“I didn’t have any plants.”
“You do now. I replaced that dead thing that’s been sitting on your shelf since you moved in.”
“I had a dead thing?” Kenzie laughed. “How’s my cat, by the way?”
“You don’t have a cat!” Stephanie eyed her with a raised brow and a bright smile.
“Yes, I do. Mr. Whiskers or something, I think.”
“Girl, that’s my cat. You babysat for him once. He was traumatized when I got him back, and I swore I’d never do that to him again. And his name is Chubby.”
“Whatever.”
The two women entered the immaculate one-bedroom apartment in the desirable Woodlawn section of the Bronx. When Kenzie had purchased the unit, it had been a dream come true. During the day, the modest space, a corner unit, was sun-drenched and boasted beautiful hardwood floors, custom crown moldings and trims, and ample closet space. The kitchen had been newly renovated, with stainless-steel appliances, and there’d been new fixtures in the bathroom. The apartment wasn’t very large, but it had been enough room for Kenzie, her computer, and the dreams that had followed her. The fact that the building was in commuter heaven, just blocks from Metro North, the express buses, and only a half hour from Manhattan was the icing on some very sweet cake.
But as Kenzie stepped inside, reacquainting herself with her surroundings, nothing about it felt like home. She turned to look at Stephanie, beginning to shake as she struggled not to cry. “So do you think Zachary really might come for me?”
Stephanie hugged her. “I sure as hell hope so, otherwise you’re going to be miserable to deal with until you figure out you need to take the first step and just go back!”
Kenzie shook her head. “You mean even more miserable than usual?”
Stephanie chuckled. “Exactly!”
Kenzie shrugged. “Oh, well! Do we have anything to drink in this joint?”
“No, but if you want, we can walk up to Charlie’s Bar and Kitchen.”
Kenzie grabbed her coat and slipped it back on. “Last one there buys the chicken tacos!”
* * *
For the second time in his lifetime Zachary came home to find a woman he loved gone. This time his furniture was intact, but the emptiness was still as deep. Kenzie had flown out a week earlier. He imagined she was settled and content, but since neither had bothered to call the other, he didn’t know. He knew she arrived safe and sound because she’d sent Gamon a message. She knew he was still being an ass because Gamon had responded that nothing with him had changed.
Gamon had taken her to the airport. Zachary had kissed her cheek good-bye, professing that he couldn’t make time to take her himself. The moment had been awkward for them both, and now it was just lonely. He was suddenly kicking himself, his frustration deep. Truth be told, he hadn’t wanted her to leave, but he didn’t want her to see him beg.
Once Kenzie was gone, Zachary retreated into the fight ring, beating up on one sparring partner after another. He was robotic, moving by rote, refusing to allow an ounce of emotion get in his way. His routines were consistent—sleep, fight, run, fight, eat, fight, run, sleep—over and over again until he could do it with his eyes closed. Weeks later, when Sarai called to check on him, he was a semblance of his former self, completely lost in his heartbreak.
“You let her go?” Sarai admonished him over the telephone line.
“She had an assignment. What was I supposed to do?”
“Fight for her. If you wanted her to stay, you should have told her. Kenzie loves you. She would never have left if she’d known that you had needed her.”
“Do I?”
“Do you what?”
“Do I need her?”
“Don’t we all need someone? Something in our lives that helps us make sense of the nonsense?”
Zachary shook his head. “Sarai, I don’t know how it went so far left so quickly.”
“You stopped communicating with her. You were hurting and trying to be so macho you didn’t let her see that. You wouldn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with her.”
“She needed me to be strong. To hold her up. I couldn’t afford to be vulnerable.”
“She needed you to be honest. We have all told you that time and time again. You hide behind your bravado when all you have to do is be truthful. Then you just got stupid and mean.”
There was a moment of silence that filled the space between them. Sarai broke through the quiet.
“What do you want to do, Zachary?”
“I don’t know, Sarai. I don’t know what I want.”
“Well, you better figure it out. If you care about Kenzie, don’t let her get away!”
He changed the subject. “Did your father talk to you about the fight in Vegas?”
She blew a soft sigh. “He did. I’ve already started putting things into place. Alexander found a gym. I’ve coordinated your promotional schedule with the UFC, and you just need to let me know when you want to travel.”
“I need Alexander’s help again. I’m screwing up here, and the training’s not what it should be. My form’s bad, and all I’m doing is hammering away at these guys. I’m trying to decide if I should come back to Boulder before going to Vegas.”
Sarai shook her head. “You need to fix what you’ve broken. Until you do, you’re never going to be able to focus on this fight the way you need to, Zachary. You need Kenzie by your side. You know you do!”
A pregnant pause bloomed full and large between them. Sarai held her breath, quietly wishing a prayer that he would see the light and come to his senses. She could hear in his voice that he was ready for things to change. He was tired of being tired, ready to turn it back around and make it right. She also knew he was embarrassed and his ego was waging war with his common sense. But she trusted he would come around and do right. He broke the silence by asking about his brother and his parents and catching up on the family news. The conversation was casual at best as he purposely avoided any serious discussion that wasn’t about his business or his title fight. Then out of the blue, Zachary broke stance, the subject changing so swiftly that it almost threw Sarai off guard.
He whispered. “I want Kenzie back. I’m scared that I might lose her for good, and that breaks my heart.”
“Then go get her!”
“I’ve been horrible to her. I don’t know if she would even want me back.”
“You need to call her.”
“I would, but I’m mad.”
Sarai laughed. “You’re mad. Why are you mad?”
“Because Kenzie hasn’t called me. Not once. She’s spoken to your father twice, but she hasn’t called me one time!”
“I swear! You are such a baby!”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Well, I’m definitely not going to support that kind of stupidity. She hasn’t called me, so I’m not going to call her!” Sarai said mockingly.
Zachary hesitated, and then he laughed. He laughed until tears rained over his cheeks, and he had to fight to catch his breath.
“Are you okay?” Sarai questioned when he finally settled down, lightly gasping for air.
“Yeah.” He coughed, clearing his throat before he continued. “I’ve just been so sad, Sarai! It hurt so much when Kai died. I didn’t think I could hurt that much. And I was trying to hide it and be strong for Kenzie. When she suggested that I might be depressed and should talk to someone, I really withdrew. I didn’t want to admit it.”
“And now?”
“And now I think I’m ready. I think I am,” he said hesitantly.
“Well, Kenzie was right, and she was hurting too. Now you need to go get her and beg her to come back to you. And I mean on your hands and knees begging!”
“Is that what you would want my brother to do?”
“He had better!” she said with a slight giggle. “Every woman wants to know that the man she loves will fight for her if it ever came down to it.”
Alexander, who’d been listening in
on the line the whole time, finally interjected, adding to all the advice his brother was getting. “You better go get your woman!”
* * *
Zachary had been stuck in Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport for half the day. He was frustrated and anxious to get to New York, but because of the inclement weather, it didn’t look like anyone would be flying out anytime soon. The first five-hour leg of his travels, from Phuket to Beijing, had probably been the best part of his trip thus far. Beijing to Chicago had been fourteen hours of hell, with one baby crying nonstop and two frustrated old women complaining about everything, even the air they were breathing. And now he was snowed in. His only saving grace was that his brother had flown in from Boulder to meet him. Alexander eyed him with a bemused expression.
“You really need to relax. The departure board just changed, and they said we’ll be boarding in the next hour.” Alexander smiled.
“What if she doesn’t want me back?”
Zachary’s twin shook his head. “You really need to relax. Why haven’t you called her anyway?”
“Because I didn’t want her to tell me not to come. I need to lay eyes on her and beg!”
“And you’re begging for . . . ?”
“A second chance to get it right.”
Alexander nodded. “I can appreciate that. I know I’ve had to beg Sarai a time or two.”
Zachary finally dropped into the seat beside his brother. “Does it ever get easier?”
“When you get out of your way and you keep the lines of communication open, it gets easy as hell.”
Zachary sat in reflection for a moment, pondering his brother’s comment. He sighed heavily.
Alexander leaned forward in his seat. “I was really sorry to hear about Kai. I know how close you two were.”
Zachary nodded. “Keeping his secrets took a lot out of me, A. The fact that Kenzie was hurt by what I did is what really tore me up.”
“You can’t look back, Z. You just need to look ahead to the future.”
Zachary sighed again. “I guess, but that seems easier said than done. I can’t imagine a future without Kenzie.”
“And that’s what you need to tell her.”
The two sat quietly together for a good few minutes. Zachary suddenly sat forward in his seat. He looked his brother in the eye. “I need a favor after I get my girl back.”
“What’s that?”
“Antonio Barrera. He’s gunning for me, and I really don’t want to get my ass kicked! Not by a teeny bopper!”
Alexander laughed. “That teeny bopper has an impressive fight record. You know the bookies are betting against you, right?”
“Sons of bitches say I’m getting old!”
“You are!” Alexander grinned.
Zachary smiled back. “It’s a damn good thing I have you on my side then. As soon as I get my girl back, I’m headed to the gym, and I want you to train me.”
“Didn’t I train you for that last fight?”
“That’s why I want you to do it again. I won that fight, remember?”
Alexander laughed. “I guess I will. If I don’t, my wife will kill me, and then I’ll have to beg my way back into her good graces. Things are good with us right now, so I’d like to keep them that way.”
The brothers bumped fists.
Zachary leaned back in his seat. “After this, I’m officially retiring. Then I’m going back to Thailand to make babies.”
Alexander chuckled. “How many are you planning on making?”
Zachary winked his eye. “One set of twins. That’s all. After that I just plan to practice a lot.”
* * *
He hadn’t made any effort to call her, and Kenzie was past the point of being royally pissed. She couldn’t begin to understand how Zachary could just dismiss her so easily. She stomped the hardwood floors for the umpteenth time, throwing her cell phone back against the bed. She pulled a hand through her hair, the tangled mess beginning to become a problem she had no desire to deal with.
Although she knew she needed to attempt to pull her Denman brush through the thick waves before her meeting at Madison Square Garden to interview some of the New York Knicks team and their owner, she could only think of Zachary, wondering where he was and why he wasn’t trying to fix their broken relationship.
For a brief moment, she thought about calling Gamon and the main number at Revolution, but she didn’t want to be embarrassed if Zachary rejected her. She didn’t want to blow a gasket and have whoever answered remember who she was in case she did ever go back. Frustrated, she stomped in the opposite direction.
“Aargh!” she screamed, grateful that the walls were thick and the likelihood of one of her neighbors hearing her was slim and nil.
The knock at the door surprised her. She knew Stephanie was already knee-deep in work at her office, so she wasn’t expecting anyone to just drop in. As she moved toward the entrance, she prayed that it wasn’t the old woman from the apartment at the other end of the hall. She talked too much, and Kenzie didn’t want to be bothered.
She snatched the entrance open, not thinking to look through the peephole. The Barrett twins stood outside her home, both men looking contrite.
Zachary waved. “Hey, can we come in?”
Her eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”
He pushed past her, his brother stepping inside too as Kenzie looked from one to the other. Alexander leaned to kiss her cheek. “Hi, Kenzie.”
“Alexander, hey!” Confusion washed over her expression.
“I hope we’re not interrupting,” Alexander said as the couple stood in the center of the room, staring at each other.
She shook her head. “Why didn’t you call me?” she asked, her gaze connecting with Zachary’s. Attitude seeped from her stare.
He reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone, passing the device to her. “It’s dead. I lost the power cord, and I haven’t been able to charge it.”
Kenzie shot Alexander a look. “And what’s your excuse?”
The man’s eyes widened. “Did you try to call me?” He looked down to the phone in his hand.
“No. But you could have lent your brother your phone to call me since his has been dead since I left Thailand,” she said sarcastically. “I was worried to death about him.”
Alexander laughed. “He didn’t ask, so I didn’t volunteer. Sorry.”
Her gaze rolled skyward in annoyance. She stepped against Zachary, her arms moving around his neck as she pressed her mouth to his. She kissed him, her mouth reclaiming his lips, her tongue darting past the line of his teeth as he pressed himself against her. His arms circled her waist and held her close.
She suddenly stepped out of his grasp. “I am so damn mad at you right now!”
Zachary nodded. “I deserve that.”
Alexander laughed again. “I’m going to head to the hotel and get settled in. Give you two some privacy. The meter on that taxi is still running downstairs.” He shook his brother’s hand and kissed Kenzie one last time. “Go easy on him,” he whispered in her ear as she walked him to the door. “He really feels bad!”
She nodded. “Is he doing okay?” she asked, whispering back.
Alexander nodded. “He’s better. He’ll be great once you two fix whatever it is that’s broken between you.”
Kenzie smiled. “Thank you,” she mouthed as she closed the entrance after him.
She turned back to face Zachary. He’d moved into the living room, eyeing the things that decorated her space and spoke to who she was. There were framed articles that she had written on the walls. Her journalism awards. Pictures of friends and family who were near and dear to her. He drummed his fingers against a desktop that held an old typewriter. And there were books, title after title of stories that had captured her interest.
She took a deep breath. “How have you been?”
He turned around to face her. He shook his head. “I’m not good without you, Kenzie. Nothing feels right anymor
e.”
Kenzie nodded, understanding completely. “I was afraid that you’d broken up with me.”
He chuckled. “I was thinking the same thing about you. You left me!”
“You didn’t try to stop me!”
“I thought about it. I really did. I just couldn’t get it out. Or right. Or have it make sense so that you didn’t think I was crazy.”
She shook her head, her arms crossing over her chest. “That is such a load of . . .”
“I’m here to get you back, though,” he said, cutting her off. “I love you, Kenzie. That has never changed.”
She gestured for him to take a seat on her sofa. When they were settled side by side, she continued their conversation. “What went wrong with us, Zachary? After my father, died you pulled away from me, and I really thought that our going through the same heartache would have pulled us closer together. None of it made sense to me.”
He nodded. “I was struggling, baby. I was trying so hard to be strong for you, but I didn’t feel worthy, and then I didn’t have the strength to keep up that façade. It all just seemed to fall apart after that.”
“I know we joke and make light of things, but I think we hit a serious impasse. I can’t be in a relationship with a man who goes on the attack when we hit a bump. And I felt like you were attacking me, Zachary.”
He nodded as he leaned forward, dropping his elbows to his thighs and his head into his hands. “I can only apologize again for my bad behavior. I know I was wrong on multiple levels. I let my feelings get in the way of what was right. I pushed you away, and . . .” Zachary suddenly choked, his words catching in his throat. Tears misted his eyes as he sat back, his fists clenched tightly together. He took a deep breath. “I pushed you away because I was scared that if you saw how weak I was, you would leave me.”
Kenzie dropped a warm palm against his tightened fist, pulling his arm to her chest. She pressed his palm to her heart as her fingers lightly trailed over his wrist. “And I left you because I was scared too. I was scared that what I thought we had was ending. That it had all been a beautiful dream and we were suddenly falling into this horrific nightmare. And I didn’t want to be that woman who put her whole heart into a man to have him just trash it. I didn’t want you to see how much that was hurting me.”
Perfect Pleasures Page 19
