If Only You Knew

by Carla Fredd

  Over the years he'd fired more than one secretary for being too free with information on him, both personal and business. Mrs. Jones had lasted the longest, but he was still very careful to not invite a closer working relationship.

  Thick gray carpet muffled the sound of his footsteps. His office consisted of three rooms: a conference room, a full bath, and the room where he did most of his work. Ric felt the view from his office windows was wasted on him. He never had time to look out the windows. With the exception of his laptop computer, printer, and telephone, most of the furnishings in his office were wasted on him. A plain metal desk instead of the solid mahogany desk would have suited him. He'd learned to tolerate, if not ignore, the sometimes frivolous trappings of success.

  Placing his computer in the docking station, he skimmed the fax which lay on his desk and smiled in satisfaction. His attention was diverted when a series of beeps from his computer signaled reception of his email messages. He quickly scanned the messages until he read the message he'd sent to himself. It read: Give Anna May an answer tonight.

  What was he going to say to her? Yes, I'll marry you and be the father of your child. Man, woman, and child.

  A family.

  He had enough family as it was with his aunt, uncle, and half brother. He'd learned early in life that family will betray you. His father had left him and his mother to fight in Vietnam and was killed. His mother sent him to live with his grandmother when she remarried and had never looked back. He wouldn't have known she'd died if he hadn't seen her obituary in the newspaper. His grandmother had taken the money his mother had given her to raise him and spent it on her weekly supply of wine.

  When he moved in with his aunt and uncle, he had learned his lesson about family and kept himself distant from them. He didn't want any more family.

  But how could he say no to the woman who was his one and only true friend? A woman who'd given him hope and friendship when others had given up on him. The one person who believed in him, sometimes when he hadn't believed in himself. The woman who'd hounded the firemen fighting a fire at his college dorm until one of them carried him from the burning building. He'd been unconscious when they'd brought him out, and if it hadn't been for her, he could have been one of the students who'd died in the fire.

  With a single keystroke, he deleted the message. He had to come to a decision soon. Over the last four days, he'd grown less sure that he could tell her no.

  "Mr. Morgan is here, Mr. Justice." His secretary's voice interrupted his thoughts.

  "Send him in," Ric answered.

  Warren Morgan, his senior business manager, entered the room. Morgan carried himself with the quiet confidence of a much older man. Ric had often wondered if Morgan's wealthy upbringing was the reason for his confidence. Morgan didn't need his salary. His father had given him enough money to permanently retire at the age of twenty-five. "Good morning, Mr. Justice."

  "Morgan," Ric replied as he stepped around his desk to join him at the small conference table where Morgan began removing manila files from his briefcase.

  "You were right about Jamison," Morgan said. "He's been embezzling from his company for years and writing off the losses. I think we should hold off on our offer to buy his company until I can find out the extent of the damage."

  "Fine. Jamison's company is good, but there are other good companies. What's next?"

  Morgan opened another file. "Renoylds and Associates. Rusty Renoylds isn't a happy man. He likes being in charge. Now that he's no longer the largest stockholder, he could turn ugly."

  "Mr. Renoylds knew the risks when he released his stock options," Ric replied.

  "True, but he's making noises of conspiracy to anyone who'll listen to him."

  "We'll work around him. When Renoylds and Associates is profitable again, I'm sure he'll quiet down."

  "Next is Wilson and Wilson. It's a regional consulting firm. The founder recently stepped down, and his son is now running the business. Good thing because the old man almost went bankrupt last year. The son has made some very savvy moves to keep the company afloat, but the company's so far in debt, he won't be able to get out of it without backing."

  "What's the son's name?" Ric asked.

  Morgan shuffled a few sheets of paper then said, "His name is Adam Wilson. Actually, he bought out the father nine months ago. He's young, only twenty-seven years old, but he'd be good to keep if we bought him out."

  Ric leaned back in his chair. He hadn't heard that name in a long time. "A twenty-seven-year-old bought out his father? How?"

  "Instead of going to work for his father, Adam Wilson went to work for a small engineering firm. Apparently he made a deal with the owners to have a part of his salary in shares of the company. Wilson and the owner implemented improvements, and the company almost doubled its profits the next year. By then Wilson had a forty percent ownership in the company. That same year he and his partner held out against a hostile takeover. For someone his age, he has had to make some hard decisions, and it's made him a tough businessman."

  "Sounds good. Keep me informed on this deal."

  "Right," Morgan said closing the folder. "The company's history and a little of the owner's background is in this file. If we can buy this company, I think it will be profitable within months."

  Later when Morgan left his office, Ric sat at his desk and opened the Wilson file. He skimmed over the business report and stopped when he came to an old newspaper clipping. It was dated last year. Ric picked up the clipping and stared at the threesome. An older man and woman sat side by side next to a table full of gifts. A younger man stood behind them. It was the first time he'd seen his mother and half brother in nearly twenty-seven years.

  Chapter 4

  Anna May watched as Noriah gripped the long-handled wooden spoon with both hands and stirred the chocolate cake mixture with all her might. Dark brown stains spotted her old white cotton shirt, which she'd used as a makeshift apron for the three-year-old. Matching brown stains dotted Anna May's kitchen counter.

  "Boy, you're doing a great job, Noriah. I don't see any lumps, do you?" Anna May smiled as Noriah leaned over the bowl and thoroughly studied the cake mix.

  "I don't see any lumps," she declared while still looking into the bowl.

  "Come on, let's put this in the pan." With Noriah's help, two pans of cakes were filled and put into the oven.

  "Are we gonna cook something else?"

  "In a little while, sweetie," she said running the back of her hand over Noriah's upturned face. Anna May felt a lump in her throat as she looked at her. Her baby-fine hair was parted down the middle, forming two fluffy Afro puffs. Dark brown eyes, full of curiosity, were looking to her with joy, trust, and wonder. Wonder—which children seemed to have an unending supply of.

  Anna May longed to have a child of her own to love and nurture all the time, not for small blocks of time when she was baby-sitting like tonight. She wanted to feel her child growing inside her. She wanted to watch it grow and discover the world. She wanted all of that. But she didn't know if it would ever come to pass.

  It was five days ago when she'd asked Ric to father her child, and he'd yet to contact her.

  A small sticky hand patted her leg. "What are we going to do now?"

  "We are going to wash our hands, then we're going to play one of your video games." She was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Noriah climbed down from the chair she had been standing on and ran to the door. "I'll get it. I'll get it."

  "Noriah," Anna May said firmly following her out of the kitchen. "Don't touch the door." She had a dead bolt on the front door which could be unlocked only with a key. Noriah had a habit of trying to open the front door at home, and Marianne was trying to teach her not to open doors without permission.

  When she'd reached the front door, Noriah was hopping from one leg to the other waiting for her arrival. Anna May made a note to reward her for her behavior, then looked through the peephole.

  Ric stood on
the other side of the door. Anticipation and dread filled her at the sight of him. She put her hand on the knob, then remembered the curious child watching every move she made. "Who is it?" she asked for Noriah's benefit.

  "Ric."

  The cold air chilled her when she opened the door, but she was instantly warmed when Ric walked inside. His caramel wool coat emphasized his broad shoulders and lean hips. Anna May felt a tingle of excitement in her stomach, and her heart beat faster as his warm brown eyes met hers. An aura of strength surrounded him from the firm, chiseled angles of his cheeks to the chest-out, shoulders-back way he stood in the room. He was a very attractive man and she wanted him.

  "Who's that man, Anna May?" Noriah's childlike voice broke the sensual web which had formed around them.

  With a mental shake, she said, "This is Mr. Justice, honey. He's my friend."

  Noriah looked from Ric to Anna May, then stepped behind Anna May to hide her face. She took a quick peek at him and hid her face again.

  Anna May smiled at Ric. "She's feeling a little shy tonight." She ran her hand over Noriah's hair. "Don't be shy. Mr. Justice is really nice." Her words coaxed the little girl from her hiding place, and Noriah stared at Ric with solemn dark brown eyes.

  Ric kneeled in front of her and smiled. "Hello. What's your name?"

  Noriah looked at Anna May, waiting for permission to speak to him.

  "Go ahead. Tell him your name."

  "Noriah Jeaan Jones," she replied softly.

  "Nice to meet you, Noriah Jeaan Jones," he said holding out his hand. She stepped forward, placing her tiny hand in his, and swung her arm above her head then pumped twice.

  "Are you Anna May's boyfriend?" she asked.

  Out of the mouths of babes, Anna May thought She purposely focused on Noriah so she wouldn't see Ric's expression. "Mr. Justice is a man, and he's my friend—so I guess he is my boyfriend."

  Noriah gave her a puzzled look. "But if he's a man, wouldn't he be a manfriend?"

  "There's no such word as manfriend," Anna May replied. "You could say friend, and that would cover everybody whether they are a man, woman, boy or girl."

  "Oh," she said with a frown.

  Ric rose from his kneeling position, his expression apologetic. "I didn't realize you had company. I should have called first."

  "That's okay," she said then glanced at her watch. "Marianne should be here in about an hour. If you want to wait, you can."

  "We made cake," Noriah interjected as if to convince him to stay.

  Ric smiled at her. "In that case, I'll stay." Noriah gave him a coquettish grin.

  Anna May smiled at him. "We were about to play video games. I've got to avenge myself. Noriah beat the stuffing out of me the last game."

  "Can he play? Can he play? I wanna play with him," Noriah said.

  "Why don't we show him how to play first, then he'll play a game with you," Anna May said. As the three of them walked to the den, Noriah walked between them, holding their hands. It was a scene Anna May had witnessed many times before, a child holding her parents' hands. A hunger and longing filled her, and she felt her throat tighten. This was what she wanted. A husband and a child.

  Ric watched as Anna May, along with Noriah's "help," attached the game piece to the television. She lovingly guided small hands to the correct place on the game piece and carefully answered questions as if they were talking friend to friend rather than adult to child. She was great with the little girl, he thought. He had always pictured her with a husband and children, yet he'd never asked her why she hadn't married. Maybe he should have.

  "Come watch us play, Ric," Anna May said then smiled at him. He sat on the floor behind the two. He knew he had only one choice to make.

  "Bye, Anna May. Bye." Noriah waved her free hand with her mother, Marianne, holding the other.

  "Thanks again for watching Noriah," Marianne said as she stood in the foyer, looking toward the den where Ric was reconnecting the cables to her television. "I hope she didn't interrupt anything. If I'd have known you were having company, I would have found another sitter."

  "It's okay, Marianne. She was no problem at all."

  Marianne looked at her, her brow wrinkled and her expression worried. "Have you guys made a decision yet?"

  "No," Anna May replied. "Not yet."

  Marianne bit her lower lip, a sure sign that something was bothering her. "Call me if you need anything. Anything at all, okay?"

  "I will."

  Looking at her daughter she said, "Put your gloves on, snooky. It's cold outside."

  Anna May stood in the doorway and watched as the two got into their car. She waved when Marianne blew her horn, then closed the door.

  Ric was packing away the game when she walked into the den. "Well, they're gone."

  Ric nodded his head. "I can tell. It's a lot quieter."

  She laughed then said, "I never realize how quiet it is until she leaves."

  "Does she always ask that many questions? Maybe the police should use children to interrogate people."

  "She always asks questions. She's a smart little girl and very curious about the things around her. I love having her over."

  Ric nodded slowly, his eyes grew dark and serious. "I can tell."

  Anna May felt her heart beat a little faster. Now that they were alone, there was no reason for them to put off their talk. "Do you want anything to drink before we get started?" she asked.

  "No, I'm fine."

  "Well," she said walking to the leather recliner. "Have you made a decision?" She was surprised to hear her voice sounding smooth and calm when she was shaking inside.

  "I think we need to talk first," he replied walking to the matching chair beside hers. "I've got a few questions."

  "What do you want to know?" she asked rubbing her palms along the top of her blue jean-clad thighs.

  "Do you know if you can get pregnant?"

  "Yes, I've had some tests run. My doctor feels there's no reason why I couldn't have a child."

  Ric nodded as if to digest the information. "How do you plan to get pregnant? With a test tube or the old-fashioned way?"

  Anna May felt heat rush to her face. "The old-fashioned way."

  "What happens if you don't get pregnant right away?"

  "Are you asking how long we should try before we give up?"

  He frowned then said, "Yes."

  "A year."

  His frown deepened. "What happens once you have the child?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, am I supposed to disappear from the child's life and yours?"

  "Oh, no," she said shaking her head. "I want you to be an active part of the baby's life. I would never ask you to disappear. If you want, we can have a prenuptial agreement with that in it. I'd like to have one anyway because I want it spelled out that you keep everything you have now as far as money is concerned."

  "We'll come back to that. What about joint custody?"

  "That can go into the prenup."

  "You haven't asked me any questions. I think there are some things you should know about me."

  She shrugged her shoulders. "Like what? I know the most important things."

  "Have I practiced safe sex? The answer is yes, always. Am I in good health? Yes. I had a complete physical two months ago, including a sperm count and an AIDS test. I can give you a baby."

  Anna May felt heat rush to her face as embarrassment enveloped her. Even as she shifted in her chair, her love for him grew a little more. Ric wanted her to know she was safe with him. "I never doubted that you could give me a child. Isn't it silly considering my situation and AIDS." She paused to gather her composure. "AIDS never crossed my mind."

  "It should have. Knowledge could mean the difference between life and death."

  "I know, and you don't have to worry about me. I'm still a virgin."

  "Okay. Then the only other question is when do you want to get married?"

  Anna May gasped. "Do you mean it?"

/>   "I mean it," he said coming to his feet.

  She rushed out of her chair and hugged him. "Oh, Ricky," she said as the tears formed in her eyes. "You won't regret this, I promise."

  He was beginning to regret his decision to marry her, and the night wasn't over yet. "Anna May, I don't remember the last time I was in church. I don't see why we can't go to the justice of the peace."

  "This may not be the most romantic wedding in the world, but I'm getting married in front of God and everybody," she said crossing her arms across her chest. She had that stubborn-as-a-mule look on her face. He'd come across that expression once or twice, and he knew she wasn't going to budge on this issue.

  "It will take longer if we have a church wedding," he replied. "If we go the justice of the peace, we can be married within a week. I thought time was of the essence."

  "It is, but my dad will marry us if I ask him, and we can use my church's chapel. It's practically empty on Saturdays. Winter isn't a popular time for weddings."

  "You've already made plans with the church?"

  "I didn't make plans," she said. "All I did was ask if the chapel was available on Saturdays. The secretary showed me the calendar."

  "Fine," he said realizing he'd lost that point. "What are you going to tell your family about this marriage?"

  "I'm going to tell them the truth. It'll be much easier in the long run if they know up front this marriage is temporary."

  "They won't like this."

  "I know, but they love me and sooner and later they will come around."

  Ric wasn't so sure. He'd seen firsthand what families did to each other. He made a mental note to be present when her family arrived.

  "When are you going to tell them about us?"

  "I could call my parents right now."

  "Call them," he said. He waited in silence as she made the call to her parents' home in California, ready to give her his support when her family disappointed her

  "Hi, Mom," she said a few seconds later. "Is Daddy there? Good, put him on the phone with you. Hi, Daddy. I'm fine. Listen"—she paused and looked at him from across the room—"I've got some news for you."