The Day of the Dissonance

by Alan Dean Foster

Drom trotted to a halt beside them. He was foaming at the mouth and soaked with lather.

  “Hot,” he told them unnecessarily. “Excruciatingly hot.” Folly slid off the unicorn’s back into Jon-Tom’s arms, barely conscious. “She was walking blindly toward an open lava pit. I got there just in time.”

  “Jon-Tom.” He held her carefully, acutely conscious of the first-degree burn that covered her whole body. “I. . .I didn’t know what was happening, what I was doing. Jalwar. . . he made me feel so strange. I couldn’t think my own thoughts anymore.” She leaned against him.

  “That morning when he woke me and made me follow him out of our camp, I wanted to cry out, to warn you, but I couldn’t. He made me go with him, and he made me fetch and cook and carry for him, but it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me! It was like I was a prisoner in my own body and I couldn’t get out.” She was sobbing now, the tears wet against his chest. She leaned back and looked up at him in astonishment.

  “I’m crying. I didn’t think I could cry anymore.”

  “You were hypnotized,” Jon-Tom told her. When she continued staring at him in puzzlement he explained further. “A kind of magic. You couldn’t help yourself.” He hugged her to him and when she moaned in pain he was quick to release her. “We’ll have to do something about your burn. Maybe Snooth has something. We can buy medicine for you, too. I still have the three gold pieces that Mudge didn’t lose in Snarken.”

  “It’s all right,” she whispered. “I’m all right now.”

  She turned to Drom. “I wouldn’t have been if he hadn’t shown up. I didn’t know what to think when he came galloping down the corridor after me. Then he told me who he was and that he was a friend of yours and you were all here inside the mountain with him. That you were fighting Jalwar-Zancresta.” She ran to the unicorn and, putting her arms around his neck, hugged him gratefully.

  Drom tolerated the attention briefly before stepping back and pulling free. “I am glad to have been of assistance, madame, but leave us not get carried away with our emotions.”

  “But I thought. . .” Folly looked hurt and Jon-Tom hastened to reassure her.

  “Drom’s not being unfriendly, Folly. He’s just being himself. I’ll explain later.” He looked at the unicorn. “It was a fine bit of rescue work, Drom.”

  “I try.” The unicorn searched the aisle. “Where is the evil one? And the great feline? Did you defeat him during my absence?”

  “No.” Jon-Tom smiled at the mockingbird. “This is Charrok. When Zancresta discovered that he couldn’t defeat me with his own magic, he tried to do it with another spellsinger. Charrok and I conjured up quite a musical storm before we came to the conclusion that harmony is better than dissonance. As for Roseroar, she’s gone after Zancresta.”

  “I should pity the ferret, then.”

  “That’s the truth, mate,” said Mudge. “That’s some broad. If she were only a fourth ‘er size.”

  “You have to learn to think big, Mudge.” Jon-Tom became serious. “Zancresta’s as fast on his feet as he is with his mind. He might give her the slip in here.”

  “ ‘E can’t get out, though, mate,” Mudge commented.

  “Unless there’s another way in, and I’d bet me tool there’s only the one. I’d say the best we can do now is find that oversized she-rat who runs the place. She ‘ad the medicine when the fight started, and I’d wager she’s kept it with ‘er.”

  It was a long hike back to the entryway, and Jon-Tom’s appraisal of the ferret as being fleet of foot turned out to be accurate, for when they turned up the last aisle Zancresta was already there.

  “Ah just missed him in a side aisle,” Roseroar rumbled angrily, having rejoined them only moments earlier. “He won’t get away this time.”

  Zancresta’s clothes were shredded, and he looked very unwizardly as he stood panting heavily before the exit.

  A glance down the side aisle showed his tormentors approaching rapidly. There was nothing, however, to prevent his escaping to plot against them from the outside.

  Nothing except an old female kangaroo.

  “Get out of my way, hag! My time is precious and I have none to waste in argument.”

  “I’m not here to argue with you.” Snooth spoke calmly, the pipe dangling from her lips. Her right hand was extended, palm upward. “You owe me payment.”

  “Payment? Payment for what?” Zancresta snarled impatiently. His enemies were hurrying now, the ferocious tigress in the lead. He did not have much time.

  “For damage done to stock and fixtures.”

  “I was trying to escape from that insane female who even now approaches. You can’t hold me responsible for that.”

  “I hold you responsible for everything,” she replied darkly. “You initiated conflict. You interrupted a sale. I forgive you all that, but you must pay for the damage you’ve caused. I’m not running a philanthropic organization here. This is a business.” She gestured with the palm.

  “Pay up.”

  “Fool! I said I’ve no time to argue with you. This little store you have here is a very clever piece of work, I’ll admit that. But I am Zancresta of Malderpot and I am not impressed. I give you one chance to get out of my way.”

  Snooth did not move. The wizard’s paw dipped into an intact pocket and he flung something small and round at her as the kangaroo’s hands went to her belly. There was a crump as the small round thing exploded, filling the portal with angry red smoke. Jon-Tom had tried to shout a warning. It came too late.

  “Now I will leave over you, hag!”

  But there was something else in the doorway now, something besides the uninjured and glowering Snooth. It rose from her pouch, the pouch where Jon-Tom thought he had detected hints of movement before. It rose and grew and it was immediately clear it was no joey, no infant kangaroo. It was far larger, and it expanded as Jon-Tom and his companions slowed to a halt.

  Zancresta backed slowiy away from the apparition. It enlarged until it reached the roof forty feet overhead, and still it grew, until it could only fit in the cavern by bending low against the rock ceiling.

  It had the shape of a red kangaroo, but its face was not the face of a gentle vegetarian like Snooth. The ears were immense, sharply pointed, and hung with thick gold rings.

  The long snout was full of scimitarlike teeth, and sulfurous eyes centered on tiny black pupils glared downward. Gray smoke encircled and obscured the behemoth’s waist, rising lazily from Snooth’s pouch. Gorillalike arms hung to the floor, where backturned knuckles rested on the smooth stone.

  A bright crimson band encircled the huge forehead. It was inscribed with glowing symbols drawn from an ancient place and time. A thin silken vest flapped in an unfelt wind against the mountainous chest.

  And there was the voice. Not gentle and matronly like Snooth’s, but awesome in its depth and richness. The apparition spoke, and the earth trembled.

  “BEHOLD, ODIOUS IMP, TOILER IN OBSCURITY, MEDDLER IN INEFFECTUALITY: I AM HARUN AL-ROOJINN, MASTER OF ALL THE SPIRITS OF TIME PAST AND TIME FUTURE WHERE MARSUPIALS RULE AND ALL OTHERS ARE BUT TINY SCURRYING THINGS THAT HIDE IN ROCKS AND FEED ON WORMS! BEHOLD, AND BE AFRAID!”

  A hand big enough to sail the Glittergeist if fitted out with sails and rigging reached for Zancresta.

  The sorcerer cowered back against the shelving. His expression was desperate as he sought refuge and found none. He dropped to his knees and begged.

  “Forgive me, forgive me, I did not know!”

  “IGNORANCE IS THE EXCUSE OF THE CONTEMPTUOUS,” bellowed the djinn. “ABUSERS OF KNOWLEDGE RARELY SEEK ENLIGHTENMENT FROM OTHERS. THOSE WHO TRAMPLE CONVENTION DESERVE NO PITY. THOSE WHO DO NOT PAY WHAT THEY OWE DESERVE TO PERISH.”

  “I’m sorry!” Zancresta screamed, utterly frantic now. “I was blinded by anger.”

  “YOU WERE BLINDED BY EGO, WHICH IS FAR WORSE.”

  “It is a terrible thing to feel inferior to another. I can’t stand it. I was overcome with the need to redeem myself, to restore my
standing as the greatest practitioner of the mystic arts. All I have done was only for love of my profession.” He prostrated himself, arms extended. “I throw myself on your mercy.”

  “YOU LOVE ONLY YOURSELF, WORM. MERCY? YOU WOULD HAVE SLAIN MY MORTAL TO SAVE A FEW COINS, TO SHOW YOUR DOMINANCE. MERCY? YEA, I WILL GRANT YOU MERCY.” The ferret’s head lifted, and there was a hopeful look on his tormented face.

  “THIS IS MY MERCY: THAT YOU SHALL DIE QUICKLY INSTEAD OF SLOWLY!”

  Zancresta shrieked and dodged to his left, but he wasn’t fast enough to escape that immense descending hand. The fingers contracted once, and the shriek was not repeated.

  There was only a quick echo of bones crunching. Jon-Tom and his companions stared numbly.

  The hand opened and dropped the jellied smear that had been Jalwar-Zancresta, Wizard of Malderpot.

  “I ASK YOU,” the djinn muttered in slightly less deafening tones, “YOU TRY TO RUN A LITTLE BUSINESS DOWN THROUGH THE AGES AND YOU FIND ETERNITY FULL OF WELCHERS. SPEAKING OF WHICH”—the massive toothy skull and burning yellow eyes lifted to regard Jon-Tom— “THERE is MORE YET TO DO.”

  “Hey, wait a minute,” said Jon-Tom, starting to back away, “we’re ready to pay for what we want. We didn’t come here to stiff anybody.” He glanced toward Snooth, who only shrugged helplessly. Apparently now that the djinn had been called, she was powerless to control it.

  “PAY FOR YOUR GOODS YOU MAY, BUT NOW I HAVE BEEN CALLED FORTH, AND I MUST ALSO BE PAID. HOW WILL YOU DO THAT, PALE WORM? I HAVE NO NEED OF YOUR MONEY. PERHAPS YOU WILL SING ME A SONG SO THAT I MAY LET YOU LEAVE?” Volcanic laughter filled the Shop of the Aether and Neither.

  Jon-Tom felt a hand pushing at him. “Well come on, then, mate,” Mudge whispered urgently, “go to it. I’m right ‘ere behind you if you need me ‘elp.”

  “You’re such a comfort.” Still, the otter was right. It was up to him to somehow placate this djinn and get them out of there. But he was exhausted from his duel with Charrok and Zancresta, and worn out from thinking up song after song. He was also more than a little irritated.

  Not the most sensible attitude to take, perhaps, but he was too tired to care.

  “You listen to me, Hargood ali rooge.”

  The djinn glowered. “I DON’T LIKE MORTALS WHO GET MY NAME WRONG.”

  “Okay, I can go with that,” Jon-Tom replied, “but you’ll have to excuse me. I’ve had a helluva couple of weeks. We came here to get some medicine for a sick friend. If that old fart hadn’t intruded,” and he gestured at the smear on the floor, “we’d be out of here and on our way by now. We didn’t have a damn thing to do with his actions.”

  “TRULY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ON YOUR WAY, BUT WHICH WAY IS RIGHT AND PROPER FOR YOU TO GO, LITTLE MORTAL?”

  “Do you still have the medicine, Snooth?”

  The kangaroo nodded, opened a fist to show the precious container.

  A hand the size of a bus lowered to block her from Jon-Tom’s sight.

  “THE MEDICINE YOU MAY TAKE. IF YOU CAN SATISFY ME. AND YOU HAVE SEEN WHAT HAPPENS TO MERE MORTALS WHO DISPLEASE ME.”

  Jon-Tom was beginning to understand why Crancularn had acquired a less than favorable reputation among travelers in this part of the world, in spite of the miracles it offered for sale.

  “YOU THINK LONG, MORTAL. DO NOT THINK TO TRICK ME BY SOME FOOLISHNESS SUCH AS ASKING ME TO SHRINK MYSELF INTO A BOTTLE.” A hand hovered above them and Folly flinched. “I DON’T NEED TO CHANGE MY SIZE TO SHOW MY POWER. ALL I NEED TO DO IS PUT MY THUMB ON YOUR HEAD.”

  “Whatever happened to the customer’s always right?” Jon-Tom shot back.

  The djinn hesitated. “WHAT OTHERWORLDLY IDIOCY IS THAT?”

  “Just good business practice.”

  “A MORTAL WITH A KNACK FOR BUSINESS.” The djinn looked interested. “I WILL LET YOU PAY WITH YOUR BUSINESS, THEN, AND PERHAPS YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS WILL LEAVE HERE WITH YOUR BONES INTACT. YOU ARE A SPELLSINGER. I HAVE HEARD MANY SPELLSINGERS, BUT NONE THAT PLEASED ME. I DO NOT THINK I KNOW OF ONE FROM YOUR WORLD. SlNG ME A SPELLSONG OF YOUR WORLD, WORM. SlNG ME A SONG THAT WfLL AMUSE ME, INTRIGUE ME. SlNG ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT. THEN, AND ONLY THEN, WILL I LET YOU TAKE THE MEDICINE AND GO!” The djinn folded arms with thick muscles like the trunks of great trees.

  “THINK CAREFULLY ON WHAT YOU WILL SING. I GROW IMPATIENT QUICKLY AND WILL NOT ALLOW YOU A SECOND CHANCE.” Jon-Tom stood sweating and thinking furiously. What song could he possible sing that would interest this offspring of magic, who had access to the goods of thousands of worlds? What did he know that might be offbeat and just weird enough to have some effect on a djinn?

  Off to his left Roseroar stood watching him quietly.

  Mudge was muttering, something like a prayer. Folly paced anxiously behind him while Drom pawed at the floor and wished he were outside where he’d at least have a running chance.

  Feathers caressed his neck. “You can do it, colleague.”

  Charrok was smiling confidently at him.

  Mystical. It had to be overtly mystical, yet not so specific as to anger the djinn into thinking Jon-Tom was trying to trick him. What did he know that fit that description? He was just a hard rocker when he wasn’t studying law. All he knew were the hits, the platinum songs.

  There was only one possibility, one choice. A song full of implications instead of accusations, mysterious and not readily comprehended. Something to make the djinn think.

  He let his fingers slide over the duar’s strings. His throat was dry but his hoarseness was gone.

  “Watch it, mate,” Mudge warned him.

  To his surprise Jon-Tom found he could smile down at the otter. “No sweat, Mudge.”

  “Wot can you sing for ‘im ‘e don’t already ‘ave, guv’nor?” The otter waved at hand at the endless shelves crammed with goods from dimensions unknown. “Wot can you give ‘im in song ‘e don’t already own?”

  “A different state of mind,” Jon-Tom told him softly, and he began to sing.

  He was concerned that the duar would not reproduce the eerie chords correctly. He need not have worried. That endlessly responsive, marvelously versatile instrument duplicated the sounds he drew from memory with perfect fidelity, amplifying them so that they filled the chamber around him. It was a strange, quavering moan, a galvanizing cross between an alien bass fiddle being played by something with twelve hands and the snore of a sleeping brontosaurus. Only one man had ever made sounds quite like that before, and Jon-Tom strained hands and lips to reproduce them.

  “If you can just get your mind together,” he crooned to the djinn, “and come over to me, we’ll watch the sunrise together, from the bottom of the sea.”

  The words and sounds made no sense to Roseroar, but she could sense they were special. Bits and pieces of broken light began to illuminate the chamber around her.

  Gneechees, harbingers of magic, had appeared and were swarming around Jon-Tom in all their unseeable beauty.

  It was a sign the song was working, and it inspired Jon-Tom to sing harder still. Harun al-Roojinn leaned forward as if to protest, to question, and hesitated. Behind the fiery yellow eyes was a first flicker of uncertainty.

  Jon-Tom sang on.

  “First, have you ever been experienced? Have you ever been experienced?” The djinn drifted back on nonexistent heels. His great burning eyes began to glaze over slightly, as if someone were drawing wax paper across them.

  “Well, I have,” Jon-Tom murmured. The notes bounced off the walls, rang off the ears of the djinn, who seemed to have acquired a pleasant indifference to those around him.

  Jon-Tom’s own expression began to drift as he continued to sing, remembering the words, remembering the chords. A brief eternity passed. It was Mudge who reached up to break the trance.

  “That’s it, mate,” he whispered. He shook Jon-Tom hard. “C’mon, guv, snap out o’ it.” Jon-Tom continued to play on, a beatific expression on his face. The djinn hovered before him like some vast rusty blimp, hands fol
ded over his chest, great claws interlocked, whispering.

  “BEAUTIFUL . . . Beautiful. . . beautiful. . .”

  “Come on, mate!” The otter turned to Roseroar, who was swaying slowly in time to the music, her eyes blank.

  A thin trickle of drool fell from her mouth. Mudge tried to kick her in the rump, but his foot wouldn’t reach that high.

  So he settled for slapping Folly.

  “What. . . what’s happening?” She blinked. “Stop hitting me.” She focused on the drifting djinn. “What’s happened to him? He looks so strange.”

  “ ‘E ain’t the only one,” Mudge snapped. “ ‘Elp me wake the rest of ‘em up.”

  They managed to revive Drom and Charrok and Roseroar, but Jon-Tom stubbornly refused to return to reality. He was as locked into the deceptively langorous state of mind he’d conjured up as was the target of his song.

  “Wake up!” Roseroar demanded as she shook him. He turned to her, still playing, and smiled broadly.

  “Wake up? But why? Everything’s so beautiful.” He looked half through her. “Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?”

  Roseroar was taken aback by that one, but only for a moment. “Tell me later, sun.” She threw him over her left shoulder and started for the door, keeping a wary eye on the stoned djinn.

  “Just a second.” Drom paused at the portal and snatched the container of medicine from Snooth’s fingers.

  “Hey, what about my payment, sonny?”

  “You’ve already been paid, madame.” The unicorn used his horn to point at Harun al-Roojinn.”Collect from him.” Drom trotted out, through the storeroom of broken devices, through the living area, and out the front door to join his friends.

  Snooth watched him go, hands on hips, her expression grim.

  “Tourists! I shouid’ve known they’d be more trouble than they’re worth.” She stomped out onto the porch and watched until they’d vanished into the woods. Then she reached inside, found the sign she wanted, hung it on the door, and slammed it shut. The message on the sign was clear enough.

  OUT TO LUNCH BACK IN TEN THOUSAND YEARS

  Jon-Tom bounced along on Roseroar’s powerful shoulder. Mudge kept pace easily alongside, Folly rode atop the reluctant but soft-hearted Drom, and Charrok scouted their progress from above.