Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3)

by Bella Jeanisse

  I gripped Jon’s shirt harder and tried to stop. Instead, I took in a sharp breath and sobbed louder. The memories of how I hurt Giovanni so many times in the last year overwhelmed me. How could I be so callous? How could I fuck so many of them while he was miserable? What’s wrong with me?

  “Fuck! I forgot her pills,” Chad shouted. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

  Jon ran his fingers through my hair. “What’s she on?”

  “A lot.” Chad sounded further away. “She’s on the edge of slipping into depression. So, they got her on a bunch of shit trying to keep her stable. And I fucking forgot! They said if there’s too much time between doses, she’ll come down hard. And she did. How could I fuck up like this?”

  Then I understood why reality was almost impossible to deal with that day. I thought I was just going crazy. With that knowledge, I was able to calm down a little.

  “Chad, give yourself a break,” Chris said. “That’s why I’m moving in, right? To help? Don’t beat yourself up that you can’t do it all. None of this is your fault. I was there. You tried to—”

  “Hey, man,” Chad’s voice came closer. “You’re right. OK? I just don’t wanna talk about it.”

  Chris groaned. “You can’t keep ignoring how much this shit affected you.”

  I lifted my head. Chad fought tears as he opened medicine bottles at the kitchen table.

  “She needs me to.” Chad closed his eyes. “Just let me do things my way. I’ll be fine. But yes, I need your help.”

  Chris put a hand on his shoulder. “Any time you wanna talk, I’m here. I swear.”

  Chad looked like he didn’t want the comfort, but relented. “OK. Maybe one day when she’s sleeping.” Then he stood up.

  I lay my head on Jon’s chest and sniffled. “He needs to deal with this too.”

  “We’ll be there for him,” Jon whispered. “You just need to get better. OK?”

  Fingers touched my chin. “Baby, sit up. You need these.”

  As I looked up, I watched Chad crouch down to me. I hated that needed medicine again. “I don’t want them.”

  “Look. I’m not in the mood to hold you down and make you take them. But, if you push me, I will. Cut it out and just open your fucking mouth!”

  His tone of voice frightened me. I pulled back and tried to move away from him.

  “Chad, don’t.” Rosario put a hand out. “You’re too worked up. You’re gonna hurt her.”

  Chad scowled at him. “She’s gonna fight me. Watch.”

  “No she won’t.” Rosario clutched my broken arm and held me in place. “Jon, grab her.”

  I panicked as Chad held down my legs. “Please, don’t. Please.” I couldn’t move.

  “Guys, stop now!” my mom shouted. Everyone froze. “You’re bringing back memories for her. She’s terrified.”

  Tears fell fast as I looked from one of them to the other. I struggled to get free. “Please.”

  Suddenly, they all let me go, and I fell forward. I put my hands out. Chad moved so I would land on him, instead of my hands. He hit the floor with a grunt of pain, and my head hit his chest. I had the wind knocked out of me, but I was fine.

  Chad hugged me and put a hand on my head. “You OK?”

  “Yeah, it’s just been so hard. I miss him. There’s so many memories.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I know, baby. And I’m sorry we held you down. I wasn’t thinking.” His hand slid down my back. “I need you to just take your pills. OK?”

  “OK,” I relented, sadly.

  Hands on my sides made me jump.

  “It’s Jon. He’s gonna pick you up. Relax.”

  When I was on the couch again, I willingly took my pills. Then Rosario pulled me to lie on his chest again. I grabbed the front of his shirt and held on. His fingers wove through my hair as he whispered words I couldn’t understand. I was still shaken up, but it helped.

  “No one’s gonna hurt you,” Rosario softly said as he kissed my forehead. “We’re all here to help you through this.”

  I jumped when a hand landed on my thigh. The memories threatened to come, but I wouldn’t let them.

  “It’s me.” Chad brushed his lips over my cheek. “I didn’t mean to bring things back.” His knuckles grazed my upper arm until they hit the cast. “I have to get to work though. I’m sorry. They left me a mess, and it’s gonna take me all day to fix it.”

  My mother’s voice came from behind the couch, “Just do what you have to do, Chad. There’s plenty of help all around you. If it’s too noisy, maybe you could work in the bedroom.”

  “I have a desk I can use in the basement,” Chad replied. “You sure you don’t need me, baby?”

  Slowly, I looked up, and I nodded. “I’m OK.”

  “Make her walk again,” Chad told no one in particular. “She needs to learn to use the crutch.”

  I sighed. “Chad, it hurts my arm.”

  “OK.” He palmed my cheek. “We’ll figure it out.” He walked back to the kitchen, gathered his laptop and such then he disappeared down the hallway by the kitchen.

  The front door opened and Valerie came in. “You won’t believe who I found outside.” She grinned widely as Paulie walked in behind her. “He had the address wrong.”

  “Hey.” Paulie waved at everyone. Then his eyes opened wide. “Ho—ly shit!” He stared at Jon, who sat next to me. “Do you know who you are?” He rolled his eyes. “I mean… Wow. Jon Harris? You’re in Chad’s living room?”

  Jon laughed heartily. “Yes. If you’re comin’ in shut the door.”

  “Right.” Paulie quickly closed the front door and shed his leather jacket. “Sorry. Wasn’t expecting… I don’t know.” He shook his head quickly. “This whole thing is crazy.”

  I smiled and put a hand out to him. “They’re used to it, Paulie.”

  Jon grinned at him. “I seen you before.” He tapped his chin. Then he nodded. “Reckless. You were in Reckless. Right?”

  “Yeah.” Paulie approached me cautiously. “You look better.” When Jon moved over, he sat next to me.

  “Thanks.” Glad for the break from painful memories, I slowly turned and hugged him. “I’m glad you came back. How long’re you staying?”

  He put his arms around me and held me loosely. “I moved here a few weeks ago. Just didn’t know if I’d be welcome around here.”

  “How could you say that?” I tilted my head up.

  Paulie sighed. “I’m your ex. Why would... It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now.” He tugged me a bit closer. “That hurt?”

  “Um... a little.”

  He loosened his grip. “Sorry.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Do you need help in the shower or going to the bathroom? I can stay here if you need me.”

  My face heated up. “No.”

  “We been through some rough shit,” he whispered. “I can handle anything after that IUD thing. Let me do something to help.”

  My mother called from the kitchen, “Chad said she has to walk. Someone help her.”

  Rosario quickly got to his feet. “Come on. We’ll go around the couch again.” He put his hands out to me.

  My eyes moved from him to Paulie. I wasn’t sure if he would feel slighted. Then Paulie lifted me up and pressed into my ribs. I screamed and fell back, onto his lap.

  “What? What happened?” Paulie was frantic. “Crystal.” He cradled my head to his chest.

  “Is she hurt?” Chad ran into the room.

  Paulie stammered, “ I—I lifted her from the couch.”

  “What part of her’d you grab?” Chad asked knelt down before me.

  Rosario replied, “I think he grabbed her ribs.”

  “Oh.” Chad lifted my top and checked me. “She broke a few ribs on the right side .You have to be careful.”

  Paulie craned his neck. “Oh damn. Those are deep bruises.”

  “She has them the whole length of her body.”

  “What’s broken besides her arm, leg and ribs?” Paulie leane
d his head on my breast.

  I sighed. “Please stop talking around me.”

  “I thought you were crying.” Paulie nuzzled my neck. “I’m sorry.” He met my eyes. “Anything else break?”

  I thought for a few seconds. “No, but Chad said my hip is bruised.”

  “How can she walk like that?” Paulie turned to Chad.

  Chad shrugged a shoulder. “The doc said she needs to, so her knee doesn’t lock up. Just take it slow and don’t touch her hip or ribs.”

  “I don’t like the crutch,” I told Chad. “It hurts my armpit.”

  He smiled. “I’ll get something to cushion it. Hold onto one of the guys and try.”

  “Dinner’ll be ready in about twenty minutes,” my mother announced.

  Valerie came into the room from hallway. “I put all your things in the dresser.”

  “Which dresser?” Chad asked.

  Her eyebrows lifted. “The one in the back bedroom. Where her other clothes are.”

  “I gotta move that thing,” Chad grumbled. Then his phone went off. “What now?” He stood and answered, “Something else go wrong?” He walked away for a minute then came back. “I need to get back to work. Jon can you help me move a dresser from one room to the other?”

  Jon nodded. “Whatever you need. My schedule’s clear today, since we’re supposed to be on the road.”

  “Cool.” Chad started for the hallway and his phone rang again. “Dammit!”

  Jon patted Chad’s shoulder. “You work. We got it. Your mom can show us which one.”

  “Ready?” Rosario put his hands out to me again. I grabbed him and closed my eyes, nervous. “I got you.”

  Paulie put a hand on my back and then slid a hand under my ass. “One, two, three.” He pushed gently, while Rosario pulled me.

  My knees gave out, but they caught me. Rosario held me by the arm as Paulie stood and put his arms under my shoulders. He helped me straighten and waited. I hated to be helpless. I was already frustrated, and it had only been a week.

  “Forget it,” I huffed. “This is annoying.”

  Paulie carefully put his arms around me and whispered in my ear, “I know it is, but you can do this. Lean back on me, and we’ll walk with you.”

  After the three of us had walked for a while, with many breaks, there was a knock at the door. Chris rushed from his new room. “I got it.” He opened the door. “Dom, what’s up?”

  I smiled. Visitors had kept reality at bay. Giovanni was far from my mind, thankfully. “Hey,” I called to Dominic.

  Then Noelle stepped inside as well. “Hi.”

  “You’re walking?” Dominic asked as he walked my way. “Don’t you have a crutch?”

  Paulie shifted his arms to support me more. “I gotta get a cushion or something.”

  “It hurts,” I explained.

  Dominic smiled. “I’ll fix it.”

  “What do you need?” Valerie put a hand on Dominic’s back.

  He took a few seconds to think. “A kitchen towel and some string, duck tape or a few rubber bands.” As soon as he had what he needed he went to work.

  I leaned on Paulie and Rosario as I watched. Dominic soon handed us the modified crutch. “Thanks.” Rosario helped me get it under my arm. I leaned on it a bit. “Much better.” Paulie stayed behind me and Rosario stepped backward. I took a few unsteady steps. “Can I sit now?”

  “Dinner’s ready!” my mother shouted. “There’s enough for everyone. Stay.”

  Chapter 25

  Chad leaned his chair back when he had cleaned his plate. “That was amazing, Ma. Thanks for cooking.” He turned to me next to him but on the couch. “You need to eat more than a few bites.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not hungry.”

  “Those casts’ll be on a long time if you don’t eat right,” Dominic scolded me. “You need protein and dairy at least. How about some milk?”

  I frowned. “Not really into milk.”

  “Orange juice?” Dominic cocked an eyebrow.

  After I let out a loud exhale, I agreed, “Yes I like that.”

  “OK. Good.” Dominic smiled. “Chad, get her the one with extra vitamins. Oh and get her supplements too.”

  Chad glanced at me. His eyes held concern. “I’ll do that.”

  “Cameron and Gavin are on their way over,” my mother said as she took Chad’s empty plate. “Good thing I made so much.” She cooked when she was emotional. It helped her deal.

  I leaned back and turned to Jon next to me. “Where’s Sean and Emma?”

  “They’re home,” he explained. “I’m going out to Pittsburg next weekend.” He patted my knee. “I’ll be right back.” When he passed me, his phone rang. “Brandon? Everything OK?” He walked to the kitchen then sat with me again. “That works. Anthony’ll be there. If you wanna record next week too, we can work that out.”

  When he hung up, I asked, “Was that Brandon Knight?”

  “Yeah.” Jon put his phone in his pocket. “The tour’s delayed. So they’re bored. Might as well record some more of their next album.”

  There was a quick knock at the door. Then my brothers walked in. “How’s my baby sister?” Cameron asked as he rushed to me. His grin was infectious. He leaned over the couch and hugged me gently. “Glad you’re OK.” His forehead pressed to mine for a few seconds.

  “Stop smothering her.” Gavin shook his head. He waited for Cameron to move before he hugged me as well.

  Jon nodded at my brothers and got to his feet again. “We should move that dresser before we forget about it.”

  “Wish I could help,” Dominic said as he got to his feet. “But it’s my niece’s birthday. We’re taking her out for ice cream as soon as Anthony and Tony get home.”

  Noelle smiled widely. “Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Atkinson.” They walked around to give hugs and handshakes. When she reached me, she palmed my cheek and whispered, “Let me know if you need anything you don’t feel comfortable letting the guys do.”

  “Thanks.” I was surprised, since we had rarely spoken before then. “I will.” The offer was more than I could ask for.

  Dominic kissed my cheek when she moved away. “Let me know if Chad gets overbearing. He’s scared. I can come by a few times a week if need be.”

  “OK. Thanks.” I was lucky to have such amazing friends. “Tell Angela happy birthday.”

  “Sure.” Dominic waved then pulled Noelle to get their coats.

  Paulie grazed my cheek with his knuckles. “I’m gonna help John move your dresser.”

  Minutes later, Jon called out, “Mrs. McLoughlin, which dresser is it?” Valerie hopped up from the loveseat and headed down the hall to the bedrooms.

  I closed my eyes and leaned back. Things would be complicated and more different than I realized. The voices around me seemed far away as my mind drifted. We wouldn’t know if I was pregnant for another week most likely. I knew I had to try and eat for the baby, but I couldn’t. An image of Giovanni bloody in the van flashed before me, and I jumped.

  “Hey.” Gavin scooted closer to me on the couch and put an arm around me. “What’s wrong?”

  My bottom lip shook and tears threatened. I turned to him. “Memories.”

  He gently cradled my head. “I’m so sorry, kid.” His lips pressed against my temple. “I can’t imagine.”

  Grateful he came home, I held onto his arm and let my tears flow. He held me closer and leaned his head on mine slightly. When I felt someone else behind me, I stiffened which hurt.

  “It’s me,” Cameron whispered. He put his hands on my sides and lay his head on my good shoulder. “We’ll be here for you.”

  “She OK?” Paulie’s voice seemed to come from behind me.

  Cameron lifted his head. “How can she be?”

  “I meant is she physically hurt?” Paulie explained. “Did something else happen?”

  I pushed on Gavin. “No. Just memories about the accident.”

  Paulie came around the couch. “Are you OK t
o come help us?”

  “Sure.” I grabbed my brothers’ hands to stand.

  “No. No. Wait.” Paulie leaned down and lifted me up. My legs hung over his forearm, and he cradled my back. “Not taking chances.” He carried me to Chad’s room and set me on the bed. “Nice of Chad to give you his room.”

  My eyes opened wide, but I tried to hide it. “Uh, yeah. The bathroom is closer.”

  “Good idea.” Paulie glanced at the dresser in the middle of the room. “Where d’ you want it?”

  I looked around. Only one place made sense. “Next to the closet?”

  “OK.” Paulie helped Jon lifted the heavy wood dresser an moved it into place. “Fits perfect.” He grinned at me. Then he started to put the drawers back in. “Is this all you have?” He cocked at eyebrow at me.

  I shrugged. “Not sure what Chad packed for me.”

  “You need more clothes.” Paulie looked around. “Where’s your keys? I’ll go get some stuff.”

  I bit my lip. “You don’t have to.”

  He sighed and sat next to me. “Look. I’m here to help. So let me.” He picked up my hand. “You can’t tell me this is easy. Where’s your place?”

  My eyes drifted down. “Across the street.”

  “Oh, wow.” Paulie lifted my chin. “I’ll take care of this.” He leaned toward me, seemingly to kiss me, but he stopped just before our lips met. “Uh… Where’s your keys?”

  Valerie cleared her throat. “I have them.” She stood in front of us. “I didn’t realize you needed more clothes.”

  “I don’t know what I need,” I admitted. Without my friends and family, I would have been lost that day. When she left the room, I sighed. “Not sure what fits over my casts.”

  Paulie exhaled loudly. “Yeah. That is a problem.” He looked me over. “I never seen you wear such baggie shirts.”

  “It’s Giovanni’s,” I softly replied.

  He put an arm around my back and pulled me to him. “I’m sorry I asked.”

  “So…” Jon was obviously uncomfortable with something. “Anything else you need help with?”

  I looked up at Jon and was shocked to see that he glared at Paulie. He thinks we have something going on. Oh no. “Nothing I know of. Thanks though.”

  Jon crouched down and laid a hand on my thigh. “Then I’ll head out so you can spend time with your family.” He glanced at Paulie. “Do you need a ride somewhere?”