“Is that his mom?” he asked quietly.
After a deep breath, I opened my eyes. We stood feet from Maria. “Yes.”
“Let me know if you need me.” Paulie helped me to the chair next to Maria. Then he walked away.
The whirlwind week flashed before my eyes. Confusion and guilt fought for dominance in my heart. I avoided Giovanni. I wasn’t ready to say a final goodbye. When Maria laced her fingers with mine, I wanted it to soothe me, but it compounded the memories. We sat there for what felt like forever.
My parents came to check on me. Both hugged me, as did Chad’s parents. I wanted to leave and forget it all happened. My mind reeled with so much, I could barely think at all. How do you say goodbye to someone you had your whole life planned out with?
Giovanni’s mom suddenly squeezed my hand. “It’s almost over,” she said reassuringly. “You can do this. I know how strong you are. Your friends won’t be away from you for long. They’re doing Giovanni a great honor by stepping up to carry him.”
With that, I started to sob. “I don’t want him to go,” I wailed. “I wanna have his baby. We planned it. I miss him so much.” I cradled my abdomen and hoped his child was inside. However, I was terrified at the same time.
Every second that passed, my grief worsened. I felt like I was drowning. Several people came to try to console me, but it didn’t help. The voices all melded together. My head started to spin, and my chest physically ached. Giovanni, please come back! I threw myself on the floor and cried uncontrollably. Someone must have gotten Chad, because soon his arms were around me.
“Please don’t leave me, too!” I cried to him.
He held me close and kissed my cheeks several times. “I won’t leave you until I have to. Please try and relax, baby. You’re going to ruin your dress.” He picked me up and put me back in a chair. Then he held my hands as he crouched in front of me. “I wish I could take the pain away.”
I tried to control myself for his sake. It was no use. Everything was turned upside down. All because of one awful night. Nothing was as it was supposed to be. Nothing at all. Even Chad and Chris’ lives were affected. The band was gone. I was broken. Our dreams were crushed, and our future was unknown. It had gone so well. Then poof… It was gone in one night.
After a while, I ran out of tears and just sniffled. Someone handed me tissues. “Thanks.”
Chad kissed my forehead. “I have to go. They’re gonna start now. I’ll be a few feet away, I promise.”
The men in black suits directed everyone to get in a line. They wanted us all to say goodbye to my love, one at a time. It was tradition, and I knew it, but it hurt so much I didn’t want to. Giovanni’s mom pulled me behind her anyway. I closed my eyes and walked with her.
She stopped and told me, “You have to open your eyes. You have to make it real. My handsome son. Too young to be here. Twenty-three years was not long enough.”
I reluctantly opened my eyes. She touched Chad’s tie that he had given up for Giovanni to wear. I knew Giovanni didn’t own one. Giovanni wore the earring I gave him for Christmas. He looked like he was asleep, but he was so obviously not my Giovanni. I touched his hair. “I’ll love you forever,” I whispered to him, through tears. Then I became dizzy, and my legs gave out.
Giovanni’s Uncle Antonio caught me. “Whoa.” He quickly handed me to Chad.
“Baby, it’s OK. I know this is the hardest thing you’ve ever done.” He turned to a man in a black suit in the front of the room. “I’m gonna get Crystal in the car.”
He lifted me up and followed Maria to a black limo outside. She held my hand. In front of the limo was the hearse. I tried not to think about it. Chad sat me in the car with her.
“I’ll be back. I promise.” Then he was gone but left the door open.
Soon, people started to come out of the building and go to their cars. Then the men in black lined the stairway to the funeral home on both sides. Rosario appeared in the doorway. Behind him were Chad and Chris. Both held opposite ends of the coffin that carried Giovanni. Dominic and Jon were next, followed by Mark and Phil with Tommy at the end. They all had tears on their cheeks. They carried him down the stairs then to the hearse in front of us.
Seconds later, Chad and Rosario climb into the limo. The only good thing about the ride to the church was being in Chad’s arms. I didn’t let him go until the car stopped. We both wiped at our tears, but what was the point? Through the window, I saw what seemed to be hundreds of people. They lined the huge staircase that led up to the church on both sides.
Chad had an arm around me as we walked to the stairs. Then he lifted me up and carried me up. His tears had slowed but not stopped. Mine still fell fast. He set me down at the top of the stairs. Then we walked to Giovanni’s mom in the first pew. She took my hand and squeezed.
He kissed my forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”
As the church filled up, anxiety gripped me again. My parents and Chad’s parents checked on me more than once, as did my brothers and Paulie. What’s taking so long? Just as the thought faded, everyone got quiet and stood up. I looked down the aisle of the church. Chad, Rosario and the others carried Giovanni into the church. They slowly came to the front and placed his casket on a stand next to where his mother and I stood. The tears started in earnest again. I knew the end was near, and I would never see him again in the flesh.
Chad and Rosario both hugged me as I cried even more. Rosario let me go and held his mom who also cried. Chad took my hand in his as we all turned to the priest on the altar. The mass was standard except when the priest was to give his sermon, he talked about Giovanni, death and grief. He called me his widow, which made me fall apart. After that, Chad had to hold me up if we needed to stand.
When the mass was over, Chad, Rosario and the other pallbearers got up and carried Giovanni out of the church. Maria tried to help me walk, but I was too weak to hold myself up. Then my parents each took an arm and helped me follow my Giovanni. As we reached to the stairs, my dad tried to pick me up, but his back wasn’t good. Paulie suddenly scooped me up and carried me down. He stood me up at the base of the staircase. My parents stood next to us. I watched the guys put Giovanni into the hearse again. Once the door closed, my knees gave out. Someone caught me, but I was too hysterical to know who.
Chad was there within seconds. “Baby, you’re going to hurt yourself.” He carried me to the limo. When we were alone, he kissed my lips. “It’s OK. I know this’s hard. I’m here for you.” He pulled me onto his lap and held me close. We sat together in a corner. His lips continuously brushed over my face. Unable to deal, I put my head on his shoulder and just cried. He cried softly as well, his head against mine to try to comfort me. When everyone was in the car with us, the limo pulled out.
The procession to the gravesite was long. We passed by the apartment he and I had shared, then his mom’s house before drove onto the highway to the cemetery. There were so many cars behind us we had a police escort in front, behind and at least two in the middle.
When we finally got to the cemetery, Chad kissed my temple and set me next to him. “I’ll be back.”
He and Rosario got out of the car. Soon after, I watched as Chad, Rosario and the other guys carried Giovanni to his gravesite, from the window. He was to be buried with his father. Soon Chad and Rosario returned and everyone got out of the limo. Maria took her son’s arm. Chad picked me up; afraid I would lose my balance on the uneven grass. The tears hadn’t stopped for more than a few seconds since we left the church. The men in black suits from the funeral home handed everyone a flower as we walked to Giovanni. One by one, we all placed our flower on his casket, which was over the open grave. His family, Chad, me and the other pallbearers stood by and waited as everyone else laid their flower down then filed back to the road. Chad stood behind me and had his hands on my hips.
When no one else was left, they lowered Giovanni down and again I came totally undone. I started to sob uncontrollably. Then I fell again. Chad
caught me, just above my broken ribs. He turned me around and held me close as I continued to bawl into his chest. It was the worst feeling I ever had in my life.
Chad picked me up and carried me back to the limo before anyone else left. I shook uncontrollably. Chad held me on his lap and rocked me. Tears fell down his cheeks as well. He kissed me repeatedly to try to make me feel better.
“She a’right?” Rosario asked.
Chad’s head lifted. “No, but how can she be?”
“Yeah.” Rosario sounded defeated. “I get it. Believe me. That sucked. That Paulie guy asked if she was OK too.”
With a sigh, Chad replied. “He’s worried too. Tell him I got her.”
Not long after, everyone was back in the car, and we were on our way back to the funeral home. I eventually cried myself to sleep in Chad’s arms. I woke up just as we pulled into the parking lot. Uncle Antonio invited everyone to Vincenzo’s, which was the custom in their family after a funeral.
“Can we just go home?” I asked Chad.
Rosario, who was next to us, whispered, “Please come. It would mean a lot to me and my mom.”
I took a deep breath. “Fine.”
At the restaurant, I mostly leaned on Chad and tried not to cry. I couldn’t eat. When I was handed a glass of wine, I drank it automatically. I wanted the pain to go away. Something had to work. I drank several more glasses when Chad was turned away. By the time we left the restaurant, I was clearly intoxicated from the combination of alcohol and my pills. At least I forgot that we left Giovanni at the cemetery.
Chapter 31
“Did you drink?” Chad asked as he tried to hold me up at his front door.
I shrugged and laughed. Since I hadn’t eaten anything in hours, the alcohol had even more of an effect on me than it should.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Chad shoved the door open. “You’re on all kindsa fuckin’ meds, and what about the baby? I know you’re upset, but what the fuck?” He dragged me to the bedroom and dropped me on the bed, aggravated. “Alcohol’s the last thing you should be touching.” He yanked my jacket off and glared at me. “If something happens to the baby, you’re gonna regret this.”
I smirked at him, oblivious to what his words meant. “K.”
He rolled his eyes and walked out.
With a look around the room, I tried to find something to entertain myself. There was nothing. I rolled over to look in the nightstand and fell off the bed. I giggled because I didn’t feel a thing.
Chad flew into the room. “Seriously?” He picked me up and carried me to the couch. “Don’t move.” He turned on the television and walked away again. Minutes later, he came back with a half a sandwich. “You gotta eat something. Or you won’t be able to take your pills later.”
“I’ll eat it if you get my clothes off.” No idea why I gave him that stipulation.
He took my dress off and handed me the sandwich. I smiled at him. Ha, ha, I won. I was too drunk to know Chad got me to do what he wanted instead. Soon after I ate, I passed out on the couch.
* * *
The doorbell woke me. Chad was nowhere to be seen. I got up, still in only my underwear. Then I stumbled to the door and grabbed the knob.
“No! Don’t open the door!” Chad yelled from somewhere.
Still quite drunk, I ignored him. Chris was on the other side of the door. “Hi!” I shouted excitedly and kind of jumped on him. He caught me by the ass.
“What’re you doing?” Chris asked, shocked.
Chad called from the kitchen, “She’s plastered. Someone gave her wine at the restaurant. Alcohol and her medicine don’t go well together. Just put her back on the couch. I’m doing laundry.”
Chris carried me to the couch then sat next to me. As soon as I was down, I looked at him and opened my bra. Then I took him by the shirt and pulled him on top of me. “Everybody else had me. You should too.” My mind was a jumbled mess.
“Stop it, Crystal,” Chris commanded me.
I quickly reached down, opened his pants and grabbed his half-hard cock. “I know you want me. They all want me.” I had no idea why I did it, but the pain was gone, and that was all I cared about.
“Chad!” Chris yelled. “She’s taking my pants off!” He tried to pull my hand off him but I held on tight.
I moved my hand up and down his shaft. “Come on, Chris. You’re the last one. Make me scream. I know you want me.”
Chris’ expression changed. “Stop, Crystal,” he breathed. “Today’s not the day for this kinda stuff.” Then he moaned. “Cut it out.” He closed his eyes for a second. Then as soon as I loosened my grip, he pulled away from me quickly. He dropped back on the couch with a sigh.
Before he closed his pants, I straddled his hips, which was a struggle. I truthfully can’t understand how I was able to manage it. With my right knee free, I was able to kneel, but my arm cast just lay on his shoulder. I didn’t know why I wanted him. It was irrational and illogical. Insanely horny, I grinded my crotch against his swollen cock.
“Come on, Chris. Everybody thinks I’m sleeping with you too. So let’s just make it happen.”
“No. You can’t do this,” he protested with a moan.
I lifted up, pulled my panties aside then slid his dick into me while he let out a soft sigh. “Yes I can.”
Chris’ eyes opened wide, and he looked down. “No. No. No.” He hugged me and lifted me slightly. “Chad! Get over here now!” He struggled to get me higher. “Now, Chad!”
“What the fuck’re you doing?” Chad shouted. “How’re you even in that position?” He put his arms under my shoulders. Then he yanked me up. “You let her fuck you?”
Chris groaned. “I’m sorry. She jumped on me—Wait. I stopped her. She came down on me, but I didn't—”
“It don’t matter.” Chad carried me to the bedroom and sat me on the bed. “Why today, baby? I can’t deal with this today.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “It’s too much.”
I pulled him down on top of me. “Chad, make me scream. Please.” I wanted things to be normal again.
He pried my hands off his clothes and got to his feet. “No. You’re so drunk you got no idea what you’re doing. Today’s not a day for sex. We just buried Giovanni. How can you act like this?” He leaned over and closed my bra.
Then he grabbed one of Giovanni’s T-shirts from my dresser. He tried to put it on me while I fought him. When I refused to cooperate, he held me down and forced it on me. I started to cry. The alcohol’s affect waned.
“Why’d you have to drink?” he asked with tears on his cheeks.
By the time Chad set me down on the couch again, Chris had closed his pants. Chad shook his finger at me. “Keep your hands outta his pants, or I’m gonna tie you down or something.”
I stared at them, sadder than I thought possible. The alcohol wore off. I also felt guilty and lost. It had been blissful to forget reality.
Chad held my cheek as he kissed my lips. Then he turned at Chris. “I’m sorry. When she’s drunk, she likes to fool around. Sorry, I yelled at you.”
“You know I’d never take advantage of her,” Chris stated.
Chad sighed. “Yeah, I know. I haveta finish what I was doing.” Then he left the room again.
Without the alcohol-induced numbness, it all came back full force. Memories floated through my head. I couldn’t take it anymore. As I bawled, I turned my head and leaned on the couch.
Chris moved closer to me. “I’m so sorry you lost him.” He reached for me then took me in his arms.
I cried into his shirt as I clutched it. “I miss him so much.”
Chris stroked my hair as I sobbed loudly. I felt like I would burst. Thoughts of suicide came to the surface again, but I couldn’t think of a painless way to do it. Then I heard Chad’s voice. I can’t break his heart like that. How else can I make the pain stop?
“I wish I could fix this,” Chris whispered and kissed the top of my head. “I feel so helpless.” He cradled my hea
d carefully. “I’m so glad you survived.”
His voice started to soothe me. After I finally had no more tears, I drifted off, my head still on his chest.
* * *
When I woke up again, I was across the couch with my head on Chris, and my feet on Chad. They watched a movie on television. As soon as Chris noticed I was awake, he stroked my hair. I didn’t move, still consumed by sorrow.
“Can I make it better?” Chris asked as he stared into my eyes.
I looked back at him. “No one can.”
Unfortunately, at that moment, I really believed that. I felt like there was no way to fix my broken heart. When Giovanni was put into the ground, it ripped my heart open again. I didn’t take into account that coming down from drunkenness and unable to take my meds exacerbated the issue.
Chad rubbed my legs. “Baby, you’ll feel better in the morning. This was a really hard day for all of us. Your parents are going home tomorrow. They’re gonna have dinner with us first. OK?”
Instead of an answer, I slowly turned onto my left side and put my hand on Chris’ thigh. I closed my eyes and lay there silent.
* * *
When Chris had left, Chad picked me up and held me in his arms. Even his touch didn’t affect me. The emptiness ate at me. I wanted it to end more than anything. If only I could pass out, I would have a reprieve. However, I stayed awake and completely aware Giovanni could not come back. I toyed with the ring on my neck. I wanted it to help me feel him again, but I never did.
Soon enough, Chad carried me to bed. He didn't give me my pills. The alcohol most likely had worked through my system, but he was afraid. I lay there long enough for him to fall asleep. Then I untangled myself from his arms and walked carefully back to the living room. I curled up as much as I could on the couch and turned on the television. Mindlessly, I surfed channels and hoped something would pique my interest or distract me from the pain of my empty heart.
* * *
Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3) Page 27
