Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3)

by Bella Jeanisse

  “What the—Chad!” His mom packed things from my nightstand.

  I turned my head. A glimpse of the condom wrapper in her hand made me cringe. I guess we forgot about that. She gave him a dirty look. That meant the cat was out of the bag.

  “Valerie, what’s wrong?” My mom turned toward them also.

  Chad’s mom hid her hand in her pocket. “Nothing. Chad just left his dirty clothes out.”

  I was so glad she didn’t tell the truth.

  “Luke has 76ers tickets for tomorrow. They play New York.” My dad announced as he walked back into the room. “You girls go play nursemaids. We’re gonna have a guys day.”

  My mom laughed, which she had really needed. “It’s only one night, David.”

  “Whose is this?” Valerie asked as she went through a bag from the small closet.

  I looked up. “I need that!” It was Giovanni’s jacket.

  “It’s covered in blood,” she replied. “I’ll get it cleaned for you.” She inspected it a bit more. “It’s torn. I’ll buy you a new jacket.”

  Tears started again, and my vision blurred. “No. I wanna feel him.” I thought it was gone. I closed my eyes and imagined Giovanni as he packed the van. Then I had an image of it on the door as I held him, bleeding all over. It must have saved me from serious injury when I hit the door. “Gimme it!” I needed that jacket.

  “OK, baby,” Chad whispered as he laid it over me.

  Chapter 22

  My dad had rented a two-seater. Therefore, Chad carried me to his mom’s car. I wore Giovanni’s jacket. However, he had also wrapped a blanket around my body, to protect me from the winter cold. The wind was brutal. After he had put a seatbelt on me in the front seat, I grabbed the seat tightly. It was the first time I was in a car since the accident, and I was petrified.

  Chad hugged me with the door open. “Baby, it’s gonna be OK.”

  “I wanna sit with you.”

  He smoothed my hair back. “You need the leg room. I’ll be right behind you.” He kissed my lips and closed the door. Soon he was behind me, his hand on my left shoulder. “See. I’m right here.”

  “I’ll drive slow,” his mom assured me as she started the car.

  The first few miles, I closed my eyes. It wasn’t so bad. When we stopped at a red light, I looked back at Chad. “Do you have any ice cream at the house?”

  “I went shopping while Rosario watched you. I got your favorite.”

  My throat was dry. Ice cream sounded good. “A bit of rocky road would hit the spot right about now.”

  I turned back in time to see a red pickup truck begin to move. “No! Giovanni!” Flashes of the accident came as I screamed.

  Chad pulled me out of the car and hugged me. “I’m here. It’s just a memory. It’s not happening again. I swear.”

  I shook so badly, it hurt. Terrified, I clung to Chad’s neck. “Please. Make it stop. I can’t lose him again. Please, Chad. Help me.”

  “I got you, baby.” After he shut the front door, he climbed into the back seat and held me on his lap. He pulled my head to his chest and blocked my vision completely. “Think of the beach. Please.”

  When the car started to move again, I clutched him tighter. “I don’t wanna see it no more. Please, Chad. Make it go away.” It wasn’t fair to put that on him, but I couldn’t think straight.

  He sniffled. “I wish I could.” He continued to cry softly as I sobbed into his chest. Then I gripped him tight when the car stopped about fifteen minutes later. “We’re home. Relax.” He stroked my hair. “Do you wanna take a bath? Well, sorta take a bath.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t care about myself at all.

  “You’re lying. I know you normally take at least two showers a day.” He climbed out of the car and pulled my body against him tightly. “Fuck. It got colder.”

  When I lay on his bed, he discarded the blanket. I couldn’t shake the sadness that had come over me. The red truck had brought back the pain from saying goodbye to Giovanni that morning. My heart felt empty again. I tried to cry, but no tears came.

  I heard voices around me. Something about food, but I didn’t pay attention to much. I didn’t care. The longer I lay on the bed, the deeper I fell into my sorrow. By the time Chad lay down next to me, I missed Giovanni so much I wanted to die again.

  “Baby, can I help?”

  I turned my head away. The reality of how bad that night really was, came back to me full force. My mind was completely overwhelmed. I felt such utter agony. There seemed like there was no hope to get through it.

  Chad raked my hair with his fingers. “You have to let the memories go. I’m sorry he’s not coming back.” He kissed my cheek and tried to take the jacket off me.

  “No. I wanna wear it, please.”

  He took a deep breath. “Just let me wash you then you can wear it again. Please.”

  My tears finally flowed as he took my clothes off. My broken body brought back even more. I recalled the distant look in Giovanni’s eyes. Then I heard him groan in pain.

  “I’m gonna put you in the bathtub,” he told me as he undressed as well.

  I just looked at him, unable to push away my terrible grief. He didn’t pick me up right away. He got on the bed and put his arms around me again. “I know, baby.” He kissed my face, all over. “It musta been hard saying goodbye.” He just held me for a few more minutes, then he uttered sadly, “Why can’t I make it better?”

  Even that didn’t get a reaction. Nothing mattered anymore. I couldn’t even fake it for him.

  “Wow, you’re really upset.” He sighed. “Please talk to me.” He waited a few more minutes then exhaled loudly. “I hate when you ignore me. You got no idea how much it hurts.” He lifted me off the bed and brought me to the bathroom.

  Soon after, I was in the large tub. My right foot and arm rested on the ledge. He had turned on the water and knelt between my legs. I couldn’t even look at him. Guilt and sadness consumed me.

  He took his time and washed me carefully. When he touched my right shoulder, I cringed. The stitches may have come out, but it was sore.

  “Sorry.” There was pain in Chad’s voice. “Thought you’d like me to clean it. Since the stitches came out.”

  I closed my eyes. “It’s OK. I can take it. Just do it. Please.”

  After he did my shoulder, he slowly sat me up somewhat and pulled me close to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, to hold myself up. Then I gripped his shoulder and whimpered while he washed my back. There had been over a hundred stitches there. I didn’t even want to know how many scars I would have. My back was probably a road map.

  “They closed up good,” Chad commented while he went lower. “It was hard to watch them stitch you up, but I couldn’t leave you.” He obviously had his own flashbacks to deal with. His hesitation told me he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.

  * * *

  When we were both dressed again, my head slumped on his chest as he carried me out to the living room. Then he set me on the couch next to my mom. My hair fell around me, and I didn’t care at all. I sat back and closed my eyes. I knew I had fallen further into misery. Tears had started to fall again. If I had any sense, I would be terrified I was at the point of no return.

  My mom reached over and pushed my hair back. She caressed my cheek. “Oh, honey, I know it hurts. You need to let yourself heal.”

  I looked at her. “I want him back,” I cried to her as I hugged Giovanni’s jacket. She held me as tightly as my still healing wounds allowed.

  Not long after that, Chad’s mom came to me with a plate of macaroni and cheese with beef and vegetables. I pushed it away. She put it on the coffee table.

  Chad knelt down in front of me. “You need to eat. You haven’t eaten since yesterday.” He put a bottle of water to my mouth. “Drink it, now.” I did as I was told. Then he put some of the food on a fork and shoved it into my mouth. “You’re going to eat it even if I have to make you do it. I’m not letting you spir
al down any more.” He pushed a few more bites into me until I started to shake my head at him.

  I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and fade away.

  He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “The baby needs food. You’re killing his kid.”

  The threat didn’t even register. I cared about nothing.

  “I got her prescriptions,” my mom said while she held my head to her chest. “When is she supposed to take them?”

  Chad put his hands on my thighs. “Now. They didn’t give them to her before we left. Where are they?”

  “Here,” his mom quickly replied.

  Seconds later, Chad said, “Open your mouth, Crystal.”

  I shook my head and pulled away from him.

  He grabbed me and held my mouth open. “Stop making this day even harder. You’re taking it!” He put several pills in and held water to my mouth again. “Swallow! Now!”

  I tried to hold out, but he was just as stubborn. Stealthily, I cheeked the medicine. I didn’t want to get better.

  “Let me see.” Chad grabbed my face again.

  My mom pulled his hand away. “Hey. Why are you getting so mad at her?”

  “Chad, stop it,” his mom insisted.

  He angrily pulled me toward him and opened my mouth. “I knew it.” He sat on me and forced more water into my mouth then held my mouth and nose closed while I tried to fight him.

  “Get off her!” his mom yelled. “You’re hurting her. She’s crying.”

  “I know what I’m doing,” Chad came back with. “She pretended to take it.” When I ended the fight and had finally got them down, he caressed my face. “I’m sorry, but I love you too much to let you do this. The doctor told you to take them. So you will.” He kissed my tears.

  I knew he did it for my own good, but I was angry with him. Can’t he just let me wither away and die? I scowled at him and tried to hide how much I needed the pain pills.

  Chad got down and knelt in front of me then took my hands in his. “Didn’t mean to hurt you.” He always sensed my feelings.

  “How can you treat her like that?” His mom seemed very upset.

  “You don’t understand,” he angrily told her. “I know exactly what she’s trying to do. I gotta make her take care of herself.” He looked at me again. “I know you don’t mean to hurt me. But I’m not gonna just stand back and let you self-destruct. I know it hurts so bad right now, and you just want it to stop, but we have to go on. He asked us to be together if he left us, not to fall apart. Please, baby. Just try. Take it out on me, not yourself.”

  “Make the pain go away. Please,” I begged him. “It’s too much. I can’t deal with this. I need him.”

  “You got me, baby. We’ll get through this.”

  “Chad, you don’t understand!” My depression consumed me. All I could think about was what I lost. I continued on and disregarded his feelings completely. “Giovanni and I had so many plans. We were getting married. We were gonna have a baby. Our whole lives were in front of us. I lost my love!” I punched his thigh. “I waited for years for him to tell me he loved me, and in minutes, he was gone. The band’s gone too! Everything’s gone! On top of that my whole body’s broken and scarred! I want the old me back. I want him back! Why me? Why am I being punished? What way am I supposed to get through it?”

  My mom knelt down on the floor and put her hands on my knees. “Honey, God’s not punishing you. There’s a reason for all this.” She glanced at Chad then back. “One good thing came from it, you know.”

  “What? What good possibly came from my life coming completely apart?”

  Chad let go of me and replied, “You and me. Aren’t you glad you realized you were in love with me? If none of this happened, you wouldn’t know. It’s gonna be a long road, but we’ll get through it. I promise.”

  My eyes met his. “But you’re here, and he’s gone. I want him back.”

  Chad’s eyes glazed over with anger, and he scowled with frustration. Then he got up and stormed into the garage. The door slammed loudly. It was the first time he showed jealousy over my grief. I knew I should apologize for being so callous, but I meant every word. I missed Giovanni so much, my chest hurt.

  His muffled shouts were soon heard over the clang of metal. After a while, we heard more bangs. That was followed by the sound of the heavy bag being punched over and over again. A part of me wanted to shake the sadness and console him. However, I didn’t have the strength to fight the agony.

  Eventually, he came back in the room as he breathed hard. He looked like he felt better. “I gotta go get Giovanni’s suit. Can you guys stay with her?” He walked to his room and came back with his coat and a tie in his hand. “Does Giovanni have dress shoes?”

  I glanced up and fought the tears. “Y—yes.” I grabbed my mom’s hand who had sat next to me. “In the… Um…” I shook while I saw him in the shoes I bought him on New Years Eve. “I think… the… closet…” I broke down again.

  “Fuck!” Chad cried out and got back down on his knees. “I’m so sorry.” He pulled me to him. “I’m just pissed off. This ain’t easy for me either. I don’t mean to be impatient. I’ll try harder, baby. I will. It’s OK to grieve for him.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Rosario said he can’t stand to step foot in the apartment. So I gotta go. I’ll be back though.”

  I gripped his arm and whispered, “I’m sorry. I do love you.”

  “I love you too. It’s OK. I get it.” He softly kissed my lips. “Try to get some rest. Hopefully her pills will make her sleepy.” Then he walked out the front door.

  “Honey, listen to Chad. Get some rest.” My mom hugged me and pulled my head to her shoulder.

  * * *

  My eyes opened when a door closed. I had cried myself to sleep after Chad left. The room was dim, and I still lay on my mom’s shoulder. I heard movement, and bags rustled, but I didn’t care why.

  “Honey, you OK?” Chad’s mom asked. “Did something happen?”

  I was confused, until Chad sniffled. “It was harder than I thought.”

  I lifted my head and glanced at him a few feet away. He looked terrible. I had not seen him look that distraught since my attack.

  “Chad, you… OK?” I haltingly asked.

  He quickly knelt in front of me and hugged me. “I love you.”

  I held him the best I could, while we both cried. My sorrow was still at the surface, and his compounded it. “I—I… love… you… too.” The words were so hard to get out. I did mean it, but I felt so guilty about them.

  “We’re gonna start the cleaning and laundry.” Chad’s mom was suddenly next to us. “You guys need to talk this out.”

  When they had left the room, Chad looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry, baby. I think we rushed into this. We need time to get through this mess first. I feel like I took you from him.” He took a deep breath. “I had to look around both rooms for his shoes. Your clothes were in a pile with his. The bed was crooked. It was so obvious you guys were fucking just before you left…”

  Memories of that day came back to me. I could hear Giovanni moan in my ear. I could feel him slam his hips into me. I shuddered. It would never happen again. “We were.”

  Chad stiffened for a few seconds. “Oh.”

  As he stayed silent, my mind came back to the present. What if I really am pregnant? Will Chad love Giovanni’s baby? Thoughts started to jumble in my head. I wasn’t sure when I should get my period again, since my cycle was so erratic. What if the next test is negative too? I lost my chance to have Giovanni’s baby.

  Chad shuddered which made my thoughts turn back to him. It had taken at least a minute for him to recover from my response. “Baby, I’ve waited so many years for you. I can wait a bit longer for you to sort this all out. If you think we should.”

  I closed my eyes and thought about the last year. It had not even been a month since I gave my heart to Giovanni completely. Before that, Chad was always in my heart and mind. I had to force him out a
nd pretend I didn’t want him anymore. “It’s always been you, Chad.” My voice was quiet, as if I could barely admit it. “Even Giovanni knew it.”

  I bit my lip, not sure I should have said that. However, Giovanni’s jealousy told me he knew there was more to Chad and I than I admitted.

  “Baby, it’s OK.” He cupped my cheek. “It wasn’t just sex for you, was it?”

  I lifted my lids. “I felt something, but it scared me.”

  “That was love, Crystal. Now it makes sense. Why it felt so amazing.” He brushed his lips over mine. “You opened your heart to me when you gave me your body.”

  A few tears fell. “Maybe.”

  “So, should we wait or do what Giovanni asked us to?”

  My lip quivered. “I think he wants us together, but…”

  “But, what do you want?”

  “I need you.”

  He looked into my eyes. “You need to grieve though, not throw your life away. Did you eat while I was gone?”

  I shook my head.

  “Chad, she slept the whole time,” his mom called to him, as she passed through the room.

  He sighed. “Are you hungry?”

  “No.” I looked down. The sadness still lingered.

  He lifted my chin. “I got some fruit. I want you to eat a little and at least drink some decaffeinated tea.”

  “OK.” I grabbed his arm. “Don’t tell my mom.”

  His eyebrows furrowed. “Tell her what?”

  “That I could be pregnant.”

  He sighed. “Right. Yeah. I won’t say anything.” His eyes told me he hoped I wasn’t. I didn’t blame him. It would be beyond complicated.

  He had helped me sit back and put my feet up, before he went to the kitchen. Within a few minutes, he came back with his hands full. I watched him put down a plate of food, a bowl of cut up fruit and two cups of iced tea.

  He stabbed a chunk of banana and held it to my lips. “They’re really ripe, just the way you like them.”