Throttle (Jack 'Em Up #3)

by Shauna Allen

  I gripped her hips, kissing her again. “You’re welcome.”

  Ryder appeared in my doorway and made a face. The first time he’d seen me kiss Tori, I talked to him about kid stuff versus adult stuff and keeping adult stuff private between us here at home. So far, he’d had better things to think about than telling his friends how embarrassed he was his dad was making out with the counselor.

  I was just relieved he didn’t seem to mind, other than he thought it was gross.

  “What is it, Buddy?” I refused to let Tori go, even as she tried to pull away. If we were going to be an item, he had to get used to seeing us together like this.

  “I’m hungry.”

  “Me, too,” I said. “Whatcha making for lunch?”

  He dimpled a smile like I’d told the joke of the century.

  Tori laughed and managed to snake out of my arms. “How about chicken salad sandwiches? I’ll make them.”

  Ry and I exchanged a grin. “Okay,” we agreed in unison. We would not turn down a meal, no matter how simple.

  Tori wasn’t much of a cook, but her chicken salad was pretty damn tasty.

  “My mom taught me,” she explained as she cleaned up. “I didn’t inherit much of her cooking prowess, but even I can follow directions and mix ingredients.”

  Ry was back to his cars, his motoring noises floating in from the other room, making me smile. No doubt he was definitely my kid.

  I sauntered over to the sink and wrapped myself around her from behind, planting a kiss on her neck. She swayed in my arms and sighed, reminding me how long it’d been since we acted on all of our sexy text messages.

  I opened my mouth to whisper hot promises in her ear when the doorbell rang. “MeeMee and Papaw are here early!” Ryder yelled, his footsteps pounding to the door.

  Tori stiffened in my arms.

  I spun her around and tried to stuff all the reassurance I could into my embrace. “No worries, babe. My parents are great. Promise.”

  She sagged with a deep breath. “I’m sure they are.” A tremulous smile tilted her sweet lips. “Let’s go say hi.”

  I took her hand and led her to the living room, where Ry was already hanging on my dad like a little monkey while my mom offered up T-shirts and trinkets from their vacation abroad.

  My mother glanced over, the smile on her face freezing as her eyes darted to Tori then back to me. “Hello.”

  I didn’t let Tori off the hook, dragging her over. “Hi, Mom.” I collected my mother into a one-armed hug, my hand still tightly linked with Tori’s. I drew back with a smile. “Mom, Dad, this is Tori Waters. Tori, my folks, Dan and Marsha Berringer.”

  Mom passed off the stuffed bear wearing a kilt to Ryder and held out her hand. “Nice to meet you.” I ignored the question in her eyes. Maybe not the best plan to not warn them I had a woman in my life. Ah, well, I’d always been impulsive.

  Tori shook her hand, her other one getting sweaty in my palm. I rubbed her knuckles with my thumb reassuringly.

  “Hi there.” My dad stepped up, Ry still in his arms. “Trace didn’t tell us he’d have a friend over.” The emphasis on ‘friend’ made Tori blush.

  I laughed. “Sorry, guys. My bad. Tori is Ryder’s counselor at school—” Mom’s gaze dipped to our clasped hands. “—but we knew each other from before and now we’re seeing each other.”

  “I see.” Mom looked confused. She hadn’t seen me serious with a woman since before Kristi. I was shocked myself sometimes. “That’s wonderful.”

  Ry slid down my dad’s leg and tugged his hand. “Wanna see my new football pads?”

  Dad laughed. “Sure.” He shrugged apologetically and followed Ryder to his room.

  The rest of us made our way to the kitchen, where Tori shifted into hostess mode, offering my mom a drink and the hors d’oeuvre plate of veggies she’d insisted on making.

  Mom thanked her and grabbed a celery stick while Tori opened the red wine. My mom raised a brow at me in question. I shrugged and winked.

  “So, how long have you two been, uh, dating?”

  Tori poured my mom a glass of wine and handed it to her. “Almost three months.”

  “Wow.” Mom sipped and, being her son, I was the only one to see the crinkle of her disappointed frown. “That long?”

  I accepted the beer Tori handed me. “I know what you’re thinking, Mom.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, what?” Dad echoed as he strolled into the kitchen without Ryder.

  “You’re upset I didn’t mention Tori when you called during your vacation.”

  “I am not.” Mom huffed and sipped her wine again.

  Dad laughed and tucked her under his arm. “Yes, you are, dear.” He faced me. “But it’s fine, Son. Your business.”

  “I didn’t mention anything because the calls were short and I wanted to hear about your trip. My stuff could wait until you got home. Until today.”

  Mom seemed slightly mollified and smiled softly, her gaze tracking over Tori in that maternal, assessing way she’d perfected. “Well . . . you two do seem happy. I’m happy for you.”

  I smiled triumphantly at Tori, who was still hiding behind her wine glass.

  Things settled down after that as Tori got used to my parents and they got used to the idea of her. I was right about the burgers being a hit, but before we could finish, Ry was nagging to change into his costume.

  Tori stood. “I’ll help him dress. You guys finish eating.”

  I smiled and nodded my thanks as she ushered my impatient kid out of the dining room.

  “She’s nice,” my mom commented, her gaze on their retreating backs.

  “She is,” my father agreed. “About time you found a real woman.”

  I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  My dad tipped his beer to his lips as he shook his head. “You have to admit you’ve not had much luck in the woman department. When you were younger, you sowed your oats for a while, I get it. Then Ryder’s mother came along and . . . well, all I’m saying is I’m glad you’ve moved on and found someone nice and smart and pretty and who doesn’t put up with your crap.” He laughed at his own joke.

  I looked at my mom but she was smiling into her wine. “Oh, baby,” she crooned, taking my hand across the table. “He’s kidding. We’re happy for you. Your Tori seems really wonderful.”

  Ryder interrupted us, bounding into the room with a flying leap, Daredevil costume in place. “I’m ready,” he announced.

  “Whoa!” Dad exclaimed. “What’s Daredevil doing here? Where’s Ryder?”

  Ry giggled and lifted his mask. “It’s me, Papaw.”

  “Oh. Thank goodness. You had me fooled.”

  We cleaned up then collected our things to head out. Tori slid into a white sweater then took my hand as we walked out behind my parents. Ryder took the lead as we strolled to the neighboring subdivision and my folks walked next to us, my mom and Tori chatting quietly.

  I caught my dad’s eye once when we got to the first house. His smile told me all I needed to know. Tori had been given the seal of approval. I didn’t need it, but it did make me feel better.

  Several houses later, Ry bolted my way. “Here, Daddy. A Tootsie Pop.”

  My favorite thing to steal from his booty and he knew it. “Thanks, Buddy.” I unwrapped it and popped the treat into my mouth.

  “Miss Tori, you want some Smarties?”

  “How did you know I loved those?”

  “Cuz you have some in your office at school.”

  “Oh. Right.” She accepted the candies as my parents waved off Ryder’s unusually generous offer of Butterfinger or Baby Ruth bars.

  The night air was cool but not cold, the fall breeze buffeting the trees gently and stirring up the scents of earth and sea and burning leaves. Around us, kids ran ahead of their parents in multitudes of costumes, shouts of ‘trick-or-treat!’ bouncing down the street.

  Halloween had always been one of my fondest childhood memories,
and on perfect nights like this, I tried to reassure myself I was doing the same for Ry. I wanted to give him all I’d ever lacked, love him in every way he needed. I just wish I knew I was doing everything right.

  Tori swung our joined arms, her smile sweet as she caught my gaze. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m good.”

  We began to head back once Ryder’s bucket was nearly full, though it didn’t seem so to him. I let him choose one candy to eat, which quieted him down as we strolled home.

  We rounded the corner into the condo parking lot and I stole a kiss from my girl when my parents weren’t looking.

  Her open gaze, so full of everything I’d never dreamed I’d have or want, consumed me. In that moment, endless possibilities spread out before us. We could have everything. We could—

  “Who’s that, Daddy?”

  Ryder’s words cut my sappy thoughts short as I turned to him. I squinted to make out who he was talking about, but I couldn’t see anyone.

  Then, a figure stepped out of the shadows from where they’d been lounging against my Chevy.

  Mom gasped.

  I froze.

  Tori was jerked back by our connected hands and stopped to stare at me in question. “What—?”

  I should’ve known that tonight was too good to be true.

  I watched, glued to that spot on the asphalt, as she emerged from the darkness and knelt down by Ryder under the streetlight.

  “Hi, baby. I’m your mom.”

  Tori

  I don’t know what I was expecting of the infamous Kristi, but the soft-spoken, lovely brunette was definitely not it.

  Poor Ryder looked utterly confused.

  Trace was still as a statue, a thousand emotions rolling off him in waves—shock, confusion, fear . . . anger. But, under all that, was he secretly happy? Wasn’t this what he wanted? A mother for Ryder?

  I stared at the woman who was smiling at her son with the same brown eyes she’d passed on to him.

  How did I feel?

  Where did this leave me?

  Mrs. Berringer seemed to get it together first. She stepped between Trace and Kristi. “Long time, no see. How have you been?”

  Kristi rose, showing a stick thin frame in loose clothes. She looked like she’d just stepped out of a halfway house. Clean, but slightly awkward in clothes that didn’t fit, a hairstyle that didn’t quite suit, and a tentative smile that screamed accept me.

  I watched the interplay with curious detachment. What had Trace seen in this woman who’d borne him a child? Was that spark still there, buried under years of anger and regret?

  As if sensing my turmoil, he caught my eye. His lost expression nearly buckled me.

  I dropped his hand and tipped my head toward Kristi. “Go. Talk to her.”

  He hesitated, but after a moment, trotted over and placed a reassuring hand on Ryder’s shoulder.

  Kristi’s brown eyes flashed to Trace, filled with a mixture of remorse and fear and the tiniest bit of righteous indignation, as if she was already spoiling for the fight to come. “Trace. It’s nice to see you.”

  Trace nodded, as if fearful of his own words.

  Ryder peered up into his father’s face with questioning eyes. “Daddy? Is she my mom?” He sounded almost hopeful, poor baby.

  Trace peeked down, pulling Ryder a fraction closer. “Yes, Buddy.”

  Ryder turned back to face her, his red mask limp in his hand. All five adults stood silent, waiting and watching for his reaction. I knew from our counseling sessions that this woman had always been the unknown wildcard in his life. He may not be able to verbalize his confusion and anxieties in so many words at seven-years-old, but that didn’t mean those feelings were not there.

  This strange lady was his mother. The woman who should’ve held him all along. How could he not be overwhelmed with her sudden reappearance? The protective part of me that already loved that boy was appalled she would do this and put her own desires ahead of what was best for her child.

  Ryder stepped forward, his gaze assessing. “You’re my mom?”

  She nodded, tears pooling in her eyes.

  He peeked back at Trace, as if for a touchstone, then faced her again. “For real? Like, I came out of your tummy?”

  She nodded again, her hand at her mouth.

  Ryder turned to his grandparents, then to me. The wheels were obviously spinning in his brain, but there was no telling what he might be thinking. The idea of his mother ever returning had never come up in our meetings.

  Slowly, he pivoted to her again. “If you’re my mommy, where ya been? Don’t mommies stay?”

  Kristi glanced away, pain slashed across her face. Leave it to the baby of the group to spell out what everyone was thinking.

  Mrs. Berringer stepped forward and ruffled Ryder’s hair. “Why don’t we all go inside and talk about this?” She gripped her grandson’s hand and drew him away, a sly glare of warning to Kristi. You’d better not hurt my grandson.

  Kristi followed and Mr. Berringer closed the ranks behind her.

  Trace still stood unmoving, his head bowed, as they walked away. I placed a gentle hand to his shoulder. “Babe?”

  His face was wracked with so much emotion, I couldn’t decipher it. “I never thought she’d actually show up.” His words were pained, as if ripped from his chest.

  “I know.” I wrapped him in my arms and stroked his back. “I know,” I said again then kissed his temple. “But she’s here and you have to deal with her. For Ryder’s sake, if nothing else.”

  He drew back and met my eyes. “Will you come inside with me?”

  I shook my head. “No. My presence will just confuse things.” I took a step back. “I’ll be here . . . after. Whatever you need.”

  He seemed reluctant to leave me. But Ryder’s sudden crying made up his mind. He cast a quick glance over his shoulder. “I gotta go. He must be so confused.”

  “Go. It’ll be fine.”

  I watched him lope away toward the sound of his child’s cries and fought my own tears. I squeezed my fists until my nails bit into my palms as I held myself back. The urge to run after him and comfort both of them was quite literally eating me alive.

  I waited until the condo door slammed closed and cut me off from everyone on the inside, then bolted to my car. Alone. Just as I’d always felt my whole life.

  I didn’t hear from Trace for the rest of the weekend, and though it killed me, I didn’t call or text him. I had no idea what kind of emotional fallout he was dealing with, and I figured if he needed me, he’d let me know.

  Monday morning, I drug myself to work after a restless night and stood vigil at the coffeepot in the lounge. I was interrupted mid-yawn when Everett strolled in. He paused for a fraction of a moment when he spotted me, then kept walking, a fake smile plastered to his face.

  “Good morning, Miss Waters.” He ripped open a package of Splenda and poured it into the bottom of his empty mug.

  “Morning.”

  “You know . . .” He added a dollop of skim milk then propped his hip on the counter next to me, his gaze assessing. “It recently occurred to me who that man was you were with that day at the grocery store.”

  My heart sunk to my toes, but I straightened my spine. “Okay.”

  He reached in front of me, missing my breast by an inch, as he reached for the now full coffeepot and poured. “Isn’t he a student’s father?”

  I swallowed. “Yes. Is that a problem?”

  He sipped, his eyes not wavering from mine over the rim of his mug. His appraisal made my skin crawl, and though I knew I wasn’t violating any district policies, per se, that didn’t mean he couldn’t find fault in me some other way if he felt the urge. “Well, I’m not sure. There is a reason people usually keep their personal and professional lives separate. It blurs the lines, so to speak.”

  This from the man who was known to hit on every single teacher in the school. Some while he was married. I spun away and poured my own coffee, tigh
tening my grip so my hands wouldn’t shake. “I can assure you I’ve worked hard to keep work here at school and my personal life at home.”

  “I’m sure you have, but—”

  “Look.” I faced him head on. “My personal life is not an issue in my work here, and as far as I know, I haven’t violated any rules. If I’m wrong, please tell me now, otherwise, I will consider this conversation over.”

  Mrs. Tanner chose that moment to stroll in and she froze in the doorway.

  “Good morning,” I said to her, my voice tight. I turned back to Everett. “Are we done here then?”

  His mouth sagged open like a dying fish and he quickly slammed it closed. “Sure, sure. Just a friendly discussion.” His gaze shot to Mrs. Tanner. “Have a good day, ladies.”

  My breath heaved out of me as he walked away.

  “He’s such a jerk,” Mrs. Tanner whispered as she poured her own coffee.

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

  I was still smiling to myself as I made my way to my office. I booted up my computer and checked my messages. Nothing from Trace. I shoved down my disappointment. It was the right thing to give him some time and space.

  My morning ended up being a pleasant whirlwind of fielding phone calls, working on paperwork, and meeting with the family of a particularly difficult child. Contentment filled me as we sorted out that a lot of their needs and difficulties were financial and I was able to refer them to the proper organizations for assistance. Sometimes, the children who were the most difficult to love were the ones who needed it the most, and this little girl was simply crying out for help the only way she knew how.

  After a quick lunch at my desk, I succumbed to temptation and shot Trace a quick text.

  Hi babe. Just thinking of u . . . hope all is well xo

  No response.

  After learning from the registrar that Ryder had missed school that day, I frowned at my phone, contemplating another message or even a call. Could things be worse than I imagined? Did they need me?

  No.

  I’d told him I was here if he needed anything. He was a big boy. He would reach out if there was anything I could do. But it still tore me up a little that he didn’t at least want my moral support. Did I mean so little to him that he didn’t want me around at a time like this? As his girlfriend if not his son’s counselor?