Dual Desires (Triple Threat Book 3)

by Bella Jeanisse

  I looked up at him. “I missed you, but I get it. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I was fine with Rosario.”

  He grinned. “I took the morning off to be with you.”

  “Really?” Excitement filled me. Rarely did we have uninterrupted time together.

  He palmed my cheek. “Really. You have me until two.”

  “Cool.” I lay my head on his bicep. “You ever notice Rosario and Giovanni have the same eyes?” I glanced down and remembered how sweet Rosario was the night before. “It kinda upset me and comforted me at the same time. It was weird.” I sighed. The vision of Giovanni's arms around me the night before flashed by. What an awesome dream.

  “Yeah. They look so much alike.” He pulled me closer and laid my head on his chest. “When I got home, you were in his arms. He said you thought he was Giovanni.” Chad softly kissed my lips. “He was crying. I felt so bad.”

  Rosario was holding me, not Giovanni? Oh God! It wasn’t a dream. The night before came to me slowly. We had sex? Oh no. What'd I do?

  “He was acting kinda funny though.” Chad ran his fingers through my hair. He took a few deep breaths. “Something happened. I can tell.”

  I stiffened, unsure if he really wanted to know.

  “Did you...” He sighed and whispered, “Did you assume he was Giovanni and...” He hugged me tightly. “Did he fuck you?”

  I closed my eyes. “I'm not really sure.” How could I trust my cloudy memory?

  “It's OK,” he murmured into my hair. “You wanted it to be him. It's kinda like me fucking someone else in my sleep.”

  As I hid that his statement bothered me, I asked, “Has that happened?”

  “No, baby.” He kissed the top of my head. “I just mean I know how it’s possible. The meds you’re on make you oblivious sometimes.” He sighed. “I won’t put you in that position again.” His shaky hands told me it bothered him at least a little.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He nuzzled my hair with his nose. “Shh. Let’s just forget about it. Please.” He was quiet for a few minutes then he said, “Can we just stay in bed for a while? I don’t wanna let you go.”

  “I’d love that.” I ran my fingers up and down his back. “While I was at Maria’s all you did is work?”

  Chad took a deep breath. “Nah. Paulie stopped by. He looks good. I told him you’re doing better.”

  “Something was wrong besides my accident.” I saw it in his eyes but didn’t want to pry. “Did he tell you what?”

  As he cradled my head, he sighed. “Yeah, but he asked me to let him tell you himself. I didn’t have the heart to tell him we got together. He talked about you nonstop.”

  “You have nothing to worry about,” I assured him. “I love you with all my heart.”

  He lifted my face and gazed into my eyes. “Same here. I trust you, and I know what we have is real.”

  When neither of us had said anything for several minutes, I decided to ask about the bike. “How was your ride last night?” I stared at his shoulder, unsure how I felt about him on Giovanni’s motorcycle.

  “I didn’t drop it at least.” He stroked my hair. “My foot’s bigger, so I had a little problem shifting. I’ll get used to it. It’s not like my old dirt bike.”

  I closed my eyes. “Did you like it?”

  “Yeah. He did a nice job on the engine. Smooth ride.” He sighed. “As soon as you get your casts off, I’ll take you out to the river.”

  “OK.” Images of riding on the back of the bike flashed by. I missed it. “He was gonna get saddlebags.” I sniffled. “Maybe just around the corner?”

  “It’s too dangerous.” Chad sighed. “I can’t take the chance.”

  I buried my face in his skin. “What if we added a sissy bar?” I couldn’t stop the tears.

  “No, Crystal.” He hugged me as tight as possible. “In a few weeks. I promise.”

  It took a while, but I calmed down. It was for my own good, and I knew it. Chad always looked out for me. Riding was something Giovanni and I had shared often. It always helped us clear our minds and feel closer. The subject needed to be changed, so I looked up.

  “I have things at my place I want.” I couldn’t bring myself to go there. “Do you think Chris could go across the street and get them?”

  He nodded. “Yeah.” His eyes told me he already had that planned. “Tell me what you want.”

  “The photo album.” I sucked on my bottom lip as I thought about it. “Um, there’s a box in my nightstand with a piece of paper in it. And… and… my razor and…” I tried to think of something of Giovanni’s to hold. “The photo of us on my dresser.” I glanced down. “Not sure what else.”

  Chad whispered, “Paulie and Jon offered to pack your things. We should let them. You’re not going back there. We can store Giovanni’s stuff in the basement.”

  “No.” I suddenly looked up. “Unless Rosario wants anything, give it away. I can’t look at it.”

  He brushed his lips over mine. “You’ll regret it if you get rid of everything. Give it time. Then you can sort through it.” He was right, like always.

  “OK.”

  His fingertips trailed over my back several times. It made me wonder what my back looked like. Chad rarely talked about it, and I had not seen it. At least Giovanni’s jacket had protected my spine.

  “Did the door wreck my tattoos?” I hadn’t even thought of that until that moment.

  Chad leaned over my shoulder and caressed the tattoo we shared. “This one’s fine.” He moved his hand over. “The band logo’s good too.” His hand trembled as he slid his fingers lower. “What d’ ya want for breakfast?”

  He hid something. I was afraid to ask, but I had to. “Don’t change the subject. What about the others?”

  “Don’t worry.” He cupped my ass and pressed his body into mine. “You’re fine.”

  I gritted my teeth. “Are they ruined? Tell me.”

  “Not all of them,” he murmured. “This one…” He traced my lower back tattoo. “The top is damaged. I’m sure Julian can fix it. Or cover that part up.” He paused. “The other two are… We’ll see what Julian can do. You know he has talent.”

  I nodded and hoped he was right that time.

  Chapter 38

  Thursday morning, Chad and I walked into Dr. Andrews’ office for my first orthopedic appointment. I had not met him yet. Nervous, I gripped Chad’s hand tightly. I had no idea what to expect. When they x-rayed me in the hospital, I had been unconscious. I had never been to that type of doctor before.

  When they called my name to go in, a nurse led us to get x-rays first. We sat in that waiting room for a few minutes. Then a woman in scrubs approached us with something in her hand.

  She smiled. “Here’s a paper gown to change into. Remove your blouse and bra.”

  I was confused. “Why?”

  “For the shots of your ribs,” she explained. “You’ll also have to remove all jewelry.” She handed me the gown and pointed to a changing room. “This one’s free.”

  Chad helped me up and tugged me to the room. “It’ll be OK.” He undressed me because I was too anxious to help myself.

  The paper gown was uncomfortable and felt quite revealing. With my arms over my chest, I followed Chad back to the waiting room. We were alone, but my anxiety was heightened. His arm around my shoulders did little to relax me.

  My name was called again. We walked into the x-ray room, and my eyes widened. The technician was a man. He reached out to me, and I backed away until I crashed into Chad. I still couldn’t handle if strange men touched me.

  “Can you get a female tech?” Chad asked when I started to shake. He put his arms around me. “She’s afraid of you.”

  The technician cocked an eyebrow. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No.” Chad sighed. “Please don’t take offense. She can’t help it. I’m not at liberty to explain.”

  Realization passed over the tech’s face. “Oh. Sure thing. It’s fi
ne.” He walked out without another word.

  A female tech entered the room. “I’m sorry.” She offered a hand. “I’m Marcie. There’s nothing to fear.” She glanced at Chad. “You can’t stay while I take the x-rays.”

  “But—” I tried to protest.

  Marcie smiled. “Don’t worry. We’ll do your ribs first. Then your boyfriend can help me get you on the table for the rest.”

  I nodded.

  After films of my ribs, arm and leg were taken, we were brought into an exam room. Chad lifted me up again and sat me on the table. He stood between my legs and kissed me deeply as he held me in his arms. It was the perfect distraction. The room fade while my eyes closed, as if we were somewhere else.

  “I love you, my baby girl,” Chad whispered in my ear and let his lips brush my neck. He pressed his body to mine and grabbed my ass. “I want you so much.” He exhaled on my neck as he trailed kisses up and down. “Doctor’s usually make you wait a long time.” He slid a hand up my shirt and started to unhook my bra. His other hand moved into the back of my pants.

  Then the door suddenly opened, and Chad jumped back. “I see you weren’t bored while you waited,” Dr Andrews said with a wide smile. He had several x-ray films in his hand. After he put them up on a lighted screen, he picked up my chart from the counter. He opened it and flipped through it. Then he looked at me and to the cover where my name was written and back. “You’re Crystal from Triple Threat. Aren’t you?”

  I looked at Chad and put my hand out. He clasped it and replied, “How’d you know that?”

  The doctor approached me. “Well… her chart has her name on it, and she has the same injuries. You guys are good.” Then he looked at my X-rays. “I’m sorry about Giovanni. I wish you guys luck.”

  I squeezed Chad’s hand. Anxiety crept up again. “Thanks.”

  He had me lay back first, and Chad lifted my shirt up. Dr. Andrews gently touched my ribs. It didn’t hurt any more. “They’re healing well.” He and Chad helped me sit up. “Your arm and ankle aren’t healing as fast as they should.” He frowned at the x-rays. “Are you eating right and taking vitamins?”

  I looked to the floor. “Ever since Giovanni died I haven’t had an appetite.”

  “I thought so. You’re much thinner than on the CD,” the doctor responded. “Chad, if you are her caregiver, you need to make her eat and take the vitamins. Is she taking the pain medication still?”

  “Yeah,” Chad informed him. “She’s also on sleeping pills and anti-depressants.”

  Dr. Andrews nodded. “OK. I’m gonna write down some more vitamins she should be taking. And she needs a lot more calcium otherwise she is going to be in these casts for months. Get her to drink milk and eat yogurt and cheese. That will help. And if her eating habits improve, the casts shouldn’t be on more than another month or so.” He handed Chad the list of vitamins. Then he looked my right foot. “Good idea. I’m gonna take the sock off.”

  * * *

  When we got back home, Rosario’s car was in the driveway. As soon as we stepped into the living room, I hugged him. I looked up into his eyes and saw Giovanni again. It comforted me. “I missed you, Rosario.”

  He held me close. “I see that. I’m sorry I been AWOL. It’s just… that night… when you thought I was my brother.” He took in a shaky breath. “It really affected me. It felt like losing him all over again.”

  I leaned my head on his chest. “I’m sorry. I really thought you were him. It helped me, so I don’t regret it. It was like I had one more night with him. Thank you for giving that to me.”

  A tear fell on my neck. I looked up. Rosario whispered, “But I took it too far.” He cradled my head and moved his lips to my ear. “I guess I was hurtin’ so bad I couldn’t control myself. Do you remember what happened?”

  I nodded.

  “Did you know it was me fucking you?”

  I slowly shook my head.

  “See. I fucked up.” He exhaled into my hair. “I thought you wanted me.” He tugged me closer. “I won’t assume again.” He sighed and his head moved. “I’ll never forget it though. Been a fantasy of mine for years.”

  Chad cleared his throat from a few feet away. “Uh… not to interrupt, but I’m going downstairs so I can finish a new page for the website.”

  “I’m here,” Chris said as he entered the room from the hallway. “I just called for pizza. Chad, go do what you gotta do. I’ll take care of her.”

  Rosario stepped back but still supported me. “I’m here too. I got a few hours free.”

  Chad smiled and walked off. I was shocked he didn’t confront Rosario about what happened between us. He had not spoken of the incident since I told him. Unlike Giovanni, he didn’t seem to get jealous often. As I thought back, I realized he was only jealous of Giovanni. Did he know even back then that no one but Giovanni was actual competition? Years ago, he was jealous of every man I dated. What changed?

  “You OK?” Rosario held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “Were you day dreaming?”

  I blinked my eyes a few times and focused on him. “Uh, yeah. Sorry.”

  Footsteps made my head turn. Chris came from the rear hallway. “Hey. Chad told me what the doctor said.” He stopped about a foot away and frowned. “No more pushing away your food. He’s a wreck about this.” He put up a hand when I opened my mouth. “Look. He puts up a good front, but he’s worried 24/7. You need to make an effort.” He glanced at Rosario then back at me. “Chad loves you more than life itself. Everything that happened to you, affected him more than you’ll ever know. His whole life changed that day too.”

  “I know it did.” I stepped toward Chris and grabbed his arm when I stumbled. “Everything did.”

  Rosario kissed my cheek. “I’m gonna get a beer. You guys talk.”

  When he walked away, Chris slipped his arm around my waist. “I’m gonna tell you something he won’t.” He tugged me to the couch. Just as I sat down, he began to talk again. “He screamed and cried for you as we watched the accident unfold. We both jumped out as soon as we could. Until we heard your voice, I thought he was gonna fall apart. If he lost you, he would’ve just gone nuts. You were the world to him. You still are.”

  I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. Chad only gave me bits and pieces of what happened, other than what I remembered. He must have gone through hell. “Did you help him through it?”

  “No. He wouldn’t let any of us help him. The waiting room was full of musicians worried about the both of you. He didn’t lean on anyone. Only Jon came close to comforting him.” He put an arm around me. “He protected you that night, you know. He never left you, unless they forced him to. I tried to check on you in the emergency room. He came out of the curtain and stopped me from getting any closer.”

  Chad had paced my hospital room. His hands shook. His emotional state… It all made sense. The day I woke up, he was wound up tight, close to an implosion from anxiety. That was because he went through it alone.

  Lips on my temple brought me back to the present. Chris rubbed my arm. “Even when I asked how you were, he couldn’t really tell me. He kept saying it was really bad, and you needed him. That made us all wonder if you were gonna die too. I know he was terrified of losing you.”

  When Chris didn’t say anything for a while, I looked up. He was obviously lost in thought. “You a’right?”

  Chris shrugged. “I had no idea until that day, how much he really loved you. I thought he just wanted to get in your pants, but there’s obviously a lot more to it.” He sniffled, as he tried to hold back his emotions. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand about you two. I was confused and filled with grief. I should’ve supported you guys. I should’ve kept my anger to myself. I’m so sorry.”

  “I understand.” I managed. Clearly, he needed to vent.

  Rosario sat on my other side. “Everything OK?”

  “Yeah.” I sat back and sighed. “Been a rough week.”

  He nodded. “Tell me about it.” W
ith a hand on my thigh, he sighed. “I’m dreading going back.”

  “When’re you leaving?” I leaned toward him, and he shifted to hold me.

  Rosario kissed the top of my head. “In the morning. Sorry. Mom doesn’t wanna come back with me. So I’ll be back in a few months.”

  I closed my eyes. His exit was not supposed to be sad. “OK.”

  He hugged me. “I don’t wanna leave either. I’ll keep in touch though.”

  A knock on the door surprised me.

  “Pizza,” Chris said as he got to his feet.

  Chad joined us for lunch at the kitchen table. “Before you leave, you might wanna go through the bins downstairs. Just don’t go in the one labeled Crystal’s. Those things seemed kinda private.”

  My cheeks heated up. Then I whispered to Chad, “What’s in there?”

  “Uh…” He bit his lip then bent down to me. “Stuff from your nightstand and uh… personal stuff… toys… Tommy thought it was funny, but I told him to keep his mouth shut.”

  I closed my eyes. Paulie, Jon, Tommy and Sam had cleaned out me and Giovanni’s apartment. I hadn’t gotten up the nerve to see what they packed for me. With Rosario’s blessing, all the furniture had been donated.

  “When I come to visit, can I stay here?” Rosario grabbed a second slice from the box. “My mom’s couch sucks.” Then he groaned. “Damn. Forgot the bedrooms are taken up.”

  I looked up. “No they’re not.” Chad covered his face with his hands and Chris groaned. “What?”

  “I thought we weren’t telling him,” Chad muttered.

  Rosario put his food down. ”What’d I miss?” He glanced at all of us in turn. “Wait.” His eyes settled on me. “Are you two… Did…” He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “I’m not gonna get mad about this,” he mumbled. His features hardened. “It’s not worth it.” When he looked up again, tears had welled up. “You listened to my brother? Tell me you’re not getting married on Valentine’s Day.”