Across The Divide

by Stacey Marie Brown

  I was.

  Time was a weird thing, or at least one’s perception of it. Time didn’t actually slow down or speed up, but without being tethered to the world, it jumped, skipped, and stopped at its own discretion. It must have done a few cartwheels, because to me, it was a blink of an eye, a lifetime, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  “Zoey?” Croygen’s distinct voice whispered in my ear. “Hey.”

  I didn’t move.

  “Zoey, what happened?” Croygen sat next to me. The warmth of his palm rubbed my back, splintered my numbness, pulled me back from the depths. Like a life raft.

  He could accept and understand what I’d done, like Ryker would have. I turned, crushing myself into his chest. His arms wrapped around me, holding me. I didn’t cry, but my body shook so violently he rocked us back and forth to calm me.

  “Tell me,” Croygen said. “The monkey was not making any sense and told me to get my ass here. Said something about the Viking being back? What is going on, Zoey? Is Ryker here?”

  “Yes.” It was only one word, but it broke the dam for the rest to follow. “He came back for me.”

  “Is that his blood?”

  “Yes.”

  I recounted the events of the whole day in a monotone cadence.

  Croygen listened, his face not giving anything away. Sprig uttered comments, until I got to where Ryker was strapped to the bed. I glazed over the torture part, but Sprig still crawled away, hopping back into his cage and shutting the top.

  He hated me too. He teased about disliking Ryker, but Sprig cared about him, and he wouldn’t understand my cruelty. I couldn’t understand it either.

  “You had to.” Croygen brushed at the hair sticking to the dried blood on my face. “You must do it for your sister. Ryker, out of anyone, would understand this.”

  “Doesn’t make it better.”

  “Probably not.” Croygen hands dropped. “If it was Ryker’s sister, he would do it for her.”

  I lifted my face. “You know about his family?”

  Croygen nodded.

  “Yeah. One night when Amara was working, he got drunk and told me. I don’t think he remembers he did.” Croygen leaned his head back against the wall. Both of us still huddled in the corner. “But I know there is nothing he wouldn’t have done for Madi, to save her life. You have a second chance with Lexie. He would never forgive you if you didn’t take it.”

  Croygen was right. I knew Ryker would want me to save her. But taking the life of a man I didn’t want to live without, for a sister I couldn’t survive without, was my own ruin. Either way, I couldn’t live with the outcome.

  “I can see him resisting the oath.” I let my head slide till it was on Croygen’s shoulder.

  “He’s incredibly strong. He’ll make it through this.”

  “No, he won’t.” I sighed. “He’s dying. I can see it.”

  “Then even more he’d want you to fight for your sister.”

  “I know. It’s what makes this harder.”

  “This is a perfect example why I don’t let myself love.” He pulled me tighter into his chest, contradicting his words.

  “What about Amara?”

  He tilted his head against mine. “We both know that isn’t love.”

  When the tips of Croygen’s boots slipped through the vent, disappearing back in the direction of his room, I wandered over to Sprig’s cage.

  “Hey, buddy?” I peered in. In the dark, I could see him curled in the corner, his rhythmic breathing moving his tiny body up and down. My hand traced over his back, which felt hot under my fingers. Fae didn’t get sick often. Not unless something was really wrong, like an overdose of goblin metal. His hummingbird metabolism should work through it fast. I hoped he would be better in the morning. The testing, drugs, and lack of sugar had to be affecting him.

  “I’m sorry. For…everything,” I whispered, before drifting over to my bed. Guilt consumed me for bringing him back here. Neither of us came willingly, but the only reason he was here again was because of me. I plopped onto my cot, exhausted from the day. The dull reflection off my boots from the emergency light above the door took my full focus.

  Please say you didn’t, Ryker…

  I could hope all I wanted, but my gut knew the truth. Still my stomach twisted around as I unlaced my right boot. Instinct picked that one first, luring me. With a tug, the boot slipped off my foot, falling to the floor. I leaned over, cupping the heel in my hand. Air stopped in my lungs as I tugged at the insert. It peeled away, the dark shadows disguising the depths of the hole. I tilted the shoe.

  A stone rolled out on to the side. Oxygen flooded out of my lungs.

  Hell.

  The smooth gray stone easily fit into a palm and looked nothing more than a rock you’d find on the beach. But I knew the truth. Without even knowing why, you were drawn to it. Its power was subtle and unassuming, calling you to pick it up, to curl your fingers around it, and to keep it forever. It was strange, but I felt it had been patiently waiting for me to finally acknowledge it was there.

  It was alive like most fae-made things, and the stone knew the taste of my skin, my soul. It understood my weaknesses, my desires, the things that made me tick. It had known even before I did what I most desired.

  And it could give it to me…

  I lifted my hand, reaching out.

  “No.” I jerked my arm out of reach, shaking my head to clear it. I dropped the boot into my lap; the stone rolled back into the dark hole of my boot.

  A sound escaped from the rock, a whisper of my name. Zoey…

  No. You are not getting me, I replied in my mind. But the idea of taking hold of it was incredibly enticing. It sounded like a great idea to get all of us out of this mess…screw consequences. Except the outcome might be worse. I was scared enough of the deep anger I carried inside. It would use this rage and turn it against me, resulting in worse circumstances than I started with.

  I was selfish but not arrogant enough to think I could let the stone take me without horrific effects. The last time I held the stone I saw how easy it could turn my mind, twisting my good intensions.

  I tucked the insole back and dropped the boot to the ground, shoving my foot in. The weight of my awareness tripled the heaviness of the shoe. My attentiveness created anxiety and grappled with my nerves. Would people notice? Now that I knew, I felt everyone else would.

  My head hit the pillow as I fell back, my hand rubbing at the tension across my forehead. Ryker did the smart thing keeping it far from Vadik or even Amara, but now the burden was mine. I crossed my arms and legs, closing my eyes, letting exhaustion override my mind. Sleep pulled me away from the world.

  Zoey, you can’t fight me forever. It’s supposed to be you and me. Together. I will take your pain away, give you everything you’ve ever desired.

  The words wrapped around me and flooded me with images and feelings of happiness.

  Would it really be that bad?

  The lights blazed on, tearing me from dreams of Ryker, us relaxing on a porch with a beer, watching Lexie and Sprig play on the lawn together.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat when reality flooded in. The realization of the truth of my life constricted my lungs. Ryker was below me, waiting for another round of torture and tests. Lexie was drugged beyond thought or feeling. Croygen would probably be used for parts, and Sprig and I were lab rats, forced to create a new line of superior humans and primates.

  My gaze returned to my boot, and I sat with a snarl. The stone was no better than Rapava—a passive-aggressive bully, twisting my mind and emotions so much I didn’t know which way was up.

  My legs lifted me from the bed, Ryker’s blood still covering me, and I strolled over to Sprig’s crate. “You awake?” I asked, lifting the cover.

  He was sound asleep, his body in the same position I left him the night before. I petted him, his skin still burning.

  Hell. My stomach sank.

  The door unlocked, swinging open. I ju
mped, turning to see Delaney strolling into the room.

  “Good morning.” She walked to the side table, setting down her tray of needles and fabric. “I brought you a new set of scrubs. I was told you needed a shower and new clothes before starting out this morning.”

  I nodded, walking back over to the bed. Play the good soldier, Zoey. One more day. I hoped this wouldn’t be a phrase I would be saying months from now.

  “He doesn’t look well.” I motioned back to the cage. Delaney uncapped the syringe and stabbed it into my neck.

  “I will look at him later,” she replied, not sounding at all concerned. She pulled out the needle and placed it back on the tray. “Let’s get you cleaned up, some breakfast. The doctor would like you downstairs in an hour.”

  My molars ground together. Today was going to be difficult. That was probably a huge understatement. I stood and followed her down the corridor.

  The shower washed away the red stains, but the clean top and pants only provided a new canvas to the abstract art I would be painting in fresh blood today.

  At breakfast I stole extra honey, stuffing it into my sports bra. I needed to give Sprig some happiness. I didn’t realize how much I counted on his innocence, humor, and joy to get me through. Without it I felt even more lost and defeated.

  Delaney stayed with me till Liam came into the cafeteria to claim me. I followed him out at the same time Kate was coming in. Her eyes locked on mine. She kept her head down, letting her long white hair hide her full face. I couldn’t read anything from her face, but the intensity of her gaze gave me a strange sense of security. Someone else was on my team.

  “More testing today?” Kate stared at Liam instead of me.

  “No, Rapava has her extracting from a fae instead. Kind of jealous.” Liam smirked.

  Kate’s gaze darted to me, then quickly back to Liam. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Surprise, surprise, but she’s actually good at something.” Liam tilted his head toward me.

  “Zoey was exceptionally well trained.” Kate’s eyes found mine. “Daniel was good. One of the best.” I felt the underlying meaning of her words wash over me.

  Liam snorted. “So good he got killed.”

  “Do not speak of a fallen Collector that way.” Kate’s mouth pinched together. “You should understand what it feels like to lose a partner.”

  Liam took a step back, the truth of her words hitting him.

  “Plus, it only adds to the nasty things we’ll say about you when you’re gone.” Kate spun around and walked into the cafeteria, leaving both Liam and my mouths agape.

  Holy shit! Did she just say that?

  Liam’s lids narrowed. “Crazy, bitch.” He turned and stomped down the hallway.

  I wanted to cheer, to clap, but I kept it inside. I always liked her. A sly smile peeked out of my façade. My smile quickly disappeared as Liam led me to the elevator. The doors opened at the bottom. Lexie and Rapava stood at the end of the hall.

  A spike of joy at the sight of her rapidly plummeted when I realized why she was there. She was my cautionary tale. A tale where happiness would only ever be a faraway illusion while bits of my soul were ripped from me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  My eyes lifted, needing to see Lexie again. Her face was void of emotions, her eyes unfocused. Liam stood behind her, his hands on her chair, but his smug smile through the window told me those same hands could easily squeeze the breath from her throat.

  I carved into Ryker’s chest, going deeper into a cut that had almost healed. “Tell me, fae!”

  Saliva dribbled out the side of his mouth, hatred burned in his eyes as he snorted and huffed through the agony.

  “FUCK. YOU.”

  “Try again.” I pushed the blade deeper. He was slipping from me, I could feel it, with every slice of my blade. His eyes became more and more distant as the blood oozed from his wounds. The killer in him was taking over.

  Shards of pain shattered in my soul as my knife deepened. What was I doing to him? How could he ever forgive me? Would he? Or in my quest to save my sister, I’d lose him, both his life and his love?

  He grunted in pain, spitting at my face.

  My hand shook as I lifted it to my face, wiping it away.

  “Are you all right, Zoey? You seem out of sorts today,” Rapava said from across the table.

  “I’m sorry if this bothers me,” I snapped at him. “I was a seer, a Collector, not a torturer.”

  Rapava straightened up, his gaze moving over me.

  “I am sorry you feel that way. I thought you would want to take revenge for what this…thing has done to you. Assaulting you. Demeaning you. Didn’t he emotionally and physically abuse you? Mess with your mind so much you forgot who you were for a while?”

  No, that’s you, you bastard, I screamed in my head.

  “And what are you doing, Doctor?” Ryker snorted, getting the irony as well. “You think your psychobabble is going to get her to stop pansying around with her baby nicks any more than it’s going to get me to talk?” A gruesome smile crept over his mouth. In this moment, he was the Ryker I knew. Most of the time all I saw was the version of him that wanted to kill me. “Your hard-on for the stone is the only thing you will have in your hand tonight. Jacking off, alone, to another failed attempt.” Ryker sneered with a strange chuckle. “How’s the research going? Find the connection yet? Wonder why all the other subjects keep dying?”

  Rapava rolled his jaw.

  “Oh, did I hit on a nerve? You stupid fuck. You think you’re so smart,” Ryker mocked. “But you can’t figure it out can you? And you can’t get me to talk. Pisses you off to no end, doesn’t it? Doctor.”

  Rapava reached over and yanked the knife out of my hand. His eyes were wild with abhorrence. He jammed the blade into Ryker’s side. A cry tore from my throat as blood spurted like a fountain and splashed my face. Ryker’s roar rattled the room, slamming my heart faster in my chest.

  Then Ryker started to laugh. The chilling, hollow guffaw drove into my heart, rippling goosebumps over my skin.

  Rapava yanked out the knife with a zealous movement. Ryker’s head fell back, his eyes fluttering shut.

  “Wake up! You will tell us where the stone is.” Rapava’s face turned a deep shade of purple, holding the knife to plunge it again. Blood dripped along the blade, running in streaks down his lab coat.

  High, pierced screams broke out from the other room, slamming further fear into my system.

  Lexie!

  My eyes darted to the other room. Lexie stood, her gaze going between Ryker and the bloody knife in Rapava’s hand. Her eyes were wide, clear, and full of horror. She was awake. I could see the girl I raised, her true emotions not hiding behind the drugs in her system.

  “Shut up!” Liam tried to push her back onto the chair, but she didn’t seem to notice him, her focus fully on us. Lexie’s legs couldn’t hold against Liam’s strength and buckled, banging her back into the chair, ceasing her shrill shrieks. The sudden silence filled the rooms with an unnerving sensation. Adrenaline, fear, and panic thumped in the air.

  I took in a shaky breath.

  “Get her out of here,” Rapava yelled at Liam, dropping the blade on the table. He peered at the blood dripping off his lab coat and took in a controlled breath. “I will return.” The doctor stiffly turned, heading out of the inner room. “Pick her up,” Rapava ordered Liam, pointing at Lexie, his usual cool manner dissolving.

  Ryker got to him like no other I had seen. Rapava never lost his temper. But Ryker hit the doctor’s weaknesses. Rapava wanted two things, and neither were panning out. He was growing impatient and reckless.

  I watched Liam pick up Lexie like a baby, her gaze on Ryker’s form as he carried her to the door. Just as Liam took the corner, her eyes flashed to mine. Awareness and intensity showed in them. Then they disappeared around the corner.

  Like a hawk, I tracked Rapava walking out the main exit, the door closing behind him.

  I was alon
e. With Ryker.

  I leaned over him, gently touching him. My heart needed to see if he was okay. “Ryker?”

  He stirred, his eyes blinking open.

  “Ryker, I—”

  His wrists were bound, but he was able to grab the bottom of my shirt, yanking me so hard I stumbled into him. He grabbed the collar of my top, bringing my face only an inch from his.

  “When I’m free…” His voice was husky as his lips brushed against my earlobe. My lashes fluttered closed. Feeling him close made me forget everything outside of us. The danger only triggered my desire for him. “I am going to fuck you so hard.” His hot breath billowed down my neck, between my breasts. I sucked in a sharp breath. “You want it, huh?” he whispered hoarsely, noticing my reaction. “You will be crying and begging me for more…to go deeper…you will be about to climax…” He nipped at my ear. I felt myself tightening, wanting to feel him inside. “And then…”

  “Yes?” I whispered so quietly I barely felt my mouth move.

  “I. Will. Kill. You.”

  I jerked back. His fingernails scraped my neck as he reached for my throat. Ryker’s face only held disgust, his eyes distant. My feet backpedaled, stepping clear of his grasp.

  “Human. You are dead,” he barked, his head raising off the table. The restraints labored as he fought against them. He seemed unaware that every move he made only opened the wound on his side more. He grew more feral, saliva spraying from his mouth. But at the same time, he moved like a robot—programmed.

  Emotion I kept hidden all day bucked against the walls I constructed, cracking small holes. I turned and walked out of the room, tears edging the rims of my eyes.

  “I. WILL. KILL. YOUUUUU!” Ryker bellowed. The determination in his words skated along my spine. I locked my teeth together, not wanting to let my emotions out.

  I went through the main door, my body shaking.

  The bell of the elevator rang, the doors opening. Liam stepped out, his gaze landing on me. “What are you doing?” Liam came out, walking toward me. “You can’t leave. Dr. Rapava is coming back.”