"Have you thought of a name for him?" Vicky asked.
"Paddy. Because he's got such big paddy paws."
"His paws are nearly as big as Jessie's head, and he's going to grow into those paws."
"I know. Auntie Shell says Paddy is going to be a monster."
They made a fuss of the other puppies, playing with them all for a few minutes, then Vicky checked her watch. "We'd better go back to the pub or we'll be late for dinner." She pulled her phone from her pocket. "Before we go, will you take a couple of photos of me holding Jessie? I want some pictures to show my parents."
Chloe took the phone and snapped some photos while Vicky posed with her puppy.
"Will you take some pics of me and Paddy?" Chloe said, handing back Vicky's phone. "Dad makes me use this stupid old phone of his." She pulled an old-fashioned flip phone from her pocket and grimaced. "It doesn't even have a decent camera. Dad says I'm not old enough to have a smart phone that goes on the Evilnet. I'm nine and he still treats me like a baby."
"Sounds like your dad is doing what he thinks is best for you." She sympathized with Owen Bramwell's concerns. She'd been cautious letting Josh use electronic devices. He'd been allowed a few hours a week on her iPad under supervision.
It surprised her to realize that a few weeks ago, thinking of her son like this would have twisted her heart so badly she might have cried. Now it didn't hurt quite as much.
"I guess." Chloe pouted.
Vicky put Jessie back in the dog bed and smiled as the little golden puppy wormed her way between her bigger siblings to the food dish. She held up her phone and snapped some pictures of Chloe and Paddy. The pup was so heavy that Chloe had difficulty holding him when he wriggled.
"I'll e-mail them to your dad and he can print them out for you."
They locked up the cottage and ran back across the village green, laughing together, their breath billowing in huge smoky clouds as they puffed like dragons, trying to outdo each other. She'd thought she could never bear to play with a child again, yet she enjoyed Chloe's company.
The delicious smell of roast turkey filled the air as they burst in the back door of the Fat Goose. Vicky followed Chloe past the restrooms and kitchen to the restaurant where a Christmas tree twinkled in the corner with presents beneath it. The pub was closed to the public today, and it was strange to see the room so empty of people.
A round table was laid for dinner with a golden candle centerpiece and red-and-gold napkins. The reflected firelight danced across the glasses and silverware.
Owen Bramwell sat beside Jonathan at the table, and they both held glasses of wine. Seeing them side by side, the likeness was obvious. They looked more like brothers than cousins.
Jonathan angled his head, listening. "Vicky?"
She rested her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to kiss his temple. "How did you know it was me?"
"From the sound of your steps."
She laughed, pleased he could identify her so easily.
"How are the puppies?" Jonathan asked.
"Adorable. Especially my little Jessie."
Shelly carried in a dish of vegetables, and her boyfriend brought in the turkey on a huge oval plate and started carving it. Chloe sat beside her father, and Vicky took the seat next to Jonathan.
Soon they were all eating and talking about the puppies and the weather. The empty years when Vicky had shut herself away at Christmas to wallow in guilt and grief felt like a bad dream now.
When they'd finished eating and were sitting in the comfortable chairs in the lounge bar, gathered around the roaring log fire, Vicky took out her phone and checked the images of herself with Jessie. She looked happy with her cute puppy. Her parents would probably be overjoyed to see these photos. She texted a couple to her mum.
Now she'd made the decision to visit them and lay the past to rest, she wanted to do it immediately. She wanted to grasp this new life she was starting so it didn't slip away.
Jonathan gripped her hand and squeezed. "You're quiet."
"I spoke to Mum and Dad earlier. I'd like to go and see them tomorrow."
"Am I allowed to come?" he asked softly.
Vicky stared into the dancing flames of the fire. "I haven't been back there since I lost Colin and Josh." Her visit would be an emotional one. There would be tears.
"That's okay. I understand if you want to go alone."
Part of her did want to go alone. But she didn't want to leave Jonathan on his own on Boxing Day.
She glanced down at her fingers laced through his. "I'm likely to need lots of hugs tomorrow. Come if you're up for that."
"I'm good at hugs."
She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. He wasn't just good at hugs; he was good for her in every way.
• • •
In the early hours of the morning on Boxing Day, the weather changed, bringing wet and windy conditions.
Standing in Jonathan's bedroom, Vicky wrapped her arms around her middle and stared at her reflection in the mirror of the dark window. Outside in the night, rain lashed at the glass and the wind whistled in the trees. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure she hadn't disturbed Jonathan when she got out of bed. He lay on his side, the covers draped over his broad shoulders, his dark hair an inky smudge on the pillow in the low light.
She rubbed her eyes and sighed, then pulled on Jonathan's dressing gown against the night chill. She couldn't sleep. So many thoughts were tumbling around in her head. She'd had fun on Christmas Day, but now she felt guilty. Yet she shouldn't. She knew that. It was crazy to keep feeling guilty for enjoying life.
She wanted so badly to come to terms with what happened and move on. And she had made so much progress the last few days, thanks to Jonathan and Jessie. She smiled at the memory of her cute golden pup. Taking a few steps to the chest of drawers, she picked up her phone and found the images Chloe had taken of her holding Jessie.
For the briefest moment, she considered looking at her photos of Colin and Josh, but she resisted. Instead she scrolled on, chuckling at a photo of Jonathan wearing a Christmas hat at the pub yesterday. They'd had fun. She'd had fun. She got along well with Shelly and Chloe, and Owen seemed like a nice guy. She liked spending time with Jonathan and his family.
Yet she still had to go and see her parents. She'd texted, and they expected her and Jonathan for lunch later today. She pressed a palm against the cool glass and watched the water streaming down outside as the rain pelted the window.
What she really wanted to do was climb in bed, snuggle up to Jonathan, and stay there forever so she could forget about the rest of the world. But that was a coward's way out.
The bed creaked and Jonathan coughed. "Vicky. Where are you? Are you okay?"
"I'm here. I'm coming back to bed. Don't worry."
She pulled off his dressing gown and draped it over the end of the bed before climbing in beside him. His arms closed around her, and he pulled her tight against the length of his body. "You're cold. How long have you been out there?"
Vicky closed her eyes and pressed her face against his chest. "Not long," she mumbled.
"What's the matter," he whispered.
"I can't sleep."
"Are you worrying about visiting your parents?"
"It's not seeing them that's the problem. It's the house and the village. There are so many memories there."
"I'll be with you, darling." His arms tightened around Vicky, and she snuggled closer to the comforting strength of this kind, loving man who'd rescued her from herself.
His lips touched her forehead, his breath tickling her skin.
"I love you," he whispered.
His words cut through the tense muddle of Vicky's thoughts. Could this be true when they'd only known each other a week?
Should she say it back to him? Then the moment passed, and she knew it wasn't the right time to say it now. Beneath her palm, his heart pounded, and her own heart raced to catch up. Did she love him?
&nbs
p; Chapter Twelve
Jonathan gnawed his lip as the road hummed beneath the car tires. Water on the road splashed against the car. The heater blasted and sweat prickled his skin inside his winter jacket, but it was more due to nerves than the heat.
He wasn't sure he'd been right to ask to come with Vicky today. Perhaps he should have let her make this visit home on her own. She had enough to cope with without having to introduce him to her parents. He was well aware they might be less than impressed that he was blind.
They would probably think he'd be a burden on her and need looking after. Sadly, that was true to a certain extent. Even though he tried to be independent, he would never be able to do everything he used to. What his brother and cousins normally did to help him would naturally fall on Vicky now they were in a relationship.
"We're just entering Waltham Cove," Vicky said. She'd been describing the countryside and the villages they passed through during the journey. When they dropped Honey at Rosemoor Farm so Chloe could look after her today, Vicky had seemed eager to get started. But as the miles passed, she'd grown quieter.
Eventually she'd fallen silent. A couple of times he'd asked her if she was okay, but he didn't want to keep doing that. He sighed. If only he could see her face.
"The village isn't very big. The center is clustered around the harbor. Then there is a new housing development on the outskirts where I lived after I was married. Mum and Dad have a cottage up the hill with a view over the ocean."
"Sounds lovely." Jonathan pictured West Country coastal villages he remembered seeing with small stone cottages gathered around rocky bays, although the new housing development didn't fit into that image. He rubbed the scar on his forehead, frustrated with himself for not being able to see where he was.
"Here we are." Vicky stopped the car and shut off the engine.
Jonathan wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers, trying not to worry that Vicky's parents might not like him. He was here to give Vicky moral support, so he needed to focus on her, not his own insecurities.
"Are you okay?" he asked, reaching towards her and accidentally bumping her with his hand. "Sorry." Sometimes he felt like an idiot fumbling around.
Her fingers closed on his and she clutched his hand to her chest. Her heart pounded against his palm through her sweater. "Nothing to be sorry about." She leaned close and kissed him, her floral fragrance like a balm to his senses, her silky hair tickling his face.
He held on to her, drawing as much comfort as he gave. "I'm here if you need me. Hugs are available anytime."
"I'm so glad you came. I'm likely to drown in my memories if I'm not careful. You help bring me back to the present and keep my feet on the ground."
Her words dispelled any doubts he had about coming. He'd do anything he could to help this woman he loved. Her heart might still belong to the husband she'd lost, but he could live with that as long as she let him love her. All he wanted to do was make her happy again.
• • •
Vicky climbed out of her car and sucked in a deep breath of achingly familiar salty air. Her parents' whitewashed house stood where it had for sixty years, like a sentinel on the top of the hill above the village. She wished Jonathan could see the breathtaking view of the white-topped waves on the steely gray ocean, and the spray as the waves pounded the rocks below.
She rounded the car as Jonathan climbed out and let him take her arm. She'd have to be extra careful here because it was unfamiliar to him. "We'll go around the front of the car and through the gate. No steps, but the gateway isn't very wide, so you'll have to drop behind me slightly."
"No problem. I can hear the ocean. It sounds rough."
"It is. No boats out there today."
They passed through the gate and she latched it, her heart thumping as if she had pushed Josh's stroller uphill from where she used to live near the beach with Colin. The wind gusted up the cliff, coating her skin with salty moisture. For a moment she couldn't catch her breath. How many times had she passed through this gate with Colin? How many times had Josh run along this path, laughing and happy to be visiting his grandma and granddad?
She paused, staring at the corner of the flowerbed where her father had helped Josh plant some seeds. Fragments of memories going back years spun through her mind like a movie reel gone crazy, words and scenes overlapping.
The front door opened and her mother came out, an apron around her waist, arms open wide. "Vicky, darling. This is long overdue. We're so pleased to see you."
Vicky released Jonathan and hugged her mother, then her father, her chest so tight with suppressed emotion she could barely breathe. She had stayed away too long.
Her poignant reminiscing stopped abruptly as her mother's gaze flicked to Jonathan, and her welcoming smile turned into a frown. Vicky had been so wrapped up in her past, she'd given hardly a thought to what her parents would think of Jonathan. She should have forewarned them he was blind, but it was too late now.
"Mum, Dad, this is Jonathan Bramwell." She slipped her hand through his left arm.
"Hello. Nice to meet you." Jonathan reached out and shook hands with her father and mother.
"Good to meet you," her father said, his genuine pleasure clear in his voice. Her mother said nothing. The frown was gone but her mouth was thin, her face pinched with worry.
"Best come in out of that wind," her father said. "Jonathan, would you like a drink before we eat? I'm sure Vicky wants to go and help her mum in the kitchen."
"Sounds like a plan." Jonathan smiled as Vicky led him into the sitting room and made sure he found a seat.
"Just going to help Mum, then." She touched Jonathan's shoulder, feeling protective of him. Seeing him in unfamiliar surroundings made her realize how difficult it must be for him.
She headed to the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to look back. Her father had given Jonathan a glass of whiskey and sat opposite him in a chair. They seemed to be fine.
As Vicky walked along the hall towards the kitchen, each picture of Josh on the wall pierced her with sharp pangs of longing. But she kept a hold of herself, put one foot in front of the other, and didn't stop to lose herself in the smiling images.
"Want any help, Mum?"
Her mother dried her hands on a dish towel and pulled Vicky into a hug. "It's so good to see you. I've missed you so much since you moved away." After long moments of hugging, her mother took a step back and held Vicky at arm's length. "Don't take this the wrong way. I'm delighted you've found someone, but you do understand what you're taking on with Jonathan, don't you?"
"Because he's blind, you mean?"
Her mother nodded.
"Mum, he's a wonderful man who's made me realize I have a life to live. He loves me and I love him. That's all that matters." The words were out before she realized what she'd said…she loved him. The revelation danced across her senses.
Her mother gave her a doubtful look, obviously not convinced, but didn't say more. For the next ten minutes they worked together, putting vegetables in serving dishes and slicing the roast beef. The whole time Vicky imagined telling Jonathan that she loved him.
They carried everything through to the dining room. When the table was set, Vicky went back to the sitting room. "Do you two want to come through?"
The men rose and she stood aside for her father to go ahead, then stole a kiss from Jonathan and ran a loving hand over his shoulder. She felt more tender towards him, her need to be with him suddenly more acute as if she couldn't bear to be out of physical contact.
"All right?" she whispered.
"Great. I like your dad." Jonathan slipped his hand through her arm and she led him to his place at the table, then sat beside him and gripped his hand under the edge of the tablecloth.
While they ate, Jonathan told her parents about the book he was writing on the history of Rosemoor Hall. There was no doubt her parents were impressed that Jonathan came from such a well-to-do family.
Later Vicky took Jonathan's arm and they
walked around the garden. Every step took her down memory lane. She made an effort to describe the place to Jonathan, but much of the time she was lost in her thoughts and he stayed silent. They rounded a corner in the path and Vicky's step faltered, her heart clenched with pain.
"What is it?" Jonathan turned to her, his hand seeking out her shoulder and rising to her cheek.
"It's the sandbox Dad made for Josh." Her words came out as a choked whisper. The cement around the edge was overgrown with grass and the sand full of weeds. This had been Josh's favorite place in the garden, and he chattered about it all the time.
Jonathan put his arms around her as tears filled her eyes. Memories of her little boy playing here ran through her mind, yet having Jonathan's strong arms around her helped more than she'd thought possible. She pressed her cheek against his chest, the steady beat of his heart holding her in the present.
"You're all right, darling. I've got you." His gentle words brought more tears, but they were tears of relief. Before she met him, she would not have handled this visit to her parents' house well. Having him in her life made all the difference. Her love for him was like a shield against the pain, and it was time to tell him so.
"Yesterday you said you loved me and I didn't say anything. I do love you, Jon. So much."
"Darling." He held her tight, pressing warm kisses to her hair and face. She'd felt so alone, and now she wasn't alone anymore.
Chapter Thirteen
Vicky felt drained by the emotional tension of the day. Add in the long drive to her parents' house and back, and she was ready to fall into bed when they arrived at Rosemoor Hall. Jonathan came to bed early with her and gathered her into his arms, his lips against her hair.
"I'm proud of you, love. That was a big step today," he whispered.
She snuggled closer to his comforting warmth while the weight of Honey curled on the bed at her feet felt familiar and reassuring. Jonathan and Honey were home for her now, her family. Maybe it had happened so quickly because she was lonely, ready for someone to fill the empty space in her life. Thank goodness she was between jobs and had no reason to rush back to Southampton when her vacation should have ended. She wanted to cuddle close to Jonathan and stay here forever.
Golden Christmas Page 7
