“No, man.” Phil’s voice rose. “Look at her. How’s this fair?”
Rosario closed his eyes to hold back his emotions. He soon answered, “How’s it fair my brother died?”
Phil turned around. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
Rosario hugged him and shut his eyes again. “Just let it out. It’s too late for what ifs. The rest of us gotta go on.”
Chad came to me and sat on the bed before he carefully took me in his arms. My mom also came to my bedside and hugged the two of us. We all cried for what felt like an eternity.
Suddenly Rosario spoke up, “My mom said she’s gonna wait till you’re out of the hospital for his wake. She wants you there.”
Chad stood up. “That should be Saturday, possibly sooner.”
Rosario took a deep breath. “I have to go downstairs and make sure they can… keep him… here.” He welled up with tears again. “I’ll be back.” He started to walk out with Phil close behind.
“Rosario, wait,” Chad called after him. “When you come back, can you keep an eye on Crystal? I need to get some stuff from home and run an errand. She shouldn’t be alone.”
“Sure. No problem.”
When Rosario and Phil were gone, a nurse came in the room with a bunch of stuff in her hands. She closed the door behind her. We all watched her as she put a plastic basin on a table next to my bed.
“I’m going to bathe her,” the nurse explained.
My eyes opened wide. I didn’t want her to touch my body. “No, I’m fine,” I lied. I hated that stupid gown and wanted to take a shower since I woke up after the accident.
When the nurse pulled the sheet down, I tried to get away from her. Fear had started to build. Then she opened my gown, and I freaked out. “Don’t touch me! Get away!”
My mom came to my side and took my hand in hers. “It’s alright. Just let the nurse help you.”
When the nurse touched my leg, I screamed. “Please not again! Please don’t touch me! Chad, save me!” I started to thrash around as best I could. I flashed back to my attempted rape months ago for some odd reason. It was as if he held my legs down again.
Suddenly, I was in Chad’s arms. “Baby, it’s OK. It’s just a nurse.”
“No. Please, Chad. Don’t let him do it again,” I begged him. I wanted to go home.
The nurse came closer to me. “I can sedate her if I have to.”
Chad turned to her, and angrily told her, “You’re not knocking her out again! Just let me do it!”
The nurse moved away from me, and I started to relax. My mom was so upset by my reaction, Chad had to hold her. “It’s OK, Ma. I’ll explain what she’s talking about later. Just sit. I’ll wash her.”
My mom looked up at Chad. “You shouldn’t see her body.”
Chad sighed. “Ma, I’m much more than a friend to your daughter. I wouldn’t see anything I haven’t seen before. She trusts only me right now. Do me a favor, close the curtain and hold her hand. It’s gonna hurt.” He kissed me and caressed my hair. Then he turned to the nurse. “You gotta leave, so she’s not scared.”
After my mom closed the curtain, she held my hand. Chad carefully took my gown off. My mom gasped when she saw my battered body. I finally saw the huge bruises along my right side and the odd look to my ribs.
“Is her hip broken too?” My mom was obviously crying.
Chad quietly replied, “No. The bone is bruised or something. They took a cat scan to be sure.”
I whimpered as soon as Chad touched my skin with the washcloth. “Ow!” Tears fell. I don’t know how I had any left.
He caressed my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
Then I wailed when he brushed my right hip.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.” My mom got up and practically ran from the room.
Chad tried to be gentler. However, it still hurt in most places, and tears continued to fall. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to be quick. I love you so much, baby girl.” Then he carefully turned me to clean my back.
The door to my room opened. Chad called out, “I’m not done yet.”
“Done what?” Rosario asked. Then the curtain moved. “Holy crap!” he exclaimed. “Crystal, I didn’t know you were hurt so bad. Damn!”
“Don’t look at me!”
“I’m sorry. Wait. Why isn’t a nurse doing it?”
“Because, when the nurse tried to do it, she freaked out. You know why.” Chad paused for a few seconds. “Can you leave so I can finish? This ain’t easy you know. I’m hurting her.”
“I’m going. I just left my hat here. Sorry, I saw you naked again.” Then I heard him walk away.
Chad’s hand stayed on my leg for almost a minute before he asked, “He saw you naked? Did you and him… uh… fuck?”
“No!” I angrily replied then groaned.
He touched my cheek. “I just thought he meant…”
“He walked in on me… and… Giovanni…” Tears welled up again, as I remembered the first time it happened. Giovanni was under me and both of us loudly expressed the pleasure my hips brought us.
“Shh, it’s OK.” Chad’s fingers brushed my lips. “I don’t need to know.” He gently held me and waited for the shudders to leave me. “I’m sorry I asked.”
Soon, he washed the rest of my body. Then he gently dried me and put a fresh gown on me. He left me after that, but came back with clean water and another towel. He carefully sat me up and washed my hair.
“I can’t get all the blood out.” He closed his eyes and pulled in his bottom lip. I wanted to hold him and make it better.
When he leaned down, I kissed him on the lips. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
He threaded his fingers through my wet hair. “Giovanni asked me to take care of you. I intend to keep the promise I made, but I would’ve done it anyway, and you know it.”
I looked into his blue eyes. All my sad thoughts and memories were instantly gone. “You also said you’d marry me.”
“I know.” He yawned and lay down next to me. “I just didn’t wanna bring it up. I was afraid it’d hurt to think about.”
“It does, but that’s what he asked us to do.” I held the tears that threatened at bay. “I just don’t know when I’ll be ready. And I don’t think anyone will understand, especially Rosario.”
* * *
After a while, my mom came back and sat with me. “Chad washed your hair too I see.” She smiled. “I saw how those boys treated you. And Rosario really cares for you too. How did you guys get so close?”
Chad had fallen asleep next to me. His head lay on my good shoulder. My left arm was around him, and my hand rested on his back. I tried not to move, as to not pull out the IV or get anything caught in his hair.
“It’s all because of the band, Mom.” I played with Chad’s hair as I spoke.
I closed my eyes. The day we got Triple Threat together came to me. Tears began again as I heard Giovanni introduce himself to me. Then memories flooded my mind. “I miss him so much,” I suddenly blurted out.
My mom got up and touched my arm. “I know, sweetie.” She leaned over Chad and kissed my forehead. “You need time to get through this.” She put her hand on my cheek. “Get some rest. Your body has a lot of healing to do.”
Chapter 16
“Giovanni, no! Don’t go!” I cried out as he faded away. “Come back! Please!”
Then I felt a hand on my face. “Crystal, it’s OK. I’m right here.”
Slowly, my lids lifted. The first thing I saw was Giovanni’s eyes. Then my hope it was really him dissolved. It was Rosario. He stood over me with a concerned expression on his face.
“Were you having a nightmare?”
I blinked my eyes and tried to focus. The dream had felt so real. “I saw him. He cried with me.”
“Giovanni? I dream about him too.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
I took a deep breath. “No. I mean he was here. I felt him.”
“It was that real?” He sat dow
n next to me and lifted my left hand. “I wish my dreams were like that.”
“I think he was trying to tell me something.”
“Like what?”
“He was talking about Chad, but I didn’t understand.” Tears fell as I remembered I had asked him again and again what he said. Why can’t I stop crying?
Heavy footsteps echoed in the room. “Sorry, it took me so long.” Chad appeared, dressed in his own clothes. A duffel bag dropped onto the nightstand. He put his laptop bag next to the chair just before he tossed his jacket on top of it. “The errands took longer than I expected. My mom get here yet?”
“No. I didn’t see her. But Crystal’s mom’s on the phone with her dad in the lounge.” Rosario caressed my cheek. “I hate when you cry,” he whispered.
Chad sighed and fell into the chair. “Was everything OK?”
“She slept most of the time. She didn’t eat lunch though. Said she’s not hungry.”
The glare Chad gave me told me he was annoyed by my lack of appetite. However, I couldn’t help it. I never ate when I was upset or sad.
“I should go see how my mom’s doing.” Rosario stood up and hugged me, gently. “If you need anything just call.” He went to Chad and patted his shoulder. “If you need a break let me know.”
Chad got up and hugged him. “Thanks, but I really don’t like leaving her.”
“Well the offer stands until I ship out.”
I watched Rosario leave and thought about how much he resembled Giovanni. When I woke up to his face, it hurt and comforted me at the same time. It also brought a few more pieces of the accident back, which I didn’t expect. I had been told I might never remember it all. Most of the sequence was there, but it was as if I saw it from the outside.
“Baby, you OK?” Chad ran his knuckles down my cheek and wiped the tears away.
I turned slowly, unsure if he could handle my sorrow. “I miss him.”
“I know.” He carefully got on the bed and held me. “It takes time. Let it out. I’m here.”
Without another word, I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest. I clung to his shirt tightly as my body was racked with sobs. He caressed my back and hair, without a word for a while.
When the shaking subsided a bit, he whispered, “I love you.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ll do anything to help you through this.”
I looked up at him. His love had kept me from the deep abyss that beckoned me. It seemed to cradle me, just when I needed it. He had always been my rock, but things had changed. Our relationship was even more unexplainable.
With a smile, I touched his cheek. “I know you will. I couldn’t go on without you.”
“You don’t have to.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds. “I’ll be what you need for as long as you need me to.”
The impulsive Chad had been hidden since the accident. I wondered how long he could keep it up. That week was not the first time he had taken care of me, but he had changed so much. He handled everything better than I imagined Giovanni could. That was Chad. He took charge and was the only one able to make me do things if necessary.
“Baby, what is it?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. Does he see something in my eyes? Gratitude? I was thankful to him. Thankful for it all. I wanted him to rid me of the emptiness I felt at that moment. The pain in my heart ran deep. He could always heal my broken heart. The way he normally did, was with… Can I?
I reached up and kissed his lips. He kissed me back then put his hand behind my head and kissed me deeply. My body wanted him already, but I fought it. That’s so wrong. I turned onto my back, automatically, though.
When Chad laid his body on mine a bit, his hand moved to my breast. “I need you.” Then he moaned as he rubbed his growing cock on my thigh a few times.
All the pain and sadness left me while our tongues caressed one another. I closed my eyes and imagined we were in his bed, about to make love. Then guilt took over. I still needed him, but how could I? My thoughts were all over. Nothing made sense.
Suddenly, Chad pulled back. “I’m so sorry.” He looked into my eyes. “This is so wrong. I didn’t mean to—”
I was still filled with incredible desire, and I longed to forget my pain. I grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked him back down. Our lips met. The passion was incredible. We both let out sighs and soft moans. The guilt had faded completely. It was what I needed, momentarily, although it was very inappropriate.
Slowly, my hand made its way down his back and into his pants. “Give me your love. Please,” I whispered, desperate to feel something good.
He slid his hand under my gown and gently squeezed my breast. “I love you.” He breathed in my ear between kisses. His body shifted slightly. Then his other hand was between my legs.
“What the hell’re you guys doin’?” I looked up to see Jon, who glared at us.
Chad fell off the bed as he tried to get off me. He almost yanked my IV out. “Don’t scare me like that, man,” Chad exclaimed while he got up. “I thought you were Rosario again. He woulda punched me.”
I laughed as quietly as possible, but I couldn’t help it. The fall was just too funny, mostly because he was so tall.
Jon looked from me to Chad and back. “That was quick. He’s not even gone a week. You guys moved on already?”
“No—No. You don’t understand,” I insisted.
“So you guys weren’t just making out?” Jon cocked an eyebrow. “It looked like you were to me. I saw your hands, Chad. If I didn’t come in here, you would’ve gone much further than that. What’s wrong with you guys?”
Chad fidgeted. “It wasn’t really much more than consoling each other, but with our mouths. OK. That sounds pretty bad. I don’t know why we did it. I can’t explain it. It just happened.”
“Relax, man. I’m fuckin’ with you.” Jon smirked. “I get it. Sometimes you gotta do stuff other people don’t understand to get through hard times. I been there.”
“I got work to do anyway,” Chad said as he took his computer out.
I looked at him. “Work?”
“Yeah. I got a text right before I got back. My boss said I could work remotely, like I was supposed to for the tour. He got a part-time hardware guy, but I still got all the rest.” He huffed. “I’m gonna ask Chris to stay with us when you get out of the hospital so you’re not alone if I have to start going in again or there’s an emergency.”
“I’ll help you too if you need me,” Jon offered while he shed his winter coat.
“Me too,” Tommy added. Then he appeared next to my bed, with a leather jacket over his arm.
Chad sighed. “Thanks, guys. This is gonna be a rough few months.”
Tommy came to me, kissed my cheek and ran his fingers through my hair. “How you doing, babe?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“I can stay if you need me to, Chad.” Jon looked a bit sad.
I reached my hand out to him. He gave me a small smile as he closed his huge hands over mine. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t wanna know.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds. “You have enough to deal with.”
I took a deep breath. “Dean, huh? I doubt he meant to wreck my life.” I knew he needed assurance. “It’s OK to grieve for your friend.”
Tommy suddenly walked out of the room, obviously upset.
“Crystal…” Jon turned away from me for a few seconds. “I’m sorry he…” He took few more and held back his tears. “I keep blaming myself. We all do. But, we have to go tonight. He had no one but us. He was my friend since we were kids. That’s why I put up with his shit so long.”
I pulled him down and hugged him. “It’s OK. I don’t blame you at all.” I had to close my eyes, because my own tears threatened. “We’ll figure this mess out somehow.”
At that moment, I realized both bands were no more. Then my tears flowed freely. Everything was gone. All the hard work and sacrifices were for nothing. Music had been my life. Wh
at now?
Suddenly, Jon took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. “Please don’t cry. You’re right. We’ll figure it out. Giovanni would want us to find a way. He was a great guy. I liked him a lot.” He chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds then asked, “Can I go get you some lunch?”
“She won’t eat anything,” Chad explained with an angry tone. “Her doctor said if she don’t eat, she can’t go home. I’m gonna start force feeding her tomorrow.”
Jon looked up. “Nothing? Crystal, you gotta eat something. You can’t let your sorrow consume you. He’d hate that.”
“The nurse left cans of nutrition stuff over there. But, I can’t get her to drink any.”
Jon walked away from me and brought a can with a straw in it. “Would you drink just a little? Please?”
“No.” I turned away.
Tommy came back in the room. “Babe, come on.” He took the drink from Jon and held the straw to my mouth. “Do it for me, please.”
I looked up at him. “I can’t.”
“Giovanni’d want you to get better. Please?” He touched it to my lips. “Just enough to shut Chad up.”
I rolled my eyes then opened my mouth. I took a few sips, before I pulled away and shook my head. My stomach felt weird.
“Thank you.” Tommy leaned down and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
I touched his face and sensed his guilt. “It’s not your fault either.” Then I slowly hugged him. “None of us knew this would happen.”
He looked into my eyes then softly kissed my lips. “Help me forget. Maybe we could—” I pulled back and fell onto the pillow. His expression turned frantic. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. I’m fine.”
Jon and Chad looked our way. I wasn’t sure what to say. Tommy was just being Tommy. I wanted him as much as always. However, after what happened with Chad, I felt a tinge of guilt.
“Oh shit.” Tommy leaned in close and softly added, “Sorry. It was just instinct. I’m thinking with the wrong head as usual.” His hand cupped my chin. “Maybe you should take a nap. I’ll hold your hand.”
I sighed. “All I do is sleep.”
“Oh.” Tommy frowned then his eyebrows went up. “Hey, Chad. Can I take her for a walk?”
Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3) Page 13
