Learned Reactions

by Jayce Ellis

  * * *

  Carlton sighed and shook himself, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes. He hated working weekends, but since he’d missed three days this week, it was an unfortunate necessity.

  Olivia had woken up and, apparently not finding Deion out front, where he’d previously been, had come to Carlton’s bedroom. He hadn’t heard her knock, and he wasn’t sure what to make of the look on her face when she saw the two of them together. It was something he’d have to discuss with her. She hadn’t shown any animosity toward Deion, but Carlton knew all too well the divide between knowing someone was gay intellectually and seeing it firsthand. If she did have an issue, he couldn’t let it fester, not if he wanted the adoption to go smoothly, since it relied on her both believing and accepting their relationship.

  Naturally, being the cowardly asshole he was, instead of having that conversation up front, he’d gone into the office, leaving Deion to deal with any potential fallout.

  But after two hours at the office—and boy, keeping the phone on was still a work in progress—he hadn’t received any messages cussing him out or telling him he needed to get his ass back to the house ASAP, so he’d assume, for the time being, that World War III hadn’t started in his absence.

  A flurry of texts came through while he was reviewing a student’s spring semester loan application. He picked it up and smiled. His boys were back at it.

  Jaq: to what extent do your kids’ opinions of your romantic partners impact your choices?

  Lawrence: could you be more specific?

  Carlton stared. It was as if they’d read his mind. But what the hell would Jaq be asking this for? His daughter was grown and out of the house. A message popped through.

  Jaq: if one of your kids hated the person you were interested in, would that be a reason to stop seeing them?

  Carlton wished he had something to say, but given that his experience with fatherhood had lasted one year with Trey and a week now with Olivia, he was pretty sure his opinion counted for less than zero.

  Lawrence: I think it depends. Children are far more aware than we give them credit for, and they see things we don’t. So I damn sure wouldn’t discount their feelings.

  Jaq: that’s what I’m thinking, but T isn’t in the house. She wouldn’t have to deal with him.

  Lawrence: this about that boy toy? What’s T got against him?

  Carlton made himself comfortable and stared at his phone. This was better than a soap opera.

  Jaq: Apparently she briefly dated his daughter.

  What the hell? Now Carlton had to respond.

  Me: wait. Tanisha dated Matt’s daughter? Sheesh, talk about a family affair.

  Lawrence: good morning, Carlton. I was wondering when you’d make an appearance.

  Jaq sent back the crying laughing emoji, then a response.

  Jaq: yeah, definitely wasn’t something I planned on. I’d actually had the nerve to believe her when she said they were just friends, even though it was pretty obvious that was a lie.

  Jaq: Guess I’m not used to her wanting to keep things from me.

  See, now Jaq was on the verge of getting despondent. No time for that. Carlton wrote back.

  Me: whole family must have that good juju.

  Jaq: if we could please not talk about my daughter and juju in the same sentence, ever, in life, I’d appreciate it.

  Carlton laughed, then mentally replaced Tanisha with Olivia, and a shudder rippled through him. Yeah, maybe that had been a step too far.

  Me: my bad.

  But now he was really thinking about Jaq’s problem, on a more global basis. Because while Jaq’s issue was unique, he wasn’t sure what he’d do if Olivia disliked the idea of him and Deion together. The part of him that had been fiercely independent for the past twenty years said he didn’t care. She’d shown up on his doorstep, she would have to deal with it. But kids didn’t work that way, and if Carlton was taking on the responsibility of being a parent, he couldn’t expect her to. He blew out a breath and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes.

  The phone ringing didn’t surprise him, but that it wasn’t Deion’s ringtone did. It was the generic one he’d never bothered to change. He opened his eyes and checked the screen. Lawrence.

  “Hey, man. What’s going on?” he asked.

  “Jaq’s question made me think of you. Wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”

  “As like, my lawyer, or my friend?”

  “Friend. I don’t call my clients on the weekends if I can help it, and damn sure not in my boxers.”

  “TMI, dude.” Carlton laughed, though. That...was almost sweet. Considerate in a way he honestly hadn’t expected from Lawrence, though he didn’t know why. “I’m okay. Social worker came yesterday.”

  “Everything go well?” Lawrence wasn’t a fool, and he clearly didn’t miss the way Carlton hesitated before answering. “What happened?” he asked, his voice low and serious, shifting into that analytical mode, ready to solve problems.

  Carlton swallowed hard. “She may have seen Deion and leapt to the conclusion that we’re together.”

  “And you corrected her immediately, right?”

  Damn, he didn’t want to do silly shit like have those long pauses or awkwardly clear his throat or whatever, but he did both. “I may have let her believe it.”

  A pause, and Carlton felt Lawrence’s overriding disappointment in the silence. “Huh. That’s a choice. How did she take it?”

  Carlton shrugged, even though no one could see him. “She didn’t seem to have a problem with it at all. Thought it would help, actually.”

  “Great. Did you tell Deion what you’ve done?”

  Carlton wanted to be upset except, if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure what he would have done had Deion not been there listening in anyway. “Didn’t have to. He was in earshot.”

  “He kick your ass yet?”

  There was the tiniest bit of humor in Lawrence’s voice, and Carlton wanted to knock the smugness out of him. “As a matter of fact, no. He said he was down for it.”

  “Because the boy’s in love with you. Like I said.”

  “How in the hell would you know that? You’ve met him twice.”

  “Please. Any fool with two eyes could have figured that out at Stadium,” Lawrence said. “Hell, Jaq was drunk off his ass waiting for old boy to show up, and even he probably noticed the way Deion was feeling you. I thought we already had this conversation.”

  “Deion’s always been like that.” The words were nearly automatic, but after last night, they fell flat to his own ears.

  “Then Deion’s always been in love with you. But,” Lawrence said, and the change in his tone was enough for Carlton to sit up and pay attention, “this is complicated. You have to tread lightly, because you cannot allow her to think you were deceiving her. You and Deion either need to be together, or get him the hell out of here now and deal with the consequences.”

  “What’s a legit reason he’d leave?” Damn, he didn’t even want to say the words. He didn’t want Deion to leave. Even with all the shit they still had to discuss, the thought of him going away? Wasn’t something he wanted to contemplate.

  “I don’t know. Maybe he decides kids aren’t for him, that he’s not ready to jump into that kind of commitment. You can come up with something. Just don’t make my job harder.”

  Despite the mild way he spoke, Carlton heard the steel underlying Lawrence’s response. “I thought you were calling as my friend.”

  “I was, until you told me you’d let the social worker believe what you told me less than a week ago was a lie. So now it’s a don’t-lie-to-your-lawyer call. Or an I-will-charge-the-fuck-out-of-your-ass call. Pick one.”

  “Okay okay okay. I get it. What do you want me to do? Or not do?”

  “How about you don’t fuck him? Tha
t’s a good start.”

  Carlton knew clients were supposed to tell their lawyers everything, but this was surely an exception? They’d already burned straight through that bridge, incinerated the bitch really, and Carlton had no desire to incur Lawrence’s wrath. He’d deal with it later.

  “I know you’re right,” he said instead, and hoped his voice didn’t give anything away.

  Lawrence’s sigh was heartfelt. “And you’re going to ignore me anyway. Fine, I’ll be here when the chips fall. But I will not let this become a deciding factor in the adoption, okay? Your niece deserves better than that.”

  Way to bring it back around to the true situation, and make him feel like a recalcitrant kid at the same time. “Sure, Dad, I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Lawrence laughed, completely uncowed by the petulance of Carlton’s remark. “Speaking of which, my son’s gymnastics class is about to begin. And then I’ve got the kids for the next few days. I’ll check in with you when they go back to their mom, okay?”

  After having only had Deion to depend on for so long, it was nice to have someone else around. Two someones, because Carlton knew Jaq would be there in a heartbeat as well. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

  They clicked off and Carlton checked his watch. Almost noon. Time to go home and man up.

  Chapter Twelve

  Olivia watched Deion warily from her perch on the chair while he whipped up some eggs and bacon. He could do grits, but his never came out as good as Carlton’s, and he wasn’t in the mood for a poor facsimile of the real thing.

  “How long are you going to be here?” she asked.

  That was a damn good question. “I don’t know. Originally, I was supposed to leave a day or two after you’d shown up. Now I’m thinking maybe the end of the semester.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  He could practically see her rolling her eyes. Maybe this was the eyes-in-the-back-of-the-head thing mothers seemed to excel at. “Why are you staying?”

  Deion sneaked a glance at Olivia, but she wasn’t looking at him. Her attention was focused on her nails, like she was trying to feign disinterest. “Your uncle asked if I could stick around a little longer.”

  “Because of me?”

  No sense in lying. “Yeah. He wanted to make sure you got settled in good and figured, since I’m on sabbatical, I might be able to help.”

  She hummed, like maybe she accepted that. “So what’s the deal with you and my uncle?”

  Wow, kids really didn’t waste any time getting to the point these days, did they? Deion craned his neck and watched her. She’d changed positions, and now sat with her knees huddled to her chest on the chair, arms wrapped around them, staring at him. Honestly, at this moment, the splattering of bacon grease was safer than her stare.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” That sounded lame, even to himself.

  “You and Uncle C weren’t sleeping in the same room when I got here, because you gave me the spare one. Then you’d been on the couch all week. And this morning, you’re in his bed. So, what’s good?”

  “Pretty sure that’s none of your business.”

  She laughed. “I don’t know why adults act like it’s such a big deal. It’s not like you guys haven’t been circling around each other for decades or anything.”

  Now Deion did turn, moving away from the skillet and leaning against the counter. Who the hell had she been talking to? Somehow, the phrase “circling around each other” sounded like something she’d heard in reference to them, not her own words.

  He crossed his arms and tried to portray some semblance of authority, even though he was pretty sure it didn’t work. “What makes you say that?”

  “Trey said Uncle C talked about you all the time. So I was honestly kind of surprised you guys weren’t together when I showed up. That’s why I thought I was interrupting or whatever.”

  Deion had no idea what to say, but Olivia smiled at him. “You know, it’s really okay if you guys are together.”

  “We’re not, trust me.”

  “But you’re sleeping in the same bed now. So something’s changed, right? Because just friends don’t decide to stick around for months and then miraculously end up in the same bed with no shirts on and their arms wrapped around each other.”

  Kids were too goddamn grown these days. Deion closed his eyes, unsure of how much to say, and heard the jingling of the door. “Your uncle’s home.” And thank god for it.

  Especially since Olivia rolled her eyes, like she knew he was using Carlton’s arrival as an excuse. So what if he was? This was a father-daughter conversation, and Deion hadn’t assumed the former role. Which naturally led to the logical next thought. If Deion had any chance in hell of preserving some hint of sanity, he needed to remember this wasn’t real, and make sure he didn’t blur those lines more than necessary. It was hard, though, with Olivia staring at him like she’d proven her own unspoken hypothesis.

  “Hey guys,” Carlton said with a little wave. He gave Deion a half grin, like he knew he’d have to answer for his conspicuous absence this morning. Damn right he would.

  Olivia unfolded herself from the seat and wrapped her arms around him. “Hey, Uncle C. You get everything caught up?”

  He smiled, the look on his face full of so much devotion Deion’s heart almost burst. “Pretty much. Enough that I didn’t need to be there any longer.”

  “You hungry?” Deion asked. Anything to not stand there. And gape. And want. “I was just about to fix us some plates.”

  “You are a scholar and a saint, and I would be forever grateful,” Carlton replied. He disengaged from Olivia and stood next to Deion, squeezing his shoulder. “Sorry for the disappearance. I’ll explain later,” he whispered.

  Deion lowered his voice to match. “No need. I get it, but your niece asked a question.” Yep, let him deal with this.

  Carlton hummed, then released him and pulled up a seat across the table from Olivia. “Deion said you had a question for me, Ollie.”

  Deion heard the raspberry Olivia blew at him, and laughed.

  “I was asking Uncle D what changed in the past week.”

  “In what way?”

  “In the way that y’all are sleeping together.” The duh was evident in her statement.

  Carlton sighed, and Deion tried not to tense, but he wanted to know what Carlton had to say too. What if Olivia cared more than she’d let on? She’d said she was okay with it, but maybe she’d said that to appease Deion. Kids were good for that.

  “You know me and Deion have been friends for a long time.”

  “Yeah. Trey says you talk about him all the time.” It was the second time she’d mentioned that, and Deion ignored the breakdancing that went on in his stomach at the words. Everybody in Chicago, whether they’d gone to DePaul with him and Carlton or not, knew about his best friend. Had spent twenty years knowing everything there was to know about one Carlton Monroe. It made him feel better, a little less alone, to know Carlton had talked about him as well.

  “How would you feel if me and Deion were more than friends?”

  “As long as I don’t have to hear you, y’all can be whatever you want.”

  Carlton choke-laughed, and Deion had to tighten his grip on the plates before setting them down in front of Olivia and Carlton, his shoulders were shaking so hard. “Eat,” he told them both, then went back to fix his own.

  “But for real,” Olivia said. “I’m okay with you guys being together.” She went silent until Deion sat down at the table with them, then grinned. “Does that mean you’d stay longer than just the end of your sabbatical?”

  Whoo boy. Deion had no clue how to answer that. If he had his way, he might never leave. But once the adoption went through and whatever they were playing at came to its natural conclusion, he couldn’t sit on the outside and watch C
arlton be a father, watch that love and affection turn into something deeper, stronger, and remain on the periphery. No, this was make-believe, a pretend excursion from real life, a way of helping his best friend while living a bit of his own fantasy. He couldn’t stick around for an unlimited time. It might break him. And he had no idea how to translate that into something Olivia could understand.

  Carlton seemed to sense his turmoil and jumped in. “We haven’t talked about any of that. This is all new, something we’ve been dancing around for a long while.”

  “So then I was like the catalyst that brought you together?”

  Carlton and Deion shared a look, then Carlton shrugged. “In some ways, yes.”

  “Cool.” Olivia seemed satisfied, almost smug, and tucked into her meal.

  Carlton ate his food, but his eyes never left Deion’s. And Deion’s never left his. No matter what this had started out as, even a scant twenty-four hours ago, they needed to set some ground rules, else Deion was going to lose himself. And he loved Carlton, he did. But this wasn’t a sacrifice he was willing to make.

  As if sensing his thoughts, Carlton leaned in. “Tonight.”

  Deion nodded, and Carlton gripped the bottom of his chin. He paused for second, as if waiting for permission, before fusing their lips together in a soft kiss.

  “Oh lord, here y’all go. You’re going to be as bad as Mom and Dad were, aren’t you?” Olivia took her plate to the sink, rinsed it, then stomped off down the hall, the door shutting with a loud clang.

  “Oops. Didn’t mean to scare her off.” Carlton’s grin was mischievous, and Deion shook his head. He’d known exactly what he was doing. Deion bopped him on the nose.

  “You owe me.”

  Carlton ran a hand down the back of Deion’s head, landing at his nape and squeezing gently. “I know. But tonight. We’ll talk then, okay?”

  “Yeah, that works.”

  And if he spent the rest of the afternoon in a state of panic, no one needed to know.

  * * *