But goddam it, I’d accept anything she was offering right now. I replied that I’d accept it, but only for now.
It was my sole objective in life to get her back.
She lifted her yellow gloved hand and waved cautiously. In response, I blew her a kiss. She looked emotionally spent staring out of the window, but as a small smile slowly crept over her face, it offered me all the hope I needed. Sitting out here as close to her as I could get, I had been unknowingly waiting for a sign. A sign of what I hadn’t a fucking clue, but that smile meant for me was fucking everything.
As she dropped the curtain back in place and severed our connection, I settled back into my heated seat for the night, with the knowledge that she had accepted we weren’t finished.
This was just an interval in between sets.
This was the end of the beginning.
The doorbell rang again. I picked up the pillow from beside me, placed it over my head and squeezed the edges to my ears, to blank out the noise.
It had to be a joke. No one would be visiting this early on Christmas morning.
The fear of God suddenly swept through me and I sat bolt upright in bed. Listening, I could hear the bell again. Whoever it was they were bloody persistent.
Maybe something’s wrong with Nan?
What if I hadn’t replaced the phone properly last night?
The worries quickly penetrated my mind and throwing the pillow away, I jumped up and off the bed all in one movement. My head pounded in disgust at my sudden change in position. Ignoring its protests, I made my way out of my bedroom as fast as my legs would carry me. Unusually, but luckily for me, I was still wearing the pyjamas I had put on last night after my bath.
I flew down the back stairs as I heard a knuckle knock on the window. My hand connected with the door and I pushed it open quickly, anxious to see who was so eager to wake me. The door banged against one of the counters and in my head I could hear my nan’s silent reprimand about being careful. I looked at the shop window and my feet stopped as I came face to face with Lauren and Winter.
The expressions on their faces said it all, the grimaces and small tentative waves to me, showed me how remorseful they both felt.
I walked through the cold shop and slid the large bolt across. Opening the door, and stepping back quickly, I watched as they hurried to be the first through the gap to take me into their arms. Them both holding me close brought back all the emotions of yesterday. As soon as I could I pulled myself away.
‘Enough, it’s making me too emotional and I’ve no more tears to cry after yesterday.’
‘We’re sorry, Amy,’ Winter offered.
‘I know.’ I picked up their hands with mine and looked down to where I held them. ‘I know you did it because you wanted the best for me.’
‘Absolutely, and we still do,’ Lauren added.
‘It was all just all too much.’
‘Come on, let’s go upstairs and you can tell us about it all.’ Lauren spoke and I nodded in agreement.
We sat on my nan’s large feather bed, surrounded by soft cushions and blankets, for over two hours, eating chocolate biscuits and drinking tea. I fidgeted with the lace on her quilt cover as I told them everything that had happened to me over the last week from meeting Brody downstairs to seeing him last night. Being the friends that they were they sat and listened. The last thing I showed them was the list I had written out.
‘I’m so bloody proud of you, Amy,’ Lauren had declared after running her eyes over my writing and realising that number one had been struck through.
‘Now you’ve done it and stepped out from under her shadow, how do you feel?’ Winter asked as she stared at the piece of note paper in her hand,
‘The words you have just used, are precisely how I do feel. You need to try it sometime.’ Winter’s eyes found mine and the pain that she always kept so well hidden ran fleetingly across her blue eyes. I broke the moment and grabbed their hands again, and pulling them both backwards, we fell onto the comfortable bed in an unglorified heap.
‘Thanks for coming over. I really appreciate it.’ I spoke as I looked up at the ceiling.
Lauren moved fast, sitting up to look down at me. ‘After what happened, where else would we have gone to?’
I turned my head to look at her, feeling guilty. ‘I know we should all be at The Manor now having Christmas dinner.’
‘Oh, I cancelled that hours ago,’ Winter replied and caught the expression on my face. ‘Don’t you dare feel guilty, let them all stew in their own juices today. And don’t feel guilty on my account, I’ve suffered the stuffy parents for long enough. As far as I’m concerned, Raff and the boys can have them today. I’ve got better things to do.’
We stayed there for a minute or two just laughing at Winter’s words. As our laughter died down, my head escaped the here and now and I began to revel in the company of the women who I knew would always have my best interests at heart, even if I didn’t always understand the way they went about it.
The bed began to move as Winter leant over to pull her small handbag up off the floor by its long strap and started to rummage inside it. I saw a small silver pen in her hand and heard the click as she pushed the nib out.
‘May I?’ she questioned.
I looked at her holding my list in one hand and her pen in the other.
‘You can, but know this, the moment you two make a list I will be adding to it.’ I smiled at them both.
‘Agreed,’ she replied and I felt Lauren shifting beside me to look at what Winter was about to do.
‘Agreed, I think,’ Lauren added.
We both watched as Winter wrote.
Brody Daniels?
‘Well played, Winter.’ Lauren added her agreement at the two words she had added.
‘I know, and I will once I’ve sorted myself out first.’ I stopped speaking as my stomach grumbled and I sent one hand down to hold it out of habit.
‘That’s fair enough, Amy. Changing the subject, perhaps we had better think about what we’re eating today?’ Lauren laughed as she spoke.
‘As far as I remember, I’ve only got fish fingers and waffles left in the freezer for when the grandchildren visit Nan.’ I looked at them both knowing what excellent chefs they were and laughed at the expressions on their faces.
‘It’s food, it’ll do,’ Lauren declared.
With a stomach full of fish fingers and waffles, the three of us decided to go and visit Nan for the afternoon. It certainly wasn’t the normal food we would have eaten for Christmas dinner, but it had been a far from normal Christmas. Somehow I knew, deep down inside, that trying to have a normal Christmas with everything that was going on in my life would have been impossible. I couldn’t have gone about the normal rituals of our family Christmas, not this year and not without my nan.
Perhaps fate had played a part in giving me this quirky sort of Christmas instead.
Winter had spied a small gift for me underneath Nan’s Christmas tree, almost as soon as we had walked into her room. It had no tag on it, but Nan remembered it was from “eye candy.” We had all laughed with her as she began to describe what exactly eye candy looked like and then laughed even louder at her declaration of what she would do to him if only she was twenty-five years younger. Eventually, she had gone on to ask his name and we had looked at each other in silence not quite knowing what to say.
‘Daniel, Nan,’ I answered.
‘Really? I’m sure he said his name was something else this morning?’
‘Brody?’ Lauren questioned.
‘Yes.’ She looked up and smiled at us all. ‘That seems more like it. Brody suits him.’ When she had caught the looks on our faces, she had countered. ‘I might have got it wrong, you know me. I’m such a clutter head these days and I’ve probably slept since then. Anyway, whatever his name is, it doesn’t matter. I mean what’s in a name? I just know that I like him.’
The conversation had gone on around me for a few minutes as I took in what she had sa
id, and I realised the words she had inadvertently spoken were true. It didn’t matter what his name was, I liked him too. More importantly, I was in love with him. Even after all the hurt of yesterday, I knew the feeling was still there threaded into the very depths of my heart and soul.
I peeled through the layers of gift wrap after picking at the tape with my fingernail and eventually broke through the cellophane paper inside, to find a new phone. I knew that although Nan and the girls were talking, they were all watching me out of the corner of their eyes. I took the lid off the box, pulled the phone out and switched it on. I hadn’t understood until that moment, just how much I had needed clarification that he was still thinking of me. Being who he was, it had gone around my head several times during the night that he may have decided, as he had driven away, that I was just too much like hard work. I pressed the button and the screen sprang to life.
I looked over it quickly.
The date and time had been set, which pleased me as it took me forever to work out how to do things on anything new. As my eyes swept over the phone again, I saw that he had even put up a screen saver for me. The picture he had used had been taken last week. It was a picture taken at Lake View of us huddled together under the fleece blanket, the two of us were looking out at the lake lost in our thoughts. You couldn’t see our faces, and I hadn’t realised he had taken it, but I knew it was us. My heart broke open just a little bit more at the loss of not having him that close to me now, holding me. I took a deep breath and used the passcode he had left on a scrap piece of paper for me to find and opened the main screen. I could see one message sitting in the inbox, and for a few seconds my finger hovered over it.
‘Amy. Come on tell us, what does he say?’ My eyes snapped up to Lauren who was holding Nan’s hand. I hadn’t comprehended until then, that their conversation had completely stopped.
I placed my finger to the green icon and watched as it revealed his words.
Amy
Happy Christmas.
Hope you like your new phone?
Now we can never miscommunicate again.
Love Brody
xx
I read out his message to them all after I typed back a very simple reply.
Happy Christmas
Thank you for my present.
Then I switched it off and concentrated on my day with my nan and the girls. Inside I recognised that I felt happier and more content. He was still with me, at least for the time being, and it made my heart full to bursting at the thought that the two of us just might make it out of the shit hole we had inadvertently fallen into.
We shared out our other gifts, laughing as we did so at our pact the previous year to give the money we would normally spend on cards and presents to contribute towards buying a donkey for a third world village somewhere. And we had, back in August.
‘I don’t understand, why have you all only got one present for each other?’ Nan questioned. ‘We’re not back in the war, are we?’ I saw her glance at the date above her TV.
‘No, Nan,’ I began, as I mulled over just exactly what I was going to say to explain it to her.
‘Nan, we all contributed to buying a donkey, that’s why,’ Lauren tried, and by the look on Nan’s face, I could see her explanation had immediately crashed and burned.
I saw Winter place a hand over her mouth to stop the laugh that wanted to fly out.
‘A donkey? What the bloody hell are we going to do with a donkey?’ My nan’s voice raised as she looked around at all of us in astonishment.
‘Nan, it’s okay…’
‘It’s not okay. We live in a flat. We don’t even have a yard to put it in,’ she interrupted.
‘We decided that we would contribute towards buying a donkey for a village in the third world,’ I put in quickly, hoping it would ease her concern.
‘So, there is a war on? You’ve just said there wasn’t.’
I looked around at the others, pleading at them with my eyes to try to find a way out of the conversation that was fast becoming stressful for her and us.
‘No, Nan. There is no war,’ replied Lauren slowly, hoping it would help with the confusion in the room.
‘But you just said third world,’ she muttered indignantly.
‘You’re right, Nan, we did. Let me explain, last year the three of us made a pact not to waste money on gifts when so many other people have nothing. Instead we contributed money towards buying a donkey.’
I let my words settle for a few seconds, then added more. ‘That’s why we only have one gift for each other today.’
‘Uh huh, I see.’ She spoke quietly and the words she used let me know that she didn’t understand at all.
It was days like this that really confirmed to us just how confusing everyday life was becoming for her. The lighter days when we laughed gave me and I’m sure her comfort, but these situations brought you back to earth with a bump.
Silence filled the room and Winter jumped up. ‘Right, okay, let’s distribute and open one at a time, shall we?’
‘Oh yes. I love Christmas presents.’ Nan’s face broke out into a wide smile and I knew that the rest of us breathed a quiet sigh of relief, that for the moment we had diverted another upset.
I unwrapped my presents from the girls and found matching lingerie sets. I smiled my thanks at them and remembered just how much pleasure Brody had discovering what I was wearing under my clothes. I had brought them both their favourite perfume and we had bought Nan cardigans, chocolates and an audio book, in the hope that she might be able to follow it.
But of course, it was Nan who had stolen the show. Winter, Lauren and I had matching gifts and after checking her notes for the day, she had us open them together. She had made black A3 papercuts for us all and then she’d had them framed in a glass-fronted pale wooden frame.
The tags on the gifts read,
I wish you all love.
Love Nan.
The words she had chosen for the papercuts resonated around my head.
Be with someone who can understand three things in you.
The sadness behind your smile.
The love that enflames your anger.
And the reason behind your silence.
Be with someone who accepts you for you.
As we read the words she had creatively displayed for us all, she explained that she wanted us all to have the sort of love she had found only once in her lifetime. She assured us that although she had found it only once and lost it almost thirty-five years previously, that once-in-a-lifetime love would be forever enough.
That evening, after spending time playing cards, we had left her happy. I hugged her to me as we said our goodbyes and she whispered in my ear.
‘I’m still not sure about having a donkey, Amy. Maybe you’d better have a word with Dr. Carpenter, perhaps his Jack could have it at his farm?’
I pulled out of her arms and looked at her again.
‘Good idea, Nan. I’ll do just that, don’t worry.’
‘You’re a good girl, Amy. Don’t forget how much I love you. See you soon.’ I hugged her to me again, never wanting to let her go.
Five weeks later
The phone ringing for longer than was necessary, caught my attention. I looked up from my antique desk to the doorway, wanting to hear the already familiar, “Good morning, The Manor. How can I help you?” And sure enough, there it was, the friendly voice of Maria, one of the receptionists, answering the call. I carried on listening with a smile growing on my face.
‘Yes certainly, may I ask who’s calling?’ A pause followed as Maria listened to the reply. ‘Thank you, Barbara. Unfortunately, he’s not here at the moment. He is due back in a few days.’ Another pause from our end and then. ‘Yes, certainly I can do that for you. Thank you for calling, goodbye.’
I liked her politeness and made a mental note to check that all the receptionists came across as professionally as she did.
I forced myself to look back down to the hig
h-class magazine’s review of The Manor. It was supposed to be consuming all my attention and I tried to focus on the words, when all I really wanted to do was to spin my chair around in giddy excitement. Today was the first Thursday in February and was also the first day in my new job. It had to be said, I was feeling very pleased with myself. I was now one of the deputy managers of The Manor, amongst other things my main responsibilities included making sure our level of customer service was second to none.
My life was changing and I was extremely proud that I was the driving force behind the change. I was still working through the list I had made in the flat, but I couldn’t believe what I had achieved so far.
The shop and house had been sold. Two weeks after Christmas, it had gone on the market and although the estate agents had warned me that property sales were always slow in the New Year, it was snapped up by a property developer. The estate agent said it was unheard of to see something go so quickly and for the full asking price. I wasn’t stupid, I had my suspicions as to who had bought the property. But I hadn’t been able to get an answer to that nagging question. Default Distraction had gone back to the U.S. to attend some impromptu awards show in Los Angeles a couple of days after New Year. I had then been away training in London, after being offered the position at the hotel. Now I was back, but Brody and Cade were in Las Vegas. Apparently, he told me when he texted, they were meeting Cade’s family to iron out some problems with the new hotel.
Lauren, Winter, and I, had moved past our fall out, as we had many times before. We had come to terms with the fact that we had differing opinions on things, because our pasts would always make us look at things differently. We were now back to the teasing, supporting and accepting level of our relationship. We all knew the moment any of us needed the backup of each other, whenever life smacked us in the face, we would drop anything to be there for each other. It was called friendship, and I felt badly for those that didn’t have it. I didn’t understand how they could move through life without its backup.
Brody (Default Distraction Book 1) Page 23
