Journey to Wubang 01 - Earth to Hell

by Kylie Chan

  I stopped for a moment, watching them, revelling in the feeling of having some of the family back. One more member to return and we would be whole again.

  ‘Hi, Emma. Anything important that’s happened since Leo left that we need to tell him about?’ Simone said. ‘I can’t really think of anything.’

  I sat at the dining table, and Ah Yat brought me my toast, tea and the newspaper. ‘Tsim Sha Tsui is a disaster area,’ I said.

  Simone’s face cleared. ‘You’re right, it is.’

  ‘What, an earthquake or something?’ Leo said.

  ‘It looks like it, but it’s all just development,’ I said. ‘The KCR’s been combined with the MTR, and the KCR has a station in East Tsim Sha Tsui now. So what they did was make a massive series of underground walkways all through TST, and block off a buttload of roads for roadworks—’

  ‘I don’t think I remember a time when TST wasn’t full of roadworks,’ Leo said with amusement. ‘Kowloon Park Drive has never not had roadworks on it.’

  ‘Now you can’t even cross Kowloon Park Drive down near the Star Ferry,’ Simone said. ‘You get routed through this stupid complex series of underground walkways that make you walk a mile out of your way to get to Harbour City.’

  ‘Wan Chai’s the same,’ I said. ‘We’re renovating the exterior of the Academy building, and I think it’s a sign of the times that instead of tiny stationery shops and computer outlets, we have a big comfortable coffee shop downstairs that makes really nice lattes.’

  ‘The rest of it isn’t rented out yet though,’ Simone said. ‘America broke the world economy or something in 2008 and it’s taken everybody a long time to recover.’

  ‘Oh, you have a black president,’ I said.

  ‘No way,’ Leo said with delight. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Simone said. ‘Anyway, after breakfast we’re going down to the Academy. Wanna come?’

  Leo didn’t hesitate. ‘Sure.’

  ‘I would like to come too, if you don’t mind,’ Martin said. ‘I need to brush up on my Arts, and I would like to talk to some of the Masters about some tutoring.’

  ‘Good idea,’ I said.

  ‘You need to think about whether you want to move the Academy back to Wudangshan now that you can go to the Heavens,’ Simone said.

  ‘Not until the demon essence is removed,’ I said. ‘I want to be able to run it as a human; the damn snake can’t type.’

  ‘Understandable,’ Martin said.

  ‘What demon essence?’ Leo said.

  ‘One Two Two injected me with demon essence. Somehow it filled my dan tian, and when I lose control I turn into a really big Snake Mother,’ I said. ‘John gave us a suggestion on who to talk to about clearing it, and we’ll go see them soon.’

  ‘Wait, you said Mr Chen gave you a suggestion—he’s back?’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘He comes and goes. He appears in my dreams, he’s met us in True Form—he appears to be returning. It might take a while.’

  ‘Did he fall into True Form and disappear?’

  ‘No. One Two Two took his head in exchange for Simone’s safety.’

  ‘What happened to that bastard One Two Two?’ Leo said.

  ‘I yinned him,’ Simone said.

  ‘What, just…yin…destroyed…gone?’ Leo said.

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘And I’m left stuck as a half-demon, half-snake thing,’ I said.

  ‘Yep, sounds like you,’ Leo said.

  ‘I love you too,’ I retorted.

  ‘It’s good to have you back, Leo,’ Simone said.

  He didn’t hesitate. ‘Absolutely.’ Then he remembered. ‘How’s Michael?’ Leo said.

  ‘He is in…what’s the term? A serious but stable condition,’ I said. ‘Basically, he’s not going to die, and they’re waiting to see if that clout on his head has caused permanent brain damage.’

  Leo was quiet for a moment, then said, ‘Do you think I could visit him?’

  ‘We’ll contact the Tiger when we’re down at the Academy and see what we can arrange,’ I said.

  He nodded. ‘Sounds good.’

  ‘I’ve organised to go shopping with Eva and Sylvie after lunch, Emma,’ Simone said. ‘Can I take Leo with me?’

  ‘No,’ Leo said.

  ‘Come on, Leo. All your outfits are way out of date, and I need you along to help me choose,’ Simone said, wheedling. ‘Please?’

  He hesitated for a moment, then said, ‘Okay, why not. I suppose I have to get used to being in a wheelchair.’

  ‘Yay! We can help each other buy stuff, sounds like great fun,’ Simone said. ‘Emma can sort all that out at the Academy, get the stones to set up an identity for you, and we can just use my company expense card until you get your own. How long will that take, Emma?’

  ‘Shouldn’t take more than a week to get all that sorted out,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry about cash, we’ll set you up with a corporate expense card and your own bank account. You’ll never have to worry about money again.’

  ‘I hope you have a limit on your monthly spending, young lady,’ Leo said sternly to Simone. ‘I don’t want to see you wasting your money like those spoilt local girls who wheedle money from their fathers to buy expensive designer handbags all the time.’

  Simone tossed her head at me. ‘Emma’s a cow. She won’t give me nearly enough money to buy a Kelly.’

  ‘Well, that’s different, that’s just child abuse.’ Leo glared at me. ‘If the Princess wants a Kelly, the Princess should have a Kelly.’

  ‘She had a Coach bag last year that she completely destroyed within six months,’ I said. ‘Dragged it around in the rain, then didn’t dry it properly and it got mouldy. Ruined. No way am I spending fifty grand more on another bag that’ll last a similar amount of time.’

  Leo rounded on Simone. ‘You destroyed a Coach? I don’t think I want to go shopping with you now.’

  ‘We can buy a couple of new outfits for Emma,’ Simone said in a stage whisper.

  Leo hesitated, looked at me, then turned back to Simone. ‘It’s a deal.’

  Simone jiggled and clapped her hands. ‘Yay!’

  ‘Don’t you dare!’ I said.

  ‘Can’t hear you, Emma,’ Simone said. She tucked into her scrambled eggs. ‘Can’t wait. This will be so much fun.’

  ‘Have you spoken to any of the staff or students of the Academy since you returned from the Heavens, Emma?’ Martin said.

  ‘No,’ I said, then I understood. ‘Oh dear.’

  ‘What?’ Simone said, then realised. ‘The snake thing.’

  I put my toast down. ‘I don’t think I want to go down there now.’

  Martin raised his head and concentrated, and Meredith appeared sitting at the table with us. Ah Yat brought in a pot of English tea for her.

  ‘Tell us the worst,’ I said.

  ‘You have an energy work class at ten, Emma, better get a move on,’ she said.

  ‘Is everybody as freaked out as I think they are?’

  She sipped her tea. ‘No.’

  ‘That’s not possible, Meredith. I’m a snake. Half the students probably didn’t show this morning.’

  She put her tea down. ‘Emma, the most common reaction amongst the students is “oh, she is something weird after all”.’

  Simone choked on her coffee and spluttered for a few moments. She grabbed a tissue from the centre of the table and wiped her mouth.

  ‘She’s laughing because it’s true,’ Meredith said.

  Simone nodded, obviously unable to talk.

  ‘Nobody’s left the Academy?’ I said.

  ‘Nobody.’

  ‘What about the Celestial?’

  ‘Ah.’ She put down her teacup. ‘That has been slightly different. Snakes have a reputation for being untrustworthy and shiftless. They are loners who don’t socialise with the rest of the Celestial fraternity. They are also without family and some of them don’t even know their ancestry; this is very shocking.’

 
‘So me being a snake just pounds home the point that I’m an outsider,’ I said. I ran my hands through my hair. ‘Wonderful.’

  Meredith nodded to Leo. ‘Welcome back.’ She nodded to Ming Gui. ‘Both of you.’ She turned back to Leo. ‘Are you planning to come down to the Academy?’

  ‘I want to see my old students,’ Leo said. ‘I’d like to catch up with them.’

  ‘Good. When you are down there, ask Emma’s secretary to call me. I’ll have a look at your back, see what we can do about it.’

  ‘I don’t think there’s anything you can do, Meredith,’ Leo said. ‘It’s wrecked.’

  ‘We will see.’ Her voice became brisk. ‘Well, missy, you have an energy class at ten, regardless of how long and narrow you are. Your kids need you and the Academy needs you.’ She put down her tea and rose. ‘Oh, Jim took off with Hien. We don’t know where they went. He left a sealed envelope in your pigeonhole for your eyes only. We have a good idea what it says. Apart from that, things are relatively normal down there. See you soon, don’t be late.’ She disappeared.

  When I arrived at my energy class, the juniors were sitting silently on the mats in a circle around Billy, their eyes unseeing. Billy was in True Form: a stone of rough-hewn granite about the size of my fist.

  ‘Is Billy showing them a recording?’ I said.

  ‘Yes,’ my stone said.

  The students all jumped as if stung, and a couple of the girls squeaked. Esmerelda’s eyes went wide with horror.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Chelsea whispered. ‘Oh my God.’

  ‘I’m here, Billy, you can turn off the horror show now,’ I said loudly.

  The students sagged and looked at each other, guilty. Billy took human form and rose, also looking guilty.

  ‘You should all have been standing when I came in, guys, this really isn’t good enough,’ I said, attempting to break their mood. ‘Let’s start with about fifteen minutes of meditation, then we can do chi flow.’

  The students sat cross-legged on the floor and shared another look. Obviously from the Shens’ expressions a silent conversation was taking place. Billy grimaced at Apple, and Apple gestured with her head back at him. All of the students looked guilty. A couple of them shifted slightly away from me.

  ‘How did you get a recording of me being a snake?’ I said. ‘Only the guards and the tree spirits were there; there weren’t any stones!’

  ‘My parent was one of the guards,’ Billy said quietly.

  I ran my hands through my hair. ‘Does everybody in the Academy know?’

  ‘I think everybody in the world knows now, ma’am,’ Billy said. ‘It’s number one search parameter on the stone network.’

  I rose, turned and went out. I didn’t go up in the lift; I went to the stairwell and ran up the stairs from the third floor to the twenty-sixth. I slammed the door open and stormed into the offices. The minute I entered, everything went silent. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as I rushed to my office.

  I closed the door behind me and leaned on it, then fell to sit at my desk and put my head in my hands.

  Dear God, everybody in the Celestial had seen it.

  Somebody tapped on the door and I ignored them.

  ‘Ma’am?’ Yi Hao said softly on the other side of the door.

  I shuffled papers on my desk. ‘Come in, Yi Hao.’

  She opened the door a crack and peered around it. She opened it further and sidled in. She stood just inside the door and wrung her hands.

  ‘What, Yi Hao?’ I said.

  Yi Hao hesitated, then, ‘Your juniors are here, ma’am, they want to see you.’

  I spun away on my chair. ‘Maybe later.’

  Something clattered on my desk and I turned to see. Billy sat there in True Form. ‘Ma’am, could you come back down to the training room? We’re very sorry if we offended you.’

  ‘I’m not offended, Billy,’ I said. ‘I just don’t like the idea of you having to see what you saw.’

  ‘Actually…’ Billy’s voice trailed off. ‘Actually, ma’am, we were wondering if you would show us again. In the training room. We want to see it.’

  ‘You don’t want to see it, Billy.’

  ‘Uh, ma’am.’ Billy paused again, as if taking a deep breath, and plunged on. ‘Ma’am, we think that your serpent form is absolutely the coolest damn shit any of us has ever seen in our entire lives, and we humbly ask you, as your students, to come and show us. Please. In the training room.’ His voice took on a wheedling edge. ‘Please?’

  I couldn’t help myself: I laughed quietly. ‘Cool shit, eh?’

  He sounded delighted. ‘Yes, ma’am!’

  ‘We have a phoenix in our class, Billy. You know how the birds feel about snakes.’

  ‘Esmerelda thinks you’re cool shit too, ma’am, provided you promise not to eat her,’ Billy said. ‘Please? We really want to see.’ He obviously had a sudden idea. ‘You won’t attack us or anything, will you? You’re not poisonous and going to bite us?’

  ‘No. Even though I am poisonous, I won’t bite you, and I definitely won’t attack you,’ I said. ‘Even though I change shape I’m still one hundred per cent me.’

  ‘Are you his Serpent, ma’am?’ Billy said.

  I was silent at that.

  ‘That would be even cooler.’

  I sighed with feeling. ‘I don’t know, Billy. I really have no idea what I am. I’m not a Shen; I’m a human being that changes into a snake. Why I change, I don’t know. In fact, anybody who has any ideas as to what I am is most welcome to make suggestions.’

  ‘I hope you are his Serpent, that really would be excellent,’ Billy said. ‘So, you coming down to show us? We have plenty of time left. Please say yes.’

  I rose and pushed my chair away from the desk. ‘I suppose.’

  ‘Woot!’ Billy said, and disappeared.

  He reappeared on the desk. ‘Uh, can we move it to training room four, because the other juniors want to come and see? No, some of the seniors too. Whoa, about fifty people want to see this, ma’am.’

  ‘Training room four it is then.’ I shook my head. ‘Cool shit?’

  ‘Cool as hell, ma’am, and I apologise for the language,’ Billy said. ‘But there’s really no other way to say it.’ He disappeared.

  After the energy work class I went back to my office. Yi Hao had cleared my pigeonhole and there was a pile of memos about the Academy in my in-tray. Most of it was standard stuff; a few were memos of support from the staff saying that snakes were just as good as anybody else and not to take anything personally.

  I opened Jim’s letter. It looked like it had been written in a hurry.

  Hey Emma,

  They’re after her and it wasn’t really her fault. I can’t see any other option here; as a rep of the Celestial you’re obliged to turn her in. She reminds me too much of my own daughter and I can’t believe I didn’t see the addiction a second time around. Looks like the pine nuts and spring water will have to wait.

  Jim

  I wondered where he’d taken her—could have been anywhere. He was an expert at infiltration and could possibly still have some of the fake identities that the British Special Services had set up for him. All I could do was wish them the best.

  At about 6 pm Leo and Simone slammed open my office door and she pushed him in in his wheelchair. Simone put her hands on her hips. ‘You come home right now.’

  I gestured towards the computer screen. ‘When I’ve finished these sheets. You guys go, and I’ll give you a call when I’m ready.’

  ‘No,’ Simone said. ‘It’s dinnertime soon, and we’re all having dinner together. You, me, Leo and Martin. Like a family.’ She gestured towards the computer. ‘That can wait.’

  I hesitated, then shrugged. She was right. I saved the sheet and rose to accompany them. ‘Where are all the shopping bags? I can’t believe you two went out with two of Simone’s girlfriends and didn’t buy anything.’

  ‘The trunk of the Merc is so stuffed full I nearly needed
to pull out a bungee cord like the taxi drivers do when they have too much luggage,’ Leo said with amusement. ‘The demon driver the Academy gave us laughed himself sick.’ He sobered. ‘You’d better review the receipts, Emma, I think we went slightly overboard on the spending.’

  ‘Did you have fun?’

  They shared an evil grin.

  ‘Then it was worth it,’ I said. I gestured towards Simone. ‘This is the happiest I’ve seen you in years, Simone. It’s good to see.’

  ‘All we need is Daddy home and everything will be perfect,’ she said. ‘Oh, and a school for me.’

  ‘One of the interviews is tomorrow, remember,’ I said. ‘The school on top of Braemar Hill.’

  ‘I’d like Leo to come as well,’ Simone said.

  ‘That’s not really appropriate—’ Leo began, but Simone cut him off.

  ‘You’re not a Retainer, Leo, you’re part of the family. My…kinda second father, or weirdo gay uncle or something. Whatever. You count.’

  Leo’s face darkened. ‘Weirdo gay uncle.’

  ‘Matched set with my weirdo gay brother,’ Simone said, unfazed.

  Leo shook his head. ‘I guess you’re right.’

  We went down to the car and Simone helped Leo into the back seat.

  ‘I want to drive you two around,’ Leo said, frustrated. ‘I want to be useful. I want to be the driver again.’

  ‘If you take the Elixir—’

  He cut me off. ‘I will be stuck for all eternity as a paraplegic, don’t pretend I won’t. I know that’s how it works.’

  ‘Don’t let it stop you, Leo,’ Simone said. ‘Immortals can change their forms and fly and everything.’

  ‘That’s not the issue for me. Do you think we could have the car adapted so I can drive it anyway? Can they do that?’

  ‘I’ll get Yi Hao onto it right away,’ I said.

  ‘Now you’re talking,’ Leo said with enthusiasm.

  ‘How many schools do you have lined up for me?’ Simone asked as I drove us up the steep road to Braemar Hill the next day.