Keep Calm and Kill Your Wife

by Lucky Stevens

  “Okay, but they’re going to ask why you were in the woods.”

  “I was lost there.”

  “Hart, focus. There’s an explosion. Where were you? Why weren’t you in the car? I mean how’d you get in the woods in the first place?”

  “Oh.” He sighed. “That’s why I’m glad I’m talking to you, so we can hash this out, out loud.”

  They were quiet for moment, both thinking.

  “Wait a minute,” Brandy said. “How did Summer survive? Why wasn’t she in the car? Maybe that could be your story.”

  “Huh. Yeah, that’s good. She was, uh—she told me she was looking out over the valley and the explosion knocked her off the edge. Yeah, that’s totally believable because it really happened.”

  “Perfect. So you were lost in the woods, down in the valley for a few days. You took a look while the car was gassing up and she was in the car when it blew up.”

  “Yeah. Good,” he said.

  “By the way, where were you really when it blew up?”

  “What’s the difference?”

  She looked at him furrowing her brow. “Well come on, tell me. What’s the big deal.”

  “I was in the john, okay?”

  She smiled. “I gotta hand it to you—you have dramatic flair.”

  “Yeah, well it saved my life, so…”

  “Alright, next question. Who was the second body they found?”

  “I’ve been thinking about that. I think I’m going to tell the cops that I really don’t know but it might have been this homeless guy I saw once hanging around the gas station. Maybe he was hitting Summer up for some money.”

  “That’s not bad. And you know it’s really not up to you to figure out who that second body was anyway. You just play dumb. You know the second body’s not you. You’re surprised as hell that there even is a second body.”

  “Yeah, but still I think it’s a good idea to let the cops know that there’s uh, a reasonable reason for the second guy,” Hart said.

  “Yeah, just don’t press it too much. Remember you just got out of the woods, you don’t know what the hell’s going on, you’re upset that your wife is dead and you’re not trying to solve a case and come up with theories because you don’t even care who the other body is. You’re too upset about your wife.”

  “I’m just saying that it wouldn’t hurt to give them an idea.”

  Alright, Columbo. “Fine,” she said, feeling an unnecessary fight coming on. Then, unable to help herself, she added, “Just don’t come off as suspicious.”

  “Hey, I know how to handle things, alright?”

  “Fine, fine, let’s move on.”

  “And you know, you asked me who the second body was supposed to be.”

  “For us, Hart. Not for the cops. Let them speculate themselves. Alright forget it, forget it. It doesn’t matter. Let’s move on.”

  “You brought it up,” he muttered under his breath.

  “Alright, so what about the plan?”

  “I hid the extra rope and bolt cutters in the shed. Tomorrow, I’ll take a walk by myself. You and what’s her name do some girl stuff, just the two of you.”

  Brandy rolled her eyes. “What Hart, like a pillow fight in our bras and panties?”

  “That sounds good. Just make sure you videotape it. Anyway, keep her busy. I know how much you two have in common.”

  Brandy clenched her lips. Girl stuff, she scoffed.

  “Okay, so I hide the bolt cutters on the other side of the bridge and tie the rope to the bridge so I can pull it up later after Summer’s accident.”

  “Sounds good. Now let’s go in. I’m freezing.”

  Hart gestured toward her chest. “You don’t look that cold to me.”

  Brandy half-smiled, amused but annoyed, and slapped his hand away.

  “Come on let’s go in. I’m cold.”

  He smiled and reached out again as she turned away, hugging her chest. “Take my word for it,” she said.

  “Alright, hold on,” he said. “We gotta go through the rest of the plan.”

  “We’ve been over it, Hart.”

  “Hey, I need to say it out loud, make sure it all makes sense. Now try to focus, will you?”

  She wanted to say she was cold again, but took the path of least resistance and assumed a serious look on her face. “Alright, go ahead.”

  “Okay, we take a walk across the bridge. Me first. I tell Summer I forgot my gloves back where we just were before crossing the bridge. She’ll go and get them for me and I’ll keep moving ahead to the other side of the bridge. She gets my gloves, comes across the bridge. When she’s halfway across, I cut the bridge’s ropes. Bye-bye Summer. The cops won’t even be looking for her since she died in that horrible explosion. Come on, let’s go to the back seat of your car and celebrate.”

  Hart said that last line so fast, Brandy had to laugh. Then he grabbed her hand and started walking toward her car. Her resistance was flirtatious and half-hearted.

  Summer pulled away from the inside of the cabin door and walked quickly, but quietly back to the bedroom. She closed the door without a sound and leaped on her bed. She buried her head in her pillow.

  She had played it well and gotten her confirmation. Any doubts, any initial denials were gone for good. She felt dumb that she had even questioned herself.

  She waited to hear the front door. Silence. She guessed they did go to Brandy’s car. Brandy. My cousin.

  Her mind was whizzing at top speed. Tears, anger, exhaustion. It was happening all at once and she could have thought about it all night but her battered body wouldn’t let her.

  Within minutes, she was asleep again. This time with the unimaginable knowledge that her own husband was going to kill her.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  THE NEXT DAY, SUMMER woke up late. She had slept a long time but it wasn’t very restful as she tossed and turned most of the night. At one point in the evening she became aware that Hart had come to bed and was lying next to her.

  But when she looked over this morning, she felt relieved to see that he was gone. She glanced toward the bathroom. It was empty. Good. It would give her a chance to collect herself and figure out what she was going to do.

  She sighed. She felt very sad, but chose to deal with the pain later. This was pretty unusual for her. As a matter of fact, Hart had frequently admonished her over the years for coming unglued. He would tell her to always relax when you have a problem. Remain calm and take quiet action. This time she would take his advice.

  After staring at the ceiling for a few moments, Summer made herself get out of bed. Then she used the bathroom and got dressed.

  Looking for an excuse to stay in the bedroom, she looked around the room and saw that Hart’s shorts were on the floor. No great surprise there. She remembered the fact that he had forgotten to pack his underwear which didn’t seem all that cute to her anymore.

  Picking up his shorts, as she always did, she noticed that they had a little weight to them on one side. It was his cell phone, left in his pocket. Not thinking much about it, she was going to put the shorts in the drawer, a habit consistent with what she usually did at home, when she stopped herself and took out the phone. It was so against her nature to snoop on someone else’s phone— even though his true character had been revealed—that she felt odd.

  As she scrolled down, the first thing she noticed was the numerous calls back and forth between Hart and Brandy. Then she checked for Hart’s call to the police last night. Never happened.

  It was nothing to get upset about she told herself. Just more confirmation .

  _______________

  When she opened the bedroom door she wasn’t sure what to expect.

  “Hey sleepyhead.” It was Brandy, who came toward her, all smiles. Brandy threw her arms around Summer and squeezed her warmly. Summer hugged her back.

  When their embrace broke, Brandy looked at Summer so intensely, Summer felt like she had to look away but didn’t allow herself to
.

  “How are you doing?” Brandy said. “I heard about your horrible experience in the woods. Thank God you’re okay.”

  The women made their way to the couch.

  “Oh, I’m a little shook up but I’ll be okay.” As she said it, Summer felt good, immediately recognizing that after her disquieting experience in the woods, if she seemed out of it she’d have a good excuse.

  Then she looked around. “Where’s Hart?”

  “Oh, he decided to take a walk,” said Brandy.

  Summer realized at that moment that it would be hard to see Hart. And even harder to see him with Brandy.

  _______________

  The cousins continued to engage in small talk as Summer finished her breakfast. When they ran out of things to discuss, one of them would mention something about Grandma or a childhood memory. There were even moments of laughter, each wondering if the other was sincere in her merriment.

  “It was so nice of you to come up,” Summer said. “I know we haven’t always been that close. Is it a problem at all getting away from work?”

  “No, I had already told them I was taking some time off and started driving up toward Cardsdale a few days ago.” She stopped and turned a little pale. A few days ago? Maybe she had gotten a little too comfortable; let her guard down. She looked at Summer but had trouble reading her face and so immediately tried to play it off, pretend nothing was up and change the subject.

  “Yeah,” Brandy continued, laughing. “And would you believe I missed the off-ramp for my favorite motel. I was so tired I just slept in the car. The next day I ate some food I had brought along, read a book and splashed my feet in the creek. It was kind of strange because no one else was around. It’s weird not seeing a single person around for two whole days. You think Cardsdale’s a small town, you should see some of the places along the way. Nobody. And then I heard about the explosion in Cardsdale and got a call from Hart a little while later and he thought you were dead. Oh, my God, it was crazy. But thank God you’re okay. ”

  It was hard not to notice how fast Brandy was talking but Summer didn’t say anything or react in any way that might seem unusual. She also didn’t ask why Brandy was heading toward Cardsdale in the first place or why Hart would call her—obviously the story about Grandma keeping Brandy’s phone number in a drawer in the cabin was a bunch of crap. But no, Summer wouldn’t try to trip anyone up. The more she played it cool, the more she learned the truth. If she had any advantage, it was that they didn’t know that she knew.

  _______________

  When Hart returned from his walk, Summer had trouble looking him in the eye, but forced herself to do so. Seeing Hart and Brandy in the same room made it twice as bad. At one point she felt herself tearing up and wanted to run from the room. Hart saw her face.

  “Come on, Summer, take it easy. There’s nothing worth falling apart about. You’re back now and you’re safe. I know it was tough out there in the woods by yourself.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I just need to be alone for awhile.”

  Summer headed for the door.

  “Where you going?” asked Hart, moving toward her.

  “I thought I’d just go take a walk.”

  “Uh, you mean on Grandma’s property, or uh, where, where?” If she was seen by anyone, his plan would be screwed.

  Summer felt tempted to ask him why he was acting so nervous, but didn’t. “Uh just on Grandma’s property.”

  “All right, have a nice time.”

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  THE MOMENT SHE LEFT the cabin, the waterworks came on. She was so incredibly sad and felt a terrible pain in her chest. She hadn’t felt heartache like this for God knows how long. It was like a horrible break-up or like losing a loved one. She just wanted to cry and never stop. What was she going to do?

  _______________

  When she reached the bridge, she paused. Looking at it and the gorge below felt surreal, like she was at a crime scene. A murder scene. Hers.

  She walked onto the bridge and felt surprised. She was scared but in a different way from before. It was hard to explain to herself and she didn’t try.

  When she reached the midpoint she stopped and looked straight out at the gorge. Then she looked down. Tears fell from her eyes and into the gorge like wispy flakes of snow that would surely dissolve into nothing before hitting the vast depths of darkness below. It was a hell of a drop any way you slice it. And it was right there that she thought about jumping.

  After a few moments she meandered down the bridge and as she walked she looked at its construction; how it was built, the detail. Actually it wasn’t all that complicated. Strong, but simple in design. When she reached the other side she looked back. After staring at the bridge for awhile, she continued walking a few steps before sitting down on a boulder that was close by.

  It wasn’t long before she noticed something at the base of a nearby tree. Whatever it was seemed to be covered with a bush whose tiny “trunk” appeared to be held down by a twenty, twenty-five pound rock. She walked toward the tree out of curiosity but didn’t get more than two feet before she figured out what it was. It was a rope. It was tied to the bottom of the tree and trailed away toward the bridge.

  The part of the rope that was on the ground was covered by dirt and pine needles to camouflage its presence and could not really be seen unless one was looking for it. Another part of the rope, the part that emerged from under the bridge ran straight for awhile before being coiled up and hidden behind some bushes. The coil was loosely wound and appeared to be extremely long. It was all related to the part of the plan that was going to allow Hart to reel up the bridge after he cut it.

  As she walked back toward the bridge Summer noticed something else. Due to the angle, this object could only be seen from this side of the bridge. The bolt cutters. There they were, right near the bridge’s anchor, covered almost completely by a leafy plant.

  She walked toward the cutting tool, completely unsure what she’d do when she got to it.

  TWENTY-NINE

  AS SUMMER ENTERED the cabin she half expected to see Hart and Brandy in the throes of passion. Another thing she suspected was that soon, probably today or tomorrow, Hart was going to ask her to go for a walk.

  If there had been any throes of passion, they had ceased. As for the walk, Hart didn’t waste much time bringing it up.

  “I just got back from a walk, Hart,” Summer said.

  “I know. I know. I mean later. Maybe early evening.”

  And then possibly as a way of coaxing her into it after seeing her reaction, Hart decided to play the camping card. “Maybe we could make it a hike and then all go camping for a day or two. That would be different, rough it for a few days.”

  That was the camping card. If Summer wasn’t too hot on a walk, she would be even less enthused about going for a hike and about camping out. Based on her history, Hart figured, camping should scare her enough that a simple walk, even if it was over the bridge, would seem tame by comparison.

  And the reality was that Hart was feeling a little anxious. He wanted to get this over with and also didn’t want too many days to go by before he would talk to the police and claim that he had been lost in the woods. The longer he waited, he reasoned, the less believable it would all seem.

  “I don’t know, maybe. I’m a little tired right now. I’m going to take a little nap,” Summer replied as she made her way to the bedroom.

  She closed the door and Hart and Brandy looked at each other.

  _______________

  Summer got undressed down to her underwear and slipped into bed. She stared up at the ceiling and made pictures in her mind out of the wood grains and knots that decorated the planks above.

  The ceiling was vaulted, maybe fifteen to twenty feet high. And she imagined herself falling from it, over and over again, onto the bed. That would be jarring. Imagine the gorge.

  And then the image got blurry, clouded by a watery glaze that filled her eyes, until sh
e’d blink and feel the cool, cool trails that meandered down her temples, filling and damming her ears.

  After an hour had passed, she was all cried out. And ready.

  _______________

  Summer emerged from the bedroom dressed in sweats. There was a look of tranquility about her.

  Hart was on the couch thumbing through a magazine, unable to settle on any one page and Brandy was over at the dining table playing solitaire.

  “Look what I found in Grandma’s closet,” Summer said. It was a backpack.

  Hart and Brandy looked up.

  “What’s that for?” asked Hart.

  “It’s for camping. And I remember my Grandmother kept most of the other equipment in the other room.”

  “Oh,” said Hart, really turning his body toward Summer now. “So you want to go camping?”

  “Yeah, that’s what you said, right?”

  Brandy looked at Hart.

  “Uh, yeah, yeah, great. Tonight?” he asked.

  “Sounds good. Why don’t we eat and then we can pack up and go before it gets dark.”

  Hart stuck his bottom lip out. “Okay.”

  Summer moved toward the kitchen. “Sandwiches okay with everyone?”

  Brandy and Hart agreed and Hart went into the other room and came out with some camping supplies. “Look what I found—a couple of backpacks.” Summer looked up, half-smiled and went back to making the sandwiches. Then Hart looked at Brandy.

  “Hart,” Brandy said, her teeth a little clenched. “Remember I said that I didn’t want to go? Too many cooks in the kitchen? You two just go. Three’s a crowd.”

  Hart smirked. “Got any other clichés you wish to share? How about camping loves company?”

  Fuck you, she mouthed to Hart, peeking over at Summer to make sure she wasn’t watching.

  Hart smiled. “What about, ‘Tis better to have camped and, uh…roasted marshmallows than to never have camped before.”

  Summer chuckled and then said, “Hart, if she doesn’t want to go then leave her alone.”