Learned Reactions

by Jayce Ellis

  “That’s what I want to hear.” He smiled, and the guy stepped forward for a quick hug, before pointing to Devon.

  “Is my little brother giving you grief?”

  “Bryan, you know this dude?” Devon asked, but Deion was still stuck on the word little. Because Devon had a good seven inches on his brother.

  Bryan rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Remember when my loan didn’t go through and I thought I’d have to drop out? Mr. Monroe is the head of the financial aid department. He’s the one who pulled strings and found the check and got me in.”

  Devon looked at Carlton for a beat, then at Olivia. Deion still had his arm around her, and her fists were still tightly knuckled at her sides. The faint vibration he’d felt from her was slowly but surely starting to dissipate.

  “Oh. I didn’t know this was that dude.” Devon dipped his head and cleared his throat before looking up at Carlton. “I’m sorry, Mr. Monroe. Thanks for all you did for him.”

  Carlton smiled tightly, his eyes narrowed, and stepped up to Devon. Deion didn’t know what he whispered in Devon’s ear, but the boy paled, if that was possible, and took a step back. He nodded rapidly, almost like a bobble head, then looked at his other friends and said, “Come on, guys, let’s go.”

  They scurried down the hall and Bryan stayed behind. He bowed his head, shook it, and turned to face them. “Mr. Monroe, I’m sorry. I haven’t been home in a while, and Mom asked me to take Devon out for some brotherly bonding. I didn’t know he’d bring his whole crew. Kid’s too young to have a damn crew.”

  Carlton laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, then turned him toward Deion and Olivia. “This is my niece, Ollie, and my—” he paused before continuing “—partner, Deion.”

  Deion whistled out a low breath. He hadn’t even realized the way his heart clenched at Carlton’s light stutter, the fear that he’d be relegated to just a friend weighing heavy on his heart. At least, unlike Devon, Bryan didn’t seem to give a fuck.

  “It’s good to meet you both,” he said with a wave and a quick handshake. “Sorry again for my brother.” He looked at Olivia. “I’ll try to make sure he leaves you alone.”

  She nodded, and Carlton muttered behind him, “If he wants to keep his balls, he will.”

  Bryan almost choked on his laugh, and Carlton winked. That protectiveness that he displayed more and more? Deion couldn’t get enough of it. And that was probably a mistake. He’d known, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that living here with the two of them would be bad for his heart. But this rabbit hole he was falling down? Was worse than anything he could have imagined.

  He didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, because the minute Bryan waved and said goodbye, Olivia muttered, “let’s go,” grabbed both their hands, and dragged them behind her toward the home goods. She acted like she was okay, but Deion wasn’t sure he believed it.

  * * *

  Fucking hell. They’d spent close to three hours at the mall after their little run-in, and even though Olivia tried to play like she was okay, that simmering irritation lay just beneath the surface. Carlton recognized it too well, having spent years trying to bury his immediate “fight” reflex beneath a well-hewn persona of jovialness. Thank god Olivia had wrestling, even if she’d looked close to using those moves on Devon at the mall.

  The last thing Carlton needed to see when he, Deion, and Olivia got back to the house was Evangelyn Smith-Reis walking down the front steps. She looked like she’d been on her way out, but paused when she saw them, her bright grin fading into something both serious and concerned as she looked them over. The exhaustion must’ve been on all their faces.

  Deion was the first to come to his senses and speak. “Ms. Smith-Reis, a pleasure to see you again.” He held his hand out to shake.

  “I told you to call me Evangelyn,” she said.

  “Don’t blame me. Old habits die hard.”

  She chuckled lightly. “I understand.” Her gaze swept over them again. “Is everything all right here?”

  Deion shook his head. “No. Intellectually, you know parenting comes with good days and bad ones. But experiencing the bad ones is still hard.”

  Her grin was tight, a cringe really, sympathy etched across her face. “I do know how that goes.” Then she looked at Carlton almost apologetically. “Mr. Monroe, I’m sure you know one of my jobs is to do a surprise visit.” She looked at the three of them, then up to the front door and back. “Surprise.”

  Carlton’s barked laugh was unexpected, but he didn’t try to hide the way the day had worn him down. “Of course,” he said. “Come on in and we can speak.”

  She followed them in, and Carlton was convinced she was trying to memorize their demeanors for her report.

  “Do you want to talk to me right now?” Olivia asked, her voice shakier and more wobbly than it’d been at any time today.

  Carlton raised a brow at Ms. Smith-Reis. She shook her head and gave Olivia an understanding smile. “No. If I have any questions, I’ll let you know. But for right now, you’re free to do whatever you’d planned.”

  Olivia nodded, pecked Carlton on the cheek, and darted off to her room. Deion laid a gentle hand on Carlton’s arm. “You good? You need me?”

  Again, Ms. Smith-Reis shook her head. “No, Mr. Monroe’s the only one officially adopting, so he’s who I need to speak with.”

  Deion paused, then his grip on Carlton’s arm tightened. He leaned in, pressed a quick kiss on that same cheek, and murmured, “I’m going to talk to her.” Thank god for him, because Carlton had wanted to say screw it and tell Ms. Smith-Reis she could sit out front while he made sure his niece was okay. With Deion, he could do both. Carlton nodded, found his hand and squeezed gently, then watched him stride down the hall and rap lightly on the door. He turned back after Deion disappeared inside.

  “Do you need anything to drink?” Carlton asked Ms. Smith-Reis.

  “Thank you, but no. You want to tell me what happened today?”

  The fucked-up part was, Carlton could really use a drink right now, but he couldn’t imagine that’d go over well. He waited until Ms. Smith-Reis got comfortable, then took a seat opposite her. “We took her to the mall today, to get some new furnishings, comforters, sheets, all that jazz, for her room. Really make it her own, you know?”

  Ms. Smith-Reis nodded, and he continued. “We ran into kids I guess were her classmates, and they just started ragging on her. About her parents being gone, about me and Deion, and her having to live with a gay couple. It was pretty intense, and they really didn’t seem to care that we were there.” He sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose quickly before opening them. “I forgot kids could be so cruel.”

  Her eyes narrowed, the side of her nose twitching just a fraction. She finished whatever she was typing on her tablet, then looked up at him and sat back. “But you anticipated this, right? You knew she might be subjected to bullying because she lives with her uncle and his partner. That’s unfortunately still par for the course in our society. What steps did you and Mr. Jones take to prepare her, or give her an avenue for venting, during this time?”

  Carlton stared, absolutely dumbfounded, then swallowed hard and asked what he was sure was a stupid question. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, is she in counseling? Is she seeing someone where she can talk about both the loss of her parents, whatever issues may remain unresolved regarding the contact she did or didn’t have with her brother this past year, the changes that she’s going through being asked to live in a very different environment than she grew up in? Than she anticipated? I’m not demeaning or degrading your sexuality here,” she rushed to clarify. “But the reality is, Olivia didn’t expect to be raised by people who weren’t her parents. In the span of two years, she’s gone from living with her mother, father, and older brother, to her parents having died tragically and her brother living somewhere else b
efore going off to college. And now, after a year with her grandparents, she’s with you and your, by your own words, fairly new relationship. That’s a lot for anyone. It’s that much more for someone in her situation. So the question isn’t meant to be a ‘gotcha.’ It’s meant for you to really think about what your niece needs. Not just now, while I’m looking over your shoulder, but long term, how are you going to help her deal with the trauma she’s experienced?”

  Carlton rolled his lips in, firming his jaw to keep the tears from falling. Somehow, he’d never fully acknowledged how much Olivia had gone through this past year. How much they’d all gone through. Hearing it laid out like that, detached and almost clinical, hit him in a way he frankly hadn’t expected.

  The soft touch of a hand on his startled him and he jumped. “I’m sorry,” Ms. Smith-Reis said. “My goal here isn’t to castigate you, or to make you feel like you’re doing a bad job. On the contrary, that you are this emotional, and that you clearly want to rectify the situation, bodes well. But these are things I have to think about, and I know, in the whirlwind of everything else that’s going on, they’re very easy to get lost in the shuffle. I won’t let that happen. I won’t let Olivia get lost in the shuffle.”

  He stared, her words cycling in his head. I won’t let Olivia get lost in the shuffle. Because that’s what this was really about, right? Not him, not Deion, but Olivia. He’d been so busy getting his rocks off, indulging himself in Deion’s touch, his taste, that he’d forgotten the real reason he’d asked Deion to stay. Deion hadn’t, and Carlton wasn’t sure, but he’d bet money Olivia was more comfortable with him than with Carlton. He’d gotten up and gone to work and come home, and expected everything to functionally be okay when he arrived. And it had been Deion, not himself, who had taken on the responsibility of making sure that happened.

  “I am going to strongly recommend—no, let’s be real. I am going to require Olivia to do some counseling before I sign off on my final report. I would strongly suggest that you engage in some family counseling on top of that, and if Mr. Jones is going to be a part of your lives, I recommend he be there for it as well. Does that make sense?”

  “All three of us?”

  “Yes,” she said, her voice firm. “It’s clear that Mr. Jones has taken on some level of parental role here. I have no problem with that, but under the circumstances, I believe any counseling needs to involve all people who are involved with decision-making about Olivia’s well-being. That clearly includes Mr. Jones at this stage. Now, do you have any other questions for me before I head out?” She put her tablet back in her bag and stood.

  Carlton shook his head and followed her lead. “Thanks for stopping by.”

  “Thank you for making time to talk to me under what are clearly difficult circumstances. My next visit won’t be unscheduled, but I will want to see where we are with counseling when I return.”

  “Of course. That’s no problem.”

  Her face softened. “Olivia’s upset and I won’t bother her. Tell her and Mr. Jones I don’t need to see them now, but I’ll speak with them next time.” She waved and walked out, shutting the door quietly behind her.

  Goddammit. Carlton hadn’t meant to drag Deion into this so deeply. Not that he’d done a damn thing to stop it, but he was effectively forcing Deion to engage in therapy for Carlton’s benefit, with no regard for Deion’s. If Carlton were a stronger man, he’d tell Deion what the social worker said, tell them he thought it was best to break things off now, send him home to Chicago—across the ocean to London—and be the father Olivia needed. By himself.

  It didn’t even surprise him anymore when his heart seized at the thought. And like everything else in his life, he was going to address it later. Right now, he needed to check on his friend and niece.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Deion heard the faint mutterings of voices from the living room, and turned into the master bedroom. Olivia was a teenager, meaning sullen. No real expression of any kind on her face, just the rote unpacking of each item, followed by a decision where it should go. He supposed it was common for teens under any myriad of circumstances, and triply heightened when dealt with the blows Olivia had faced over the past few years. So they didn’t speak, but when they were finished, she squeezed him tight and he pressed his cheek to her head, and held her like that until she let go. Deion kissed her forehead and left her to her own devices, then went to his room.

  He sighed, stepping into the master bathroom and peeling off his clothes before turning on the shower. There were things he wanted to say, to do, but it was up to him to make sure that some damn boundaries stayed in place. Carlton was clearly willing to trample all over them, and for the sake of Olivia, Deion understood. But he wasn’t her father, or trying to be, or any other guardian figure for that matter, and he needed to remember it. As much for his sake as theirs.

  Another deep, bone-weary sigh, and Deion stepped into the shower. He let the water drench his locs, which were overdue for a tighten and shape up. The door creaked open behind him and he bit his lower lip to hide his smile, before a large hand wrapped around his stomach and pulled him tight.

  “Hey,” Carlton whispered, nuzzling Deion’s neck to the side and biting down softly on the back of his neck.

  “Hey. You done with Evangelyn? You check on Olivia?”

  “Yes and yes. Asked if she could order a pizza and veg out with her friends.” Carlton sucked up another mark and Deion fought to maintain some semblance of composure.

  “Is she ready to talk yet?”

  Carlton chuckled. “I promise you, if Olivia wanted to talk to either one of us, I wouldn’t be in here right now. The last thing she wants is some adults trying to talk to her about her feelings.” Deion hummed, because that sounded about right, and Carlton went back to what he was doing, nipping against his skin. Deion thickened at the contact, at the little sharp hint of pain. Carlton had commented once that he liked seeing those marks on him, liked remembering what they’d done. Deion had rolled his eyes the first time, but now he looked forward to it. Another one of those things he’d remember and think of fondly once this was all done.

  “What did Evangelyn say?” he asked, forcing his mind to stay on topic.

  Carlton stiffened briefly, then relaxed. “She wants Olivia to do counseling.”

  How could they have overlooked something so obviously necessary? Deion felt like a fool for missing it. “Makes sense. I think we were too optimistic about how well she was holding up.”

  Carlton pulled Deion tighter and nodded. “She wants us to go as well.”

  “Us? As in...?”

  “As in family counseling. The three of us.”

  Deion closed his eyes, counted to five, then turned in his arms. “Carlton, man. This is...” Too much. It was too much. Not that he had a problem with the idea of counseling, at all. But it made him part of the family more strongly than anything else had before. Lord knew he wanted to help Olivia, but this? It erased every ounce of what little separating line there was left, and it teetered right on the edge of asking too much from him. He wasn’t sure he could do it.

  Carlton pressed him against the tiles, still cold despite the rising steam, and Deion hissed. “I’m sorry, baby. I know I fucked this up. Made it more than what you’d planned. I’d planned.”

  The remorse in Carlton’s voice was so deep, so heartfelt, and Deion thumped his head against the tiles, his locs softening the blow. Maybe they should’ve anticipated this, but they hadn’t, and that was no more Carlton’s fault than his own. “Okay, we’ll do it.”

  This time, Carlton didn’t beam like he’d won something. His smile was deeper. More heartfelt. Almost relieved. “Thank you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of Deion’s mouth.

  It wasn’t enough. Deion turned his head and caught Carlton’s lips, pressing insistently against them. Carlton opened with a low moan, rocking his hips fo
rward. Deion flicked his tongue over Carlton’s lower lip, and Carlton tightened his grip on Deion’s hip.

  “You’re always so good to me,” Carlton murmured, pulling back and running a hand over Deion’s face, smoothing away some of the water clinging to his brow. “What would I do without you?”

  “Find some random Joe Schmoe to play house husband?”

  Carlton laughed and pressed his forehead to Deion’s. “I’d give up the idea entirely. You’re the only one I want to do this with.”

  That shouldn’t have sent synchronized butterflies of joy fluttering through Deion’s stomach, but it did. “Such a sweet-talker. You always know exactly what to say.”

  Carlton chuckled, his chest and shoulders shaking against Deion’s body. It pulled a groan from him, and Carlton ran his hand down to circle Deion’s dick. “You have any idea how much I want you?”

  Deion was too busy thrusting into Carlton’s tight grip to form a coherent response. He knew, deep in his heart, that Carlton hadn’t come here for sex. But he’d be damned if he said no to it.

  “Show me how much you appreciate me and my sacrifices,” he said, winking.

  Carlton released him, then reached over and turned off the shower. He didn’t speak, just handed Deion a towel. They watched each other while they dried off roughly, Deion wringing as much moisture from his hair as he could. It was still sopping wet.

  Deion raised a brow at Carlton’s outstretched hand, but took it anyway. They walked into the bedroom and spread out on the mattress, Deion flat on his back. Carlton wasted no time, bending over his waist. He sucked in a long, slow breath. Deion was a lot to take. He knew that, and most men never bothered. It was a sad but sure reality he’d long ago resigned himself to. Or at least that’s what he told himself. But now, he was going to have to fight every ounce of control he could to make sure he didn’t blow immediately.

  Carlton’s hot breath against his thighs made him tremble, and he pumped his hips in the air, seeking friction. Carlton’s soft huff of laughter rumbled through him, then he swiped his tongue across Deion’s sac.