“No Sarah.”She said with a loud laugh. “You are far too high maintenance to be a lesbian. And nothing untoward happened between us last night, I promise. I would never have taken advantage of you in your state. You were way too drunk. In fact you actually tried to come on to me and you pushed me down on to the sofa and jumped on top of me. That’s how come we ended up there this morning; I didn’t want to move you after you passed out.”
She went off to make us some coffee and I could hear her laughing softly on the other side of the wall. Why was I constantly making a fool out of myself in front of her? I was beginning to come across as complete idiot, a far cry from the woman who held total control over her life just a few days ago. But my instincts were telling me I needed to impress her, get her attention somehow, and show her that I am a desirable woman even if I’m not gay!
She brought the coffees into the lounge and we sat next to each other on the couch sipping away at the hot steamy beverage; which by the way burnt the top of my mouth but I wasn’t about to let her know that.
“Sarah will you just relax: Please!” She asked with a concerned look on her face. “I’m not that good that I can turn a straight girl gay over night! Everything is cool between us. Honest.”
Just at that moment she put her hand on my arm and I saw sincerity in her eyes. So why was I feeling so disappointed that nothing had happened? I didn’t want it to have, I think, but the feeling that she didn’t even attempt to make out with me made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be a part of her world. To have the knowledge that she at least fancied me a little bit would have given me some sort of satisfaction in my confused state.
“Well Robbie I think I should pop into my place of work and check that everything is running smoothly without me.” I said, as I pulled my arm away slowly from her welcomed grasp, although I wanted it to last forever.
“Ok, I’ll go and visit my friend Kate, the one I told you about last night. I have to help tend to house work for her and do some shopping. She’s still a bit on the week side at the moment. I’m just worried that she’ll try to do too much on her own; the chemotherapy did take it out of her and I want to make sure she recovers properly.”
“Sure that would be nice for her; I bet she enjoys your visits.” I felt sorry for her friend but it must be very comforting for her having a friend like Robbie. “Well if you’re interested I’m going out with friends tonight, you’re more than welcome to join us if you like.”
“Well if everything’s good with Kate I’ll try to join you.” She seemed happy that I had offered her a place in my social life and I secretly hoped that she would be able to join us.
I wrote my number down on a paper napkin and handed it to her, then headed off to work. For the rest of the afternoon I found myself daydreaming about Robbie. She was almost in all of my thoughts. If I saw a customer try something on I’d think, ooh that would look good on Robbie, or, I wonder if Robbie likes Chinese food. I also started to remember what she had said about Jessica and Jake. Maybe she was right after all. The way that my best friend had left yesterday was disturbing and I needed to talk her to clear the air. If I was being honest with myself, I really didn’t care that she fancied him. I had no use at all to have that jerk in my life; I just wished she could see him in the same light as I did then she would know what a useless dirt bag he was.
As the working day came to its end, there were no major sales to rejoice about. Bleach blue jeans seemed to have been the favourite purchases, along with a few gift cards but business in general was good. The walk home gave me time to reflect on the recent events from the last few days and how I’d enjoyed myself at the Pink Rainbow club. Robbie was probably the best thing that had happened to me in such a long time, and the need to quicken my pace as I got closer to home overwhelmed me. I found myself running towards the front door of my building and the excitement of seeing her; the thought of her waiting for my return rushed through me as I entered the hallway. For the first time I was happy to be home.
“Robbie!” I shouted out as I ran through the apartment. “Are you here? It’s me Sarah I’m home.”
There was no reply and the silence that greeted me was disappointing. Maybe she had to give Kate a lot more attention than she had expected to. I had to overcome my selfishness and remember that the world didn’t just revolve around me so I turned on my CD player and the next song to come on was one of my favourite oldies from the sixties. My mood lifted in hearing this and I perked up enough to make getting ready to go out a more enjoyable experience. I chose one of my favourite dresses, a small black number that showed off every curve of my body, and I lay it out neatly on the bed. Stripping down to just my knickers, I boogied out into the hallway singing; totally out of key of course and without a care in the world. Using my hairbrush as my mike I got totally engrossed with the music and before I realised it, standing in front of me was Robbie. I hadn’t heard her call out to me when she arrived home and I just froze like a bunny in headlights. This time I made no attempt to cover myself up and I let her have a full on glance of my almost naked slender figure. I had no idea what to do next so I looked directly into her eyes, searching for any signs of her wanting to touch me. I couldn’t read her thoughts and tears began to well up in my eyes from the frustration and confusion of not having her in my arms, not being able to hold her, not being able to feel her, not being able to have her and not understanding why.
“Hey Sarah; are you alright?” She asked with a concerned voice. “Why are you crying?”
“Well I suppose I could lie to you and tell you that my eyeliner was irritating me because I’m allergic to it.” I sobbed not caring that this was the most humiliating thing to ever have happened to me. “Or I could just be honest and ask you why don’t you find me attractive, why haven’t you made a move on me, am I that ugly to you?” I started to turn into a blubbering wreck, and shame was beginning to play a cruel role in my emotions.
“But I do find you attractive.” She stated clearly. “I admire every inch of your body, your long legs that lead up to that cute mole sitting right on top of your thigh and your breasts are really teasing me right now, and your smile! Oh Sarah, how I want to kiss that beautiful smile you wear! So in answer to your question I do want to jump your bones.” She paused; then after completing her study of my assets her eyes met mine.
We stopped dead in our exploration of each other and suddenly without warning I pounced towards her like an animal, not giving my action a second thought forcing her to drop her keys on the floor in order to receive my advances and with heavy emotional breathing we were interlocked in a passionate kiss.
I pressed my body hard against hers giving me access to feel her deep evocative breathing as she moved her hands up my back until she reached my hair and held my locks tight as if she never wanted to let me go. I pulled at the belt on her jeans and unfastened them to reveal a black pair of mini shorts peaking through the opened zip. Kissing her hard and fast, I lifted her top over her head and threw it onto the small table by the door almost knocking the vase of roses clear off it. Her breasts were large and firm, and I found myself kissing her up and down from her full lips, to her neck and then to the plump mounds of desirable flesh that greeted me. The passion was so strong between us, and seeing the bedroom door was open behind me, she lifted me up and carried me through, gently placing me on the bed and landing on top of me. She took complete control of the situation and before long I was writhing with excitement as I watched her remove the rest of her clothing. Her body was immaculate and I wanted whatever she was prepared to offer me. My eyes were focused on her mouth as she kissed my wrists and used her tongue to tickle my arms as she gently glided it up towards my neck. Then as she lightly nibbled downwards towards my breasts I bit my lower lip to control the sounds of ecstasy. She moved down lower, kissing my stomach and my inner thighs, and using both of her hands she gently parted my legs open. I could feel her warm breath just before her soft wet tongue stroked me. With light mov
ements to begin with, she then gave a stronger more passionate motion that encouraged me to arch my body up so that I could receive her fully. My wildest fantasies couldn’t have prepared me for this overwhelming feeling and I couldn’t control myself any longer, and as I released my sexual build up on her I grabbed her hair and announced loudly with great pleasure that I was cumming. It was like the phoenix magnificently rising out of the flames. I could hardly catch my breath.
As my breathing slowed down I began to realise that I was at my most vulnerable, and to have given myself as freely as I did without any concerns, gave me an overwhelming surge of affectionate thoughts this was something that I had never experienced before!
I began to stroke her hair as she ran her fingers over my body with a light sensual touch, then kissing my stomach, she moved upwards towards my neck gently caressing my body with such seductive passion. It gave me a sensation of warmth and fulfilment and yummyness. We both stared into each other’s eyes, possibly looking for recognition that everything was ok, and for a short moment silence fell between us.
“You have beautiful eyes.” I whispered in her ear. “They’re so blue and intriguing.”
“Thank you, I get them from my mother’s side.” She replied and then kissed my forehead.
I wrapped my legs around her body and we held each other tightly and kissed with intense desire for what seemed to be an eternity. The thought of me repaying her the favour back entered my head; as I wanted her to experience the same euphoric pleasures that I had just gone through. So I started to kiss her neck and my hands wondered down to her fit well toned thighs. As I began to fondle, or more like fumble around, she gently took hold of my wrist and told me that I wasn’t ready to proceed any further.
“Sarah I want you to enjoy what just happened between us.” She spoke exceptionally calmly and I wasn’t sure why she didn’t want to proceed any further. “This was an amazing moment and I think we should take it to the next level at a later date.”
“But I thought you wanted me to….”
She interrupted me with; “Oh my God, you on me would be a fantasy come true. But I want it to be right; I want you to be comfortable when you touch me.”
“I suppose so; I have always been repulsed at performing oral sex. I’ve never been able to bring myself to do it.” I was being honest with her but I had been repulsed at the thought of a penis in my mouth and never considered how I would feel eating a girl out. Actually I did come pretty close to it once tho. Last year whilst at an open air concert with Jessica we were sitting on a small grassy embankment waiting for the band to come on when a man in his fifties wearing a vest top and a white pair of cut off shorts that just covered his tackle walked right up in front of us, apparently looking for someone. He was that close to my face that if he’d had a hard on it would have been parked in my mouth enjoying the moment. Yuk!
She looked at me with deep concern and that’s when she practically did a 360 on me.
“Sarah I don’t know if we should have just done this.” She said with a serious look on her face. “I mean I feel like I have just broken a golden rule. You’re straight, you sleep with men and that’s fine there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You are a beautiful woman and every man must certainly lust after you! I’m so sorry but I think we’ve just crossed the line.” She pulled the sheet up in an attempt to cover her body making me feel as though I was some kind of pervert.
“Hang on Robbie! I realise that I’m not exactly what you would portray as gay and that I’m not so experienced in your field, but I think we both wanted this to happen, something inside me has awakened and you’re the cause of it.” I was starting to feel scared by the way she was acting.
My voice became wobbly as I held back the tears of frustration. In one foul swoop I had experienced ecstasy along with humiliation and rejection.
Why was she making me feel as though I was to blame for her breaking her bloody golden rule? And if she felt so strongly about it then she bloody well should have kept her wondering hands off me.
“I have fantasised over you ever since I met you Robbie, does that not count for anything?” I cried out at her still horrified that she had completely rejected me.
“That’s just it Sarah! I was a fantasy to you. You have to realise that I have met your kind before, first you get me all tied up with confused emotions that I can’t breathe when I’m around you. Then you tease me with the way you touch your hair, the way you smile at me, the way you smell. Then you finish it off by giving me a full on show of that stunning body of yours. Twice! And yes it is stunning!” There was an air of annoyance in her reasoning and it felt as though she was trying to put me in my place.
“But I don’t mean to Robbie and that truly was an accident with you seeing me naked.” My plea seemed to be falling on deaf ears and the argument surely was one sided.
“Look Sarah, the reason why I’m so scared is that you are not ready for a serious relationship, especially a same sex one, that’s why you agreed to marry a total stranger. I don’t want to get hurt by you and I think we should forget about what just happened and maintain a professional relationship. I don’t regret what we just did and I hope I meant more than just sex to you. We both have to be real here.” How could she think that what just happened wasn’t real and dismiss it so easily.
At that moment she got up off the bed, collected her clothes and left my room with nothing further to say. I was left feeling rather confused and greatly humiliated. Had this been the way that I’d behaved in the past every time I met a guy that I was so happy to fuck and then immediately get rid of? I had created a monster within myself, only to be bitten in the ass by an even bigger one! One that I had become so attracted to!
The hurt I felt soon turned into shame, and for the first time I saw myself as an ugly person that no one could possibly want. The tears poured out from me and I threw myself down on the bed, screaming into my pillow as I covered my face with it.
CHAPTER FIVE: LET’S GET IT ON
I must have cried myself to sleep as it was dark outside when I awoke. I knew my friends would be waiting for me to join them at the pub so I got dressed with very little enthusiasm, and made my way there. My eyes were still swollen and slightly red when I arrived but I was intent on speaking to Jessica. I thought that indulging myself in her problems I could momentarily take time out from thinking about my own.
Entering the pub I caught a quick glimpse of my reflection in the glass door and I wasn’t impressed with what I saw as I would normally be the one little hottie of the group but now I just looked bedraggled and tired. Who knew that being married was exhausting?
Jessica was sitting at a large table with her friend Debs and they were joined by three other girls that worked with them at the office. They had invited themselves to tag along and they were already starting to get on the merry band wagon and being a little on the loud side. Jessica had already taken the liberty to order me a glass of wine in, but I wanted something a lot stronger than that to get me through the rest of the evening.
“It’s my shout!” I called out rather eagerly and made my way to the bar and ordered us all a round of cocktails, which was well needed on my behalf.
“Well aren’t you the party animal.” Debs implied, as she quickly handed the drinks out to everyone.
“I phoned your apartment before you got here.” Jessica informed me. “Robbie answered and she said you were on your way, she seemed reluctant to talk to me. Is everything alright Sarah? Your eyes are red. You’ve been crying haven’t you?” She gave me a tissue that she found in her bag; it had a pink lipstick mark on it where she had blotted her lips earlier so I folded it over and used the corner to wipe away any remnants of mascara that had run down my face.
“Well sort of.”I said trying to hide my eyes with a few strands of hair that were dangling. “I… I umm well; I just had a big fight with mum on the phone, that’s all. It’s nothing to get concerned about, I’m alright, honest.” I crossed m
y fingers together under the table in hope that no one caught on to the fact that I had just told a big fat fib. Even though Jessica was my best friend it didn’t feel right to inform her that Robbie had just gone down on me and then kicked me to the curb leaving me hurt and feeling used.
“Anyway what’s happening with us?” I said in order to change the subject. “Things didn’t seem right between us when you left yesterday.”
“Yes I know. I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while, please don’t be angry with me with what I’m about to tell you. I’m in love with Jake! I have been since I first met him. Sarah I’m so sorry and I didn’t set out to hurt you but I can’t fight these feelings anymore. Please don’t be mad with me.” She had been brave enough and honest enough to tell me what she was feeling and I had to respect that.
I held my drink in the up as to make a toast and looked Jessica directly in her eyes. “Here’s to best mates because without them we’d all be living a fucking boring life. And here’s to my best mate Jessica and Jake making a go of it! Good luck girl you’re gonna need plenty of it with that one!”
We chinked our glasses together and as we did Jessica toasted back. “And here’s to Sarah finding the love of her life! God help him whoever he turns out to be.”
We burst out laughing at the statements we had just made and gave each other a big hug to gain back the sincerity that we had before.
After drinking a few cocktails the girls that were sitting with us started to get a little on the rowdy side. Bitchy remarks were flying between them about other females in the pub. I asked Debs if we could ditch them before we went clubbing and she informed me that they were only acting in the same way that we usually did. Jessica must have told her all about our evenings out, else how would she know what I was like, I’d only met her once before, and that was for about five minutes, she had scarpered pretty quickly after my alliance to Robbie.
Loving the Pink Kiss Page 4
