by Dale Mayer
“Lucky friend,” he called out softly.
“All my friends are lucky,” she said, and then she closed his door.
She stood here for a long moment, wondering why the mention of the sketchbooks had brought on that reaction from Finn. She frowned, walked back to her office and jotted a small note about this in his file. It was hard to know with these guys sometimes just what was going on behind that tough-guy facade. They’d been through so much mental stress, so much physical trauma, that you never really understood sometimes who and what these people were on the inside.
So far, Finn had shown himself to be amiable, hardworking, going the extra distance to help himself, to the point that he’d even refused to comment when it was too much. She’d seen the damage afterward. She also knew that Shane was once again working on Finn as well and that structural-integrity stuff was happening. Speaking of, she needed to put a note in the file about his back. She quickly updated his file online and took care of a bunch of paperwork.
She glanced at her watch. The woman she’d relieved for the first part of her shift was coming on soon, and then Fiona herself would head home for a couple hours before showing up for her eight o’clock morning shift. She started to yawn and got up and walked around a little bit to keep her brain active. She did another pass through the hallways, but everything was calm and quiet. It was one of the reasons she didn’t particularly like the night shift—she preferred to have something to do all the time.
But then again, she was still here at Hathaway House because it was way less busy than a regular hospital nursing job. She loved the family scenario here so much. She really didn’t see herself changing locations anytime soon.
But Finn had brought up an interesting point, even though it’s not one he’d meant to. What about a relationship? Was she still hiding? She’d caught her best friend and boyfriend in bed, and that had been enough for her. It had been years ago. It’s not that she was horribly religious, but she did expect loyalty and not infidelity while they were together.
Her boyfriend apparently hadn’t expected it out of himself at all, just from her.
It had tainted her view of relationships and friendships. She and her girlfriend were obviously no longer friends, and that her boyfriend and her girlfriend had been carrying on behind Fiona’s back for months just made it that much more hurtful.
As she sat here in her chair, she wondered about Finn. There was so much to like about him. He’d found a spot in the back of her heart, settled in, made himself at home. Did she like him enough? Or did she not want to go down that pathway? Was it fear of the path? She was very aware of patient-nurse relationships.
One patient had become a little too attached to her, and it had been very painful to separate. He’d taken it terribly when she’d finally been forced to confront him very bluntly with Dani at her side as to what was going on. The shrinks had worked with him for quite a while afterward, but he’d taken it hard.
So now, with her own personal history and the professional history of her relationship with a patient where he had misinterpreted her feelings for him, Finn worried her. Yet she didn’t see any similarities between her previous patient and Finn. Maybe she should talk to Dani about it.
With that thought in mind, she sent herself a reminder email to talk to Dani. Fiona should also maybe talk to Dani about the sketchbooks and Finn’s odd reaction. Then Fiona heard footsteps in the hallway.
She stepped out to see Becky, her replacement, rushing toward her. The beaming smile of happiness on her face made it all worthwhile. When she held up her finger and flashed the new diamond ring on it, Fiona realized how special Becky’s night had been. Becky threw herself into Fiona’s arms, and they hugged tight.
“Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness,” Becky cried out. “We’re engaged. We’re engaged!”
She was trying to keep her voice down, but, at the same time, she was so ecstatic that it was almost impossible to be quiet. Fiona caught her up into her arms and hugged her again. They moved inside the nurses’ station and closed the door, so they wouldn’t wake anybody, and Fiona immediately demanded details.
Becky chuckled and said, “We haven’t set a date. We don’t know anything, except look,” and she squealed again. On that note, Fiona couldn’t leave right away. She was too hyped, and so was Becky. So Fiona made tea for both of them, but hers was to help her to sleep. They sat and discussed the dinner and the proposal and how special it was. It was obvious that Becky was completely over the moon.
Finally, Fiona gave her friend an extra hug and said, “Now I’m gone. I’ll be back in five hours to do my regular shift.”
“Go, go, go,” Becky said. “And I owe you one big-time.”
Fiona waved it off and headed home to her rooms. She was absolutely overjoyed for Becky. She and her beau had been going out for years. They had often talked about marriage but had never come to that sticking point, but now it was almost too good to be true. He worked in town, and Becky worked here, so they had options where they wanted to live, but chances were she would live in town. She would probably not want to do night shifts either if she’s newly married.
But that was for Becky and her fiancé to work out. Fiona was thrilled for both of them. She quickly changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth and crawled into bed. Even though she’d had that last bit of excitement, she fell asleep with a smile on her face. And also with a little pang of loneliness in her heart.
Several days later Finn finally had a few hours to himself and wasn’t exhausted enough that he just wanted to lie in bed and cry. It had taken a long time to get here—more than six weeks now—but the last two nights he hadn’t woken up in pain, and that had been the best thing ever.
The difference that a good night’s sleep made had been astronomical, and, with that, today had been that much easier. He’d had several meetings with his therapist over some of the work that Finn had been doing and whether it was working or not. His medical team members were all really delighted with his progress, whereas Finn couldn’t see it except that he was sleeping better now, and he wasn’t dealing with as much pain.
Now he had an hour before dinner, and, if he didn’t want to go early to avoid the rush, for the first time in a long time, he wondered what to do with that spare time.
His gaze landed on the sketchbooks to his side. When Fiona had asked him about it earlier, he hadn’t known what to say. He hadn’t even opened the sketchpad since they’d been purchased and gifted to him.
How terrible was that?
His instant reaction had been guilt and a need to brush it off and to not disclose that he had yet to do anything.
Fear was one of those terrible things that just sat there and ate away at your soul, even for the little things. He remembered being in school and having to do presentations in front of the class, and he couldn’t sleep for days as they got closer and closer to the event. He stood up there and stammered, his face turning red, and he’d looked like a fool. It was probably way more embarrassing for everybody else than for him. He was in so much shock that he never did get half of his presentations out. He had the worst stage fright and panic attacks in the world, but he’d grown out of it eventually.
Except when Fiona had questioned him about his art, he’d been back in school again, and the teacher had picked him to answer a question he didn’t have an answer for. Such a weird sense of being an adolescent again.
He got up and, using his crutches, brought the sketchbooks and the pencils over to his bed. He tried with his knees up. One knee up. He propped the other one up to use it as a bit of a table. No matter what he did though, it wasn’t working. Frustrated, he finally grabbed one of the pillows and put that underneath his sketch pad, and that worked.
He opened to the first page and got out one of his favorite pencils. He’d always preferred a 2B. It wasn’t everybody’s favorite, but it was his. They were nicely sharpened, but he didn’t know quite what to draw. He sat here aimlessly, letting his fingers hold
the pencil for a bit, getting used to the feel of it in his hands. And then, closing his eyes, he smiled and let his fingers do their thing. He didn’t know how long he sketched—at least ten to fifteen minutes.
He reached for a bottle of water, had a sip and went back to it. Finally, he could see the shape, the turn of the nose, the glint in the eyes. He chuckled. It’s not what he had expected to be sketching right now. And certainly it was a rough piece, but at least it was something. He kept working away for another good half hour, and finally, his arms got a little bit on the sore side. He dropped his pencil and shook his hand out.
Needing to move, he got up and hobbled on crutches around the room. He always had to remember to get up and to move, even just a quick turn around the room and several deep breaths in order to keep his muscles fluid. He didn’t know how office workers did it. Sitting at a computer all day had to be brutal. Finally, he sat back down again and looked at the sketch. As he studied the face in front of him, he had to admit it wasn’t half-bad. It wasn’t great. But as a first attempt in … what? Ten years? It wasn’t bad at all.
“So there you are,” Dani said, walking in. He held the sketchbook against his chest. She smiled and said, “I’m glad to see you using those.”
He studied her face, but, as always, Dani was sheer, wholehearted warmth and a lovely personality. “How could I not?” he asked. “Most of the time I’m so tired. I haven’t had any energy to even think about it.”
“May I see what you’re working on?”
He winced. “You’ve seen my good pictures,” he warned. “This is nothing like that.”
“I’ve seen some pretty awful sketches that you started out with and tossed, and I’ve seen some absolutely fantastic pieces you hated that you ripped into shreds,” she said with a grin. “And I know you haven’t done this for years, so I don’t really expect it to be very good. I’m just curious to see what you would choose to draw.”
At that, he laughed. “I’m not sure I should be drawing this,” he said. “The fact of the matter is, I didn’t expect to. But, when I put pencil to paper, that’s what came up.”
“Tell me more,” she said, hitching a hip to rest on his bed. “That sounds like something even better.”
He handed it to her. She studied his face for a long moment and then turned to look at the image. Her eyes widened as he watched, and a smile immediately lit up her face. “Wow,” she said. “I understand how hard you are on yourself, so I expected you to say it’s not very good, but you certainly caught the essence of her.”
“That’s what I was thinking,” he said. “I don’t know if it’s a picture I want to keep working on or not,” he said, “but there’s just that light, that little bit that makes Fiona caught right there,” he said. “I don’t even know how.”
“Oh, I do,” Dani said lightly, still studying the paper. “You have exceptional talent. I’ve told you that for years. This is unbelievably good.”
“I just forgot everything around me,” he said. “There’s such a sense of satisfaction when taking something in your mind and putting it on paper.”
“Absolutely,” she said. “This is fantastic.” She handed it back to him. “And you have no idea how happy you’ve made me to see you sketching again.”
“You were behind the sketchbooks anyway,” he said. “I figured that I should do something with them. Otherwise, you’d consider it a waste of money.”
“Not really,” she said. “I figured that, when you were ready, you’d get there.” She tilted her head toward the sketchbook. “And that just proves I was right.”
“Ouch,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t tell her I did this, please.”
“No, I won’t,” she said. “That’s personal.”
He nodded. “Very.”
She smiled and said, “Why don’t you start drawing the things that really bug you too? You used to do that way back whenever situations bothered you. You put them down on paper, and sometimes you even ripped them up until you could deal with them.”
He looked at her thoughtfully. “I’d forgotten all about that.”
“Yeah, remember that scar you had? You kept drawing all these faces, all these self-portraits with the scar, every new one making it bigger and badder and meaner and uglier, as if by putting all that poison from your mind onto the paper, you could dispel some of it. As I recall, it worked too.” She hopped off his bed and asked, “Are you coming in for dinner?”
He nodded slowly. “I am. Are you going yourself or are you heading to your house?”
“My dad’s finally home. He’s been traveling around but is back now.”
“The major?” He said, “I have yet to see him.”
She spun around and stared at him. “What? Come on then,” she said. “Let’s go.”
Laughing, he hopped up, grabbed his slipper and his crutches, and together they walked to the cafeteria. “Are you sure?” he asked. “He’ll probably be surrounded by people.”
“My dad is always surrounded by people,” she said, sending Finn a sideways look. “He’s a very different person than before.”
“So I’ve heard,” he said. “It’s one of the reasons I really want to see him. I remember what he was like. I also remember how difficult it was to live with him and how sad you always were.”
She smiled. “I was. But it’s amazing how much he’s changed and how much I’ve changed.”
“Well, you have Aaron,” Finn said teasingly. “Has your dad got a partner?”
“No, he doesn’t, but he does like to tease all the women.”
“That’s a side I didn’t see before either.” They got to the double-wide cafeteria doors to hear a cheerful, happy crowd at the food line, but instead, she led him to the deck outside. “You okay to sit out here?”
“Of course,” he said. “Why not? It’s beautiful out.”
She marched him to a large table and said, “Grab a spot where you can get in and out easily, and we’ll sit here and wait till the rush arrives. When the crowd goes down, then we can go get some food.”
He liked that idea. He propped his crutches beside him and waited until, all of a sudden, a whole group of men came over, and one of them slammed a tray down right beside Finn, making him start.
“Finn?” a loud voice roared.
He looked up in shock. Well, it was the major all right. But not the major who Finn knew. He stood up shakily. “Oh my,” he said, staring at the burly man with a huge grin on his face. “Is this really possible? I don’t think I ever remember you with a smile before,” he joked.
Almost immediately the major’s smile fell away. He looked at Dani, back at Finn, nodded and said, “And those days are firmly behind me. Now I smile all the time and I don’t even have to try.” He reached out and swept Finn into a great big bear hug. Finn hugged him back because he understood those crappy circumstances.
When he finally released him, the major looked at him and shook his head. “Wow. I’m sad to say it, but I’m also very glad that you’re here. It’s really good to see you, son.”
Chapter 9
Fiona watched the large party at the table just ahead and to the side of her. They all looked to be having so much fun, though a part of her was infinitely jealous, and yet, also very happy for Finn. He seemed to get along with a lot of people very easily. Elliot was even there. Then again, she’d seen the two of them together a lot. And that was good. It was right. Finn needed a buddy. His life was tough enough without that camaraderie those two had. She wondered if she was one of many or if she was special in Finn’s mind. From their discussions, it seemed she was special, but …
She’d been taken in before. But Finn wasn’t the kind to be deceitful. Her own insecurities led her down that pathway. She didn’t have a problem with any of his physical—as he would say—abnormalities. As a nurse, she’d seen so much in her life, and yet, she saw the human courage, that ability to get back up even when you’re knocked down, that always amazed her and made her look at peo
ple in admiration. Finn more than most. But maybe that’s because she had a soft spot for him.
Anna booted her gently under the table. “What are you thinking?”
Fiona pulled herself back to her dinner table and smiled at her friend. “Nothing much,” she said smoothly.
But Anna wasn’t having any of it. She twisted around so she could see where Fiona had been looking. “Dani looks to be having a fun time tonight. The major is always the life of the party.”
Fiona nodded. “I think the major knows Finn.”
“Well, that would explain it,” Anna said. “How come you’re not over there?”
“Why would I be?” Fiona asked.
“Because you and Finn have a thing,” Anna said with a great big smile. “Everybody knows it.”
“Everybody but me, apparently.” She gave a half laugh. “That’s not fair. Something is between us,” she said, “but it’s too early to tell just what that is.”
“No, that’s not quite true,” Anna said. “You already know you’re in that lovely stage of Does he, or doesn’t he?” At that, she grinned.
Fiona let out a peal of laughter. She knew she’d been a little too loud when both Dani and Finn turned to look at her. She immediately quieted her voice and gasped, “Oh, my goodness, is it that bad?”
“Absolutely, it is,” Anna said. “Just think about it. You mope around all the time when he’s not available, and, when you’re with him, you light up. He’s the first person you want to tell something about your day.”
Fiona sat back slightly and nodded. “I hadn’t really considered these points. Or that I’m so obvious,” she admitted. “I mean, I like him as a person. I like him as a friend. We had a date,” she added with a smile, “and I love spending time with him …”
“And you want him as more than a friend,” Anna said with a nod. “And it doesn’t matter how much I tell you that it’s there, you still won’t believe me unless he says something.”
“Exactly, and, of course, I’m a little bit distrustful of the patient-nurse relationship,” she said, drawing that out to make it more humorous. “And he does have a self-image issue compounding that.”
