my best friend just told me my boyfriend’s a cheater!” I cried then spun on my heel to get away from
them.
“I never said that!” Kelly grabbed my arm.
“Then what did you say? What did you mean? You obviously wanted to warn me about something.” I couldn’t believe this. Hot tears pricked my eyes.
“Jordan, I thought you knew. Asher’s hot. He’s in a band. He’s new and mysterious. You don’t think girls at school throw themselves at him?” Kelly folded her arms over her stomach. “I just, you don’t see him at school very much.”
I glanced at Natalie. “You see him, too?”
Natalie grimaced. “Sometimes. But it’s not like he’s flirting.” She gave Kelly a hard look and I wondered if they’d discussed whether or not to mention any of this to me and Kelly had gone rogue by saying something. “He’s nice. And it’s not like it’s his fault he’s good looking and girls like him.”
My head hurt.
My heart hurt.
Asher’s song cut through the hurt just enough for me to realize we needed to go. “I have to go. I promised Asher I’d be up front where he could see me.”
Without waiting to see if my friends would follow, I wove my way through the throngs of people toward the stage. How long ago had it been? Ten minutes since I’d seen him? Fifteen since he kissed me?
It took most of the first song for me to push my way to the front of the crowd. I didn’t even realize I had tears streaming down my cheeks until I looked up at him. He’d been searching for me, I could tell. His eyes lit when he saw me, but then almost immediately he frowned, searching my face. That’s when I lifted my hands to my cheeks and felt the moisture there.
I thought he might jump from the stage before finishing his song, but he didn’t. His eyes never left mine and when the song ended, he spoke to the crowd.
“Thanks for being here. I’m Asher. And we’re Breakout. Jarom, Adam, and Bash back there on drums.” His voice sounded smooth and confident. Next to me, a group of girls pushed me aside, screaming and yelling Asher’s name. He smiled at them briefly before his eyes found me again. “I’d like to give a shoutout to my girl. This one’s for you, babe.”
Playing to Win (The Trouble with Tomboys Book2) Page 13
