Rowan Revived

by Colbert, Taylor Danae

  “Deal,” he says.

  “Frisbee?” I ask.

  He hops to his feet.

  “Frisbee!”

  Millie makes her way down to me, wrapping me in a long, tight hug.

  “Thank you,” she whispers.

  I wrap my arms around her, but I’m staring up at the patio. Lena has disappeared back into the house, and every part of me is aching to follow her.

  Later that night, I’m lying in my bed in nothing but an old pair of worn basketball shorts, tossing one of Caleb’s nerf balls up into the air. I can’t stop picturing her on that patio, wondering if she believed the words I was saying. Because damn, I’ve never meant something more in my life.

  I toss the ball up one more time, and then I hear the barn doors opening below. I hop to my feet and open the bedroom door, when I see Lena walking toward the bottom of the steps. She’s carrying a plate full of cookies, and her eyes are carrying something heavy in them. I step down the stairs slowly, our eyes never leaving each other’s.

  When I get to the last step, she hands me the plate. Her gaze drops to the ground, and I’m frantically searching for the right words. Finally, she speaks.

  “I need to say something.”

  “Okay,” I say, feeling my heartrate pick up. She takes in a long, slow breath and closes her eyes for a moment.

  “My dad was like Caleb’s dad. Only, he didn’t stop with my mom. He hit us, too.”

  I swallow.

  “It was bad. She was constantly beaten and bruised, and we weren’t much better off. We actually got taken away by CPS a few times, but it never stuck,” she goes on. I feel my heart thudding behind my ribs. “He killed her.”

  My eyes grow wide, and I’m not sure I heard her right.

  “What?” I ask. She nods.

  “When Millie was 19, and I was 16. They were fighting at the top of the stairs, when he grabbed her and threw her down. Broke her neck. She was dead almost instantly.”

  I don’t have any words. I don’t know what to say, and she can tell.

  “It was a nightmare, losing the only parent who loved us. But in the end, he went to prison where he will spend the rest of his miserable life. It was tough, but we took care of each other. For a little while, I thought we were going to come out of all of it stronger. Until Millie met Tiger. And the cycle started all over again,” she says.

  She looks down at the ground, wrapping her arms around her body.

  “One of the scariest thoughts for me, aside from Tiger eventually killing my sister, is that one day, Caleb might grow up to be that kind of a monster to someone. No man in his life has ever done what you did today. I don’t...I don’t know what to—”

  Her lip is quivering now, and my body reacts. I set the plate down on the step next to me and reach out, pulling her into me. She wraps her arms around me, burying her face into my chest. She’s silent, but her shoulders are shuddering with quiet sobs. I rest my chin on the top of her head, and let my fingers slide through her long black hair. After she calms down a bit, I reach my finger down and tilt her chin up.

  “I need you to know that I meant every word I said to him today,” I say, just above a whisper. A sad smile sweeps over her lips, her eyes still glossy from the tears.

  “I know you did. And I need you to know that I wasn’t afraid of you today. I knew you could never be that kind of man. I never thought that for a minute. He’s just a kid, and he’s seen a lot,” she says, and I feel this wave of relief crash into me. I nod again before I realize that our arms are still around each other. At the same time, she realizes it too, because she quickly unlinks hers from around my waist and takes a few steps back.

  “I’m gonna go make sure he’s sleeping,” she says, turning toward the doors. At the very sight of her walking away from me, I feel this inexplicable rush of sadness. But just as she reaches the doors, she pauses and turns back.

  “Thank you, Jesse. In a weird, roundabout way, that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for us.”

  I nod in return, watching her take the last few steps out of the barn. As she closes the doors, I look down the see the last of her tears rolling down my bare chest. I press my hand to them, that hollow sadness forming a huge pit in my stomach again.

  I would rather die than hurt her, or even let her think that I could.

  And I’m pretty sure I’d kill anyone else who tried to.

  18

  Lena

  I barely slept a wink last night, and I don’t think my sister did, either. The talk Jesse had with Caleb could be life-changing for him, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was probably life-changing for Millie and me, too.

  I’ve never been in a serious relationship, because I refuse to become my mother, or sister. I know it sounds silly, but I’ve seen it happen where a woman is certain it would never be her—that she’d never put up with it, that she’d leave if it ever happened.

  But then I’ve seen a man take away all of her lifelines. I’ve seen a man force her to be totally dependent on him for survival. I’ve seen her feel there is no other option but to accept the sick brand of “love” he’s offering, fists and all.

  And I know that if it happened to them, it could happen to me. So it’s easier if I just avoid the situation as a whole. I don’t trust easily, and I keep my circle small.

  But these few months, and those words I heard Jesse say today, they earned him a spot in my circle.

  It may have been Caleb’s first talk with a man who wasn’t physically abusive. But it was also one of the first for Millie and me, too.

  Telling him about my parents wasn’t easy by any means—it never is. But it felt effortless compared with any of the other times I’ve had to tell it. Because he wasn’t expecting anything from me, he wasn’t staring back at me with pity. He was listening, taking it all in, letting me know just by the expression on his face that he heard me, and that my mother’s love, her life, and ours, weren’t in vain.

  As if listening so intently and saying all the right things weren’t sexy enough, he stood there in those shorts, his broad chest exposed, holding in it all the warmth I didn’t know I needed as I clung to him.

  And damn, did he look good.

  It was an intimate moment for innocent reasons, but still I couldn’t help but fight off this intense urge to run my fingers up and down his back, tug his hair, run my fingertips over his soft, round lips. I wanted more last night, and that seems to be a theme whenever I spend any time with him. And as the time we have left grows shorter, my need to touch him, to let him touch me, grows stronger. Not a great correlation.

  I don’t know exactly what I wanted from him, but all I know is, I can’t wait to get out of bed and see him today. Millie and Caleb are snuggled up next to me, and I slip out of again hoping to steal some more one-on-one time with Jesse this morning. But just as I’m approaching the last step, I hear the familiar sing-song sound of Josie’s voice.

  I’m hit with this simultaneous wave of excitement and disappointment. I like Josie, but her presence means I’ll get no alone time with Jesse. When I enter the kitchen, she’s sitting across the table from Jesse, sipping a cup of coffee and talking. She really is stunning. Her long, sandy hair is curled, and though she’s not in her normal attorney attire, she just has that dignified look of someone who does important shit every single day.

  “Ah, morning!” she says when she sees me in the doorway. Jesse looks up at me, a sad smile forming over his lips as he nods in my direction.

  “Coffee?” he asks me, standing up to get me a mug. I nod back and take a seat.

  “Thank you,” I say. “Hey, Josie. You must have left D.C. early to get here at this hour.” She smiles.

  “Yeah, well, first you don’t sleep in law school. Then you don’t sleep when you become a lawyer. Your body adapts, and soon you can survive off just a few minutes a night!”

  I laugh and reach up to take the mug from Jesse.

  “Thank you,” I say aga
in, nodding in his direction.

  “So, I just cannot get over how much work the two of you have done to this place,” Josie says smiling at me. “I mean, Jesus, where have you been all our lives?”

  Jesse’s eyes flick to me at her question, like he wants me to answer it. Like he wants to know why it took me so long to find the inn. And him.

  “Well Jesse has been a great reno partner,” I say shyly, looking down at the coffee in my cup. I feel Josie’s eyes bounce from me, to Jesse, back to me. She doesn’t make a comment, she doesn’t ask anything. But I can tell she’s curious. She’s picking up on something. She’s bright.

  “Did Jesse tell you that we have a potential buyer?” she asks, taking a small, delicate bite of the muffin on her plate. My eyes find his.

  “No, I don’t think he mentioned that,” I say, still looking at him. How long has he known this?

  “I, uh, meant to mention it yesterday, but we were a bit busy,” he says, nervously scratching the back of his head. I nod slowly. Ah, yes. Yesterday.

  “Well, that’s great. Someone you know?”

  “Yeah, a friend of a friend at the firm. He’s really interested, and wants to come out in a few weeks to look at it.”

  I nod, taking a long sip from my mug. I feel knots forming in my stomach, even though that’s ridiculous. I shouldn’t be this invested in the inn, or Jesse, or anything Rowan. I can’t be.

  “There’s a few more things I’d like to work on,” Jesse says quietly, his eyes finding me again from across the table. “If you’re up for a few more projects.” I nod.

  “Anytime,” I say.

  “We’re just running low on reno funds,” Jesse adds. Then he turns to Josie. “Lena has this idea for a dance.”

  Josie turns to me, her eyebrows pulled together skeptically.

  “A dance?”

  My eyebrows raise as I look at Jesse. I can’t tell if he’s pitching it for her approval, pitching it for her resistance, or pitching it because he actually likes the idea and believes in it.

  “Uh, yeah. I was just thinking, it might be good to make a few updates to the interior, and maybe the barn. But I know Jesse doesn’t really want to use his inheritance if he doesn’t have to, so I thought we could turn this barn dance thing into a fundraiser.”

  Josie looks from me to Jesse, then back to her muffin. She starts nodding slowly, then leans back in her chair.

  “Tell me more,” she says.

  “Well,” I say, clearing my throat, “I thought maybe we could find a local band—” with this, her eyes find mine, and I make the same quick addition that I made with Jesse. “Not Rob’s.” She nods in relief. “And I thought maybe we could have some light food, some drinks, and just invite people to come have a good time. We could charge a small cover and after we pay the band, we can bank the rest for the renovations.”

  I look up to Jesse slowly.

  “Plus,” I add, “if this seller really does come through, this could be sort of the last hurrah at the Rowan Inn.”

  Jesse’s eyes narrow at me, then he slowly looks to Josie and waits. She nods again, then a huge smile spreads across her lips.

  “I love it. I think it could be a great turnout,” she says with an excited chuckle. “Seriously, where have you been? God, if I knew all it would take to light the fire under my brother’s ass was some tough chick from Boston, I would have found you years ago!”

  She reaches out and squeezes my hand, and I force a smile. But really, I’m wishing that I had found this place all those years ago. I wish I found him all those years ago.

  “What do you think, Jess?” Josie asks.

  His eyes are still narrowed at me, but a slow smile finally tugs at the corner of his mouth.

  “Why the hell not?” he asks with a shrug, and I can’t help but smile back at him.

  “Yay!” Josie says, clapping her hands and jumping to her feet. “I’m gonna run into town for a few things. But later, we can all sit down and go over some plans. This is going to be great!”

  We both smile as Josie leaves, and then I finally break our staring contest to take my mug to the sink. As I’m scrubbing it, I can feel him behind me.

  “You doin’ okay today?” he asks, leaning against the counter. I turn off the water and look to him.

  “Yeah, I am,” I answer with a quick smile. “I really am.” He smiles back and nods.

  “Good. Josie’s excited about the dance,” he says. I look up at him.

  “But you’re not?” I ask. He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.

  “I am, I guess. I just don’t know if I’m...“ he pauses, his voice trailing off.

  “If you’re what?” I ask. He looks down at me.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for this place to take another hit. Another failure.”

  My heart feels heavy. I feel the weight of his fear on mine. I slowly reach out a hand, letting it stroke his for a moment.

  “It’s not going to fail,” I say. Then I take a step closer to him, so our faces are inches apart. “You’re not going to fail.”

  I look right into his eyes when I say it, making sure he feels how much I mean it. There’s a long moment of silence between us, then he smiles.

  “Wanna get some breakfast?” he asks. The question actually knocks me back an inch or two. I give him a suspecting smile.

  “We just had breakfast,” I say, pointing to the table.

  “Well, technically, you just had coffee,” he says.

  “True. And I am pretty hungry,” I say, letting him lead the way to his truck.

  Even if I wasn’t, I’m pretty sure I’d say yes to doing just about anything with him. He smiles as we hop into Ruby.

  After a few minutes, we pull into the lot of Daisy’s Diner, a small place I’ve noticed a couple of times since we’ve been in town. It’s essentially a double-wide trailer with a red aluminum roof, but it’s totally adorable. When we get inside, the waitress behind the counter nods in our direction as Jesse gives her his most winning smile.

  “Mornin,’ Mr. Rowan,” she says. “New friend?”

  Jesse nods, and I feel my body tense as he places his hand on the small of my back, urging me forward, closer to him. I look up to him, unsure if it’s getting warmer in here, or if it’s just the heat created by our bodies touching. It’s the smallest, simplest gesture, yet, from him, it feels massive. Like he’s laying claim, letting others know that I’m with him, and at the same time, letting me know he’s with me. I’m not sure what it was, but something happened in that barn between us last night. He felt my tears, saw me crumbling. But somehow, today, I feel stronger in front of him.

  “This is Lena,” he says, “she’s staying at the inn, helping me through some renovations.”

  The woman nods slowly, grabbing a few menus from the hostess stand and heading our way.

  “Lena, this is Edith. She was another good friend of my mother’s,” he says. I nod and smile.

  “Hi, Edith,” I say.

  “Hello, dear,” she says, leading us to a small booth at the far side of the restaurant. “What kind of renovations we talkin’?”

  “Ah, just about everything. We’re updating the exterior, painting, reshuttering, fixing up the inside, fixing up the barn. Lena has an idea for just about every inch of that place. Helpin’ me get it into selling shape,” he says, his eyes finding mine as we take a seat. I give a curt smile and nod. I’m not sure how he wants me to respond to that. Edith puts a hand on her hip and lets out a slow sigh.

  Actually, that’s the exact response I wanted to have.

  “Damn. I was really hoping Lena here was helping you fix it up so that you’d stay,” she says.

  Jesse’s eyes drop to his menu as he flips it from front to back, clearly not reading a damn thing on it.

  “You know that’s not happening, Edith,” he says. “I need to get out of this place.” His voice is hushed, and he isn’t making eye contact with either of us as he talks.

  I want to pr
ess him on the issue, Lord knows, but I can tell that right now, he needs me not to. In fact, he might actually need some backup. I clear my throat and turn to Edith.

  “Actually, Jesse and I are throwing a bit of a fundraiser in a few weeks over at the inn,” I say. Edith raises an eyebrow. “It’s going to be a barn dance; live music, some food and drinks, hopefully just a laid-back good time. We’re hoping to raise a little bit of money for the last of the indoor updates we want to make.”

  “Wow,” Edith says, pursing her lips out in surprise.

  “Would you mind hanging up a few flyers in here, if I drop some off later this week?” I ask. She nods.

  “Absolutely,” she says. She sighs again and turns to Jesse. “I know your parents would be so sad to see that place go.” She reaches out a hand to Jesse’s cheek. “But I know more than anything, they’d just want you to be happy, Jess. It’s what we all want. This whole dang town.”

  He nods and lets a nervous smile flash over his lips before turning his menu. Again. Finally, Edith walks away.

  “Jeesh,” I say. “People really love that place, and your family. Talk about pressure.” He lets out a low laugh and smiles.

  “You got no idea,” he says. I smile back at him.

  “What’s good here?”

  He scoffs.

  “Anything. Everything,” he says. “But the cream chipped beef is the best on the bay. Probably on the whole shore.” I smile.

  “Cream chipped beef it is,” I say.

  We eat mostly in silence, but it doesn’t feel strained. It feels almost content. And I realize how much I enjoy being near him, even if not so much as a syllable is spoken between us.

  As we get ready to go, Jesse pays the bill before I can even reach for my wallet—something I’m not sure how to respond to—and we walk back to his truck.

  “Mind if we make one more stop?” he asks.