Kill Switch
Page 31
Now Claire was helping Rosa cope with being raped and putting her shattered life back together. Which began and ended with the two things most important to in her life: her children.
“The ACS caseworker said I had to be off probation before I could see them,” Rosa told Claire.
“That’s absurd,” Claire replied, meaning it. “You’ve never done anything to those kids but love them. I’ll talk to her and see if I can work something out.”
Rosa relaxed a bit. “I thought it would be great to get out of jail,” she said, “but now I’m scared.”
“What are you afraid of?” Claire asked her.
“That I won’t be able to be a good mother to my kids. That I’ll always be their mother who went to jail.”
“Rosa,” Claire said, “you are a survivor. All your kids know or need to know is that you’re their mother. And you love them. And believe me, your kids know that now because everything you did, you did for them.”
Rosa nodded, but wasn’t convinced. “It’s just that, you think your life is going the way you want it to and then suddenly something happens that you couldn’t see coming. Like you’re not really free to live your life because you’re waiting for the next bad thing to happen, you know?”
Yes, Claire thought. I know more than you ever could imagine.
Aloud she said, “I know exactly what you mean. But life is a journey. And I’m here to help you. And if you continue to be the model patient you’ve been, there’s no reason you can’t get your life back.”
“All of it?” Rosa asked.
Claire smiled. “And then some,” she said encouragingly. “Now, are you still having nightmares?”
“Less and less,” Rosa said. She described them—a man chasing her and almost catching her—but Claire was drifting. She couldn’t help but think she was a kind of soul sister to Rosa; that in many ways she and this undereducated but nevertheless poised young woman were living parallel lives.
Why can’t I be at peace? Why am I not feeling free to live my life? What is it that’s holding me back? “Dr. Waters?” Rosa suddenly asked. “Are you okay?”
Claire tried to regain her composure. In the past, she’d try to cover. But she’d come to realize that with her patients, honesty was the best policy.
“Sorry, Rosa, I guess I went off into la-la land,” she apologized, checking her watch. “Come on, I’ll walk you out to the lobby.”
He parked the car and walked quickly—but without attracting attention—around the corner, to a spot across the street from the monolithic building. He looked like any other of the millions of suit-clad businesspeople walking through the chaos of Manhattan. Though he knew he was different from everyone else and prided himself on it, today he was proud to just blend in. Anonymity was what he needed now. He checked his watch. It would only be a few more minutes now.
Claire and Rosa walked through the main lobby, mostly in silence. The serious look on Rosa’s face made Claire feel like she’d insulted her patient by drifting off during their session. Claire decided to face the issue head-on. She stopped and turned to the young woman.
“Rosa, what I did upstairs is inexcusable,” she said. “I promise it won’t happen again.”
This seemed to make Rosa even more uncomfortable. “Doctor, I don’t want to step into someone else’s business. But please don’t say you’re sorry. You’ve done so much to help me and I want you to know . . .” She trailed off, not sure she could or should finish.
“You’re amazing, Rosa,” she said. “Thanks for asking, but I’ll be okay.”
Rosa nodded . . . and smiled for the first time since coming to the hospital.
“I’ll see you on Thursday?” Rosa asked tentatively, as if she expected Claire to say no.
“Of course,” Claire replied. “Call me if you need anything.”
Rosa walked through the doors out to the street, as Claire turned and hurried for the elevator. She always wound up spending a little extra time in her sessions with Rosa, even though she had other patients to see.
She bolted into an open elevator car and checked herself in the mirror. Dammit. I forgot my stethoscope.
She punched the button for the third floor. When the doors opened, she ran to her office, unlocked the door, grabbed her stethoscope, and was about to run back out when something on the street caught her eye.
She hurried over to the window, which had an expansive view of Second Avenue. And sure enough, her worst fears were confirmed.
A man in a suit was leading Rosa down the street.
In handcuffs.
“No!” Claire exclaimed to herself, rushing out the door.
She ran down two flights of stairs, burst through the metal door into the lobby, and sprinted to the hospital entrance and out into the street. She looked in the direction the suited man was leading Rosa.
But they were gone.
A couple of raindrops landed on Claire’s face. She let herself feel them as a chill swept over her, not from the weather, but from the feeling that this was a frighteningly familiar moment in her life.
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