by Bronwyn Eley
‘It was a blessing for me, actually,’ Rennard continued, as if nothing were awry. ‘Tomlin always used to give me a headache.’
He leaned down, his mouth brushing my brother’s ear. Elias whimpered and curled forward. ‘How he drove me mad.’
I felt heat rising in my throat. I reached out, gripping the spire atop Rennard’s chair. Jesper’s smooth hand found mine, pressing down as if to stop me from doing anything. I glanced at her. Nothing alive in her eyes. I noticed she had a split lip, concealed in the corner of her mouth.
‘You can’t!’ Elias shouted. ‘Don’t hurt them!’
What is he saying? Don’t hurt who?
I gripped harder. Rennard ignored Elias and, grabbing his hair, snapped his head back. Elias’ body was wrenched into an upright position. Rennard placed the side of his face against my brother’s.
‘They’re just –’ Elias choked, his arms thrashing. ‘Children! My little –’
With a sharp jerk from Rennard, he quietened.
‘My head burned with all the stupid things Tomlin used to do,’ Rennard growled through gritted teeth. ‘But after that day, I was free from it all. I think you need to do your sister the same favour.’
I forced my eyes to Rennard. He was looking straight at me. Grabbing the back of my brother’s hair again, Rennard forced his head up. Elias opened his eyes.
‘See your poor sister?’ Rennard continued. ‘Look how much this pains her.’
Elias twisted his head but couldn’t free himself from Rennard’s grip. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
‘How could you do this to her?’ Rennard asked. He shoved Elias forward suddenly, his body collapsing to the cold ground.
Silence filled the room again. Elias didn’t move to get up, though his fingers clawed at the ground. Rennard straightened his posture and stepped over my brother’s outstretched arm.
Unable to look away from Elias, I felt Rennard return to his tall chair before I saw him. Thorn moved forward and lifted Elias roughly from the floor. Elias’ eyes widened, sobbing freely now, searching every face in the room but mine for help. The sounds of struggle filled the hall as I watched them disappear through the door.
My legs took charge, pushing me forward. Thorn didn’t notice as he dragged my brother further from me. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in the hallway, just behind them. My hand lashed out; I grabbed my brother’s collar and pulled.
Thorn jerked backward, whipping around. Elias’ collar was torn from my hands. My fingers caught the chain around his neck. I felt the chain snap and wrapped a tight fist around it as it tumbled toward the ground.
I always knew Thorn was strong, but I still wasn’t prepared for the weight of his fist as it smashed against my jaw. Pain poured over my body as I struck the wall, falling to the ground in a heap.
Elias struggled, screaming at Thorn. I raised my head just in time to watch them disappear around a corner.
You didn’t protect him.
People filed out of the Grand Hall, passing glances over me on their way.
My palm unfurled, revealing Elias’ ring, caught up in the mess of its rusting chain. I had never wanted anything of my father’s. I didn’t need a token to remember him by. I had the boys for that; I had our mother. This was better off with Elias. Tucking it away in my pocket, I knew he couldn’t be without it for long.
You didn’t protect him.
Rennard appeared in the doorway and I met his stare. Anger surged in my chest.
‘That will leave a nasty bruise,’ he mused. ‘It might remind you not to overstep next time.’ He sighed, long and deep. ‘Do you know why the working age is ten? Quite young, don’t you think?’
I knew he didn’t expect an answer.
‘When I was a boy, my siblings and I had private tutors. When I was ten, my father fired the tutors and from that day on, our instruction began. He said that learning in a classroom was not real learning. He threw us into the deep end and waited to see who would swim and who would sink.’
Rennard’s eyes were fixed on me. There was no light in them. The brown had seeped away, leaving only coal-black staring down at me. I blinked – what if I had fallen into another nightmare? – but they looked so real.
‘My father taught me to be strong and capable, like he was. Prepared me to one day take over from him. To work.’ His eyes remained black. ‘This is why you all work. No point cosseting you all until adulthood. I don’t want to be the ruler of weak people, just as my father didn’t want to be the parent of weak children.’
Rennard was close now, kneeling down beside me. ‘I could always see it in his eyes. The embarrassment. The disappointment. Whenever we broke the rules.’
He reached out a hand, as if to comfort me. The touch sent a blinding pain through my shoulder, saturating my entire body as I froze, arrested by his touch. I felt his poisonous grip everywhere. On my throat, stopping the air. Against my head, trying to crush it. Inside me, compressing my organs. And yet, his soft hand rested on my shoulder, unmoving, unthreatening.
Remembering the cowering woman, Lise, and her bloodshot eyes watching me, I knew that was how I must have looked now. If I had known this was what she felt, I would have stopped him. And Elias. Was this what he suffered, too?
The pain surged, stopping my breath completely. Rennard bent down beside my ear. ‘Know your place, Kaylan.’
I shifted away, looking at his eyes. They were the colour of bark again; the black was gone. As he retreated, I saw him in my mind, enveloped in darkness.
I sank back as the memory consumed me.
They threw me inside a cold cell. My hands were covered in blood – red stains, so thick and hot. I wiped them on the dress. It was already ruined. I rubbed and rubbed, but the blood merely spread. I dragged my hands across the ground, burning my skin.
In the darkness of the dungeon, Rennard crouched next to me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder. Heat shot from the Relic, as if it poured all its anger and pain into me.
I lay face down on my bed, my left arm dangling to the ground. I dragged my stolen chisel back and forth along the stone, relishing the closest sound I could conjure up to remind me of home.
‘I heard what happened,’ came Lirr’s voice. I didn’t bother looking up to greet her. I hadn’t even heard the door open.
‘Did you, now?’ My voice was angry, my throat burning in protest. ‘Just as you heard about what happened to me last time, I take it? In the dungeon. I suppose you’d know more about it than I do.’
They all wanted to care. Lirr, Jesper, Markus, Keithan. But I knew what really mattered to them was that I was the Shadow, and they were not.
Lirr paused. ‘You’ll start to pull away.’
I frowned at the floor but said nothing.
‘Pull away from things that make you feel better,’ she continued. ‘Because maybe it’s easier to suffer alone.’
I scoffed. ‘What makes you think you know what I’m going through? Because of the last Shadow, the florist? You couldn’t even say his name. And what about the Shadow before him? And what about the one after me – will you presume to know them too?’
I pushed my other hand into my pocket, feeling the cool steel of my father’s ring lying useless, waiting to be needed again.
Lirr ignored my harsh words. ‘I can hear it in your voice.’
What if he’s torturing Elias?
‘Maybe I’m just tired and want to be left alone,’ I snapped, turning my head away from her, staring at the wall. ‘Ever think of that?’
‘Where did you get that?’
She meant the chisel. Why did it matter? Did she see it as a weapon?
‘The forge.’
She said nothing at first, then sighed. ‘Just remember, you have friends here. They can help you, if you let them.’
I heard the door close. They could help me? I had let Jesper console me. Coddle me. Mother me. She took my hand and showed me a private part of her life. Teaching me the way a mother teaches her
child a skill for the first time. But now she was as good as gone.
We all were.
Chapter 24
The air outside had cooled, but not enough to really give any relief. Even the winds blew hot here, twirling dust in patterns around me as I walked.
After Rennard and Jesper retired for the evening, I knew there was no chance of sleep for myself, so here I was. Wandering the gardens alone after dark. It should have been unsettling, but it wasn’t. For years I spent nights alone, wandering the dark streets of the lower town. Slipping down narrow alleys. Wandering past questionable people and doing my best to ignore what they were up to.
This was a breeze in comparison.
A whimper broke the peaceful night air. I knew right away it was a dog, somewhere in the darkness ahead. I hurried forward. The creature was nestled behind a small bush, curled on her side, breathing heavily.
Then I noticed the dark hole in her side, bloodied and dirt-crusted.
I dropped to my knees. Tentatively, I held out my hand and slowly rested it on her head.
‘Shhh,’ I whispered, stroking her fur. ‘It’ll be alright.’
Her leg twitched and she let out a bark, followed by more whimpering. She was in so much pain.
‘Don’t move,’ I ordered, tears springing to my eyes. ‘I’ll find Markus. He can help. Don’t die, alright?’ I stood up, legs shaking as if I had already run a mile. ‘Don’t die.’
Then I was off, running in the direction of Markus’ house. I wasn’t completely sure where it was, having never been there, but I had a gut feeling it wouldn’t be too far from the enclosures, which were just over the hill to my left.
Breaking this stalemate of ours was the least of my worries now. Markus would help the dog no matter what. Even if he hated me, he wouldn’t let her die. But finding the house was proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. My breath hitched as tears started falling.
Where was it?
I kept pushing, despite my lungs calling for respite. A life was at stake.
As I crested a hill, I spotted a house on a flat expanse of grass, a small garden of flowers at the front. The two-storey stone building was modest, considering who might live in it. Light illuminated the windows on the ground level, so someone was home. It had to be Markus’ house.
Breath rasping, I moved for the front door. My legs gave out and I slammed against it with a thud. I heard a mild shriek from within, and then a deep voice.
The door opened inwards and I fell through the entrance. Crashing onto my hands and knees, I looked up at a bewildered Markus.
‘Kaylan?’ He crouched down and braced my shoulders with his hands.
‘There’s a dog,’ I panted, sitting up and pointing back out into the dark. ‘She’s hurt.’
Markus wasted no time. He hauled me to my feet and pushed me out the door. ‘I’ll be back,’ he called over his shoulder, slamming the door.
Suddenly my chest started cooperating and, together, we ran for her as fast as our legs would carry us. My heart could have burst with relief when I spotted the bush ahead, the dog’s legs peeking out from behind it. ‘There!’
I surged ahead of Markus, skidding to a halt by the bush.
But the dog was gone.
No.
Where was she?
I bent down to pick up the stick that, from a distance, had looked like the dog’s leg. Markus nearly crashed into me as he came up behind, gripping my shoulders and moving me aside. Looking down, he stopped. ‘Where?’
‘She was right here!’ I pointed. ‘I just saw her, ten minutes ago.’
I moved, circling the bush and all the ones near it, before the thought first occurred to me: she had never been real. I stopped and brought my hands to my face.
‘She wasn’t real,’ I moaned, sobs tearing through my chest. ‘She wasn’t real! Markus –’ I turned to him. He was very still, watching me. ‘I’m so sorry! I thought she was there. I saw her. Touched her. Heard her whining. But she –’ I choked.
‘It’s alright,’ Markus said gently, reaching for my hands. He pulled them away from my face. I tried to resist, but he only pulled harder. ‘Kaylan, it’s alright.’
‘No,’ I sobbed. ‘It’s not! What am I becoming? Markus –’
‘Kaylan, you need to calm down,’ he warned, pressing my arms to my side. ‘You’re panicking.’
‘She wasn’t real!’ I cried over the top of him. I could hear what he was saying, that I was panicking, and I knew he was right. But it didn’t matter. My mind was lost to me now. What worth did I have if my mind was gone? I saw violence and death everywhere. Blood and black eyes. How was this living?
‘How can he do this to us?’ I sobbed. ‘How can we all just let this happen again and again? No!’ I thrashed against Markus as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. ‘Please, Markus! Let me check again! She has to be real. I saw her, Markus, please!’
He said nothing, only held me as still as he could as I fought against him.
A darkness leached into my vision, something darker than the black night around us. It crept in from the corners of my eyes, until it was all I could see.
Then nothing.
Even with my eyes shut, I could feel how dark the room was. It was quiet. Peaceful. I stretched out my legs, feeling for the hard end of my bed. My feet only met with more soft linen. Eyes still shut, I frowned.
Markus’ house.
My eyes peeled open, fused with tears and grime, welcoming the blackness of the room. A dying candle was tucked away in the corner. The flame barely moved. It was as if the whole room watched me, waiting to see what would happen next. I felt the bedding with my hands. My left hand was calm, trembling only slightly. I touched my thumb to each finger.
I certainly felt alive.
The door opened, light and air rushing in, disturbing the stillness of the dying candle. It wasn’t Markus.
The girl’s small face was like her big brother’s – the same big mouth, clean angles, long eyelashes. Her nose was rounder than his, though, and slightly smaller.
She stepped inside. ‘I only left you alone for a moment.’ As she studied me closely, I did the same to her. Deep brown hair curled around her face, matching her eyes. Bare feet peeked out from under her stately dress. There was just enough light to catch a glimpse of a delicate silver chain hanging from her neck, a small A dangling from it.
‘My brother told me to keep watch, but as you stirred, I went to get you some water.’
Her small hands wrapped around a delicate glass cup, water sloshing side to side as she approached. She set it down gently.
‘Thank you,’ I wheezed through my raw throat. I drew a hand to my neck and gave a cough, hoping to clear the dryness away. My fingers met metal. I couldn’t see the necklace in this light, but I would know my father’s ring anywhere. I wondered how it had ended up on an unbroken chain around my neck.
‘You were screaming.’ The girl tucked her hair behind both ears, where small silver studs gleamed, each with a modest red stone. ‘When he brought you in, I mean. It was mostly nonsense to me. I’m not sure my brother even understood, although I know he likes to pretend he did. But you begged for that.’ She nodded to my hand and I released the necklace. ‘It was in your pocket. The chain was broken, so I got you one of mine.’
Tucking the necklace away, I cleared my throat. What else had I said and done in my delirium? ‘What’s your name?’
‘Aless.’ She looked over her shoulder at the empty hall. This had to be A, from the necklace Markus wore. His sister. ‘He’s just stepped out.’
‘What time is it?’
‘Still night,’ Aless shrugged. ‘Later than I’m normally allowed to stay awake. It’s so dark outside.’ She peered out the window to her right.
‘The same night?’
Aless nodded. ‘You were only asleep for about an hour.’ That explained why I felt horribly exhausted. But how long did I scream nonsense before sleep finally dragged me under? I winced
.
‘You’re in a lot of pain.’
I looked at the girl who must be much older than her years. Both her parents were dead; she grew up near one of the most powerful and deranged men in the five lands, and had likely known other Shadows before me. Soft skin and nice dresses aside, she had probably seen more hardship than a lot of families I grew up around.
‘That’s a nice necklace,’ I said.
She dipped her chin and touched the pendant gently. ‘It’s from my parents.’
‘I sometimes see your brother wearing it,’ I noted.
‘He didn’t g—’ Aless stopped short as heavy boots sounded on wood. I tried to push up in the bed. Aless sprang forward and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘He said you can’t move.’
I did my best to chuckle. ‘Did he now? Haven’t seen him in weeks and now he’s telling me what to do.’
‘He stayed away for you,’ she shot back indignantly. ‘He did it for you.’ I stopped pushing against her. She was surprisingly strong for a girl of almost twelve.
He stayed away for you.
Markus’ tall silhouette blocked most of the light from the hall. Dark stains covered his shirt. From where I was, it looked like blood. He froze, his face crumpling into what looked like relief as he moved forward.
‘Don’t move, Kaylan.’ I found myself lying back from the force of his words. Aless stepped back and let her brother take over. He lifted a chair from the end of the bed and placed it by my side. He tugged gently on Aless’ sleeve, kissed her cheek. ‘Thank you. Now off to bed.’
Aless twisted her mouth and gave me one final look before making for the door.
‘Thank you,’ I called after her, before looking back to Markus.
His eyes paused briefly on my face, a slight crease burdening his brow. As if to remind me, the bruise staining my jaw throbbed painfully. A gift from Thorn.
