by K. M. Scott
“It’s not that simple.”
Leaning in, I closed my eyes and kissed him. “Yes, it is. Do you love me?”
Against my lips, he whispered his answer as my heart pounded in anticipation. “Yes.”
I kept my eyes closed and asked, “Do you understand I don’t care about money or things and don’t care if you don’t have any of it?”
“Yes.”
Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked up at his black and blue face. “I might never be as normal as I used to be, but with you, I feel like I could be. You do that for me. I can’t put a price on that. It’s worth more than you can imagine. So I don’t care if you don’t make lots of money and don’t drive a certain kind of car.”
Cole pressed his forehead to mine and looked into my eyes. “The one thing that terrifies me more than anything else is that you will. That someday you’ll look at me and think you could have had so much more.”
“I promise I won’t care, but I might not ever be like the women you’re used to being with. I’m afraid you’re going to see that one day and not want me.”
He shook his head. “Never. I don’t want them. I want you.”
“And all I want is someone who loves me even though I’m a mess.”
Pulling me into his arms, he held me close and whispered into my ear, “You’re my mess, and I’m yours.”
I’d never felt safer anywhere in my life than right there in his arms. He knew what I was, and he still loved me. And I knew what he was, and I still loved him.
Whatever the rest of the world thought meant nothing. It never would.
Cole gently pushed me away and turned toward the TV. “I told your mother I was leaving, so she’s on her way here right now to get you.”
“What?” I asked, confused. “Why?”
He fumbled with the remote as he explained, “She called to pretty much tell me what you just said, and I told her I didn’t think I deserved you. I told her I was going to leave, so she or your father should come here to get you. She probably left already.”
“Did she say she didn’t want us together?” I asked as hurt rose inside me that yet another one of my family felt they should intrude on what Cole and I had.
But he quickly shook his head as he called her. “No. She tried to talk me out of leaving. She has no problem with us together.”
“Then why did she call at all?”
As the call began to connect with my parents’ house, he said, “Because she heard about everything that happened. Even after that, though, she wanted me to know she thought we should be together. We need to find out how long ago she left.”
My brain tried to understand what had happened while I slept, and a second later, my mother’s face appeared on the screen. Smiling, she said, “Hi, honey. Cole, I see you decided not to leave.”
I grabbed Cole’s hand and pulled him next to me so she could see us together when I explained to her how I intended to live my life from now on. “Mom, Cole and I are in love. I know all about everything that happened with his club, so please don’t try to tell me about the mistakes he’s made.”
Beside me, he said, “Diana, she didn’t—”
But I cut him off. “No, I need my family to know some things, Cole.”
My mother shook her head and smiled. “You really don’t have to—”
But I cut her off too.
“We’re going to stay here for tonight, and then tomorrow we’re going to decide what to do. He might take a job working for his brother at his furniture store. Or he might not. We’re adults, so we’ll choose what we’re going to do. In the meantime, I’ve decided that I’m going to buy a house. I want a yard where I can plant a garden. I want to be able to have windows I can open so fresh air can come in anytime I want. I want to have more than two rooms that I can enjoy whenever I want. And I want a porch, one where I can have breakfast outside at a table and chairs. I’d like your help with finding a house, but if you can’t support me moving out of the city, then that’s fine too. But I’m doing this and Cole is going to be by my side.”
When I finished talking, I saw my father enter the room and join my mother. I didn’t know how much he’d heard of my speech, but I intended on repeating it so he could understand our plans too. I loved my family, but they had to see I wasn’t that person who’d closed herself off from the world anymore.
“Diana, is everything okay?” he asked, looking more confused than worried, thankfully.
Before I could launch into my ideas, my mother turned to look at him and nodded. “Everything’s fine, honey. Diana and Cole are at a cabin enjoying some time alone. This week, she and I are going house hunting. She’s moving out of the hotel to a house with a yard and a porch.”
I held my breath and waited for my father to say something as Cole’s hand squeezed mine. My mother had left out a few important details, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was I’d said what I needed to.
When he finally spoke, I couldn’t help but smile. My father always knew exactly what to say to make me feel like everything would be okay.
“A house, huh? Real estate is always a good investment. When you decide on a place, we’ll get together so the process goes smoothly. Good to see you again, Cole. Did you happen to catch the bus that hit you?”
My mother playfully elbowed him in the side as I let out a giggle at how silly he could be sometimes. “I love you, Daddy. Thank you.”
He gave me a wink and a smile, and without saying another word, walked away. My mother rolled her eyes like she always did when he tried his hand at comedy.
“Tristan thinks he’s funny, Cole. You probably know that already, but if you don’t, you’ll get used to his sense of humor coming out at the strangest times. Diana, call me when you’re ready to go house hunting. What area are you looking at?”
“I don’t know, Mom. Outside the city somewhere. I haven’t narrowed it down yet.”
“Well, I’m looking forward to going with you. You two have a nice time. Call me when you’re ready to go looking, honey.”
And with that, the screen went black. I’d expected some kind of resistance. I’d expected to have to defend my choices. But my family had supported me like they always had.
Surprised, I turned to look at Cole. “I didn’t think things would go like that.”
“I had a feeling they’d be fine with you moving out of the hotel, but I wasn’t sure your father would be cool with me after that text he sent me. I guess they’re okay with us together.”
Standing on my toes, I kissed him and smiled. “Well, I’m more than okay about us. What about you?”
Cole held my face in his hands and pressed his lips to my forehead in a kiss that made my heart feel like it was soaring. “I’m more than okay too.”
Chapter Nineteen
Cole
The hallway felt like it went on forever, like some passage in a horror film where the person must run for their life to reach a door to the outside where the killer can’t reach them but the door keeps moving and the hallway never ends. Every step seemed to add another ten feet to my destination.
I’d never felt this way about going to see my best friend. I still thought of Ethan in that way, even though we hadn’t spoken to one another for nearly a month. In that time, I’d thought about calling him dozens of times. Every time something good happened in my life, I wanted to share it with him. Every time someone said something stupid at the furniture store, I wanted to call him so we could laugh about it.
But every time I thought I would, I remembered no matter what anyone else in Diana’s family thought of us together, he’d remained silent day after day. All I had to go on regarding his feelings was the memory of him laying me out in my apartment and Nina’s claim that he felt terrible about what he’d done.
I didn’t expect him to feel bad. That’s not how we were with one another. Men got pissed off. They hit things. Sometimes they hit people. It’s how we worked. We got pissed and we reacted, and then we calme
d down and had a beer.
This wasn’t the first time we’d gotten into a fight. Hell, I’d laid into him pretty good a few times in the past. But this was the first time we hadn’t just moved on with our friendship like nothing had changed.
Everything had changed. I just didn’t know as I walked slowly down the hall toward his apartment if that meant we weren’t friends anymore.
Like losing my mother, the feeling of never getting to talk to Ethan made my chest hurt. Closer to me than any of my family, he had been my best friend for twenty years and like a brother. He knew everything about me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He even knew about the horrible things I’d never told another human being except him.
No wonder he beat the hell out of me when he found out about Diana and me.
As all this ran through my mind, I reconsidered my plan to talk to him. Diana and Summer had arranged it so he’d be alone tonight, but was I making a mistake coming here? Maybe too much had happened to make being even casual friends possible.
I hoped that wasn’t the case, but for the first time since we were both eight years old, I didn’t know.
And then, suddenly, I stood in front of his apartment door with a choice to make. Should I try to see if we could still be friends, or should I leave and possibly try again, or maybe never? Summer thought the time was right, but was she just being hopeful when there was no hope left?
I rapped my knuckles on the door and waited with my heart in my throat, wondering if I should be prepared to duck out of the way of a right aimed for my jaw. I hadn’t fought back last time because I deserved everything he threw at me. This time was different. I didn’t want to brawl with Ethan, but I would now to defend not only myself but my relationship with Diana.
A strange sensation came over me as I waited for him to answer the door. I felt him standing there staring through the peephole at me. A second turned into five and then half a minute passed without him opening the door.
“Ethan, it’s me. Cole,” I said and then stopped abruptly, not knowing what else to say.
I’d never had to add anything to my name, just like he hadn’t for his. I was Cole, his best friend, and he was Ethan, my best friend.
In front of me, the door opened slowly, and I saw him for the first time since that night. He looked like the same Ethan he always had, but when he didn’t say a word, I had a feeling things had changed forever between us.
“What’s up?” I asked awkwardly, hating how this felt already.
“Not much. What’s up with you?” he said, reluctantly continuing the conversation.
“I was hoping we could talk.”
He blew the air out of his lungs hard and then stepped back, opening the door all the way to let me in. I walked past him, watching for a fist to come at me, and turned around to face him as he closed the door.
“So this is why Summer just had to go to my sister’s tonight and was so interested in me being here?” he asked with more than a hint of disgust in his voice as he walked by me and headed into the kitchen.
I followed him and took my usual spot at the island in the center of the room. How many nights had I stood there shooting the shit with him, drinking beers, and joking around like best friends? Never in a million years would I have guessed that being in that same place would feel so tense and strange.
He opened the refrigerator and then turned around with two beers, one in each hand, like every time before. “You still drink?”
A laugh bubbled up out of my throat at the question. I couldn’t tell if he was being snide or just busting ass.
“Of course I still drink. Why would that have changed?”
He shrugged and twisted off the top from one of the bottles of beer before handing it to me. “I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know much about you, to be perfectly honest.”
I deserved that. I’d lied to the one person I shouldn’t have for years, so I had that coming.
“Nothing about me has changed. Trust me. I’m the same old Cole you always knew.”
Ethan tipped his bottle up to his mouth and took a drink. He took his usual spot on the opposite side of the island, and it felt like hours passed before he spoke again. Christ, this was worse than I’d expected. Well, he hadn’t taken a swing at me yet, so maybe it wasn’t worse, but it was fucking bad.
“I can’t get over the fact that you lied to me for years, man. Years. I thought we were best friends. And you lied about being with my sister, for Christ’s sake.”
Of all the things I’d prepared myself for, I hadn’t thought I’d hear anguish in his voice and disappointment written all over his face when he finally spoke about what I’d done. Anger, rage, and even hatred I’d been ready for, but the sadness he showed gutted me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
He shook his head and frowned. “Just tell me you didn’t treat her like all the other girls you hung out with in high school. I can’t get that thought out of my head that you did her like you did all those girls back then.”
“I didn’t. I swear, Ethan. She was different. She and I got together right around the time my father went to prison. My fucking world was coming apart, and she was there to talk to. We never slept together back then. Diana gave me peace I couldn’t find anywhere else then. I swear, I didn’t treat her badly then and I’m not doing that now.”
For the first time since that night he took out his anger on me, he smiled. It wasn’t his usual broad smile that charmed the birds out of the trees, but it was something that made me think maybe things weren’t beyond repair, after all.
“Everybody in my damn family thinks you’re a good guy. They seem to spend every conversation trying to convince me that I shouldn’t hate you. If it isn’t Summer singing your praises about how happy you’re making my sister, it’s my mother telling me about how different Diana is now because of you.”
I took a swig of beer and said, “She misses you. It’s been hard on her not having you around lately.”
“She doesn’t need me anymore. She’s got you. That’s for the better anyway. We’re adults now with our own lives, so we shouldn’t be that close,” he said, but I heard how much he missed Diana in every word.
“I’m not her brother. I didn’t spend nine months in the womb with her and then twenty-eight years as best friends.”
Ethan’s eyes opened wide, and I saw the first flash of anger come from him. “Dude, I swear if you use the word womb in another fucking sentence talking about my sister, I’m going to come over this island and beat the hell out of you. Seriously.”
I quickly raised my hands as if to surrender. “My bad. Scratch that whole idea. I was just trying to say no matter what I am to her, I can’t be what you are because you’re her brother. She loves you, Ethan. I don’t replace you. How could I? Boyfriends don’t replace family.”
He didn’t answer immediately, and instead took a long drink of beer before setting the bottle down on the counter in front of him. I had a feeling he didn’t want to say what was on his mind, but if we ever wanted to be friends like we were again, he had to get it all out.
“Say what you want to say, man. I want us to be able to go back to where we used to be, but that can’t happen if you don’t tell me what’s on your mind. Don’t hold back.”
Ethan shook his head and a pained look settled into his face. “I don’t know if we can ever go back to the way we used to be. You were more than a best friend to me. You were like my brother, Cole. Now I feel like I didn’t know you like I thought I did. You lied all that time. You knew how I felt about you even mentioning Diana in any way and still you went there. And then you lied to my face all these years. I don’t know if I can get over that.”
“I couldn’t tell you the truth. Look what happened when you found out,” I said, knowing how lame that explanation sounded.
“What did you expect me to do? I found out you’d been sleeping with my sister who hadn’t been on a date in eight years! I know how you are
with women, dude. I jumped to the conclusion every other person who knows you would have. Hell, how do you think I felt when all those stories you told me about every woman you’ve slept with ran through my head and then I saw my sister’s face in your own sexual rogue’s gallery?”
“I guess I should be thankful you didn’t kill me like you said you always would if I ever touched her. If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t about sex the first time we dated, and it isn’t just that now. I’m crazy about her. She makes me happy, and you can trust me, living the life of a manager at my brother’s furniture store is not anything dreams are made of. But when I get to be with her, I feel happy. Like the kind of happy you feel with Summer.”
He hung his head and sighed. Then he looked at me and I knew he meant every word that came out of his mouth. “I swear to God, Cole, if you break her heart, I’m going to fucking kill you. No joke. It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. Diana has had way too much bad in her life, so if you’re even thinking about just playing with her, I’ll find you and kill you.”
The mere thought of doing that to Diana made my chest ache. Shaking my head, I made a promise I intended on keeping. “I won’t do that to her. I’m in love with her, Ethan. She’s everything to me, and I can’t imagine life without her. I don’t have to pretend to be that guy with the club and the great car with her. I get to be myself with Diana, and that’s just one of a hundred reasons why I would never hurt her. I promise.”
He stared at me without saying a word, and then took a drink of his beer. With a smile, he said, “I’m going to keep you to that. So how’s it been being an official part of the Stone family?”
“I kind of felt I was that all those years,” I joked. “But it’s been okay. Your mother has been really nice. She’s kind of a mother hen with me, even more than with Diana. I think she feels like I’ve always needed a mother since mine bailed all those years ago.”
Ethan gave me one of his signature smiles at my mention of Nina. “She’s like that with me too. I think it’s the mother of a boy thing. She spoils me, so don’t be surprised if she does that with you now too. You should see how she is with Killian. Christ, the sun rises and sets on him in the eyes of Nina Stone. She might be even a bigger fan of his than my father.”
