Saviour

by J. L. Perry

  A beautiful smile forms on his face as his lust-filled eyes lock with mine. A small moan escapes me as his lips meet mine once more.

  I can feel his erection pushing against my core and it only drives my desire further.

  “I need you,” I whisper into his mouth. I need him so much.

  He draws back again, staring down at me. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’ve never been more sure.” I love that he cares. There were times Wade didn’t even ask; he just took what he wanted.

  He slides down my body until he’s resting on his knees beside the sofa. His hands reach for me, sitting me up. “If it goes too far and you want to stop, just say the word.”

  A smile breaks out onto my face. I’ve waited so long for this to happen, there’s no way I’ll be putting a stop to it, but I’m still touched that he said that. “Okay.”

  “I mean it, Morgan.”

  “I know.”

  I reach for the bottom of my top and pull it over my head without hesitation. I’m thankful I wore my new pink lace bra and matching underwear.

  My smile widens as Ryan’s eyes rake over my torso, pausing slightly when they reach my breasts. They’re not huge or small. I think they’re the perfect size for my frame.

  Lifting his hands, he gently cups my breasts as the pads of his thumbs glide over the thin lace covering my hard nipples. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, as his lips find their way to my jaw.

  Tilting my head back slightly, I allow him access to my neck. “Ryan,” I whimper, as he trails kisses across my jawline and down my neck.

  Standing, he takes me with him. He’s so strong and manly. “I’m going to take you to my room, okay?”

  “Okay.” I’m not scared in the slightest. He makes me feel safer than I’ve ever felt in my life.

  I’m so engrossed in him and what is about to happen that I don’t even concern myself with our surroundings. I’ve often wondered what his bedroom looked like.

  He places me down onto his bed before climbing over the top of me. “I’ve dreamt about this day,” he says, brushing his lips against mine. “I think I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you.”

  “I’ve dreamt about this day too.” I can’t say I’ve wanted this from the first day though. I’m pretty sure I wanted to punch him the first time we met.

  The intensity of his stare as he gazes down at me makes my heart thump against my ribcage, in a good way. The unspoken bond we have is strong, like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m unsure if it is because of the similarities in our pasts, or if it’s something on a much deeper level, but it’s there.

  Although I’m lying down, I manage to slip my hands behind my back to unclasp my bra. I have his eyes on me, but need his hands and mouth as well.

  I hear him snicker when my arm becomes trapped in one of the straps. I was trying to be sexy by removing my bra for him, but it’s turned out to be anything but.

  Propping himself up on one elbow, he frees my arm from its temporary prison. He removes my other arm as well, throwing my bra to the side.

  I smile up at him instead of voicing a thank you.

  “Beautiful!” is all he says as his eyes take me in. The sincerity in his voice makes me believe every word. Using the strength in both his arms, he raises his body slightly. “Can I kiss you all over?” he whispers, leaning his face down close to my ear.

  “Yes!” I whimper, as he rains kisses down my neck and across my collar bone.

  I squirm with anticipation as his mouth makes its way towards my chest.

  He glides his tongue in a circular motion around the edge of my nipple. My breath catches in my throat when he draws back and blows warm air over the surface he just licked.

  “I need to taste you,” he says, moving further down. He lifts his head when he reaches the waistband of my skirt. “Can I?”

  “Yes.” I love that he’s making sure I’m on board every step of the way, but it’s really unnecessary. In time I hope he’ll see that. I have no reservations about what we’re doing. None whatsoever.

  With some kind of magic, or just pure skill, he manages to undo the top button on my skirt with only his teeth. Leaning back on his haunches, he uses his hands to undo the next few buttons. When he moves down to the bottom edge of the bed, I lift my arse up off the mattress as he shimmies the skirt down my legs. A deep growl comes from the back of his throat as he stares down at me. I’m lying here in just a skimpy pair of pink lace knickers and I don’t feel self-conscious at all.

  Lifting one of my legs into the air, he places a soft kiss on the inside of my ankle. It sends electric currents running through my whole body. Slowly and meticulously, his lips make their way up my leg.

  When he gets to my inner thigh, he pauses. The anticipation is killing me. Is it wrong that I just want to grab his face and shove it between my legs? Because that’s exactly what I want to do.

  He looks up at me. “Are you okay?” he asks.

  No, I’m dying a slow, agonising death, is what I want to scream, but instead I just nod my head.

  “I want to rip this right off,” he says, slipping his finger beneath the waistband of my underwear, “but they’re too pretty to ruin.”

  Although that would be incredibly hot, I’m relieved when he says that. This set is my favourite.

  Bringing his face forward, he uses his teeth instead, which is equally hot in my book. I hear him growl again as he drags them down over my thighs.

  He moves back down to the edge of the bed before discarding my underwear on the pile with the rest of my clothes. “Perfection,” he whispers, as his eyes move over my naked body.

  “You’re wearing too many clothes,” I state.

  He smiles as he rises from the bed, undoes his jeans and slides them down his legs. After pushing off his shoes, socks and jeans, he stands to his full height before me. I raise my eyebrows when I see he’s still wearing a pair of black boxer shorts.

  He chuckles before hooking his thumbs in the sides of the waistband and removes them too.

  I swallow nervously when I see his large, erect penis standing up proudly. Ryan looks like a Greek god standing before me. It’s enough to take my breath away. I’m not even sure if it will fit inside me, but I’m willing to give it a try.

  He lifts my opposite leg only this time instead of raining kisses on my skin, he uses his tongue to trail a path up my leg, stopping again when he reaches me inner thigh.

  “Please,” I beg like a shameless hussy. I can’t take this anymore. I like that he’s building momentum here, but I need more.

  He smiles, revealing all his pearly whites before blowing hot air across my pubic bone. When he snickers, I know he’s getting pleasure out of driving me wild. Two can play at that game.

  This time I don’t hesitate. Sitting up slightly, I grab both sides of his face, pushing his head between my legs. His laugh vibrates against my sensitive skin.

  “Oh god,” I moan, when he finally licks a trail up my centre. Hallelujah, I want to cry out, but truth be told, it was totally worth the wait.

  “Jesus, you taste like heaven, babe,” he murmurs. “So fucking good!”

  My head falls back onto the pillow as he anchors my legs over his shoulders and devours me. I swear it’s only been seconds and I’m already climbing to my peak. I was right—there’s something magical about that mouth.

  We both moan in unison when he gently slides a finger inside me, his tongue never once wavering as it continues its assault. His finger moves around in a circle motion, and it’s almost too much. I’ve never experienced such intense pleasure in my life.

  “I’m … I’m ….” I’m about to come is what I was going to say, but then something dreadful happens. Ryan moves his free hand up my body, stopping at the base of my throat. There’s no pressure or malice in his actions, but it’s enough to bring images of Wade flashing through my mind. Images of his hands tightly clenched around my throat, as he tried to strangle the life out of
me. I feel my body start to tense up, and I’m suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

  I take a few sharp breaths, trying my best to fill my lungs with air, but it’s no use. I’m now on the verge of a full-on panic attack. No! Not here, not now.

  “Fuck, Morgan,” Ryan says in alarm, as he scrambles up towards me.

  “I can’t breathe,” I manage to get out, as he sits me up and starts rubbing my back. I can’t believe this is happening in front of him.

  Despite everything, he remains calm. I guess he’s trained for this. “Breathe in through your nose, and out your mouth,” he says softly, as he continues to run his hand gently up and down my back. “In through your nose, and out through your mouth.”

  I do as he says, and it doesn’t take long before I start to feel myself calm. That’s when the humiliation hits hard. He probably thinks I’m a freak now.

  Scrambling off the bed, I scan the ground in an attempt to find my clothes. I need to get out of here.

  “Morgan,” he says, when I take a few steps towards the door.

  “I have to go,” I reply, bending down to scoop up my skirt. I can’t find my bra or underwear, but at least I have something to put on.

  “Babe,” he says as he stands. “Don’t run from me.”

  I can’t even bring myself to look at him.

  He quickly closes the distance between us, before pulling my back into his front. “Christ.” I feel tears well in my eyes when he wraps me tightly in his arms and places a soft kiss on the top of my head. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m sorry.”

  Those words crush me. He did nothing wrong. Can’t he see that I’m the one with the problem here, not him?

  “Oh, Ryan,” I cry, as I turn and sob into his chest. I thought I was ready, but every time I take a step forward, I feel like I’m taking two steps back. “It’s not you, it’s me.” I don’t want him to think it’s his fault. It was an innocent manoeuvre on his part; I just happen to be the one who’s fucked up.

  His grip on me tightens as he softly strokes my hair. “Talk to me, babe. Help me understand.”

  Drawing back, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I’m embarrassed by the way I just acted, and nothing I do or say will change that. He probably thinks I’m a crazy bitch. “It’s probably best if I just go.”

  “Don’t,” he begs, reaching for my arm. The look of confusion and hope on his face just breaks my heart further. “Stay. You don’t have to explain, and we don’t have to do anything. Just stay.”

  I don’t think he even knows just how amazing he is. He’s patient, kind, and understanding. I’m so blessed to have him. All I want to do is show him how much he means to me, but my stupid past is getting in the way of that. It’s so unfair.

  A smile tugs at his lips as he takes a step closer to the bed, taking me with him. “Having you sleep in my arms the other night on Mum’s couch was ….” His words trail off, but I wish he would finish that sentence. He lets go of me and pulls open the top drawer beside his bed. He pulls out a pair of grey boxers before sliding into them. I watch as he bends down to open the bottom drawer next. When he pulls out a fresh t-shirt, I’m a little bummed that he’s going to cover up the rest of his body, but instead he pulls it over my head. It looks more like a dress on me, but I like that I’m wearing his clothes.

  I pull the fabric up to my nose, sniffing it. It smells just like him.

  “Just lay with me for a while. I like having you here in my space. I just want to hold you, and I can take you home later.”

  How can I say no to that?

  Today Ryan is taking me to the Christmas tree farm, so we can choose a tree for Claire’s place. I’m excited. I’ve never had a real tree before. This will be the first time in years that I’ve actually looked forward to Christmas.

  Claire and I decorated the B&B yesterday. We hung garlands on the bannisters, and they look so pretty. They’re adorned with fairy lights and large red and gold Christmas baubles. We put colourful outdoor Christmas lights along the awning of the front porch and also along the front fence. We placed solar netting over the hedges, which are also sprinkled with tiny, colourful fairy lights. I was like an excited little kid as I counted down the hours until dark fell so I could see everything all lit up. I was still smiling when I finally lay down to go to sleep.

  I love this place and all the people in it. The best move I ever made was taking a wrong turn and speeding into this town. Despite everything, my life has never looked brighter and I can’t remember the last time I felt so enthusiastic for my future.

  It’s been a week since I had my panic attack at Ryan’s. I was worried it would make things awkward between us, but it hasn’t. I ended up staying there until the early hours of the morning. He dropped me back at Claire’s just before 5 a.m. No more words were spoken about what happened; he just held me in his arms until I fell into a deep, uneventful sleep. It was nice.

  “You look cute,” Claire says when I enter the kitchen.

  “Thanks,” I reply. I’m only wearing a pair of cut-off denim shorts, a white tee, and a red pair of Chucks. I didn’t even put a lot of time into my hair, just threw it up in a messy bun. But I’ll take the cute. Hopefully Ryan thinks so too.

  We have a lot of walking to do today, and I want to be comfortable.

  “I’m really looking forward to going tree hunting today,” I say, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard so I can pour myself a coffee. “I’ve never had a real tree before.”

  “When Ryan was a little boy, before we moved here, we had a plastic one, but to be honest, nothing beats that fresh smell of a pine tree every time you enter the room. The dropped needles can get a little messy, but it’s worth it.”

  I smile over at her as I bring the hot coffee to my mouth. I’m looking forward to my first Christmas with them both. I hope there’s many more to come.

  I’m fidgety as I sit eagerly on the front steps of the porch, waiting for Ryan. The moment I see his ute approaching, I stand before making my way down the path.

  “Morning,” I call out as he exits the car.

  “Morning.” I see his eyes travel the length of my body the second he rounds the back of the car. I love the look I see on his face when he does that.

  “Jesus, those shorts are going to be the death of me today,” he says, pulling me into his arms and placing a soft kiss on my lips. “I’m going to find it hard to keep my hands off you.”

  “I like your hands on me,” I state with a smile.

  I ended up telling him why I freaked out the night we almost had sex. Although he was very understanding, I’ve noticed he’s cautious about where he puts his hands now and I hate that. I want him to feel comfortable touching me. In time I pray that all my insecurities will pass, and we’ll be able to have a full and healthy relationship. I don’t want to lose him over this.

  “I’ll just run in and say hello to Mum before we leave,” he says.

  “She’s already left to go to the store.”

  “Oh well. I’ll see her when we get back. You ready?”

  “God, yes!”

  “You’re excited, aren’t you?”

  “A little,” I lie. He places his lips on my forehead, then turns and opens the passenger side door for me.

  “I usually hate doing this, but I’m actually looking forward to it this year.”

  I’m beaming as he closes my door. I hope I’m the reason for his change of heart.

  My leg bounces in anticipation as we near the Taree Christmas Tree Farm in Burrell Creek. It is the closest one we have to Paterson, and the drive is just shy of two hours.

  “Look at you, you’re like a little kid,” Ryan says, reaching for my hand.

  “I think the last time I was this excited about Christmas, my mother was still alive.”

  “But you were so young then.”

  “Christmas wasn’t a big deal for my father, well, not until his other children were born. But by then it had lost all is magic for me.”

 
He pulls my hand up to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. “Poor thing.”

  His eyes leave the road briefly. “It is what it is,” I say, shrugging.

  “This year it will be different. I promise.”

  “It already is,” I say, returning his smile.

  I didn’t expect tree shopping to be this hard. This place is huge, with rows and rows of magnificent trees as far as the eyes can see. I see what Claire meant about the smell. The scent of the pine trees is sharp, sweet and oddly refreshing. I lost count of how many times I’ve stopped to sniff some of them.

  To me they all look wonderful, but Ryan keeps finding an issue with each one. This one’s too thin, too tall, too small, not symmetrical, or—god forbid—the branches are too sparse. Apparently, there’s a long list of rules to finding the perfect one, and he assures me we’ll know the moment we see it.

  We wander down another aisle, and although I’m still having fun, I secretly pray that our tree is in this row.

  My hopes are fading as we reach the end, but then I see it. Well, I think I do. The bright sun is in my eyes, diminishing my vision, but the rays seems to be shining down on this one particular tree, illuminating it. I raise my arm and use my flattened palm to block the light so I can get a better look.

  “This one looks perfect, Ryan,” I say, moving closer. It’s tall, but not too tall, the bushy branches all line up to form a perfect cone shape. The symmetry is spot on, and now I understand what he meant.

  “Hmm, you might be right,” he replies, pulling out his measuring tape to check the dimensions. Excitement bubbles up inside me as I stand there and observe his every move. “She’s a beauty, all right. Good job, babe. I think you’ve found our tree.”

  He pulls me into his arms and places a chaste kiss on my lips. He has a way of making me feel proud of myself, even if it’s for the most minuscule thing. His actions are slowly helping to rebuild my shattered self-confidence, one small piece at a time. It’s just another thing I can add to my long list of reasons for loving him.

  He pulls out a blank silver disk and the piece of string that was given to us when we entered. I watch as he writes “Ryan and Morgan Mitchell” on the disk with the black marker. It’s customary to name and mark your tree once you’ve chosen it so it’s ready for a farm employee to cut it down and deliver it to you. We’ll be taking ours home today, tied to the back of Ryan’s ute.