Jaded: Luke: Laurel Creek Series

by McQueen, Hildie

  He seemed to ponder her words. “How about you? Will you have a hard time adjusting to being away?”

  Of course he meant Laurel Creek, but all she could think of was not seeing him again. And how sitting there now across from him felt almost perfect. It was as if they had a real relationship, just then. He drank his coffee not seeming to mind the silence between them as she picked at her bagel.

  “I did it before. Left Laurel Creek to go away to college. After that Dad asked that I begin working for him, so I went directly to Billings.”

  Luke studied her, his gaze moving across her face before he looked out the window. “They’ve got one you should meet.”

  She finished her bagel after giving him half and they walked out. Leah couldn’t help the awareness of it when his hand pressed against the small of her back to guide her across the street.

  Dogs barked at their nearing, a couple others wagged their tails and strained to reach them held back by leashes. One in particular, a tiny brown mixed-breed, gave high-pitched yaps and wagged its tail, its attention only on Luke.

  “Seems like one’s picked you out.” It was comical to see the large guy try to put off the tiny dog who wouldn’t stop trying to get his attention.

  Leah laughed as she kneeled to pet a pretty black lab mix. The dog nudged at her hand with its head, inviting for more scratches behind the ears.

  “She’s so sweet,” the woman told her. “It’s hard to get black dogs adopted out, especially once they get older. Most people want the lighter and younger ones.”

  The dog seemed to smile at her, its eyes meeting hers. “How old is she?”

  “About three. Sweet as can be,” the woman said, seeming encouraged by Leah’s interaction with the dog.

  “We named her Rosie, but if you take her, you can rename her.”

  “Why Rosie?”

  The woman looked to her husband. “He named her that. She was dumped. A lady found her asleep in her rose garden.”

  “Oh.” Leah looked at the dog, who’s tail wagged furiously. “It suits her.” She straightened and went to Luke who now held the tiny dog. “So which dog did you want to show me?”

  Luke held out the tiny bundle. “This little guy.”

  Lifting the light dog, she tried to get its attention, but the dog kept its gaze on Luke. Leah let out a sigh and returned him to Luke. The little dog licked at his jaw happy to be returned.

  “I think he’s picked you out.”

  “What am I going to do with this hawk bait?” Luke placed it down and it sat next to his foot. “Can’t take him. He’s too little,” he explained to the woman who looked between them. “We’ve only had him for a week. Hopefully someone will take him soon. He’s cute.”

  Leah smiled at the woman. “I’ll take Rosie.”

  After a trip to the store to get dog food, leashes and a dog bed, Leah finally went back to the car to unload her things. She’d agreed to return to pick up the dog so she drove to where the couple were now packing up the remaining dogs.

  Seemed as if they’d had a successful day. They had only three dogs left, so that meant they’d adopted out about six.

  Leah hurried to Rosie who jumped up and down wagging her tail. Leah grinned like a loon and then smiled at the woman who handed her Rosie’s leash. “Thank you. What happened to the little tiny dog? It got adopted?”

  “Oh yes.” The woman smiled broadly. “Your friend, the good looking man. He came back for him.”

  She’d figured that would happen once she left. Neither the little dog nor Luke could stop looking at each other.

  With her very happy dog, she went back to the car. At once Rosie settled into the back seat seeming to know she was safe. The entire drive home, Leah kept looking to the back loving the site of the trust in Rosie’s eyes.

  The thought of being responsible for another’s well being filled her with awe and she blinked back tears. How a bundle of fur could bring out so much protectiveness in her was crazy.

  20

  Rosie barked and Leah looked away from her book to the windows. Lights from an approaching vehicle shined through the glass panes. She didn’t have to wonder who it was. What she didn’t know was whether she’d let him in or not.

  This couldn’t continue. Sex with Luke was great, addictive even, but to what end?

  She let out a breath. “I don’t know Rosie. It’s hard to say no lately it seems.”

  The dog whimpered and pawed at the front door probably hearing Luke’s footsteps approaching.

  Leah yanked the door open and stepped onto the porch. Rosie rushed past her to greet Luke.

  He gave the dog attention before walking closer.

  Not sure what to do other than wait, Leah crossed her arms not speaking.

  His gaze moved from her to the door, the silent signal loud and clear.

  “We’re not having sex.” Leah let out a breath and tried to calm her thundering heart. She wanted to have sex. Was actually already undressing him in her mind. But this was not what she wanted. Not exactly sure what it was she wanted from Luke, but it was definitely more than just sex.

  “Okay.” He stood at the bottom of the steps.

  “What do you want from me Luke?”

  “Not sure.” At least he was honest. Then again she’d just thought the same thing.

  In the distance birds flew to nest for the night. The breeze was already turning chilly, signaling the coming of fall. She’d be there for months, spending time alone with just Rosie for company. It became clear what she wanted. Someone to spend time with, to do simple things like watch television or cook breakfast with.

  She let out a fortifying huff. “I don’t know how I feel about you Luke. I am mad at you. I am attracted to you. Sometimes I don’t want to see you at all and other times I want nothing more.”

  Brows knitted he remained silent so she continued. “I do know things between us, the way they are, need to stop. We fight one minute and the next we’re friends. I enjoy having sex with you, but I am looking for more than just that with you. And yes, I know I’m not making much sense right now.”

  Luke wasn’t sure what to say at the moment. Was he ready for a relationship? Could he set himself up for another disappointment? To let his guard down was something he wasn’t sure he was able to handle. Putting trust in another person had not panned out well up to this point. Although he’d expected to be turned away, he didn’t think she’d be so upfront about her feelings. He admired that in the woman, who looked at him now with expressive eyes. Your turn they said.

  “Not sure what to say.” Yeah that was a good come back. Sounded like some kind of idiot. Luke cleared his throat.

  “I get it. That you prefer someone who will make assurances. Don’t blame you.” He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. He should leave. Unfortunately his feet and legs didn’t get the memo and stayed planted. Luke wracked his brain for what to say. He wanted to see her, to get to know Leah. That was something wasn’t it?

  “Would you like to go out to eat?”

  “When?” She looked to her dog as if the animal could give her advice.

  He shrugged. “Tomorrow night?”

  Other than Shooters, which he was banned from, there was the coffee shop, a small diner and a pizza joint in Laurel Creek. Not much more.

  “Umm. Sure. Okay.” Her lips lifted, probably at the awkwardness of the moment. “Pick me up at six?”

  “Sounds good.” He neared her. “Good night Leah.”

  She let out a breath. “Good night.”

  He didn’t try anything as she seemed skittish. Instead he leaned and patted the dog’s head much to the animal’s delight. “Not much of a guard dog are you?”

  As he walked away to his truck, he could feel Leah’s gaze following him. It was kind of nice to know she watched. His mouth curved into a smile but he quickly got rid of it before turning to wave as he climbed into the truck.

  Six o’clock sharp the next day, he knocked on Leah’s door
. Inside the dog barked and its face appeared at the window. Tongue lolling to the side, it seemed to smile.

  When his knock wasn’t answered, he knocked again. Although he was sure the dog had more than alerted Leah that someone was there.

  Did she plan to stand him up? Damn if he didn’t feel stupid now. Luke took a step back, shocked at the tightness threatening around his chest.

  Just then the door opened and Leah appeared. Her flushed face brightened at seeing him. “Sorry. I was in the bathroom. Nerves or something.” She stepped back. “Come in. I’ll get my purse.”

  He let out a breath taking her in fully. Dressed in black tight pants and a frilly off the shoulder black and white top, she looked amazing. Unfortunately all he could think of was taking the clothes off. “You look nice.”

  Leaning to pet the dog, she turned to look up at him. “Thank you.” She turned back to her new pet. “Here’s a huge bone, and a snack.” She placed a rawhide bone and a couple of dog biscuits on the floor next to the dog’s bed. “Be a good girl.”

  “I’m ready,” she announced looking up at him and boy didn’t that just send some kind of thing to his belly.

  They walked out and Luke caught a whiff of her perfume. The fragrance was one she always wore and he could barely take his eyes away from the exposed skin of her shoulders. “How does pizza sound?”

  She gave him a knowing look. “Perfect.”

  * * *

  They found an empty table in the corner of the pizza restaurant. Luke sat with his back to the wall and she across from him in the small two-person space. His adam’s apple bobbed and he let out shallow breaths. It was interesting how he seemed more nervous than her. Then again, he did have some sort of PTSD condition. Something she wanted to know more about before getting into any kind of relationship with him.

  She’d talked to an excited Allison about her upcoming date and although her friend was enthusiastic at the prospect, she’d warned her to find out what steps he was taking to help with any flashbacks.

  They ordered beer and a pizza to share, and once the drinks were served, Leah decided it was best to get the conversation going. “Can I ask you about your episodes? Do they happen often?”

  He looked into his beer in thought. “I never apologized for that night. I know it scared you and Allison.”

  It shocked her that he remembered she and Allison were there. “It was scary. You seemed out of control.”

  He met her gaze. “I was court ordered to see a psychiatrist. I’ll be honest, I’ve seen several. But this guy seems to get it. Teaching me different ways to cope.”

  “That’s good.” Leah drank from her beer waiting to see what else he’d say.

  “As far as how often. I can’t say. I’ve been good lately.”

  “You avoiding crowds and such though?”

  “Other than the cattle auction, yes. Which is why I didn’t know I was bidding against you. I did see you, but was concentrating on your face to stay sane with all the noise and such.”

  Leah blinked. She wasn’t sure what to think. “You did?”

  Luke nodded.

  The server came with their pizza. The woman placed it between them and then slid plates in front of each before asking if they wanted refills.

  The entire time, she couldn’t look away from Luke. What happened? Why did he choose her? Why did she feel so compelled toward him?

  God none of it made any sense. If anything, they were completely wrong for each other.

  On so many levels.

  21

  On the drive back to Leah’s, tension was tangible, neither sure what the next step was. Luke glanced at her. “How do you like having a dog?”

  Her shoulders lowered and she smiled. “Rosie is great. Although I feel a sense of responsibility like never before. It’s funny, I don’t mind it, plus it’s nice to have the company.” Cocking her head to the side, she studied him. “It’s hard to picture you with the tiny dog you took. He really likes you.”

  “Not so much. The little traitor follows Taylor around more than me. As soon as we got home, he ensured the other dogs knew he was Alpha and then peed on my boot.”

  Her laughter was nice and he let it soak in.

  The truck swayed left, the tires sinking into a hole. The jarring made Leah yelp as she bumped against the passenger door.

  “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” Luke gripped the steering wheel as the familiar ringing in his ears began.

  “It’s okay,” Leah replied with a giggle. “I’ll have to keep that pothole in mind. My car will end up in the shop if I don’t avoid it.” She continued but he couldn’t hear anything other than the rush of blood past his ears and thudding of his heart.

  He managed to keep it together long enough to get her home and on unsteady legs walked her to her door. After a hasty kiss that obviously left her startled, he rushed back to his truck.

  Somehow he managed to sit long enough to watch her go inside before he threw the truck in reverse and hightailed it out of there.

  He couldn’t go into his house. The dogs, questions and lights would only make it worse.

  So he parked near the stables and stumbled out of the truck.

  The dimness of the interior and smell of hay would hopefully bring him back to realizing he wasn’t there. He was home. Safe.

  “Down to single digits Sarg,” O’Brien’s smiling face waivered in the darkness. “Can’t wait to sink my teeth into a real burger. Wash it down with a cold beer.”

  Blood everywhere. Dust. The sun sizzling on his skin as he labored to breathe.

  Luke tried to reach O’Brien, but his body didn’t follow any signals.

  Boom! A second explosion sounded and he scrambled into the darkness of a corner. Where was he? Where were his men?

  Tears mixed with sweat as he trembled and fell to his side griping his legs. He curled into a ball as he tried to keep from screaming.

  Thudding continued and he wasn’t sure if it was in his head or outside.

  “I hate you.” His voice seemed to echo in his head as he spoke out loud. “Help me.”

  Luke wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Sometime in the night, he’d fallen asleep and awoke when footsteps sounded.

  “Luke?” Tobias called out. “You in here?”

  “Yeah.” He couldn’t stop the shaking that took over as his brother’s familiar face lowered.

  “Hey Bud.” Tobias lowered and sat next to him. Not touching him, but close enough his twin’s body heat became a beacon of hope. “Wanna talk?”

  “I’m fucking forty-five years old.”

  Tobias chuckled. “No shit? I didn’t know that.”

  It was nice when he could finally take in a full breath without the constriction in his chest. “I don’t need to be in anyone’s life. Need to face reality.”

  “Everyone has issues. You don’t get to corner the market on that.”

  Luke struggled to sit but his arms shook too hard. Tobias pulled him up and he fell back against the wall. His brother’s arms around him helped the tightness to ease.

  “This is more than issues.” Luke squeezed his eyes shut when the overhead lights flashed on.

  “What’s going on?” Taylor rushed to them. “You hurting Luke?” His heavy palm landed on Luke’s shoulder. “Can you talk?”

  “Good thing you’re not a paramedic,” Luke grumbled, covering his face to avoid the glare of the bright lights. Horses nickered, also complaining.

  “Turn the lights off dumbass,” Tobias said chuckling. “The horses are going to think it’s morning.”

  A moment later only dim lights remained on. His cousin stood looking down at him and Tobias. “What happened?”

  “I lost my shit,” Luke said, looking up at his cousin. “I’m good. Go on to bed. I’ll crash here.”

  There was a beat of silence as Taylor and Tobias exchanged looks.

  “Why don’t we go inside? You can crash in your bedroom.” His brother wouldn’t let the subject dr
op and Luke didn’t want to explain that he feared another flashback if he moved.

  “I forgot what Doc told me to do. I couldn’t do it.” He stood up and blew out a breath. “So much for all that.”

  Tobias rolled his eyes. “So, you’re giving up, just like that? Dude it’s gonna take time.”

  Right, the one thing he didn’t have. Not now. If he had any chance with Leah, it would be gone by the time he got better. Hell, what would have happened if he’d not been able to control it and had lost it while he was with her? She would have probably freaked out.

  The three walked out of the stables. It wasn’t lost on him that his brother and cousin flanked him ensuring to keep him in between.

  “Orion.” Tobias pointed at the night sky.

  He followed suit and his lips curved. “Yeah, there he is.”

  Just before deploying, they’d made an agreement that when spotting Orion it meant the other was safe.

  The constellation seemed to brighten and Luke could only think of the irony. Safe could mean so many things. Yes, he was safe, had been spared. The others that he’d ordered to join him on that patrol, not so much.

  “Why do you think I’m here?” The words startled not just his companions, but him as well. He’d not even been thinking it.

  Taylor let out a sigh. “Because some of us are lucky bastards. We get to hang out longer and do shit before our time is up.”

  How was it that although he’d lost so much, Taylor could always remain so optimistic? Although flashes of pain appeared on occasion, the guy never lost sight of what was important.

  “Well said Cuz,” Tobias said and looked to him. “What’s your excuse for existing?”

  “To kick your ass,” Luke replied.

  “That’s not happenin’.”

  “I’ll go see Doc tomorrow.”

  “That’s good,” both Tobias and Taylor spoke in unison.

  * * *