Window on Yesterday

by Joan Hohl

  “I’m going to turn in, too. Thanks, Sean, and good night, you two.”

  “Hey, wait!” Sean called, sitting up abruptly. “How about Chinese tomorrow night?”

  “You’re on,” Karla called back.

  “Great,” Andrea seconded.

  The instant they were alone Alycia felt tension crackle along her nervous system. Feeling conflicting emotions of anticipation and trepidation, she avoided Sean’s gaze by staring into her nearly empty glass. A ripple disturbed the surface of the wine when she jolted at the strained sound of his voice.

  “I gave you my word; it still holds.” He sighed at her startled reaction. “Don’t look like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “As if you’re afraid I might pounce on you now that we’re alone.” His smile chided her and mocked himself. “I want to, but I won’t.”

  Alycia shook her head slowly. “You misread my expression,” she said, her lips curving into a faint smile. “I wasn’t afraid you’d pounce on me.” She hesitated, then blurted out, “I was kind of hoping you would.”

  Sean’s bark of laughter relieved the tension dancing on the air between them. Springing to his feet, he approached her in slow, measured steps. “I certainly wouldn’t want to be accused of disappointing you,” he said, plucking the fragile glass from her suddenly numb fingers. He raised one eyebrow as he set the glass aside. “Come, dance with me.” Taking her hand, he drew her out of her chair.

  “Dance?” Alycia laughed. “There’s no music.” Tingles of excitement stirring her blood, she moved into his arms.

  “I’ll sing,” he said, and to her amazement, he did. In a low, husky baritone, Sean sang a popular tune that told the story of a man and his love for one woman.

  Trembling within his embrace, Alycia curled her arms around his neck. His warm, wine-scented breath misted her lips. The muscles in his arms flexed, tightening to draw her softness into intimate contact with his hard body. Mesmerized, she gazed into Sean’s passion-darkened eyes, her body swaying to the slow, sensuous rhythm of his.

  Alycia lost all sense of time and place, all sense of herself. Her only reality was a feeling of lightness, of being exactly where she belonged. Clinging to Sean, she gave in to the thrilling new sensations storming her senses. She ached, everywhere, and the ache was a sweet torment. She wanted, everything, and the wanting was delicious. Alycia was his—heart, mind, and body—before the beguiling sound of his voice faded. She knew it, and so did Sean.

  Growing still, he stared into her eyes. When he spoke, his voice was deep and not quite steady. “God, Alycia, I don’t know why, and I don’t understand how, but I feel I have loved you, wanted you, forever.”

  Profoundly moved, Alycia closed her eyes against a hot rush of tears. “Oh, Sean,” she whispered. “Oh, my love, I feel exactly the same way about you.” She felt a shudder tear through him an instant before his arms tightened to crush her against him. His mouth sought hers with hungry abandon. His hands moved with restless urgency to touch her, stroke her, caress her.

  Electricity shot through Alycia at the first bold thrust of Sean’s tongue into her mouth. Murmuring encouragement, she spread her fingers through the crisp strands of his hair and arched her body into his. A low growl rumbled in Sean’s throat at her uninhibited response, and he rocked his hips against hers. His body straining against hers, he deepened his kiss, deepened each thrust of his tongue; then, suddenly, he tore his mouth from hers. Clasping her by her upper arms to steady her, he separated them by taking one step back.

  “Dammit! Dammit!” Frustration thickened his voice.

  Disoriented by his abrupt move, Alycia frowned and glanced around, half expecting to see either Karla or Andrea. There was no one there. When her gaze returned to his, her eyes looked hurt and questioning.

  “Oh, God, there you go again, looking at me that way.” Groaning, he released her arms to cradle her face in his palms.

  “But why did you move away from me like that?” Alycia cried softly. “What did I do wrong?”

  “Wrong?” Sean repeated incredulously. “My sweet love, nothing about you is wrong. My timing is wrong. I want to sweep you into my arms and carry you to bed, but I can’t, not here.” He inhaled sharply. “Can I?”

  Alycia blinked against a fresh surge of tears. She had been married. She should have known better than to allow the emotional and physical situation to get out of hand. Now, because she had surrendered mindlessly to the moment, they were both denied the release their bodies craved.

  “I’m sorry.” Turning her head, Alycia pressed her lips to his palm. “Oh, Sean, I’m sorry.”

  The taut lines of frustration and strain in his face relaxed with his tender smile. “I’ll live,” he murmured, bending to brush his lips over hers. “But I’d better get out of here before I lose what little sense I have left.” His smile turned rueful. “I wouldn’t want to shock your friends’ sensibilities.” He kissed her again, softly, sweetly, stealing her breath and the last tiny bit that remained of her reserve.

  As he moved away from her, Alycia knew that wherever he might go in the future, Sean Halloran would carry her love and trust with him. Surprisingly, the realization didn’t frighten her in the least.

  Draping his arm around her shoulders, Sean drew her with him as he walked through the kitchen to the door. He studied her somberly as he stamped his feet into his boots, and frowned as she retrieved his coat from the closet. “Why are you so quiet?” he asked, shrugging into the garment. “What are you thinking?”

  “I was just thinking that tomorrow seems so far away,” Alycia murmured, feeling a flush stain her cheeks as she made the admission.

  Sean went completely still, his fingers clutching the coat buttons he’d begun to fasten. “Why?” he asked with endearing hesitancy.

  “Because I love Chinese food,” she dared to tease him.

  “Alycia!” Though soft, Sean’s protest held a clear note of desperation.

  Stung by his tone, and contrite for her teasing, Alycia fairly flung herself against his chest. “Oh, darling, forgive me. I can’t wait until tomorrow because I’m missing you already, and you haven’t even left yet.” Pushing his coat aside, she slid her arms around his waist, hugging his strong body fiercely. “Oh, Sean, we’ve only known each other three days. Is it really possible to fall so intensely, so deeply in love in such a short time?”

  Catching her chin with his fingers, Sean gently raised her head to stare deeply into her eyes. “I know the difference between infatuation and love, Alycia,” he said with quiet emphasis. “Three days, three weeks, three years— what’s the difference?” He shrugged. “On Monday morning, I was neither looking for love nor even thinking about being in love. I had come here to prepare a series of lectures. My mind was occupied with the contracts and commitments I have to fulfill. And then a young woman literally ran into me.” His smile of remembrance liquefied her bones. “Since then I have not been able to concentrate on my contracts, commitments, and lectures. So, to answer your question, yes, Alycia, I do believe it’s really possible to fall deeply, intensely in love within three days’ time. But if you have doubts—

  “I don’t, not anymore,” Alycia interrupted him urgently. “Like you, I can’t explain why or how it happened, but I love you, Sean, so very, very much.”

  “Oh, God.” Sean’s groan pierced her heart. “I don’t want to leave you, not tonight, not ever,” he muttered, burying his face in her fragrant hair. Slowly, inexorably, he pried her arms from his waist “But I must, love.” Grasping her shoulders he set her away from him. A melting smile curved his lips as he groped behind him for the doorknob. “I’ll get here as early as possible tomorrow afternoon, okay?”

  Tears filling her eyes, Alycia nodded and backed away from him, afraid that if she didn’t put some distance between them she’d launch herself into his arms once again. “I’ll be home from school by three-thirty.”

  * * * *

  Except for one major and several mi
nor variations, Thursday evening was a replay of Wednesday. As promised, Sean arrived early. As they had completed their classes and were officially on spring break, at least two of his three hostesses were in fine spirits. Only Alycia appeared subdued.

  The minor variations concerned the meal Sean had ordered, and later went out for. Instead of pizza, they dined on a variety of Chinese dishes. Instead of white wine, they sipped a rich plum wine with the meal. Instead of coffee cake, they devoured almond cookies for dessert. And instead of coffee, they washed the cookies down with fragrant tea.

  As it had been the night before, conversation was easy and relaxed. The major variation occurred after Karla and Andrea excused themselves and retired for the night. Though he stared at Alycia with an agony of longing in his eyes, Sean did not take her in his arms. Opting for abstention instead of torment, he went directly to the door.

  “Why are you leaving so early?” Alycia asked, clutching his coat to her breast.

  “You know very well why.” Smiling wryly, Sean pried the garment from her fingers. “I no longer trust myself with you, so I think I’d better leave while I can still think.”

  “Aren’t you even going to kiss me good night?”

  Sean smiled at the pout in her voice, but shook his head. “No, love. I need you too badly, I wouldn’t be satisfied with one kiss.”

  Although Alycia’s lips curved down at the corners, a thrilling sense of power shot through her. Never would she have believed she could have such a profound effect on a man, any man. And now, to have this particular man admit to his need for her was ... Alycia smiled at the word that jumped to mind: “humbling.” In all truth, she felt humbled by the power Sean had granted her. In that instant, Alycia knew she would not be satisfied with one kiss. The knowledge made her brave.

  “We’ll be alone tomorrow night,” she said. “And then there’ll be no need for you to be satisfied with one kiss.”

  Sean froze, his narrowed eyes questioning. “Are you saying what I think I’m hearing?” he asked carefully.

  “Yes,” Alycia replied bluntly, past the point of coyness.

  Sean took one step toward her, the sound of his sharply indrawn breath loud in the stillness between them. Then he stopped and stepped back, shaking his head and laughing softly. “Oh, my tormenting love, I hope you mean it.” Turning, he pulled the door open and stepped onto the landing at the top of the stairs. Pausing, he tossed her a look over his shoulder that was full of promise, erotic promise. “Oh, yes,” he whispered, “I’m going to take you up on that.” Then he was gone, running down the stairs, his soft laughter wafting back to tease and excite her.

  * * * *

  Friday morning dawned bright and clear with a light breeze that carried the elusive scent of spring. Melting snow created runnels on shoveled pavements, turning the rutted streets into mini-rivers. The voice of students, liberated by spring break, sparkled in the mild air. Inside Alycia’s apartment, chaos reigned.

  While Karla and Andrea scurried around attending to the last-minute details of getting ready to leave, Alycia calmly prepared breakfast and a pot of coffee. Amazingly, the three women finished and converged at the table at the same time.

  “Why do you look so glum, Alycia?” Andrea asked, absently buttering a piece of toast. “Argument with Sean?”

  “No.” Alycia shrugged. “I’m thinking about tomorrow.”

  Karla gave her a shrewd look. “You no longer want to go to Williamsburg, right?” She frowned when Alycia nodded in answer. “But you’ve paid for a room at the inn and you can’t afford to lose the money, also right?”

  “Yes “ Alycia sighed.

  Andrea sighed.

  Karla’s facade of cynicism dissolved. Impulsively reaching out, she clasped Alycia’s hand. “You could always say the hell with the money and stay home,” she said. “Then again, you could use the trip as a breathing spell away from Sean to sort out your feelings for him.”

  “I love him, Karla,” Alycia said with quiet conviction. “I don’t need a breathing spell away from him, and I don’t need to sort out my feelings.” She lifted her chin. “And I believe Sean loves me.”

  “Okay.” Karla’s smile was gentle and genuine. “You’ll have the rest of your lives together. Compared to a lifetime, what’s one week?”

  Andrea grasped Alycia’s other hand. “Karla’s right, Alycia,” she murmured. “You’ve been looking forward to this trip for months. Go and wallow in history. Sean will be here, and probably eager to discuss the trip with you, when you get back.”

  Alycia was quiet for some minutes; then she gave a small, rueful laugh. “You’re right. I’m being silly. I’ll go just as I’ve planned. What’s one week, anyway?”

  * * * *

  After Andrea and Karla had gone, Alycia attempted to keep her spirits up by straightening the apartment and preparing for Sean’s arrival. Foregoing her usual quick shower, she slipped into a warm jasmine-scented bath. She shampooed and blow-dried her hair until the silky strands gleamed with healthy color. She dressed casually but carefully in a soft, flowing skirt and silky blouse. She was waving her hands to dry the fresh coat of polish on her nails when Sean appeared, a bouquet of perky daffodils in one hand, a long, flat velvet case in the other.

  Exclaiming with delight, Alycia arranged the flowers in a tall vase while Sean removed his coat and boots. She was fussing with the placement of the blooms when he slid his arms around her waist and nuzzled his face in the curve of her shoulder.

  “Umm, you smell good, fresh and sweet, like a spring rain.”

  Laughing, Alycia turned in his embrace and curled her arms around his neck. “And you smell good, too. Like fresh air... and fresher man.”

  “Fresh?” He laughed. “I’ll show you fresh. I owe you one, remember?” He nipped teasingly at her soft skin.

  One second they were laughing together, and in the next second they were staring into each other’s eyes.

  “Dear God, I want you, Alycia.” Sean broke the tension-filled moment in a harsh, strained voice. “I want to make you a part of me. I want to be a part of you.”

  Her brown eyes glowing with love, her smile sensuous, Alycia slid her fingers into his thick hair to draw his face to hers. “And I want to be a part of you,” she whispered, brushing her parted lips over his. “I want to feel you inside me.”

  Sean went still for a moment, seeming not even to breathe. Bending he swept her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. His mouth captured hers as he set her feet on the floor by the bed. His mouth was hot, his tongue bold in a passionate and searing kiss. Alycia reveled in his heat. She engaged his tongue with her own, parting her lips to allow the kiss to deepen even further.

  Slowly, between fervent kisses, they undressed each other with trembling fingers, pausing to stroke and caress each newly exposed portion of skin. In a reverent tone, Sean praised the silkiness of Alycia’s body. She, in turn, murmured in wonder over the hard, exciting strength of his.

  There were no hurried, frantic movements. The sense of urgency whipping through them was refined when they drew together as a single fluid unit. Alycia and Sean sank to the bed. As they lay down and faced each other, he frowned.

  “I have a gift for you,” he said as he reached out one palm to touch the fullness of her breast.

  “I know.” Alycia smiled, and quivered from the sensations generated throughout her body by his long, stroking fingers.

  Though Sean flashed a wicked grin, he shook his head. “No.” He paused, his grin widening. “Well, yes, but that isn’t what I meant. I had a case when I came in. I laid it on the table while you were arranging the flowers.” He laughed softly, a low, excitingly sensuous laugh. “I forgot it in the—umm—heat of the moment.” One russet eyebrow peaked. “Shall I get it for you?”

  “Would you have to get up?” she asked ingenuously, gliding her palm over the taut smoothness of his hip.

  Sean’s laughter deepened even as he shuddered responsively to her touch. “Of cour
se.”

  “It’ll keep,” she murmured, clasping his face with her free hand to draw his mouth to hers. “I won’t.”

  Sean’s laughter ceased abruptly, to be replaced by a groan of appreciation as Alycia teased his lips with the tip of her tongue. He brought his right hand up to tangle his fingers in her hair, angling her head for his crushing mouth, and slid his left hand down in imitation of hers, caressing her gently rounded hip as he drew her closer to his heated body.

  The articulation of words was lost to the more ancient language of murmurs and sighs and moans of exquisite delight.

  Sean didn’t rush her. Taking his time, he deliberately drove her to the edge of madness with his broad hands and his boldly flicking tongue. And while he fanned the coiling flames of tension ever higher inside Alycia, she stroked and caressed and kissed his body into shivering readiness.

  Alycia was the first to break. Gasping for breath, she grasped his hips, urging him into the intimacy of a lovers’ embrace. Slipping free of her hold, Sean moved away from her, murmuring soothingly at her whimpered cry of protest.

  “It’s all right, love, I’m here.”

  A moment later, Alycia trembled with the thrill of his muscled flanks gliding along the silkiness of her inner thighs and his palms sliding up her legs to slip beneath her, lifting her into the impact of his body as it became one with hers.

  It had been so long since Alycia’s body had sheathed the fullness of a man that though she bit her lip, a cry of shock escaped her throat. Sean immediately became still, allowing her body to adjust to his. His hand moved to her hip, then down her thigh, stroking her, gentling her, easing the tension from her contracting muscles.

  “Did I hurt you?” Sean’s voice was taut with concern. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful.” His palm skimmed her calf; then his fingers curled around her ankle. “Damn!” he whispered as he glided his hand back up the satiny length of her leg. “Oh, love, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.”