Dragons!

by Various

  "Then, sir, we could pack the armor on the mule, for you to don in dragon country."

  "I like it not," said Eudoric. "Moot, weighted down by

  that lobster's habit, I could move no more spryly than a tortoise. 'Twere small comfort to know that if the dragon ate me, he'd suffer indigestion afterward."

  Jillo sighed. "Not the knightly attitude, sir, if ye'll pardon my saying so."

  "Say what you please, but I'll follow the course of what meseems were common sense. What we need is a brace of those heavy steel crossbows for sieges. At close range, they'll punch a hole in a breastplate as 'twere a sheet of papyrus."

  "They take too long to crank up," said Jillo. "By the time ye've readied your second shot, the battle's over."

  "Oh, it would behoove us to shoot straight the first time; but better one shot that pierces the monster's scales than a score that bounce off. Howsomever, we have these fell little hand catapults not, and they don't make them in this barbarous land."

  A few days later, while Eudoric still fretted over the lack of means to his goal, he heard a sudden sound like a single thunderclap from close at hand. Hastening out from Kasmar's Inn, Eudoric and Jillo found a crowd of Pathenians around the border guard's barracks.

  In the drill yard, the guard was drawn up to watch a man demonstrate a weapon. Eudoric, whose few words of Pathenian were not up to conversation, asked among the crowd for somebody who could speak Helladic. When he found one, he learned that the demonstrator was a Pantorozian. The man was a stocky, snub-nosed fellow in a bulbous fur hat, a jacket of coarse undyed wool, and baggy trousers tucked into soft boots.

  "He says the device was invented by the Sericans," said the villager. "They live half a world away, across the Pantorozian deserts. He puts some powder into that thing, touches a flame to it, and boom! it spits a leaden ball through the target as neatly as you please."

  The Pantorozian demonstrated again, pouring black powder from the small end of a horn down his brass barrel. He placed a wad of rag over the mouth of the tube, then a

  leaden ball, and pushed both ball and wad down the tube with a rod. He poured a pinch of powder into a hole on the upper side of the tube near its rear, closed end.

  Then he set a forked rest in the ground before him, rested the barrel in the fork, and took a small torch that a guardsman handed him. He pressed the wooden stock of the device against his shoulder, sighted along the tube, and with his free hand touched the torch to the touchhole. Ffft, bang! A cloud of smoke, and another hole appeared in the target.

  The Pantorozian spoke with the captain of the guard, but they were too far for Eudoric to hear, even if he could have understood their Pathenian. After a while, the Pantorozian picked up his tube and rest, slung his bag of powder over his shoulder, and walked with downcast air to a cart hitched to a shade tree.

  Eudoric approached the man, who was climbing into his car. "God den, fair sir!" began Eudoric, but the Pantorozian spread his hands with a smile of incomprehension.

  "Kasmar!" cried Eudoric, sighting the innkeeper in the crowd. "Will you have the goodness to interpret for me and this fellow?"

  "He says," said Kasmar, "that he started out with a wainload of these devices and has sold all but one. He hoped to dispose of his last one in Liptai, but our gallant Captain Boriswaf will have nought to do with it."

  "Why?" asked Eudoric. "Meseems 'twere a fell weapon in practiced hands."

  "That is the trouble, quoth Master Vlek. Boriswaf says that should so fiendish a weapon come into use, 'twill utterly extinguish the noble art of war, for all men will down weapons and refuse to fight rather than face so devilish a device. Then what should he, a lifelong soldier, do for his bread? Beg?"

  "Ask Master Vlek where he thinks to pass the night." "I have already persuaded him to lodge with us, Master Eudoric."

  "Good, for I would fain have further converse with him."

  Over dinner, Eudoric sounded out the Pantorozian on the

  price he asked for his advice. Acting as translator, Kasmar said, "If ye strike a bargain on this, I should get ten per centum as a broker's commission, for ye were helpless without me."

  Eudoric got the gun, with thirty pounds of powder and a bag of leaden balls and wadding, for less than half of what Vlek had asked of Captain Boriswaf. As Vlek explained, he had not done badly on this peddling trip and was eager to get home to his wives and children.

  "Only remember," he said through Kasmar, "overcharge it not, lest it blow apart and take your head off. Press the stock firmly against your shoulder, lest it knock you on your arse like a mule's kick. And keep fire away from the spare powder, lest it explode all at once and blast you to gobbets."

  Later, Eudoric told Jillo, "That deal all but wiped out our funds."

  "After the tradesmanlike way ye chaffered that barbarian down?"

  "Aye. The scheme had better work, or we shall find ourselves choosing betwixt starving and seeking employment as collectors of offal or diggers of ditches. Assuming, that is, that in this reeky place they even bother to collect offal."

  "Master Eudoric!" said Jillo. "Ye would not really lower yourself to accept menial wage labor?"

  "Sooner than starve, aye. As Helvolius the philosopher said, no rider wears sharper spurs than Necessity."

  "But if 'twere known at home, they'd hack off your gilded spurs, break your sword over your head, and degrade you to base varlet!"

  "Well, till now I've had no knightly spurs to hack off, but only the plain silvered ones of an esquire. For the rest, I count on you to see that they don't find out. Now go to sleep and cease your grumbling."

  The next day found Eudoric and Jillo deep into the Motolian Forest. At the noonday halt, Jillo kindled a fire. Eudoric made a small torch of a stick whose end was wound with a

  rag soaked in bacon fat. Then he loaded the device as he had been shown how to do and fired three balls at a mark on a tree. The third time, he hit the mark squarely, although the noise caused the palfreys frantically to tug and rear.

  They remounted and went on to where they had met the dragon. Jillo rekindled the torch, and they cast up and down the beast's trail. For two hours they saw no wildlife save a fleeing sow with a farrow of piglets and several huge snails with boulder-sized shells.

  Then the horses became unruly. "Methinks they scent our quarry," said Eudoric.

  When the riders themselves could detect the odor and the horses became almost unmanageable, Eudoric and Jillo dismounted.

  "Tie the nags securely," said Eudoric. "'Twould never do to slay our beast and then find that our horses had fled, leaving us to drag this land cockadrill home afoot."

  As if in answer, a deep grunt came from ahead. While Jillo secured the horses, Eudoric laid out his new equipment and methodically loaded his piece.

  "Here it comes," said Eudoric. "Stand by with that torch. Apply it not ere I give the word!"

  The dragon came in sight, plodding along the trail and swinging its head from side to side. Having just shed its skin, the dragon gleamed in a reticular pattern of green and black, as if it had been freshly painted. Its great, golden, slit-pupiled eyes were now keen.

  The horses screamed, causing the dragon to look up and speed its approach.

  "Ready?" said Eudoric, setting the device in its rest. "Aye, sir. Here goeth!" Without awaiting further command, Jillo applied the torch to the touchhole.

  With a great boom and a cloud of smoke, the device discharged, rocking Eudoric back a pace. When the smoke cleared, the dragon was still rushing upon them, unharmed.

  "Thou idiot!" screamed Eudoric. "I told thee not to give fire until I commanded! Thou hast made me miss it clean!"

  "I'm s-sorry, sir. I was palsied with fear. What shall we do now?"

  "Run, fool!" Dropping the device, Eudoric turned and fled.

  Jillo also ran. Eudoric tripped over a root and fell sprawling. Jillo stopped to guard his fallen master and turned to face the dragon. As Eudoric scrambled up, Jillo hurled the torch at the
dragon's open maw.

  The throw fell just short of its target. It happened, however, that the dragon was just passing over the bag of black powder in its charge. The whirling torch, descending in its flight beneath the monster's head, struck this sack.

  BOOM!

  When the dragon hunters returned, they found the dragon writhing in its death throes. Its whole underside had been blown open, and blood and guts spilled out.

  "Well!" said Eudoric, drawing a long breath. "That is enough knightly adventure to last me for many a year. Fall to; we must flay the creature. Belike we can sell that part of the hide that we take not home ourselves."

  "How do ye propose to get it back to Liptai? Its hide alone must weigh in the hundreds."

  "We shall hitch the dragon's tail to our two nags and lead them, dragging it behind. 'Twill be a weary swink, but we must needs recover as much as we can to recoup our losses."

  An hour later, blood-spattered from head to foot, they were still struggling with the vast hide. Then, a man in forester's garb, with a large gilt medallion on his breast, rode up and dismounted. He was a big, rugged-looking man with a rat-trap mouth.

  "Who slew this beast, good my sirs?" he inquired.

  Jillo spoke: "My noble master, the squire Eudoric Dambertson here. He is the hero who hath brought this accursed beast to book."

  "Be that sooth?" said the man to Eudoric.

  "Well, ah," said Eudoric, "I must not claim much credit for the deed."

  "But ye were the slayer, yea? Then, sir, ye are under arrest."

  "What? But wherefore?"

  "Ye shall see." From his garments, the stranger produced a length of cord with knots at intervals. With this he measured the dragon from nose to tail. Then the man stood up again.

  "To answer your question, on three grounds: imprimis, for slaying a dragon out of lawful season; secundus, for slaying a dragon below the minimum size permitted; and tertius, for slaying a female dragon, which is protected the year round."

  "You say this is a female?"

  "Aye, 'tis as plain as the nose on your face."

  "How does one tell with dragons?"

  "Know, knave, that the male hath small horns behind the eyes, the which this specimen patently lacks."

  "Who are you, anyway?" demanded Eudoric.

  "Senior game warden Voytsik of Prath, at your service. My credentials." The man fingered his medallion. "Now, show me your licenses, pray!"

  "Licenses?" said Eudoric blankly.

  "Hunting licenses, oaf!"

  "None told us that such were required, sir," said Jillo. "Ignorance of the law is no pretext; ye should have asked. That makes four counts of illegality."

  Eudoric said, "But why—why in the name of the God and Goddess—"

  "Pray, swear not by your false, heretical deities." "Well, why should you Pathenians wish to preserve these monstrous reptiles?"

  "Imprimis, because their hides and other parts have commercial value, which would perish were the whole race extirpated. Secundus, because they help to maintain the balance of nature by devouring the giant snails, which otherwise would issue forth nightly from the forest in such numbers as to strip bare our crops, orchards, and gardens and reduce our folk to hunger. And tertius, because they add a picturesque element to the landscape, thus luring foreigners to visit our land and spend their gold therein. Doth that explanation satisfy you?"

  Eudoric had a fleeting thought of assaulting the stranger

  and either killing him or rendering him helpless while Eudoric and Jillo salvaged their prize. Even as he thought, three more tough-looking fellows, clad like Voytsik and armed with crossbows, rode out of the trees and formed up behind their leader.

  "Now come along, ye two," said Voytsik.

  "Whither?" asked Eudoric.

  "Back to Liptai. On the morrow, we take the stage to Velitchovo, where your case will be tried."

  "Your pardon, sir; we take the what?"

  "The stagecoach."

  "What's that, good my sir?"

  "By the only God, ye must come from a barbarous land indeed! Ye shall see. Now come along, lest we be benighted in the woods."

  The stagecoach made a regular round trip between Liptai and Velitchovo thrice a sennight. Jillo made the journey sunk in gloom, Eudoric kept busy viewing the passing countryside and, when opportunity offered, asking the driver about his occupation: pay, hours, fares, the cost of the vehicle, and so forth. By the time the prisoners reached their destination, both stank mightily because they had had no chance to wash the dragon's blood from their blood-soaked garments.

  As they neared the capital, the driver whipped up his team to a gallop. They rattled along the road beside the muddy river Pshora until the river made a bend. Then they thundered across the planks of a bridge.

  Velitchovo was a real city, with a roughly paved main street and an onion-domed, brightly colored cathedral of the One God. In a massively timbered municipal palace, a bewhiskered magistrate asked, "Which of you two aliens truly slew the beast?"

  "The younger, hight Eudoric," said Voytsik.

  "Nay, Your Honor, 'twas I!" said Jillo.

  "That is not what he said when we came upon them red-handed from their crime," said Voytsik. "This lean

  fellow plainly averred that his companion had done the deed, and the other denied it not."

  "I can explain that," said Jillo. "I am the servant of the most worshipful squire Eudoric Damberston of Arduen. We set forth to slay the creature, thinking this a noble and heroic deed that should redound to our glory on earth and our credit in Heaven. Whereas we both had a part in the act, the fatal stroke was delivered by your humble servant here. Howsomever, wishing like a good servant for all the glory to go to my master, I gave him the full credit, not knowing that this credit should be counted as blame."

  "What say ye to that, Master Eudoric?" asked the judge.

  "Jillo's account is essentially true," said Eudoric. "I must, however, confess that my failure to slay the beast was due to mischance and not want of intent."

  "Methinks they utter a pack of lies to confuse the court," said Voytsik. "I have told Your Honor of the circumstances of their arrest, whence ye may judge how matters stand."

  The judge put his fingertips together. "Master Eudoric," he said, "ye may plead innocent, or as incurring sole guilt, or as guilty in company with your servant. I do not think that you can escape some guilt, since Master Jillo, being your servant, acted under your orders. Ye be therefore responsible for his acts and at the very least a fautor of dragocide."

  "What happens if I plead innocent?" said Eudoric.

  "Why, in that case, an ye can find an attorney, ye shall be tried in due process. Bail can plainly not be allowed to foreign travelers, who can so easily slip through the law's fingers."

  "In other words, I needs must stay in jail until my case comes up. How long will that take?"

  "Since our calendar be crowded, 'twill be at least a year and a half. Whereas, an ye plead guilty, all is settled in a trice."

  "Then I plead sole guilt," said Eudoric.

  "But, dear Master—" wailed Jillo.

  "Hold thy tongue, Jillo. I know what I do."

  The judge chuckled. "An old head on your shoulders, I perceive. Well, Master Eudoric, I find you guilty on all four

  counts and amerce you the wonted fine, which is one hundred marks on each count."

  "Four hundred marks!" exclaimed Eudoric. "Our total combined wealth at this moment amounts to fourteen marks and thirty-seven pence, plus some items of property left with Master Kasmar in Liptai."

  "So, ye'll have to serve out the corresponding prison term, which comes to one mark a day—unless ye can find someone to pay the balance of the fine for you. Take him away, jailer."

  "But, Your Honor!" cried Jillo, "what shall I do without my noble master? When shall I see him again?"

  "Ye may visit him any day during the regular visiting hours. It were well if ye brought him somewhat to eat, for our prison fa
re is not of the daintiest."

  At the first visiting hour, when Jillo pleaded to be allowed to share Eudoric's sentence, Eudoric said, "Be not a bigger fool than thou canst help! I took sole blame so that ye should be free to run mine errands; whereas had I shared my guilt with you, we had both been mewed up here. Here, take this letter to Doctor Raspiudus; seek him out and acquaint him with our plight. If he be in sooth a true friend of our own Doctor Baldonius, belike he'll come to our rescue."

  Doctor Raspiudus was short and fat, with a bushy white beard to his waist. "Ah, dear old Baldonius!" he cried in good Helladic. "I mind me of when we were lads together at the Arcane College of Saalingen University! Doth he still string verses together?"

  "Aye, that he does," said Eudoric.

  "Now, young man, I daresay that your chiefest desire is to get out of this foul hole, is't not?"

  "That, and to recover our three remaining animals and other possessions left behind in Liptai, and to depart with the two square yards of dragon hide that I've promised to Doctor Baldonius, with enough money to see us home."

  "Methinks all these matters were easily arranged, young sir. I need only your power of attorney to enable me to go to Liptai, recover the objects in question, and return hither

  to pay your fine and release you. Your firearm is, I fear, lost to you, having been confiscated by the law."

  "'Twere of little use without a new supply of the magical powder," said Eudoric. "Your plan sounds splendid. But, sir, what do you get out of this?"

  The enchanter rubbed his hands together. "Why, the pleasure of favoring an old friend—and also the chance to acquire a complete dragon hide for my own purposes. I know somewhat of Baldonius' experiments. An he can do thus and so with two yards of dragon, I can surely do more with a score."

  "How will you obtain this dragon hide?"

  "By now the foresters will have skinned the beast and salvaged the other parts of monetary worth, all of which will be put up at auction for the benefit of the kingdom. And I shall bid them in." Raspiudus chuckled. "When the other bidders know against whom they bid, I think not that they'll force the price up very far."