Guarding His Heart

by R. Cayden

  They stopped, half a block from the hotel, and Declan glanced at a small pawn shop. “Just different kinds of criminals,” he said. “It was only once my family started exploiting innocent people that I had to turn against them. I understand what that feels like.” His voice was low, like he was confessing a secret, and Seb leaned forward to hear him better beneath the tapping of the rain. “I also know what you mean, about how hard it is to escape the world you’re born into.”

  Seb shrugged, then pulled his jacket closer, a chill settling on his skin. “You’ve seen my world,” he said. “Pathetic as it might be. I just wish I could see yours.”

  Declan turned his eyes to the pawn shop again. “You sure about that?”

  Seb tilted his head. “Yeah, why?”

  Declan nodded to the building. “Come on,” he said, then guided them toward the back. “Most people wouldn’t notice, but I’m trained to pay attention, so shit like this never slips me by.”

  He stopped when they reached a big wooden door at the back of the property. There were a few old cars and a couple of very nice ones packed at the back of the lot, but mostly, it was filled with gravel and small, muddy puddles. Declan pulled his fist back, then pounded the door a couple of times.

  After a moment, it popped open. An irritated man with a big mess of red hair and thick arms stood there, glaring down. “What?”

  “Looking for a game,” Declan answered. He worked his jaw in a slow circle, like he was chewing something. “And some shelter from the storm.”

  “No game here,” the man said, then turned away.

  Declan grabbed the door, holding it with a tight grip. “Aw, come on. I know there’s a game. You know there’s a game. And me and my guy here are looking to lose some money. You really going to make us walk back out in the rain?”

  The man turned, narrowing his eyes. Seb felt his heartrate accelerate, but with Declan grinning and acting cocky, it felt more like a thrill than actual danger.

  “Private club,” he said flatly.

  “What am I supposed to say to get in?” Declan asked. “Purple rhinoceros? I’m here for Sammy with the nice jacket? 867-5309?” When the man started to walk away, he raised his voice. “What if I tell you Anthony Pierce says hi?”

  The man stopped in his tracks. A moment passed. Then he waved his hand over his shoulder. “Come on in.”

  Seb hurried alongside Declan as they passed through a corridor, then out into a small bar. There were a couple of tables set up with men playing cards, a few women lounging by the counter, and black-and-white photos fading on the walls. The air smelled like wood and smoke, and the lights were dim enough that you had to stare to make out anyone’s face.

  “Who is Anthony Pierce?” Seb whispered.

  “Some asshole who runs a lot of shit in this part of the country,” Declan said. “Thinks he’s the king of the world.”

  “How do you know him?”

  “Me? Oh, hell no, I don’t know Anthony Pierce. But neither does anyone else in this hole in the wall.”

  Seb chuckled to himself as Declan went to grab them both drinks from the bar. He caught a few people glancing his way and ended up shuffling uncomfortably against a pillar in the middle of the room for a minute. He felt like someone there might recognize him as an outsider, an imposter in a world so different than the place he actually belonged.

  Definitely no friend of Anthony Pierce’s, that was for sure.

  But then Declan appeared back at his side. He smiled, his mouth wide and the silver in his hair flashing, and Seb instantly felt at peace again.

  Declan handed him a glass of brown liquid. “It’s called an Old Fashioned,” he said. “Thought it matched the environment.”

  Seb laughed. “I’ve had one before,” he said, taking a sip of the drink, sweet with a kick. “Thank you.”

  Declan nodded, then cast his eyes across the place. “Seems pretty quiet,” he said under his breath. “I doubt there will be much action here tonight. Just cards and drinks.” He chuckled to himself, then shook his head. “I started off being a bodyguard at a place like this. It was a fight club on the weekends and a gambling house during the week.”

  Seb’s eyes got wider. “A fight club?”

  Declan held up his arm, then rolled down his sleeve. “This scar,” he said. “Came from some old man who didn’t want to pay his poker debt. I wasn’t even out of my chair before he broke a bottle and came at me with it.”

  “Wow,” Seb said. “That sounds horrible.”

  “It wasn’t pretty,” Declan nodded, then laughed. “But I earned my reputation there. Not much else nice I can say about that place.”

  Seb’s heart ached. The fact that Declan was still so kind to him after the life he had lived was kind of astounding. The stress of all that violence would make many people cold and cruel, he knew, but Declan was somehow so tender with Seb. “You didn’t have to bring me here,” he said, “if it’s too upsetting.”

  “It’s not upsetting,” Declan answered. “I still love a place like this, too. I always will. And you can tell this dive, in particular?” He nodded out toward the room. “These are honest people. Misfits, sure, but not the kind to take advantage of someone else. They’re the kinds of men I’ve always known, people who might fuck up every now and then, but who work hard and do their best anyway.”

  Seb looked around and tried to see the bar through Declan’s eyes. There were a few men who looked mean as hell, but just as many who were smiling and laughing together. And when he glanced at the walls, he noticed how many of the photos were of families.

  “What do you say?” Declan asked. “Want to play a game of poker before we go?”

  “Oh, gosh,” Seb said quickly. “I don’t really know how.”

  Declan grinned. “I’m sure you’re a quick learner. Here, let me explain the rules. Unless you got something else going on?”

  Seb smiled. “If you really think it’s okay, sure. I’d love to try.”

  They found a spot at a booth, and as they sipped their drinks, Declan explained the rules. It felt unreal to Seb. It’s not like he had some burning desire to play poker that he had denied himself or that he was itching to break the law. But as he and Declan rubbed their feet together beneath the booth, Seb realized that the dream of his work had consumed his life for so long, he had forgotten how many other things there were to explore in the world.

  He had forgotten he could change, that he could be the one who made his life different.

  Declan rapped his knuckles against the table. “That’s pretty much all there is to it. Want me to start over from the top?”

  Seb shook his head. “I got it!” he said brightly.

  Declan cocked up a grin. “On the first try? If you say so. I’ll find us a table. If you’re not sure what to do, just follow my lead.”

  When Seb joined the small table with two men about Declan’s age, he didn’t expect to play more than a couple of games, just enough to get a taste of it. They each threw down twenty dollars, a limit they had set for themselves at the booth. Once the cards were dealt, Seb was slow, conservative in making his bets. He tallied numbers in his head, calculating probabilities based on the cards in the deck, and only glanced at the quiet men out of the corner of his eye occasionally, scared to stare and upset someone.

  But then he won a little, and then he lost a little. And the cards kept coming, and Declan kept grinning.

  “Huh,” Seb mumbled to himself, discarding and then picking up two more cards for his hand as he considered his move. The calculations flew through his mind, and he felt a little thrill from the risk of increasing his bet.

  He was having fun.

  It took about a half an hour before the men started talking. Seb had figured the whole game would be played silently, but then he had won a particularly close hand, and one of them had complimented him. Before he knew it, they were all playing and talking at the same time, the conversation wandering randomly. He learned about a dam that the state was
trying to build nearby, which was likely to cause all kinds of environmental problems. And once they had gotten through complaining about that project, Declan and the men educated Seb with a lively conversation about the pawn shop up front and the many things he never would have guessed people tried to sell. As much as the men pressed him to explain some of the science behind the dam, Seb felt comfortable asking about the pawn shop, too, and indulging his curiosity with friendly company.

  They finally called it quits once Seb lost the money he had won, finding himself back down at zero. Declan pocketed a little, but he used it to tip the bartender and then the doorman once they were on their way out.

  “Wow,” Seb said as they stepped outside. “I’m surprised how warm everyone was. That was a lot more fun than I would have guessed and way less intimidating.”

  Declan nodded. The rain had stopped, so he tucked the umbrella back under his arm. “Glad you had a good time. Those guys aren’t looking to impress anyone. They’re just passing the time and happy to have the company.”

  “Plus my twenty bucks,” Seb laughed. “Yeah, thanks for taking me there. That is definitely something I never would have done otherwise.”

  Declan chuckled. “Just don’t go developing a gambling addiction.” They started back toward the front of the building, weaving to avoid the puddles. “I won’t forgive myself if I end up being a bad influence.”

  Seb shook his head. The drink and the experience in the bar made him feel a little dizzy, like the world had tilted and become different. “You’re only a good influence on me, I promise. And it’s like Alexandria always says—I have to learn to have fun and open myself up to new experiences. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

  As they reached the street, Seb’s cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He reached down to pull it out, expecting Alexandria, but saw that it was actually one of his father’s numbers instead. His heart leapt into his throat as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, Declan at his side.

  “Hello?” Seb answered as he took Declan’s hand, squeezing it for comfort.

  “Sebastian,” his father said brusquely. “How soon can you be in the city?”

  “The city?”

  “My office,” he barked. “How long?”

  “Probably not until tomorrow. I’m a long drive away.”

  “That won’t do. I’ll transfer you to my assistant. She’ll arrange something faster. You have some things to explain, Sebastian, and I am running out of fucking patience.”

  Declan

  Declan had never been to New York City before that day, but he decided it was worth the wait, considering he got to arrive on a private airplane. He and Seb had sat together, the plane bouncing through the wind, as Seb stared out the tiny window with a cloud of worry on his face.

  Once they landed, some guys in suits hurried them both off the plane, and Declan threw his arm over Seb’s shoulder to keep him close as they walked through a hallway in the back of the airport, far away from the crowds.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Declan tried to reassure him. He expected Seb’s father would be upset about the fire, but he had no idea what upset would look like from a man like him. Still, a part of him just knew that Seb was smart enough and strong enough to come out the other side of this.

  “It will be okay,” Seb answered. “Eventually, at least. But I’m not sure what’s going to happen once we’re in there. Just stay strong for me, okay? Whatever happens in there, however messy I seem to get…” He leaned against Declan’s arm. “I need you to stay strong so I can stay strong.”

  The men led them straight to a large black SUV, waiting in a sprawling garage. Seb nodded slightly to the driver, but they didn’t say much more, and soon enough, they were speeding toward the heart of the city. Declan let his eyes drift across the skyline for a minute. The whole place was huge, like it might swallow him up, and even as it made him a little sick to his stomach, he got a thrill from it.

  A lot of adventures in a city like that…

  As they drove to Manhattan, the buildings all looked about the same to Declan, just like all the people in their suits and fancy clothes seemed to merge together into one boring crowd. But somehow, he still knew the high-rise they finally stopped in front of was special. The big golden arch over the front doors gleamed, and the men standing in front in old-fashioned suits had a cold, hard glare to their eyes.

  Seb let out a slow breath. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”

  Declan paused, his hand on the door, and held Seb in his gaze. “Just look me in the eye,” he said. “Anytime you need me, I’ll be right here.”

  They didn’t talk as the men marched them through the front of the building, past security and to a set of silver elevators. Seb was obviously familiar with the place, but he still seemed to shrink a little inside of it. Declan could have shrunk, too, if he let himself, the way that skyscraper made him feel. Everyone who seemed to notice him frowned, like they were seeing some trash dragged in off the street. But Declan never did let himself cave, and he did his best to return the nasty looks, never blinking or shying his eyes away.

  He clenched his hand into a fist and reminded himself to stay strong for Seb. Whatever his guy had planned, he would be there to help.

  The office was up toward the top floor, and when Declan glanced out the big windows, he saw the city stretched out below. A man in a suit rose from his desk, gesturing for them to come forward as he hit a buzzer.

  “Your son has arrived, sir.”

  Declan turned down to Seb, holding his eye. “Right here,” he said, pointing to his eyes.

  “Right here,” Seb agreed.

  Seb’s father looked just the same as he always did, slick and mean. His office was about what Declan would have expected, too, with high, arched ceilings and lined with windows overlooking the city. It was a mixture of glass, rich wood, and steel that was supposed to look sophisticated, but just made Declan think the man had his head up his ass.

  That jackass straightened his suit jacket as he stood. “We got the report back from the investigator,” he said as he crossed the room, then flung some papers onto the small conference table by the door. “What the hell, Sebastian? Do you realize you could have been tried for arson? You’re lucky that department knew enough to come straight to me. The scandal this could have caused for the company!”

  Anger lurched through Declan. He wanted to shut that man up, but he knew that blowing his top wouldn’t help Seb any. Instead, he held himself steady and stood beside the man he was there to support.

  “What do you want me to say, Father?” Seb asked. His voice was wobbly, and it hurt Declan to hear it.

  Seb’s father turned to Declan, glaring. “Do you really need your bodyguard here, Sebastian? Isn’t that nonsense with the threats over by now?”

  Seb gritted his teeth. “He stays,” he said firmly.

  His father crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you expect me to buy you another laboratory? Do you expect your trust fund to continue no matter what you do? Because there are consequences, Sebastian, even for spoiled men like you.”

  “No,” Seb answered tensely. “I don’t want another laboratory. I’m done with my research. Finished for good.”

  Declan stiffened his back. He knew that Seb wasn’t actually done with his research. He never would be, but hearing him claim as much was still a shock.

  “What?” his father exclaimed. “Seb, now you’re not making any sense. Do you need to see a doctor? Your research is the only thing you care about. It’s all that matters.”

  Seb laughed softly, still shaking his head. “No, it’s the only thing you care about. I’m done, Father. I was wasting my time.”

  His father frowned. “You’re impatient to get results. That’s good. I taught you to be ambitious. But you can’t behave this impulsively, Sebastian, destroying your research when you get impatient. Burning down the laboratory! It makes you look like a spoiled brat.”

  Seb choked back tears, an
d again, Declan fought the urge to take him in his arms and comfort him. “I’m not impatient,” he said, pain on the edge of his voice. “I never had any results. I was fabricating them, stealing them from other projects, buying myself time.” He choked on his voice loudly. “Do you understand what I’m saying, Father? I never was as talented as you thought I was. I was just good at stealing results, but the lies fell apart. I couldn’t fake it anymore.”

  Declan’s heart thumped against his ribs. Slowly, it dawned on him what Seb was doing. If he could convince his father that the research was bad, then all the Horizon Zed projects would be tainted, and Seb would have a serious chance of recovering that research for his own purposes. It was a hard sell, but that only made the fire more necessary, something dramatic and explosive to sell Seb’s story.

  It was smart as hell, of course it was. But it must still have hurt for Seb to say those things and to debase everything he had worked so hard to achieve. Declan knew what it was like to see your reputation in the trash, and no matter what, it fucking hurt.

  He straightened his back, then caught Seb’s eye for one second, holding it just enough to feel the connection and to let Seb know he wasn’t alone.

  “You’re such a disappointment,” his father said, breaking the spell and pulling Seb’s eyes away. “I shouldn’t have expected more from you, though. You’ve always been weak.” His voice was icy, and it sent a shiver across Declan’s skin.

  Seb choked on a sob. His hands were tightened into fists as he stared at his father. “Don’t tell your team,” he said. “The scientists who have been looking at my research? The teams you’ve assigned to work with me? I don’t want them to know. It’s too embarrassing.”