Whack The Mole

by Maria Geraci

  “Why do they call you that?”

  “Beats me. I suppose someone at the FBI thought it sounded very macho. Of course, the idiots think I’m a man. I’d much rather be called Khaleesi or Xena. What do you think? Fierce warrior princess or…fierce warrior princess with dragons?”

  “You kill people. For money. You don’t deserve to be called either of those.”

  She snickers then waves the gun to point me in the direction of the living room. “In there.” Since I really don’t want to get a bullet between the eyes, I do as I’m told.

  Sitting on a chair in the middle of the living room is a skinny middle-aged bald guy with deep-set eyes. So this is the infamous Joey “The Weasel” Frizzone. His hands are tied behind the chair, and his mouth is gagged. “Joey, meet Lucy, Lucy, well…there’s no need for introductions because your friendship isn’t going to last much longer.”

  Joey’s eyes go wide with fear. He struggles against the ropes but gets nowhere.

  I wish I could say something to reassure him, like tell him that the cops are on their way, but if I do that what’s to stop Sally from killing us both right now and escaping before they have a chance to storm the place? Plus, there’s the fact that Will is somewhere outside, clueless to what’s going on in here. Has he found Paco? I hope so.

  My best bet right now is to keep Sally talking until the cops arrive.

  “Where’s Agent Billings?” I ask. “Is she the one who’s been helping you?”

  “Lucy, I’m impressed. I mean, I knew you were smart, but I had no idea.” She checks her watch. “I have a few minutes to answer questions. So, why not? What do you want to know? Oh, you want to know if Billings was helping me. That would be a no. It was the two idiots lying on the kitchen floor.”

  “Parks and Rollins.”

  “Is that their names?” She shrugs. “I just called them Thing One and Thing Two. I never could tell them apart. They were useful, but I have no intention of splitting my contract fee with them. Or anyone else either.”

  “They were the ones who disabled the surveillance cameras at The Bistro so you could leave Mark Rinaldi’s shirt button near the dumpster. That’s what you were doing, isn’t it, when I caught you in the pantry hallway?”

  “That would be a big yes.”

  “And last night, when I caught you jogging here on the street, you were on your way to kill Joey, weren’t you? Parks and Rollins tipped you off on the location of the safe house.”

  “Not exactly. That would be you, Lucy. You’re the one who told me where the safe house was.”

  “Me? I did no such thing!”

  “Of course you did. Think back to a few days ago when you came to see Will at the library. You told him all about your adventure following the cops to deliver food to some mysterious jogger? Quite the little sleuth, aren’t you? Let’s see, what did you say again? A house on a cul-de-sac in Dolphin Isles and the broker who manages the property is named Kitty Pappas. With all that information it only took a few minutes on the Internet to get the address.”

  “You were eavesdropping?”

  “Hardly. The door to Will’s office was partially open. I can’t help it if my desk is just a few feet away.”

  The realization that I inadvertently helped El Tigre makes me sick. I’m so angry I could spit on her muffins the next time she comes into The Bistro. Except…she won’t be coming back to The Bistro and I might not be alive to bake any more muffins.

  I swallow hard. Keep her talking, Lucy.

  “So you killed Mark Rinaldi and Eddie “The Hatchet” because you wanted the money for yourself.”

  “Money had nothing to do with those hits. That was a matter of keeping order. Once I gave notice that I was in town those two should have backed off. Nobody takes a contract out from under me. It’s a good lesson for anyone else who might think to cross me in the future.”

  “Gave notice?”

  “Agent Cameron. He was my notice.”

  My blood turns cold. “You killed Ken Cameron as a warning? To anyone else who might think to kill Joey?”

  “Joey is my contract. No one else’s. What did you want me to do? Send Rinaldi and O’Leary a Hallmark card telling them their services weren’t needed? I’m afraid they don’t make one for that occasion. Don’t worry, Agent Cameron didn’t suffer. I’ve worked hard to perfect my skills. One bullet clean between the eyes. You see, I hate making a mess.” She points her gun at Joey. “This one, though. He’s going to be a challenge.”

  “What do mean?”

  “Vito wants him to suffer. I’m supposed to cut his tongue out before I shoot him as a warning to anyone else who might think of squealing against the Scarlotti family. Preferably with a dull knife, but, I’m just not a knife girl. To tell you the truth, they kind of scare me.” Her eyes light up. “Say! You could do it for me.”

  I almost throw up in my mouth. “What?”

  She checks her watch again. “We need to get going. I have about five minutes before Billings wakes up, and I’d like to shoot her before then.”

  “Where is she?”

  “In the bathroom, tied up. Thing One did that for me while Thing Two was tying up Joey. I’m going to miss them on my next job. It was nice having help for a change. Oh well. You should have seen their faces when they realized there wasn’t going to be a next job for them.”

  “You…you don’t have to kill Agent Billings. We won’t tell anyone about you. I’ll make her promise.”

  “Don’t be such a child, Lucy. Of course I have to kill her. Not that it will give me any pleasure. I admire her you know. A woman in her position in the FBI? She’s worked hard to get where she is at such a young age. She doesn’t deserve to be killed protecting this scum,” she says cocking her head at Joey. “The least I can do is kill her before she wakes up. You help me with Joey and I’ll do the same for you too. I’ll make sure your death is as painless as possible.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  A movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. Someone is in the kitchen. Could Parks or Rollins still be alive? No. That would be impossible. Maybe it’s the cops. Keep her talking, Lucy.

  “Let me get this straight,” I say. “You want me to cut out Joey’s tongue?”

  Joey’s eyes go even wider than before. He bucks against the chair.

  “Sorry but I’m not doing that.”

  “Too bad.” Sally backs up a couple of feet and aims her gun at my face.

  “Wait! Hold on! Okay, okay, I’ll do it.”

  She chuckles. “I knew you’d give in.” While still keeping the gun on me, she picks up a knife off the coffee table then hands it to me. Why hadn’t I noticed it before? I could have grabbed it and… and what? Stabbed her with it? Not when she has a gun on me. I’m not that fast. Plus, ew…it’s a knife.

  “Just in case you think about trying to be a hero, let me warn you. You come near me with that knife and you’ll be dead in two seconds flat. I might not be good with silverware, but I’m an expert when it comes to guns.”

  My palms are so sweaty that the knife nearly slips out of my grasp. “How do I do this?”

  “Just pull his tongue and slice it off. It’s easy. I was just joking about the knife being dull.”

  I slowly walk over to Joey.

  Where are the cops?

  “Um, he’s still gagged. How am I supposed to cut his tongue off if I can’t get to it?”

  “I guess I have to do everything.” Sally pulls the gag off.

  Joey immediately starts screaming. “No! Stop! I’ll give you anything! You want money? I got money!” He squirms violently, causing the chair to rock from side to side. For a minute I think he might topple over. Which might not be such a bad idea. It would distract Sally, that’s for sure.

  I try to steady the knife. If Joey could just get the chair to tip over then I could—

  In that instant, I see more movement in the kitchen. It’s Will! And Paco.

  Sally has her back to them so she
can’t see them. Thank God.

  Will and I lock gazes. He shakes his head, warning me not to give him away. Paco is by his feet. His eyes have a hard glassy look in them. I’ve seen this look before. It’s his I have to save Lucy! look.

  It feels as if there’s a stick of dynamite ready to go off inside my chest. Sweat drips down my back.

  “I don’t have all day.” Sally waves the gun in my face again, which must be too much for Paco because before I know it, he runs into the living room and leaps in the air rushing Sally from behind.

  The gun falls from her hands and skitters onto the floor. Will scrambles to pick it up but just like Sally warned me—she’s fast. She’s going to beat Will to the gun.

  Unless I do something about it first.

  Using one of my childbearing hips, I bump into Joey’s chair as hard as I can. He topples over, screaming obscenities all the way down, landing on top of Sally. Will grabs the gun. In that instant, the front door crashes open.

  “Hands in the air!” yells Travis, brandishing a gun, with Zeke behind him. They’re wearing regular clothes. I wish I had a camera right now because the looks on their faces when they see Will holding a gun on Sally is priceless.

  “It’s about time you got here,” Will says. “I left you two messages and finally had to call 911.”

  Travis catches my gaze. “Sorry. We were in an unmarked car in the back of the neighborhood waiting to escort the FBI and Joey out of town.”

  Zeke quickly takes in the scene. “What’s going on?”

  Will still has the gun over Sally’s head and the look in his eyes is a little scary, And maybe just a little sexy too. I’ve always been attracted to Will. I mean, with his dark hair and blue eyes he’s basically Henry Cavil without the cape. But today I saw another side of him. A very manly side that’s making me feel warm and tingly all over. “Tell them, Lucy,” he urges.

  “The long version or the short version?” I ask, bending down to scoop Paco into my arms. “You sweet worthless dog you,” I say, giving Sally the stink eye.

  She sighs heavily. “Never trust the dog,” she mutters.

  “How about the short version now and the long version later?” suggests Zeke.

  “Okay, here goes. Sally Reynolds is El Tigre. She killed Ken Cameron and Mark Rinaldi and Eddie O’Leary. She also killed the two FBI agents in the kitchen—Rollins and Parks, only, they kind of deserved it on account of they were crooked. And Agent Billings—oh!”

  I run to the bathroom where I find her gagged and tied up on the floor and most definitely awake. Her gray eyes are blazing with fury.

  Zeke, who’s followed me into the bathroom, helps untie her.

  Agent Billings stands up and rubs her wrists. “You have the situation under control?” she asks Zeke.

  “Yes, ma’am,” Zeke says. “Or rather, Lucy does.”

  Her gaze snaps to mine. “Lucy? I…heard some of what when on out there.” Her expression goes blank. “Rollins and Parks. Where are they?”

  “Dead. In the kitchen. Sally…er, El Tigre killed them. They’ve been helping her all along.”

  “I know. So Ken wasn’t dirty after all.” There’s sadness, but also relief in her voice. She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. “On behalf of the Bureau, thank you, Lucy.” She puts out her hand.

  And because I’m a good sport (and yeah, I really messed up with the whole Mike thing), I shake her hand.

  Agent Billings makes a phone call. Soon the place is swarming with more FBI personnel. The first thing they do is whisk Joey out the door. Sally is about to be escorted out too when she stops and turns around. She looks like she wants to say something but I beat her to it.

  “So, all those weeks pretending to be a librarian. Did you even read the books we talked about? Do you even like to read? Or was that all just a big sham?”

  “Of course I like to read. I’m not a total monster, you know.”

  Well, at least there’s that.

  “Lucy, don’t forget what we talked about before. Life’s too short.” She tosses me a meaningful look over her shoulder right before the feds take her out of the house in handcuffs.

  “What’s that about?” Will asks once she’s gone.

  “Nothing,” I say a little too quickly.

  He gives me an odd look. That’s when I notice he still has the gun in his hand. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t realize that he’s still holding on to it. “So what now?” he asks Travis.

  “We have everything we need from you two,” Travis says.

  Rats! It’s just occurred to me that I missed dinner at my parents. “Will, we have to go. My mom’s probably going beserk wondering where I am.”

  “Yeah, sure.” He sounds dazed. Not that I blame him. It’s not every day you have a life and death encounter with a notorious killer.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I say, and then because I can’t help myself, I add, “Leave the gun, take the muffins.”

  It’s nearly midnight, and I’m still at my parents’ house telling the story of how I caught El Tigre for the umpteenth time. Half of Whispering Bay has come and gone to either hear the story, congratulate me, tell me how they thought Sally was suspicious from day one, or eat some of my mother’s home-made toffee bars. I definitely have to give that interview to the Whispering Bay Gazette so everyone can read it all at once and I won’t have to keep repeating myself.

  Mom has barely left the kitchen since all this happened. Her cheeks are flushed as she scurries around the house making sure all our “guests” have had something to eat or drink.

  Dad, I think, is stunned by it all.

  Paco has had his share of the limelight too. Everyone is praising him and telling me how lucky I am to have him. I couldn’t agree with them more.

  Will and Travis are both here too, and I have to say it’s a bit awkward because:

  A. Travis knows how I feel about Will, and he thinks I should tell him.

  B. I can’t stop thinking about my kiss with Travis.

  C. I think I have feelings for Travis too.

  It’s official. I’m a PG-13 rated ho.

  The one upside to all this? Now that everyone in town knows what went down, Betty Jean has come crawling over begging me to join her book club again. Well, maybe not begging, but she’s strongly requesting that I consider it.

  I told her I’d give her my decision later.

  I’ll probably say yes, but I plan to make her sweat for a few days.

  Sarah and her husband Luke and a bunch of other friends have all come by too. Sarah and I have decided to close The Bistro tomorrow since it doesn’t look like I’m going to get to bed any time soon. We’ll reopen bright and early Wednesday morning and if anyone has anything to say about that, tough.

  My brother is one of the last people to arrive. He hugs me tightly. “Lucy, Lucy, Lucy,” he says in his Ricky Ricardo voice that always makes me laugh. Then in a more serious tone, “Are you all right?”

  “I’m okay. Thanks to Will and Paco.”

  He nods thoughtfully in that way he does when he’s really thinking about something else.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  He looks startled that I’ve been able to read him so well.

  “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s actually pretty right. The bishop called me this afternoon to tell me that someone from the parish is donating all the funds to fix the roof.”

  “What? That’s great, isn’t it?”

  “Super,” he says, “I just wish it wasn’t anonymous. I’d like to be able to thank whoever donated the funds.”

  Mom pulls Sebastian away to ask him a question (I hope she’s not asking for the membership roster for the Young Catholic Singles group) so I wander off into the dining room where I find Travis and my dad in deep conversation.

  They glance up and Dad takes off, leaving Travis and me alone. I wonder what they were talking about. “Great chicken cacciatore,” Travis says, pointing to his empty plate.

  “Mom fed
you, huh?”

  “Yep.” He studies me a minute. “Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me?”

  “Like what?”

  “What made you suspect Sally in the first place? I mean, the hair, yeah, I get that, but…” He shakes his head, confused. “What did I miss?”

  Poor Travis. I want to tell him about my lie-detecting skills. I really do. I mean, I figure eventually I’m going to have to tell him, but I don’t have the energy for it tonight. Maybe on our next adventure. If we have one. Something tells me we will.

  “You didn’t miss anything.”

  He opens his mouth to argue with me when we’re interrupted by Brittany.

  “Lucy!” She throws herself against me. “Thank God you’re alive! When I heard what happened, I nearly fainted. How are you? How’s Paco? How’s Will? I heard he almost singlehandedly took down this El Tigre person!”

  “We’re all fine, Britany, thanks for coming over.”

  “Of course! Oh, Lucy, you’re not going to believe this. I have the best news ever!”

  The best news ever according to Brittany would be something involving either her job or… “Don’t tell me we’re going to be on Battle of the Beach Eats after all.”

  “How did you know?” she squeals.

  “Wait. I was…are you serious?”

  “We’re back on top! Isn’t it fantastic? Tara called me this evening with the news. Wait for it,” she says dramatically. “Catfish Cove had a main pipe burst making their tap water undrinkable. Yes!” She pumps her fist in the air.

  “But…that’s horrible.”

  “Not for us it isn’t. All the restaurants there had to close on account of their water problem, so Tara had no choice but to go with us. How lucky are we, huh?”

  “Um, well, yeah, but those poor people.”

  She taps her watch. “I’d love to stay but I need to get my beauty sleep.” She checks out my face. “You should too, Lucy. You know what they say about the camera! It picks up everything. You don’t want to have bags under your eyes, do you?”

  “What do you mean?”