Wilt Thou Torchy

by Sewell Ford

  CHAPTER XIV

  AUNTIE TAKES A NIGHT OFF

  It looked like a case of watchin' out for the stick to come down.Uh-huh! The good yacht _Agnes_ had been tied to her anchor less thanhalf a day when this grand treasure-hunting expedition of ours showedsymptoms of collapse. It was weak in the knees, groggy in its motions,and had fur on its tongue. If there'd ever been any stock issued bythe Ellins-Hemmingway Exploration and Development Company, I'll bet youcould have bought in a controllin' interest for two stacks of cigarettecoupons and a handful of assorted campaign buttons.

  You see, Old Hickory and Auntie had hung all their bright hopes on thisCaptain Rupert Killam. They'd listened to his tale about a secretmangrove island with a gold and jewel stuffed mound in the middle, andthey'd taken it right off the fork. His mysterious and romanticmotions had them completely buffaloed--at first.

  But on the way down here Rupert's reputation as a bold, bad adventurerhad gradually been oozin' away, like a slow air leak from a tire. Hislast play of hidin' his head when the _Agnes_ had been held up by agunboat had got 'most everybody aboard lookin' squint-eyed at him.Even Mrs. Mumford had crossed him off her hero list.

  Just what his final fluke was I'm only givin' a guess at, but I judgethat when Mr. Ellins called on him to point out the pirate hoard, nowwe were right on the ground, Rupert begun stallin' him off. Anyway, Isaw 'em havin' a little private session 'way up in the bow soon afterwe got the hook down. By the set of Old Hickory's jaw I knew he wasputtin' something straight up to Rupert. And the Cap, he points firstone way, then the other, endin' by diggin' up a chart and gazin' at itvague.

  "Huh!" grunts Old Hickory.

  I could hear that clear back by the bridge, where Vee and I wereleanin' over the rail watchin' for flyin'-fish. Also we are withinear-stretchin' distance when he makes his report to Auntie.

  "Somewhere around here--he thinks," says Mr. Ellins. "Says he needs aday or so to get his bearings. Meanwhile he wants us to go fishing."

  "Fish!" sniffs Auntie. "I shall certainly do nothing of the sort. Iwant to tell you right here, too, that I am not going to humor thatabsurd person any more."

  "Isn't he just as wise as he was when you lured him away from the hotelwhere I'd put him?" asks Old Hickory sarcastic.

  "I supposed you had a little sense then yourself, Matthew Ellins,"Auntie raps back at him.

  "You flatter me," says Old Hickory, bowin' stiff and marchin' off huffy.

  After which they both registers glum, injured looks. A close-up ofeither of 'em would have soured a can of condensed milk, especiallywhenever Captain Rupert Killam took a chance on showin' himself. AndRupert, he was wise to the situation. He couldn't help being. Hetakes it hard, too. All his chesty, important airs are gone. Heskulks around like a stray pup that's dodgin' the dog-catcher.

  You see, when he'd worked off that buried treasure bunk in New York ithad listened sort of convincin'. He'd got away with it, there beingnobody qualified to drop the flag on him. But down here on the westcoast of Florida, right where he'd located the scene, it was his cue toditch the prospectus gag and produce something real. And he couldn't.That is, he hadn't up to date. Old Hickory ain't the one to put upwith any pussy-footin'. Nor Auntie, either. When they ain't satisfiedwith things they have a habit of lettin' folks know just how they feel.

  Hence this area of low pressure that seems to center around the_Agnes_. Old Hickory is off in one end of the boat, puffin' at hiscigar savage; Auntie's at the other, glarin' into a book she'spretendin' to read; Mrs. Mumford is crochetin' silent; ProfessorLeonidas Barr is riggin' up some kind of a scientific dip net; J.Dudley Simms is down in the main saloon playin' solitaire; and Rupertsticks to the upper deck, where he's out of the way.

  Vee and me? Oh, we got hold of a map, and was tryin' to locate justwhere we were.

  "See, that must be Sanibel Island--the long green streak off there,"says she, tracin' it out with a pink forefinger. "And that is PineIsland Sound, with the Caloos--Caloosa--"

  "Now sneeze and you'll get the rest of it," says I.

  "Caloosahatchee. There!" says she. "What a name to give a river! Butisn't it wonderful down here, Torchy?"

  "Perfectly swell, so far as the scenery goes," says I.

  Course, it's a good deal like this 79-cent pastel art stuff you see inthe Sixth Avenue department stores. The water looks like it had beenlaid on by Bohemian glass blowers who didn't care how many colors theyused. The little islands near by, with clumps of feather-duster palmsstickin' up from 'em, was a bit stagey and artificial. The far-offshores was too vivid a green to be true, and the high white clouds wasthe impossible kind that Maxfield Parrish puts on magazine covers.And, with that dazzlin' sun blazin' overhead it all made your eyesblink.

  Even the birds don't seem real. Not far from us was a row of thesehere pelicans--foolish things with bills a yard long and so heavy theyhave to rest 'em on their necks. They're all strung out along the edgeof the channel, havin' a fish gorge. And, believe me, when a pelicangoes fishin' he don't make any false moves. He'll sit there squintin'solemn at the water as if he was sayin' his prayers, then all of asudden he'll make a jab with that face extension of his, and when hepulls it out and tosses it up you can bet your last jitney he's addedsomething substantial to the larder. One gulp and it's all over. Iwatched one old bird tuck away about ten fish in as many minutes.

  "Gee!" says I. "Every day is Friday with him. Or maybe he's got acontract to supply Fulton Market."

  The entertainin' part of the performance, though, was when the bunchtook it into their heads to move on, and started to fly. They've gotlittle short legs and wide feet that they flop back and forth foolish,like they was tryin' to kick themselves out of the water. They make agetaway about as graceful as a cow tryin' the fox trot. But say, oncethey get goin', with them big wings planed against the breeze, they cando the soar act something grand. And dive! One of 'em doin' ahundred-foot straight down plunge has got Annette lookin' like aplumber fallin' off a roof backwards.

  No, there wasn't any gloom around our side of the yacht, though I'lladmit it don't take much of a program to keep me amused while Vee hasthe next orchestra chair to mine. We took no notice of anybody'sgrouch, and whether or not there was any pirate gold in theneighborhood was a question we didn't waste thought on. We knew therewouldn't be anything in it for us, even if there was.

  When the word was passed around that anybody that wanted to might getout and fish, we was the first to volunteer. Seems this had been thescheme right along--that our party was to do more or less fishin', soas to give any natives that might be hangin' around the proper idea ofwhy we was there.

  Professor Barr is right on hand, too; and Dudley tries it just to killtime. We did have more or less luck, and got quite excited. Vee pullsin something all striped up like a hat-band, and one that I hooked blewhimself up into a reg'lar football after I landed him in the bottom ofthe boat. The Professor had jaw-breakin' names for everything wecaught, but he couldn't say whether they was good to eat or not. Theyacht cook wouldn't take a chance on any of them. It was good sport,though, and we all collected a fresh coat of sunburn. And say, withthem new tints in her cheeks, maybe Vee ain't some ornamental. Butthen, she's easy to look at anyway.

  It was this same evenin', the second we'd been anchored quiet in behindthis lengthy island, that the big three of our expedition gets togetheragain. First I knew, I saw 'em grouped along the side where thecompanionway stairs was swung--Auntie, Old Hickory, and Captain Killam.Rupert seems to be explainin' something. Then in a minute or two themen begin easin' Auntie down into one of the launches tied to the boatboom, and the next I see them go chuggin' off into the moonlight. Ihunts up Vee and passes her the word.

  "What do you know about that?" says I. "Pikin' off for a joy ride allby their three-somes!"

  "I suppose Captain Killam has found where his treasure island is," saysVee, "and is going to put it on exhibition. You know, he was out byhimself e
ver so long to-day."

  "He ought to be able to pick out something likely from among all ofthese," says I. "Islands is what this country seems to be long on.And they got a spiffy night for it, ain't they?"

  "I think Auntie might have taken us along," says Vee, a bit pouty.

  "We're no treasure hunters," I reminds her. "We're just to help outthe pleasure-cruisin' bluff. Who there is to put it over on I don'tquite catch, though. Ain't there any population in this part of themap?"

  Vee thinks she can see a light 'way up the shore on Sanibel and anotheroff towards the mainland; but the fact remains that here's a whole lotof perfectly good moonlight goin' to waste.

  "If one of the iron steamboats could only wander down here with a ConeyIsland mob aboard," says I, "wouldn't they just eat this up? Think of'em dancin' on the decks and-- Say, what's the matter with ourstartin' a little something like that?"

  "Let's!" says Vee.

  So we had a deck steward lug the music machine up out of the cabin, setJ. Dudley to work puttin' on dance records, and, with Mrs. Mumford andthe Professor and half the crew for a gallery, we gave an exhibitionspiel for an hour or so. I hope they got as much fun out of it as wedid. Anyway, it tapped the long, long ago for Mrs. Mumford. I heardher turnin' on the sob spigot for the Professor.

  "Poor, dear Mr. Mumford!" she sighs. "How he did love dancing with me.And how wonderfully he could polka!"

  "She's off again!" I whispers to Vee.

  So we drifts forward as far away from this monologue about the deardeparted as we could get. Not that we didn't appreciate hearin'intimate details about the late Mr. Mumford. We did--the first two orthree times. After that it was more entertainin' to look at the moon.

  For my part, I could have stood a few more hours of that; but about teno'clock Mrs. Mumford's voice gives out, or she gets to the end of achapter. Anyway, she informs us cheerful that it's time young folkswas gettin' in their beauty sleep; so Vee goes off to her stateroom,and after I've helped J. Dudley Simms burn up a couple of his specialcork-tipped Russians, I turns in myself.

  Didn't seem like I'd been poundin' my ear more'n half an hour, and Iwas dreamin' something lovely about doin' one of them pelican dives offa pink cotton cloud, when I feels someone shakin' me by the shoulder.I pries my eyes open, and finds one of the crew standin' over me,urgin' me to get up.

  "Wrong number, Jack," says I. "I ain't on the night shift."

  "It's the young lady, sir," says he. "You're to dress and come ondeck."

  "Eh?" says I. "Have we been U-boated or Zepped? All right; I'll bethere in two minutes."

  And I finds Vee costumed businesslike in a middy blouse and khakiskirt, stowin' things away in a picnic hamper.

  "What's the plot of the piece?" I asks, yawny.

  "Auntie and Mr. Ellins haven't come back yet," says she. "It's afterthree o'clock. Something must have happened."

  "But Captain Killam is with 'em," says I.

  "What use is he, I'd like to know? Torchy, we must go and find them."

  "But I don't know any more about runnin' a motor-boat than I do aboutplayin' a trombone," I protests.

  "I do," says Vee. "I learned in Bermuda one winter. I have coffee andsandwiches here. They'll be hungry."

  "Better put in some cigars for Mr. Ellins," says I. "If he's run outof smokes I'd rather not find him."

  "Get cigars, then," says she. "I have the small launch all ready."

  "How about taking one of the crew?" I suggests.

  "Bother!" says Vee. "Besides, they've seen sharks and are allfrightened. I'm not afraid of sharks."

  You bet she wasn't; nor of being out at night, nor of startin' astrange engine. You should have seen her spin that wheel and jugglethe tiller ropes. Some girl!

  "Got any clew as to where they are?" I asks.

  "Only the general direction they took," says she. "But something mustbe done. Think of Auntie being out at this hour! When we get pastthose little islands we'll begin blowing the horn."

  It was sort of weird, take it from me, moseyin' off that way at nightinto a tangle of islands without any signs up to tell you which way youwas goin', or anybody in sight to ask directions of. The moon wasstill doin' business, but it was droppin' lower every minute. Vee juststands there calm, though, rollin' the wheel scientific, pickin' outthe deep water by the difference in color, and lettin' the _Agnes_ fadeaway behind us as careless as if we had a return ticket.

  "Excuse me for remarkin'," says I; "but, while I wouldn't be strong forthis sort of excursion as a general thing, with just you and me on thepassenger list I don't care if--"

  "Blow the horn," cuts in Vee.

  Yep, I blew. Over miles and miles of glassy water I blew it, listenin'every now and then for an answer. All I raised, though, was a birdsquawk or so; and once we scared up a flock of white herons that sailedoff like so many ghosts. Another time some big black things rolled outof the way almost alongside.

  "What's them--whales?" I gasps.

  "Porpoises," says Vee. "Keep on blowing."

  "I'll be qualified as captain of a fish wagon before I'm through," saysI. "Looks like that explorin' trio had gone and lost themselves forfair, don't it?"

  "They must be somewhere among these islands," says Vee. "They couldn'thave gone out on the Gulf, could they?"

  We asked each other a lot of questions that neither one of us knew theanswer to. It sort of helped pass the time. And we certainly did do athorough job of paging, for we cruised in and out of every little cove,and around every point we came to; and I kept the horn goin' until Iwas as shy on breath as a fat lady comin' out of the subway.

  It was while I was restin' a bit that I got to explorin' one of theboat lockers, and dug up this Roman-candle affair that Vee said I mighttouch off. And it hadn't burned half way down before I spots ananswerin' glow 'way off to the left.

  "We've raised someone, anyway," says I.

  "We'll know who it is soon," says Vee, turnin' the wheel.

  Five minutes later and we got a reply to our horn--four long blasts.

  "That means distress," says Vee. "Answer with three short ones."

  A mile or so further on, as we swings wide around the end of an islandwhere a shoal sticks out, we comes in sight of this big motor-boatlyin' quiet a couple of hundred feet off-shore with three people in it.

  "There they are, thank goodness!" says Vee, shuttin' off the engine andlettin' the boat drift in towards 'em slow.

  "Hello, there!" I calls out.

  "That you, Torchy?" asks Old Hickory, anxious.

  "Yep!" says I. "Me and Vee."

  "Bully for you youngsters!" says he. "I might have known it would beyou two who would find us."

  "Verona, I am astonished," gasps Auntie.

  "Yes, I thought you would be," says Vee. "What's the matter?"

  "Matter!" snaps Auntie. "We're stuck in the mud, and have been forhours. Look out or you'll run aground, too."

  But our boat wasn't half the size of theirs, and by polin' careful wegot alongside.

  My first move is to reach a handful of cigars to the boss.

  "Heaven be praised!" says he, lightin' one up eager.

  Meanwhile Vee is pourin' out some hot coffee from the picnic bottles.That and the sandwiches seemed to sort of soothe things all around, andwe got a sketch of their troubles.

  Just as Vee had suspected, Rupert had started out to show 'em theisland where the treasure was. Oh, he was sure he could take 'em rightto it.

  "And we went blithering and blundering around for half the night," saysOld Hickory, "until this marvel of marine intelligence ran us hard andfast aground here, where we've been ever since."

  "I--I got turned around," protests Rupert.

  "We admit that," says Old Hickory. "I will even concede that you areswivel-brained and couldn't help it. But that fails to explain why youshould invent for our benefit any such colossal whopper as thattreasure-island fiction."

  "No fiction about
it," grumbles Rupert, his voice a bit husky, eitherfrom indignation or chicken sandwich, we couldn't tell which. "AndI'll find it yet," he adds.

  "You will have ample opportunity," says Old Hickory, "for when we leavehere you will be left also. You may make a life job of it, if youwish."

  "We ought to be getting back," says Auntie. "Will that little boathold us all?"

  "Why, this one is afloat now," announces Vee. "The tide must have comein."

  "And here we've been sitting, like so many cabbage heads on a bench,waiting for someone to come and tell us about it!" snorts Old Hickory."Excellent! Killam, do you think you can pilot us back without tryingto cut new channels through the State of Florida?"

  Rupert don't make any promises, but he gets busy; and pretty soon we'reunder way. It's about then that I springs this hunch of mine.

  "Say, Mr. Ellins," says I, "was this island you were lookin' for alittle one with a hump in the middle?"

  "That tallies with Captain Killam's description," says he. "Why?"

  "Well," I goes on, "a little while before we located you we passed onelike that. Don't you remember, Vee?"

  "That's so," says Vee; "we did. I know right where it is, too."

  "We might take a glance at it," says Old Hickory. "Killam, give MissVerona the wheel."

  I couldn't have said exactly which way to go, but Vee never hesitates asecond. She steers straight back on the course we'd come, and insideof fifteen minutes we shoots past a point and opens up a whole clump ofislands, with one tiny one tucked away in the middle.

  "That's it!" shouts Rupert, jumpin' up and down. "That's Nunca SecosKey!"

  "Maybe," says Old Hickory. "There does seem to be something of anelevation in the center. Let's run in as close as we can, Verona."

  By this time we were all grouped in the bow, stretchin' our necks andgazin' interested.

  "The mound!" suddenly sings out Rupert, pointin' excited. "Thetreasure mound! I told you I'd find it."

  "Huh!" says Old Hickory. "You forgot to mention, however, that youwould need Miss Verona and Torchy to do the finding for you."

  Well, no need goin' into details, but that's how Vee and me happened toget counted in as reg'lar treasure hunters, to share and share alike.We was elected right on the spot.

  "And now," says Old Hickory, grabbin' up a spade from the bottom of theboat, "now we--"

  "Now we will go back to the yacht and get some sleep," announcesAuntie. "I've had treasure hunting enough for one night. So have you,Matthew Ellins, if you only knew it."

  Old Hickory shrugs his shoulders. He drops the spade. Then he lets goof a yawn.

  "Oh, well!" says he. "If that's the way you feel about it."

  "What!" says Vee. "Go another whole day without knowing whether--"

  "Certainly," cuts in Auntie. "I'm so sleepy I couldn't tell a doubloonfrom a doughnut. Ho-ho-hum! Let's be getting back."

  It wasn't much after six when we made the yacht, but the whole crewseems to be up and stirrin' around. As we comes alongside they sort ofgroups themselves into a gawp committee forward, and I caught thempassin' the smile and nudge to each other. The two sailors that mansthe landin' stairs are on the broad grin. It's well for them thatneither Auntie nor Old Hickory seems to notice. I did, though, andtrails behind the others gettin' out.

  "What's all the comedy for?" I demands.

  "Nothing at all, sir," says one.

  Then the other breaks in with, "Any luck, sir?"

  "Sure!" says I. "We saw a swell sunrise."

  I'm wonderin', though, why all them hired hands should be givin' us themerry face.