Haven's Knight

by Regan Ure

  Amy was in the kitchen drinking some coffee when I entered.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked when I sat down next to her at the kitchen table.

  “Better.”

  She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.

  “Would it be okay if I go and see a therapist?” I blurted out before I could change my mind.

  “Of course you can,” she replied as she set her coffee back down on the table.

  “The social worker suggested someone,” I said. I handed her the information.

  “Sure, I’ll make an appointment for you,” she said as she took the piece of paper from me.

  There, I had done it: my first step to getting better.

  Damien entered the kitchen and I couldn’t prevent my eyes from meeting his. I felt that awareness of him hit me immediately and I averted my gaze. The hurt that he had caused still ached inside of me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Haven

  An awkward silence descended as Damien drove us to school. He kept glancing in my direction, but it was too hard for me to look at him. It still hurt too much.

  Technically, he wasn’t tied to me, so it wasn’t like he’d betrayed me or cheated on me, but even knowing that logically he was blameless, I couldn’t help feeling hurt every time I looked at him. All I could see was him kissing and making out with some random girl.

  I wished I could turn off my emotions and never feel anything, but it was impossible, so I did the next best thing: I ignored him. As soon as Damien pulled into the school parking lot I got out of the car and walked swiftly into the school, leaving him behind. There was a group of cheerleaders gathered around a locker and I couldn’t help my gaze drifting to them. I wondered if it had been one of them that had been with Damien in his room. The thought made me feel physically ill. I shook my head, trying to push the thought from my mind.

  The sight of Chris leaning against my locker made me smile.

  “Good morning,” he greeted me, flashing me a smile when he spotted me walking toward him.

  “Hi,” I greeted as I came to a stop in front of him.

  “You feeling better?” he asked with a little concern in his face.

  “Um…yeah,” I mumbled, remembering that I was supposed to have been sick yesterday.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, watching me carefully as I opened my locker.

  I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. Clearly I wasn’t hiding my heartbreak well enough.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice edged with concern, and I felt my eyes begin to water. He gently turned me to face him as the first tear slipped down my cheek and was closely followed by another as the dam of emotions in me burst open.

  He pulled me into his arms and wrapped them around me as I burrowed my face into his chest, clutching at his shirt. Lost in my own loss of control, I didn’t notice the crowd that had stopped to stare and whisper. He steered me out of the hallway and down to the field, where there was no one to witness my breakdown.

  Quietly, he held me until I stopped crying.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, still not used to losing control of my emotions like this.

  “It’s fine,” he soothed as he took my face into his hands and angled my eyes to his.

  “What happened?” he asked gently as he brushed the tears from my face.

  I bit down on my lip, trying to get control over my raging emotions. Putting what I was feeling into words would make my heartache all that more real. I’d be admitting out aloud how I felt about Damien and how much he’d hurt me.

  “If you don’t tell me I swear I’m going to corner Damien and ask him,” Chris quietly threatened me.

  “Please don’t,” I pleaded.

  “Then tell me what happened.”

  I took a deep breath.

  “He brought a girl home.”

  It was just five words but it was enough for Chris to understand why I was heartbroken.

  “He brought a girl home?” he gasped again, not quite believing what I’d just told him.

  I nodded my head.

  “I never imagined he would actually move on,” he said. “I always thought things would work out between the two of you.”

  I just shrugged. I had never believed that we would work out.

  “It sucks,” he said, trying to sympathize with me.

  “It does.”

  But what was done was done, and I needed to pick myself up and carry on.

  “He doesn’t deserve you,” he informed me as we started walking back inside the school.

  I shrugged my shoulders. There wasn’t a lot more to say about the subject. I cared for him more than I should and clearly Damien had moved on. It was time for me to do the same.

  I felt a little better when I walked into my first class and Mark smiled at me. He wasn’t Damien, but I liked him. He made me feel special and I liked to be around him.

  “Hi,” I greeted him as I slid into my seat beside him.

  “Hi,” he greeted back. “Are you feeling better?”

  “Yeah,” I said with a slight shrug of my shoulders, and I averted my eyes from his so he couldn’t see the truth in my eyes. What I’d been suffering from wasn’t going to be fixed overnight.

  “Have you got plans for the weekend?” he asked, leaning forward.

  I hadn’t realized it was Friday already.

  “No,” I answered. It wasn’t like I was a social person that had people lining up to spend time with me.

  “Good.” I was surprised at his comment and he flashed me that devastating smile again.

  “Do you want to go to a movie this weekend?” he asked as he watched me.

  I was speechless, I was pretty sure my jaw looked like it would hit the floor.

  “If you want?” he added, looking a little nervous. He was normally confident and seeing him look a little nervous and unsure of himself made me feel good. I made him nervous. I’d never been on a ‘date’ before and I’d never been to the movies before.

  “Forget I asked,” he replied and settled back into his seat, looking a little disappointed.

  “Yes,” I finally managed to get out. His face lit up and he leaned forward with a big grin on his face. His green eyes sparkled with excitement.

  “You sure?” he asked, seeing how nervous I was as I clasped my hands together.

  “Yes.”

  I liked Mark, and what better way to get over my feelings for Damien? I was nervous but I knew that Mark was a good guy and he wouldn’t hurt me, he wasn’t a Grant. It was my second step in moving forward in my life. I was going to go and see a therapist as soon as Amy made the appointment for me and I was going to go on my first date with a boy. As nerve-wracking as the thought was, it was the right thing to do.

  The morning flew by quickly and before I knew it, Mark was walking me to our usual spot where we had lunch with Chris. Chris was already there waiting for us and he smiled when he spotted us. When the lunch bell rang, Mark shot to his feet and told me he needed to get something from his locker, leaving Chris and me alone.

  “Why do you look so happy?” Chris asked as we walked, side by side, back into the school hallway.

  “I’m going on a date,” I said with excitement. He wasn’t Damien, but I was still excited to be going on a date.

  “With who? ” Chris asked, a little surprised.

  “Mark,” I revealed.

  “I knew he had a thing for you,” he said smugly.

  “I like him,” I said with a shrug. I didn’t want to say what I was feeling. I liked Damien more, but after what he’d done, there was no going back.

  “When are you going on your date?” Chris asked.

  “He said he’d call tonight to let me know,” I answered as I hitched my bag more securely on my shoulder.

  “You deserve to be happy,” he told me. “And I think Mark can make you happy.”

  I thought so too.

  A couple of times during the day I caught Damie
n watching me, but I ignored him. The knife in my heart got driven deeper when I was in the bathroom and overheard a group of girls gossiping about him.

  “All the rumors are true. Damien is that good,” the one girl declared, and it felt like something pierced my heart.

  “We want all the dirty details,” another girl squealed.

  “I don’t kiss and tell,” the other girl replied as I heard the bathroom door open and close.

  For a few minutes I remained hidden in the stall, making sure the girls were gone and trying to ease the pain in my chest. It felt like every tender kiss I’d ever shared with him had been tainted. I splashed some water on my face and dried my eyes before I left.

  “Are you okay?” Mark asked. He stood waiting outside the bathrooms for me.

  I gave him a brief nod as I walked to the entrance of the school, still preoccupied with what I’d heard. Had that girl been the same girl that he’d been with the other night?

  “Is there something wrong?” Mark asked again with concern in his eyes.

  “No, I’m fine,” I lied. I wasn’t fine—I was hurt.

  Then the source of my hurt appeared by my side.

  “Are you ready to go?” Damien asked as he watched Mark. It was almost like he was sizing him up.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll call you later,” Mark said with a smile.

  “Sure,” I said to him then he turned and left.

  Damien was quiet until we got into his car. Instead of starting up the engine, he turned to face me. The way I was feeling, I wasn’t ready to talk to him, so I shifted my gaze from him and focused on the scenery outside my window.

  “Why is Mark going to call you tonight?” he asked softly.

  No way. He was going around screwing girls all over the place and he had the audacity to question me about a guy calling me. I bit my lip to stop from yelling at him. Instead, I let out a sigh as I turned to face him.

  “It’s none of your business,” I stated calmly. Surprise flashed in his eyes and he shut his mouth. His eyes held mine. He clenched his jaw. He wasn’t happy with my response, but I didn’t care. He’d hurt me.

  Without another word, he started up the car and drove us home. The silence was filled with tension that rolled off him in waves. He was acting like he was jealous, but I had no sympathy for him. He hadn’t thought twice about screwing some random girl across the hallway from me.

  I spotted the cop car keeping watch outside the gates when Damien pulled into the driveway and the gates opened. It was a reminder that Grant was still out there somewhere, biding his time.

  Once Damien pulled up in front of the house I got out first and walked into the house. I went to my room and closed my door. I leaned against the door and took a deep breath. It had been a rough day. After everything I’d survived in the last seven years, this should have been a walk in the park, but I couldn’t ignore the ache in my chest.

  I heard Damien open his bedroom door across the hall. There were a few moments of silence and then I heard his door close. Guilt was what I began to feel when I got my books out of my school bag to try and do some of my homework. Damien had been there for me when I’d needed someone; if it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be alive.

  I hated that we were not getting along, because I needed him in my life. Without him, Grant came for me in my dreams and at this rate I would never get a good night’s rest again. As hard as it was to concentrate on my homework, I forced myself to finish it.

  Dinner was a little awkward. The four of us sat at the dining room table, where I continued to avoid Damien’s gaze.

  “I made the appointment with the therapist for Monday after school,” Amy informed me when I took a bite of food. I gave her a nod and I felt Damien’s gaze on me.

  “Either Damien or I can take you,” she offered.

  “Thank you,” I said, looking at Amy and avoiding eye contact with Damien.

  “I’ll take her,” Damien offered. It was times like this that especially I wished I had a license, and that I didn’t have a cast on my arm, so that I could drive myself.

  It was another step toward my independence which I needed to take. As soon as the cast came off I was going to get my license. I couldn’t expect Damien or Amy to drive me around forever.

  “I’d rather have Amy take me,” I said to Damien. Amy looked from Damien to me.

  “Sure.”

  “Is it okay if I go out with someone this weekend?” I looked to Amy when I asked the question.

  “Yes,” she said, looking a little surprised.

  “Mark, a guy from school, wants to take me to movies,” I told her, and I couldn’t stop my gaze from drifting to Damien to see his reaction. He didn’t look happy at all. His jaw clenched as his eyes connected with mine.

  “Do you know Mark?” Amy turned to ask her son.

  “Yeah,” he replied tersely. His mom’s eyes narrowed at his tone.

  “As long as I get to meet him before you guys go out,” she told me. It was a reasonable request.

  “Sure,” I replied. I wanted to be excited that I had permission to go on my first date, but all I could concentrate on was Damien and his reaction to my news. Anyone with two eyes could see that he was upset.

  His gaze dropped and his hands tightened into fists on the table. My appetite vanished and I looked to Amy and asked to be excused. I pushed back my chair and left the dining room, feeling a new wave of anger rise up in me.

  I was agitated and angry. I paced my room, trying to make sense of my feelings.

  My phone rang a little later that night when I was lying in my bed trying to fall asleep.

  “Hi,” I answered nervously. It was Mark.

  “Hi,” he greeted back. “I’m just calling to ask if you want to go to movies tomorrow night. There is a new movie on and everyone is raving about it.”

  “Sure, that sounds… great,” I replied. He had no idea that I had never done this before. I wondered if it would freak him out if he knew what I’d been through. But I wasn’t ready to share that with him.

  “I’ll pick you up at seven,” he said.

  “Okay,” I said.

  We spoke for a little while about school. I liked talking to him.

  “See you tomorrow,” he said. I said goodbye and he ended the call.

  I got ready for bed. A nervous knot settled in my stomach at the apprehension of the nightmares I would have. With my bedroom lights still on, I drifted off to sleep sometime after one in the morning. Nightmares gripped me and I tossed and turned, frantically trying to escape Grant.

  With a scream, I shot up in my bed, breathing erratically.

  “It’s okay,” Damien soothed as he pulled me to his chest. The relief I felt at his presence outweighed the anger I felt toward him. I rested my head against his chest as he held me in a protective embrace. My mind told me it was a bad idea when Damien climbed into my bed and pulled me close, but my fear of the nightmares made me hold on tightly to him.

  Safe in his arms, I drifted off to sleep. Just before I dropped off to sleep, I thought I heard him say something under his breath.

  “I’m not giving up.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Haven

  For the first time in a while, I woke up feeling warm and safe. I opened my eyes to see that Damien hadn’t left yet. Normally he would be gone by the time I woke up. His chest rose and fell as he slept peacefully by me. I was warm and safe cocooned in his arms. A deep breath of his scent made my heart ache, so I closed my eyes and for a few moments I imagined a different life for us, one where we weren’t so broken.

  Lying in his arms, facing him, it was easy to imagine a different life to the one we’d lived. Even though I had some insight into why he was afraid to open himself up and love someone, it still hurt that I wasn’t enough to make him at least try. His arms tightened around me and he pulled me closer. I closed my eyes to the reality and pretended for a few more minutes that I was enough for him.

  I k
ept my eyes closed when I felt him stir beside me. It was just easier than being faced with the awkwardness of him holding me so close to him while we slept. I waited for him to shift off the bed and leave, but he didn’t. His finger trailed down my cheek and I felt him tuck a stray hair behind my ear. His soft lips pressed a light kiss to my forehead as I pretended to be asleep.

  Perhaps he was trying to imagine the same as I had. Maybe we were both trying to hold onto something that wasn’t meant to be. After a few minutes I felt him shift out of my bed and then moments later I heard my bedroom door close.

  I rolled onto my side and let out a sigh.

  I spent the day lazing around the house. A couple of hours before my date with Mark, I began to get nervous. There was a knock at my door and I opened it. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face at the sight of Chris.

  “You do realize that a girl friend or even a gay friend would be better at this than I’m going to be,” he informed me as he stepped into my room.

  “You’re my only friend, so you’re going to have to help me,” I insisted. I pushed him to the sofa. With a sigh he dropped into the seat and crossed his arms.

  “Damien’s your friend, too,” he threw back.

  “Damien is not just a friend… he’s complicated,” I said, trying to move the conversation away from him.

  I didn’t want to ruin getting ready for my first date thinking about Damien.

  “Are you sure you’re ready to move on?” he asked, watching me.

  “I have to,” I insisted. “For both of our sakes.”

  “Okay, enough about Damien, let’s have a look at what you’re going to wear.” He stood up and walked over to my walk-in wardrobe.

  Although Amy had insisted on buying me tons of clothes, I wasn’t comfortable wearing dresses and skirts, so it limited my outfit to a pair of black slacks or dark jeans.