“Yep. He’s really nice.”
Alice stared up at her.
“What?”
“May I say something, and I don’t want to upset you, but…”
“Say it.”
“How come you’ll go out with another man, when you wouldn’t go out with Arthur?”
“There’s nothing between us. There could have been, but Alice, he rejected me.”
“He’s head over heels.”
She sighed and sat down. “I can only assume he hasn’t said anything. You should know. There was an attraction between us. The start of something. I said I didn’t want to get involved with my boss. He understood, but I changed my mind. I thought he wanted to have a relationship. He rejected me, and it was my fault, I went about things wrong, but he didn’t want to know me after that, I even offered to leave, but he wouldn’t let me. He told me I’d just have to get over it. He was really angry. With me, with himself.
“He got over it pretty quick, he’s got Victoria.”
Alice couldn’t understand it.
“Do you still care about him?”
“Alice, please don’t say anything to him, I mean anything, of what I’m going to say.” She nodded. “I love Arthur, how could anyone not. This is best for him. I’m no good, besides, he doesn’t love me, whatever attraction there was is gone for him.” She itched to ask how he was, but Alice sat back, frowning and went back to her knitting.
Alice was stronger, she went on foot with a walking stick, but they taxied there and back, and Rebecca made sure she was offered a seat and a cup of tea when they went into the formal wear boutique. It was a vintage place, with only beautiful things.
Rebecca tried on several dresses, the assistant oohed and aahed along with Alice. When she stepped out in a sleeveless black velvet dress they were quiet, it was tight in the bodice, and corseted in a fifties shape, the skirt ended at the knee, the line along the top of the bust curved round under her arms, and a rigid pointed asymmetric fold of velvet sat at her right shoulder.
She bounced on her bare feet rustling the tulle of the underskirt.
“What do you think?”
“It’s perfect.”
“Good, I love it too. Joe said posh, and this is posh. Elegant, understated, but the pleat thing gives it a bit of oomph.”
It was the most expensive thing she ever bought, but money was in the bank, and as much as she was loath to spend it, spend it she did.
She bought patent black heels, and a matching clutch.
Arthur and Victoria came early on Friday, before Rebecca could leave. He had to see her, it had been weeks, his mum never spoke of her, and not knowing how Rebecca was, was killing him.
She wore skinny jeans, a floaty t-shirt, and her wedges. She looked happy. His own unhappiness was crushing. She was happy without him.
Her eyes darted between him and Victoria.
“Oh. I have to dash, bye Alice.”
“Rebecca.” The sound his voice made her heart drop. “How are you?” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Well, thank you, and you two?”
He realised that she thought they were a couple. “Fine, thank you.” It was awkward beyond words.
Victoria smiled, and there was a vicious gleam about it.
“We’re great. You look well. Out anywhere nice?”
“Just to film club.”
“That’s Joe’s thing isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“You know him?”
“Arthur introduced us.”
Arthur narrowed his eye. “You’re friends with him?”
She blushed and he was crushed. “Yes. It’s allowed.” She was annoyed, his tone, and that look made her want to kick him.
“I know that.” Alice and Victoria looked at each other.
Rebecca gave him a huge grin. “Well then. Have a nice dinner.” She flounced out, as much as she was able to, which was hardly at all. She virtually ran to the bus stop.
She was still annoyed when she reached the pizza place they were meeting.
“Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“You look pissed off.”
“I saw him. I need wine.”
Joe smiled and they ordered. She told him what had happened.
“I have to say, it rather sounds like he still likes you.”
“Maybe he does, doesn’t mean that it’s ever going to happen. I don’t know about her though. I mean, say, for arguments sake that you’re right, and he does still fancy me, why is he with her, and why is she with him. I mean, she’s clever, she would know.”
“Vicky is an odd one.”
“You know them well?”
“At school, but we weren’t friends, just knew each other. We all grew up in Nattleton, all went to the same grammar school. Maddie, Arthur’s cousin is a rich skank. She only ever cared about marrying well. Vicky was never like that, until, you know, she was.” Rebecca laughed. “Look, he loved her for years, and I’m not saying he loves her now, but there is twenty six or seven years of history there, I mean, that’s hard to let go of.”
She nodded and they ate in silence.
“So, how did your date go?”
Joe huffed. “I don’t like dating. I’m going to go to a club though, well, I mean it’s the disco night at the Red Lion.”
“Sounds classy.”
“Yeah. Other news though, my lack of shagging aside, I told my mum today.”
“Holy fuck. You need to lead with that shit.”
Joe laughed. “So cute when you swear.”
“How’d it go?”
“Okay, she wasn’t surprised I think. She cried and said she only wanted me to be happy. She’s okay. She told me not to tell my dad yet. We’d have to build up to it. He’s not exactly one who communicates or deals with emotion.”
“It’ll be fine, your mum sounds nice. Keep hold of that.”
They watched the film with the others, sharing a couch, and observing the code of conduct, no noisy food, no shoes off, no hobbies, no talking, no technology, and were enthralled in the seventies Italian horror.
She didn’t like it.
They all huddled round the pub table discussing it, even Rebecca.
Joe dropped her home, as usual, and she found Alice still up, crying.
“What’s wrong?”
Rebecca sat down, and put her arm round her.
“Arthur’s so unhappy, I’m worried about him.” She didn’t know what to say. “Won’t you speak to him?”
“And say what? He doesn’t want me.”
“He loves you.”
She shook her head. “Fine. To make you happy, I’ll text him, give me a few days to think about it. Okay?”
“Thank you.” Rebecca helped her to bed and lay in bed herself for hours thinking about him. She wished it was different, but she didn’t know how it could be.
She spent all afternoon getting ready. Alice sat on Rebecca’s comfy chair in the bedroom with the cool breeze on her, watching her curl her hair.
“Your hair is so pretty dear.”
“Thank you Alice.”
“You’ve changed so much.”
“Have I?”
“You were so meek and afraid when you got here. It’s lovely seeing you blossom, have more confidence.” She smiled at Alice in the mirror, but she was already looking away, sadness about her.
“You’re really worried.”
“He looked like a kicked dog last night. It’s not your fault, I’m not blaming you, but, oh you should have seen him. Sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about this, you’re going to have a lovely evening, I know it. Joe is a nice boy. Of course, he was ten when I knew him. His mother is nice, but his father.” She made an incredulous face and picked up her knitting.
“I worry about Joe.”
“Why’s that?”
“You know we’re friends?”
“I thought there was more to it.”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Arthur thinks you’re courting him.”
“Courting? How old are you?” Alice gave her a dry look. “No, we’re just friends. But, he, Alice do not breathe a word of this, not to Arthur, especially not to Arthur.”
“I give you my word.”
“He’s gay. He’s only just come out to his mother, and is working up to telling his father. I think he’s struggling to accept it himself.”
“These days I thought people just embraced these things.”
“Maybe not if you have that kind of father.”
“Hmm. Is that why you’re close, you both have family problems?”
“Maybe, he’s really helped me. I mean as well as the pills and therapist.”
She absently spoke while applying her foundation.
“Pills?”
“Antidepressants.” In for a penny.
“Oh…”
“Don’t look at me like that. Considering everything, I’m grateful my problems aren’t worse. They’re not forever, but while I get myself together, get better, then I’ll stop them and see how I do. Just like any illness, it needs treating. You know, I think I’ve been unwell for a really long time, and never realised. I thought it was just the way I was. Alice, you are the keeper of my secrets.”
“Mum’s the word.”
Rebecca looked lovely, and she felt it. Joe picked her up in a taxi, and they headed off.
The Portwell Banqueting Hall overlooked the river that snaked the south, and posh, side of Chadford, all along the riverside were tables and large hanging lanterns. It was so pretty. Shame it was pissing down.
They hovered under the awning with the milling crowd trying to escape the muggy overly warm room.
“I thought you said this was the poshest do to go to.”
“It is.” He raised his brow. “You look gorgeous tonight…if I were straight.” He sighed and she laughed, holding tightly onto his arm.
“So, tell me exactly what we’re doing here?”
“It’s a Chamber of Commerce thing, they do this get together with the Rotary club, and look at mutual interests, and benefits of working together. At the end of the conference they do this.” He waved about. “One purchases a ticket, and the money goes to whatever activities they’re going to do. It’s about business participation in society. All good stuff. What?”
“Chamber of Commerce?” she looked around. “He’ll be here then.”
“Um.” The look of ‘oh shit’ on his face was telling. “I didn’t even think. Look, we can go.”
“How much were the tickets?”
He made a noncommittal noise.
“Fine. I suppose I should be easier around him, or try to be. Why don’t you dance with me, seeing as you got all dolled up?” she flicked away pretend lint from his tux, and he grinned. “Besides, this dress cost me a packet.”
Joe led, and she followed. They were the only couple dancing, it was a bit early. “I feel like a prat.”
“Since I’ve starting taking drugs, I care a lot less.”
“Shall we dip?”
“Let’s dip.”
Joe made a dramatic dip, and she opened her eyes as he paused, and saw an upside down Arthur.
She tapped Joe, who brought them up.
“Don’t look, he’s here.” Joe was red faced.
“I know, I saw him.”
“What shall we do?”
“Keep dancing.”
They did, and when the music ended, he escorted her off the dancefloor, and they went to the bar. A shot later, and a glass of champagne in hand, they circuited.
“I’m not supposed to drink you know.”
“What’ll happen?”
“Dunno, let’s find out.” Joe looked horrified. “Relax, I’ll get a bit drowsy, possibly make a bit of a dick of myself, you best keep on top of that.”
Victoria looked stunning in a slim jade full-length dress, she looked Rebecca up and down, but spoke to Joe.
“How are you, it’s been an age.”
“Well, thanks, and you?” he shifted nervously.
Rebecca noticed a few things. Arthur looked thinner, tired, and astonishing in his tux, even if he looked like shit, he looked better than most people ever did. He was looking at her intently, suddenly he blinked and spoke to her.
“May I have this dance?” he couldn’t help it, he had to ask. He was ridiculous, he knew it, but all he wanted was to dance with her, she looked so beautiful.
She was wearing the earrings he bought her, she looked so elegant.
“Okay.” Arthur led her out, and Joe danced with Victoria.
They barely moved, and he tried not to stand to close. She watched his jaw tick.
“I’m glad you asked me.”
“You are?”
“Alice said she’s worried about you.”
“Work is full on at the minute.”
She nodded and left it at that, he seemed withdrawn from her, she noticed the hurt in his eyes, and felt the need to hold close to him.
She shifted in his hold and stepped closer.
“I miss this. Your company.”
He looked into her eyes then. “I miss you too.”
“I’m sorry I ruined it.”
“You didn’t. I virtually assaulted you.” He looked sick.
“Arthur, no, tell me that isn’t what you think?” his eyes said it all, and he couldn’t look at her. “You didn’t, please listen.” Tears had come to her eyes. “I know what assault is, if anyone does, it’s me. That is not what happened. I wanted you so much, I couldn’t stay away from you. It was unfortunate I had the fifth vodka. Nothing really happened. We kissed, which was as much as we ever did. I wasn’t ready, I admit that, but I would never have blamed you.”
They had stopped moving, his eyes were closed. “When you told me everything, I…”
“I know, I know.” She urged him to dance, and he seemed to breathe again. She put her head on his chest. It felt so right there.
“I’m happy for you, I know I was a bit of a nob yesterday, but you seem really happy, you deserve to be.”
“So do you.”
“I think it’s too late for that.”
She hovered, about to say something, anything to let him know, to make him understand, when Victoria interrupted. “Excuse me, may I?”
The look that Arthur shot her was vicious. “Of course.” Joe ushered her away and out to the patio.
“All right?”
“No, for the love of kittens, no.” She looked back, and he was looking at her through the large open doors.
“He’s got it bad.” Joe ushered her along.
“He thinks he assaulted me.”
“What the fuck?”
She told him about that night in more detail. “So he thinks he nearly raped you?” he whispered the words, and she nodded. “Jesus. No wonder he looks like shit. You explained though right?”
“Yes, I don’t know if he really believed me.”
“Shit, you need to make him understand that.”
“I can’t when the crazy not girlfriend is stalking his every move.”
“And he thinks we’re a couple?”
“Yep.”
“Right. Plan of action.” He necked his drink. “We need to get her away from him, and out of sight.”
“Okay, then what?”
“Then you find a secluded hiding place and talk this out properly, while I ditch her and prowl for any gay men.”
She laughed. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
She turned round. The rain had stopped and the air was damp and earthy. Arthur stood alone looking into the water.
“Well that was easy. Text me if you need me.” Joe marched up to Arthur. “Here she is.” He smiled and wandered off to keep an eye on Victoria.
Arthur’s brows rose. She looked back to the crowd, the party in full swing. She took Arthur’s hand and him away. They passed the end of the patio and long the gravel at the back, where a few servers were smoking. They left them
behind and went down the quiet river path, the sky was clear, only a few clouds passing over, but all the rain left the air cool.
She threaded her arm through his as they slowed their pace.
“What are we doing?”
“Walking.” She smiled up at him. She told him of the changes she was making. Letting things go, putting her childhood behind her.
“That’s great.”
“It is. One thing in my life isn’t right though. That would be you, by the way. You should know that Joe is not my boyfriend. It’s easier for him to have a woman on his arm for certain things, and to have a friend right now. He’s going through something, and it’s not my place to talk about it. But there has not been, is not, and will never be anything between us, other than a shoulder to cry on and someone to bitch with over wine.
“Also, I cannot believe you think that about what happened. Arthur, look at me.”
He turned and gazed down at her.
“If you said kiss me, I would. I have never stopped caring about you. I miss you so much. I respect you, I adore you.” He shook his head, confused.
“What I did…”
“You did nothing wrong. Nothing happened. There was nothing that happened that I did not want, until you said you didn’t want me.”
“Rebecca,” he stepped away from her, “You know I’m with Victoria.”
“Are you? Are you happy? Do you want to be with her?” he looked confused.
“It’s complicated.”
“So are we, but it doesn’t have to be.” He struggled for a few moments.
He kissed her forehead and held her. “I love you.” The whispered words made her smile. “But I can’t. We met at the wrong time for you, and this is the wrong time for me. You’re right about Victoria. I have to cut her out of my life. We’re together, but we’re not really, I can’t touch her. I need to sort my head out.”
She nodded. It wasn’t no, it was not yet.
“Then do what you need to, just as I did. Get help, go on holiday, do something you’ve always wanted to, I’ll wait. I love you too.” She smiled, reached up, and gave him a gentle kiss. He wouldn’t let her back down. He felt relief most of all. She really didn’t feel like he’d betrayed her.
“Kiss me.”
She did. He hummed into her mouth. All the weeks of shame and guilt left him, she loved him. He could kiss her.
He set her down finally.
Getting a Life (New City Series Book 1) Page 11
