“Robbie I’m so sorry whatever it is that I’ve done to upset you I’m really sorry.” I pleaded with her intensely. “She didn’t tell me anything, it wasn’t like that. Why are you so angry with me?”
“Sarah.” She said in a firm authoritative voice. “I should never have let my guard down with you. Since meeting you my head has been in complete turmoil over whether I should get involved with you or not. But I saw how much softer your personality had become, compared to when we first met, and I began to trust you. And trust has been the biggest challenge I’ve had with people. I’m still not sure if I can fully trust you; there is so much we can learn from each other in this relationship, but I don’t think it’s a good idea that we start with small lies, as they just lead onto bigger lies. And this marriage was already started with one big lie.” How could she say all of this wasn’t she the cause of this lie in the first place? Double standards were certainly coming to light.
I was so stunned at this point that I was lost for what to say to her. How could I defend myself when I knew she was right, so I thought actions speak louder than words, I’ll put my arms around her. But her anger was still fierce and she was certainly not interested in making it any easier for me. Then she informed me that she had some errands to run for Kate and that she would be gone for a couple of hours. The real reason I suspected, was that she wanted to get away from me. Well maybe I needed a little space from her too.
She had been gone for about an hour when I received a text message. It was from Jen. She wanted me to meet her in ten minutes, at the coffee shop just around the corner from my place. Good choice I thought, they make great coffee there. But if I go it means I’m going against Robbie’s wishes. No, I just couldn’t do it; I’ll text her back and tell her I’m not interested. As I finished my message it actually read; I’ll be there in five. I stared at it for a moment and wondered if I should send it. My thumb was hovering over the send key whilst my head argued with my heart over what to do. Down I pressed. The need to know about Robbie’s past had won the battle for my inquisitive little mind. Although I would have to tell her where I’d gone to when she gets back from Kate’s. Hopefully she would see it as, me telling the truth, no more lies for sure.
Walking into the coffee shop I saw that Jen was already sitting at a table by the largest window they had. I told her that her timing was good as Robbie had gone to do some errands for Kate. But somehow Jen already knew that she was. She told me that she made it her business to know everything that was going on with people she had a shared interest in. She even knew of one of my one night stands through a mutual friend. That person turned out to be Debbie. That’s when the penny dropped and I realised she had found out information about me before I’d even married Robbie. I felt intimidated but also fascinated by this little trouble maker. She was so quick to come forward with information and told me that she and Robbie had had a yearlong love affair straight after Kate dumped her. She gave Robbie a good time in bed and that the sex was more than just fucking. I hated hearing this and jealousy started to rear its ugly head and fester in the pit of my stomach. It was sex with no morals and that Robbie would allow her to perform sadistic acts during their sessions. As far as she knew, Robbie was in to it for self punishment. It was probably a guilty conscience for not being with Kate. And as far as she knew, Kate didn’t have a clue about their antics. Not at the time of their affair anyhow. But she suspected that Robbie has come clean to Kate since. Robbie had always assumed that she and Kate would get married one day, and went into a deep depression when their relationship ended, so Jen became her escape from reality; that Kate might die.
I asked her why Robbie had shown so much hatred towards her and she told me that she had constantly phoned Robbie begging her to stay with her. She followed her around so much that she could have been classed as a stalker. She also came to the conclusion that if she couldn’t have Robbie that she would have the next best thing; Robbie’s exes. She sought them out one by one and waited until she had gained their confidence and then she shagged them. She claimed that she was not a perfect person in fact far from it but she didn’t regret any of it.
I was feeling a little envious and hurt by all of this information when I noticed Jens attentions were slightly focused on the window behind me. Then out of the blue she placed her hands on top of mine, giving them a tight squeeze so that I couldn’t escape too quickly. In doing so, a figure stopped in front of the window and I saw it was Robbie standing there staring at us both. She had a look of hurt and despair on her face and it must have looked like there was something going on between us, seeing us so cozy and friendly together. I quickly pulled my hands away from Jens clutches, but it was too late. Robbie had stormed off into the direction of our home. I looked at Jen with dismay and her reaction made me realise that I had just played right into her stinking sadistic game. She may have just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me; how I kept myself from slapping her I’ll never know. I grabbed my bag and coat and ran as fast as I could to catch up to Robbie. It’s not easy to do that in high heels, my mind was full of regret and thoughts of how I was going to explain myself to her and as I turned the corner I ran straight into a bicycle that had been left propped up against a wall. There was no chance for me to avoid it and I went flying arse over tit and as I landed one of the stilettos snapped off of my favourite shoes which I classed more important than the black eye that was going to appear in the next few minutes. It had all been too much; the entire second half of the day had turned into a complete shit fest. Even for a drama queen like me; I wasn’t aware that lesbian drama was quite so intense. But Jen knew and she also knew that Robbie would be walking past when she did and used it to her advantage to play another round in her vicious spiteful game.
My emotions were high and I was frightened that this sweet woman was going to leave me. She had taken my mind and my heart and turned me into a soppy love sick wreck; a far cry from the stuck up cow I used to be. As I stumbled into the apartment I cried out; “Robbie! Robbie! Where are you? Please believe me it wasn’t what it looked like there’s nothing going on with her. I’m in love with you; it’s you that I want.” I had finally said those magical words and for the first time in my life I felt comfortable in saying them even though they were said under rather insane circumstances.
I found her packing her belongings into a case, one of mine of course and in a rather hurried manner too. She was hurt and angry and not ready to listen to any of my shit.
“I’m leaving you Sarah.” She spurned as she just shoved everything in without a care. “It’s all been about what you want, about your experience. You have deceived me with the one person that has taken the greatest pleasure in hurting me. She is a crazy bitch and made my life a living hell; you have no idea what a nightmare she is. Well you can have her; thanks for breaking my heart Sarah Niles I should never have trusted you.”
“But Robbie, I have not deceived you, I just agreed to meet her for a coffee and…”
She rudely interrupted me as she hoisted the bag off the bed. “Oh save it for someone who cares; you went behind my back and that’s unforgiveable, we should have never complicated things and I only have myself to blame for that mistake. I’ll be in touch soon; you can call off the immigration if you want, I’ll find another way to stay if I have to.” She was allowing a stupid mix up to cloud her judgement and I just had to make her see sense.
“Robbie I love you doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I declared my heart and soul to her as my eyes filled up with tears and the onset of panic thrashed at my spirit.
“It’s not enough Sarah. Damn it, it’s not enough!” There was a momentary pause between us; she had spoken her final words to me and now I was worthless to her.
At that moment she was gone. I was devastated and alone, and for the first time in my life I was choked up at the idea of losing someone; a person that I had let into my heart.
The afternoon turned into evening and my heart began to ac
he. She wasn’t coming back to me! The silence was too much to bear and I cried well into the night;: was this hurt going to last for an eternity.
As morning broke, I could hear the birds singing and the sun was shining through the window so brightly, but none of that mattered to me; all I could think about was how Robbie smiled and laughed, and how she made me feel warm and fuzzy when she wrapped her arms around me and how I felt lonely without her. The whole separation had made me feel sick and I wished for her to forgive me and run back into my arms, but she wasn’t intent on returning: not for my sake anyway.
My eyes were swollen and red from the tears and there was no way I could even face going into work. Because I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone I sent an email to one of the girls who worked there asking her if she could cover for me, just for a few days. But the days I took off turned into a week. Jessica had left several messages on my phone and I knew she was getting worried that I hadn’t called her back. She had no idea that I was broken emotionally. I didn’t bother to open the curtains the whole time, and the couch became my base. I would get up and go as far as my bedroom door and then because I couldn’t face going inside to dwell on the wonderful events that had taken place there, I quit the idea of changing my clothes, and returned back to the couch once again. My hair had become a tangled and wiry mess and dark circles appeared under my eyes from lack of sleep. I was so hungry, but I couldn’t face eating a thing. There were bananas left sitting in a bowl on the side table; Robbie had bought them to make smoothies with and they had begun to turn black and the smell was becoming overwhelming but I just couldn’t be arsed to deal with them. Letters had been delivered and were piling up at the foot of the door but I couldn’t be bothered to get up and open them. Nothing else mattered to me at that point, I felt like I just wanted to die.
As I lay in a crumpled heap on the floor I heard a key turn in the lock and the front door started to open, looking up in hope that Robbie was returning to me my heart quickly sank when I saw it was both my parents standing there.
“Oh Sarah: my poor little sweetheart!” My mother called out and came running over. “What’s going on? What’s happened to you? Should I call a doctor? Are you in pain? Talk to me sweetheart.”
“Oh no mum I’m ok.” I said wearily as tried to pull myself together just for appearances sake, Please don’t ask so many questions I need to be left alone. I’m alright honest. I really don’t need to be fussed over right now.” I placed one of the cushions that I had pulled off back onto the couch and tears had left stain marks on one side of it.
“I’m afraid that’s exactly why we’re here my girl.” My father announced looking at me rather seriously.
“We love you very much darling.” My mother said holding me like I was a small child. “And when Jessica called us because she was worried about you, we headed straight here.” My mother: Pure and perfect how could she understand my torment how could I tell her that I’d broken the law for a total stranger and then fallen in love with her.
“I can see you’re not well my angel.” My father said as he stroked my hair slowly giving me the assurance that I was still his little princess. “So I’m going to leave your mother here with you just until you’re back on your feet again.”
“Oh mum, I’m so lost.” I sobbed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked in a soft caring motherly tone. “Sarah dear have you gone and got yourself pregnant, is that what this is all about?”
“No mum I’m not. I really can’t talk to you about it, you wouldn’t understand anyway.” I cried.
At that she went into the kitchen and made me a sandwich filled with eggs and salad cream. It was one of my favourites when I was growing up at home. She always knew what to feed me when I was down. She sat and watched me take small tiny nibbles, and as I ate more, the nibbles turned into larger bites until it was all gone. Once she was satisfied on seeing an improvement in me, she prompted my father to leave us alone. He gave me a large kiss on my forehead and informed me that he would see me soon and that he loved me very much. After he left, my mother made a start on the cleaning; the place had become rather musty through lack of ventilation. My nostrils were being filled with delightful clean smells of lemon and lavender, and once she opened the curtains and windows for fresh air I felt like I was her little girl again watching her do what she seemed to love doing, housework!
“You can always come back home Sarah, we’d love to have you I hope you know that.” She carried on merrily cleaning and humming as she did so and started to re-arrange all of my possessions.
“I know mum, and thanks but I’ll be fine.” I was lucky to have such caring parents and to know that if all else failed they would be there for me as my back up plan.
“So is it man trouble? Have you lost your job then? Sarah I’m really worried about you.”
“Please don’t mum.” I mumbled as I fought the tears back. “I’ve spent an entire week crying and now I’m all out of tears. I really can’t tell you why I’m so down.”
Knowing that my mother was taking care of me, gave me a feeling of being safe, and I managed to fall asleep on the sofa while she pottered around cleaning up the rest of my mess.
CHAPTER SEVEN: PLEASURABLE TORTURE
It was 9am the next morning when I awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs coming from the kitchen. Upon seeing my home immaculate and sparkly I gave my mother a very welcomed hug and stole a piece of bacon from the plate she had just placed down.
“Well seems like someone’s perking up.” She said and neatly flipped two eggs onto the plate.
“I love you mum.” I carried on hugging her as I peered over her shoulder to watch her perform. “You’re the greatest, and the place looks great too.”
It was just then that I realised she must have been in my bedroom and done a complete overhaul. Opening the door I saw that everything had been cleaned, the bed sheets that I had shared with Robbie, my dressing gown that had Robbie’s scent adorned on it. Every trace of her had been deleted, the evidence of my relationship stripped away in moments. I had unknowingly been denied the opportunity to say good bye to her in my own private way. There was however, one of Robbie’s tops still hanging in the closet, she called it her beater top and I loved the way it showed off her muscles at the top of her arms. Just as I slipped it on over the top that I was wearing, my mother walked in and commented that it wasn’t like me to wear that type of clothing. I smiled politely and looked away so that she wouldn’t see me well up.
“Come and eat now darling.” She beckoned; “Your breakfast is getting cold.”
My appetite had returned rather quickly and I ate everything up on my plate. After eating I made the effort to take a shower, and seeing myself naked in the mirror made me see just how awful I looked. I’d lost weight, my facial features looked drawn in and my eyes had lost their vibrant sparkle causing them to appear lifeless and filled with emotional pain.
Standing under the massaging droplets of water, I began to feel more refreshed and alive again with the fresh scent of citrus lather cleansing away all of my impurities. It gave me wisdom to get the old me back; so I dried myself off, put on some makeup and showed my mother that the daughter she knew and loved was back on track again.
“Mum I feel so much better now.” I told her. “I wasn’t I’ll, I just need you to know that. I had a problem and I didn’t know how to deal with it, but I’m over it now. And I think you should be home with dad not with me. He needs you more than I do.”
We spent the rest of the day together, catching up on lots of girlie gossip and eating out at a nice restaurant. Then taking a tourists walk through the streets of London, taking in the history of the old buildings and making up stories of what went on inside them all those years ago. By early evening my father had arrived to pick my mother up. We spent the next couple of hours together bringing up all the usual old family memories, before they headed off back to Bristol.
After waving them off I noti
ced there was a missed call on my mobile and saw that it was Jen so I text her back asking what did she want? She replied; you! This made me nervous and uneasy, what was I supposed to say to that? I replied back that I wasn’t available. Several minutes later she replied; that’s not what I’ve heard. I was just about to send her another text back when there was a knock at the door. Upon opening it I was greeted with; “Well are you going to invite me in?”
It was her! She’d made her way over whilst we were texting each other. She was dressed in an extremely short PVC skirt and black stockings shown off by knee high shiny leather boots and a black lacy bra with a red trim and all of this was beneath a long leather coat that made her look excitingly wicked.
“Hello gorgeous.” She said seductively and looked me up and down as tho she was ready to devour my body.
“What are you doing here?” I asked totally taken by surprise.
“Let’s just say that I’ve come to entertain you.” Her eyes were lustful and full of dare.
She invited herself in and before I could stop her, she grabbed me by the neck and gave me a full kiss on the lips. I was slightly taken back with the gesture but the thing is without understanding why, I kind of enjoyed it. She shut the door with a light force and then removed her coat to reveal her tiny body, with not an ounce of fat anywhere. I couldn’t resist touching her slender figure knowing that this was gonna get dirty. She had enslaved me with her power of seduction and I found my hands travelling aimlessly up and down her back as I lead her into the bedroom still interlocked in a kiss. She gained total charge of the situation and pushed me down onto the bed then removed my clothing in a rather savage manner and whilst literally ripping my knickers off, she commanded me to; shut the fuck up and do as I’m told. Her dominance was a big turn on, one moment she would be gentle with me giving a false sense of security then without warning a light slap on the butt followed by pinching on the nipples or biting my body just hard enough for it to hurt. She was forceful as she used her fingers inside me, but it was like a good pain, something I wanted more of as she put my body through pleasurable sexual torture. I never thought that this was a possibility. When she was finished with me there were no words spoken between us. She held a self satisfied look on her face, and whilst leaving me on the bed naked and feeling used she got up and just left, without even looking back. I felt strange and unsure of what had just occurred and pulled the sheets up around my shamed naked body. She was a sexy babe with a hot look but I didn’t feel fulfilled from this experience, maybe that’s because she wasn’t Robbie.
Loving the Pink Kiss Page 6
