The Legendary Playboy Surgeon

by Alison Roberts

  Was he kidding? It was a huge deal. Even for a close family member it would be a big deal to go through a bone-marrow donation but Connor only knew this child by sight. By her smile.

  The depth of care he gave his own patients was something that had blown her away but this showed an even greater compassion. Was this kind of involvement instinctive for him because of how much he loved children?

  What would he be like if he had children of his own?

  He’d be an amazing father.

  Maybe he couldn’t wait for that to happen and that was why he got so involved with the children of total strangers.

  The tight feeling inside Kate became sharper. Like a knife that was twisting and turning. Her voice came out much more sharply than she’d intended, as though that knife was real and not emotional.

  ‘I can’t believe how involved you get with your patients. With other people’s patients, even.’

  Connor seemed to grow taller. He was frowning. ‘What are talking about?’

  ‘I’m talking about the things you do for kids. Like riding a motorbike into a ward, for God’s sake.’

  ‘I didn’t ride it. I wheeled it. And that was a one-off. It was—’

  ‘You took me miles out of the city to sit on a hill above a beach to watch people surfing so I could understand how important Estelle’s leg was for her.’

  Connor’s face was settling into an expression that managed to look both neutral and dangerous. ‘You have a problem with that?’

  ‘I think it’s unhealthy to get too involved.’ Kate wished she hadn’t started this conversation but she couldn’t turn back now. Besides, she still had that nasty, sharp feeling in her belly. ‘If you want to get that involved with kids,’ she heard herself saying, ‘you should get some of your own.’

  That shocked him. He was staring at Kate as though she came from an alien species while she couldn’t banish a series of images flashing through her head.

  Connor holding a newborn baby. His own.

  Passing it into the arms of the woman who had given him this gift.

  A woman that wasn’t Kate.

  Oh, God... She wasn’t going to cry. No way. Kate turned back to her dissection board.

  ‘And if it’s kids you want,’ she added crisply, ‘you shouldn’t be wasting your time in here. With me.’

  The silence from behind her was unnerving. She had to turn back.

  ‘You don’t really know me at all, do you?’ Connor said.

  Didn’t she? Kate had thought she did. She’d danced with this man. She’d gone off with him willingly to do the most dangerous thing she’d ever done in her life, riding on the back of his bike. OK, he might have no idea that he’d been sharing her bed so often but it felt like she knew him very, very well.

  Too well. Well enough to know that she could never get that close to him in reality.

  But she couldn’t say any of that aloud. After waiting for a long, long moment Connor made a huff of sound that was both angry and defeated.

  ‘Kids are the last thing I’d ever want,’ he said bitterly.

  * * *

  He could hear the bitterness in his own voice.

  See the absolute shock on Kate’s face. Whatever else she had to get done before she could put the poor chap on the table back together had clearly been forgotten.

  She was as shocked by his vehement statement as he had been when he’d discovered that someone had abused Kate in the past.

  She’d been honest with him that night.

  Didn’t she deserve the same kind of honesty from him?

  ‘Sorry,’ he muttered. ‘You touched a bit of a nerve.’

  Kate nodded but her eyes were still bewildered. Connor blew out his cheeks in a long, long sigh.

  ‘I’m the youngest of four brothers by quite a few years,’ he told her. ‘And the first real memory I have is from when I was about three and they brought our baby sister home from the hospital. Her name was Philippa but she was only ever called Pippi. Cos she was little and precious, my mother always said. The little girl she’d always dreamed of having.’

  Kate looked as though she was holding her breath. As though she had no idea what to make of what he told her. What he was telling her now. Would she guess that he never talked about this? To anyone?

  ‘Pippi got sick,’ Connor continued. ‘When she was almost four. Leukaemia was the first really big word I learned to say.’

  He could see the sympathy in Kate’s eyes so he turned his head just enough to focus on something else. It was way too late for sympathy.

  ‘Things went OK for a few years,’ he said. ‘There were long hospital stays and chemo and a bone-marrow transplant. Everybody was completely determined that Pippi would get through it. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered.’

  Oh, God. Could Kate hear the self-pity that came through in the rough edge to his voice? How selfish was it, even after all these years, to feel that he’d been abandoned unfairly?

  ‘Things went downhill when Pippi was six,’ Connor went on relentlessly. ‘I was lined up along with everybody else in the hope of finding a better match for a bone-marrow transplant. That was when my details got recorded, I guess, though they didn’t contact me until I was over eighteen about going on the register.’

  Turning his head again, Connor suddenly remembered they were sharing this room with a dead person. He really did have to get out of there.

  He faced Kate. ‘Pippi died about six months after that and it broke what was left of my family. I wasn’t quite ten years old when it happened. By the time I was fifteen I knew that I’d never want to have my own kids. They’re a potential bomb waiting to go off and destroy a whole family. It’s not a risk I’m ever going to take.’

  Connor shook off the memories he’d never intended airing. ‘A risk I am prepared to take is giving away some of my bone marrow in the hope that the same agony doesn’t destroy the lives of others. If you think that’s unhealthy or unprofessional, that’s your problem, not mine.’

  The silence was unbearable.

  Connor turned to leave. ‘Oh...what I actually came down for was to tell you that the new microscope’s arrived. I told them to leave things in the boxes because I thought you might want to supervise the unpacking tomorrow.’

  He didn’t give Kate a chance to respond.

  ‘See you later,’ was all he said. And then he walked out.

  * * *

  Very few people got put back together after an autopsy as neatly as Kate’s latest research trial case.

  She was working on automatic and taking her time because she had too much else to think about.

  Too many feelings welling up and swirling into a confused mess. It was comforting to let her hands do something as practical as suturing and cleaning instruments and tidying up.

  Connor hadn’t wanted her sympathy, that was for sure. He hadn’t even given her a chance to say anything at all. She’d caught a glimpse of his face as he’d gone past on the other side of the glass window and the sadness on it had broken her heart.

  Or it would have, if her heart hadn’t already been broken by his story.

  She could so easily imagine him as that little boy who knew his mother had only ever wanted a daughter. And no one else had mattered after Pippi got sick? That was easy to imagine, too. A household revolving around the hospital visits or taking care of a precious, sick child at home.

  How much older than Connor were his brothers? Enough for them to have been a pack of their own? Maybe a pack that had stayed intact after the rest of the family got broken.

  What about the forgotten child?

  Kate’s heart wasn’t just broken. It was bleeding. Connor had felt unloved, hadn’t he? She knew what that was like. Oh, God, she knew.

  Kate wanted to
reach back through the years. To pull that small boy into her arms and tell him that he was special too.

  Loved.

  He was loved now, she realised. Because all she wanted to do was find him. And hold him. And tell him that she understood.

  That he was the most amazing, special person she’d ever met in her life.

  No wonder he went far more than the extra mile for all his small patients and their families. For others that he barely knew apart from something like being bald and having a beautiful smile.

  Kate could understand his determination not to have children of his own. Or for avoiding the risk of an intimate, long-term relationship. To give so much and make yourself so vulnerable only to have that love not returned or to get ripped out of your life. Heavens, he almost had a better reason than she did for being so determined. Something else they had in common that very few other people would.

  It made them perfect for each other.

  Didn’t it?

  Maybe... Kate finally turned out the lights and clicked the door of the morgue closed behind her.

  If she could just...

  She barely heard the farewell from the lone technician in the lab. Kate kept walking, her head down. Then she found herself straightening her back and looking ahead. Her stride lengthened.

  Maybe she could.

  But how was she going to make it happen?

  * * *

  Bella had checked twice that the oven was on.

  Not that it was really necessary because she could smell the meat cooking. Kate was going to be so impressed with this. A rack of lamb and little baby potatoes. She’d even remembered to buy some mint sauce.

  When the phone rang, Bella wiped her hands on her jeans and went to answer it.

  ‘Is that Kate Graham’s house?’ A male voice asked.

  ‘Yup.’ It wasn’t Connor, Bella realised. Shame. ‘But she’s not home at the moment. Can I take a message?’

  There was a short silence. ‘Maybe you could tell her...that her father called.’

  Bella gave an audible gasp. ‘You’re Kate’s father?’

  ‘Yeah. I’m Kevin. Kevin Graham.’

  ‘I’m Bella. Annabelle Graham. David’s daughter. And...’ Bella had to take a deep breath. ‘And you’re my grandfather.’

  ‘Yeah.’ There was a chuckle on the other end of the line. ‘Surprise, huh?’

  ‘Um...’ Suddenly Bella didn’t know what to say.

  ‘I’ve been away,’ Kevin said.

  That was a euphemism and a half. But maybe he was ashamed of the fact he’d been in prison. Bella had the sudden urge to end the call. Kate wouldn’t be happy about this, she could be absolutely sure of that.

  What she’d never been sure of was why. This man, no matter what he’d done, was still a part of her family, wasn’t he? Didn’t people deserve a second chance?

  ‘I just wanted to tell Kate I’m sorry,’ Kevin said. ‘I don’t know what you got told, kid, but it was all my fault. Because of the drink, you know? And I’m clean now. Been off the stuff for years. It’s part of the programme, to tell the people you’ve hurt that you’re sorry.’

  Bella had heard of that. She found herself nodding.

  But what, exactly, had been all his fault? And would it make a difference if Kate knew how sorry her father was?

  Maybe it would. What if the things that had happened so long ago were still affecting Kate now? If they were part of whatever it was that was keeping her and Connor from being more than just friends?

  ‘She won’t want to talk to me,’ Kevin told Bella. ‘But maybe she’ll listen if you told her. I really mean it. It would mean a lot to be able to see her again and tell her for myself.’

  If Kate could get past whatever it was, she might be able to move on with her life. It could be that Bella was being handed the opportunity to do something very important.

  ‘Have you got a phone number?’ she asked her grandfather. ‘I need to think about this but I’ll see what I can do.’

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  KATE knew exactly what she was going to do.

  And she was going to do it on the weekend that Bella was going home to visit her parents and younger brother and sisters.

  ‘I wish you’d come, too,’ Bella said, the night before she was due to leave. ‘There’s probably still time to grab a ticket.’

  ‘I’ve got other things I want to do.’

  ‘Like what?’

  There was no way in the world Kate was going to let Bella in on her plans, never mind how much her niece would approve of them. Fate was on her side in looking for a distraction.

  ‘What on earth is that?’

  ‘What?’ Bella was looking far too innocent.

  ‘That noise. That...’ Cocking her head to one side, Kate listened to get an idea of what direction the odd sound was coming from. Having identified that it was coming from Bella’s room, Kate sighed and went hunting.

  The scrap of a kitten was apparently not happy about being behind the closed door. It was a smoky grey colour with white on its paws and in patches on its face. A tiny pink mouth was open and the warbling, mewing sound was pathetic but definitely outraged.

  ‘Bella. You know how I feel about pets. What on earth possessed you to drag a kitten home?’

  Bella reached down and scooped up the tiny animal. ‘But I didn’t—’

  ‘You’ll have to take it back to the pet shop. What’s the time? When do they shut?’

  ‘I didn’t get if from a pet shop. It was sitting on the doorstep when I got home.’

  ‘Then ring the SPCA.’ Kate could hear the astonishingly loud purr the kitten was producing now. It climbed onto Bella’s shoulder and rubbed its head along the line of her jaw. ‘They must have a drop-off place. For heaven’s sake, you’re going away in the morning. What were you planning to do? Just keep it shut in your room and hope I didn’t notice? How irresponsible can you be, Bella?’

  ‘I was going to tell you about it.’ Bella was scowling. ‘When you’d had a glass of wine or something so you were in a better mood.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with my mood. And a glass of wine isn’t going to change my mind. I work all day. It’s unfair to even think about having a pet.’

  ‘Cats don’t mind. They’re not like dogs.’

  ‘I don’t like cats.’

  ‘You liked Fluffy.’

  ‘Fluffy was different. He was part of the family.’

  ‘Well, this one could be part of a family, too. Your family.’

  ‘I don’t want a family.’ Kate was not going to have the responsibility of something as huge as a pet to care for foisted on her like this. It was out of the question. Bella was not going to win this argument no matter how much she was scowling.

  It wasn’t until the words had rushed out of her mouth that Kate heard what she was saying and it stopped her in her verbal tracks.

  Did she really not want a family?

  ‘So you don’t want me, then?’ Bella sounded shocked. And then her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘I didn’t say that. That’s not what I meant and you know it.’

  Bella’s head was bowed now. She was nuzzling the kitten, who put out a tiny, bright pink tongue and began enthusiastically washing Bella’s chin.

  ‘I just don’t want a...a fur child,’ Kate said desperately.

  Why was the prospect so appalling? She’d loved Fluffy, the huge ginger cat that tolerated her brother’s family. Was it because a pet of her own really would feel like a ‘fur child’? Too close to the real thing?

  ‘She chose us. You.’ Bella’s voice was muffled. ‘She’s an orphan and she chose your house. It’s where she wants to live.’

  ‘Someone’s probably lost her and wants her back.�
��

  Bella raised her gaze. ‘So we could keep her until we find out who that is.’

  ‘I...uh...’

  ‘If she goes to the SPCA, she’ll get locked in a cage. And there’ll be older cats who might be mean to her. And they’ll turn all the lights out at night and leave her all alone and she’ll get cold and—’

  ‘Oh, stop it.’ A snort of laughter escaped Kate. ‘All right. I suppose she can stay here until we find the owners. You can sort out the food and whatever toilet arrangements small cats need.’ She turned away with a sigh. ‘It’s just as well I’m not going away with you for the weekend, isn’t it?’

  ‘Mmm.’ Bella gave her aunt a brilliant smile. ‘You’ll fall in love with her, you’ll see. She’ll fill the gap in your life.’

  ‘I don’t have a gap in my life.’

  Bella’s voice softened. ‘Yes, you do, Kate. You just don’t see it.’

  It was Kate’s turn to scowl. Any minute now and this was going to turn into an argument. Except that Bella was showering kisses on the kitten. And then she held it out towards Kate.

  ‘This is the boss,’ Bella informed the kitten. ‘You’ll have to behave yourself and earn your cat bikkies by keeping her company when I’m not here. We don’t want Auntie Katie getting lonely at night, do we?’

  * * *

  It wasn’t the company of a kitten to keep her from getting lonely at night that Kate had in mind but she had to admit the distraction of the unexpected arrival had been welcome to keep nerves at bay.

  Bella had found a pet shop open late on a Friday and they’d taken Kate’s car and brought it home loaded up with pet food and bowls and a basket. Kate found the almost enclosed cat box that guaranteed to keep the house hygienic and added a stock of organic kitty litter to go with it. Bella found toys. A stick that had a string with feathers attached to the end. A tunnel that opened like a concertina. A scratchy post and a small laser light pointer.

  ‘Ridiculous,’ Kate muttered when they got home. ‘All this stuff for just a few days.’

  Bella, wise for once, said nothing.

  On Saturday morning Kate had taken her to the airport and then gone home via some specialist food and wine shops. She had a busy day planned. The house needed cleaning, including changing her bed linen. The dinner she was going to make would showcase some of her culinary skills. She had even planned to set aside some time to choose the perfect music to put on.