Emily: Army Mail Order Bride

by Mercy Levy

  Timmy sat quietly in a chair as Bill and Susan got married, and Susan couldn’t help but feel somewhat sorry for the boy. She remembered what losing her own mother felt like, and how terrible it was for her and her sister to move in with their grandmother.

  She silently vowed that she would be as much of a mother to the child as possible, hoping that he might one day think of her as his actual mother. Once the ceremony was over, the new couple quickly signed the required papers, then they were on their way.

  Susan climbed up into the wagon first, then took Timmy in her arms while Bill climbed up on the other side. She was used to buggies and carriages, and felt insecure on the high wagon box, but Bill assured her it was quite safe.

  “I’ll keep the horses going at a slower pace until you get used to the feel of it, but really, there’s no difference between this and those fancy things you were riding in back home.” Bill smiled, but Susan couldn’t tell if he was teasing her or not. He had that same serious look on his face whenever he spoke, making it difficult for her to read him.

  She smiled in return, assuring him she was confident in his driving skills. However, once the wagon began to roll, she couldn’t help but brace herself against the seat as best as she could while holding Timmy.

  “There are plenty of people who ride in these things with the horses running.” Bill drawled, and she once again smiled, but didn’t reply. She didn’t want to argue about how unsafe it felt, but she also didn’t want her new husband to think she couldn’t handle life in the West.

  Her mind flashed to her sister once more, and she wondered if Hannah, too, had been intimidated by the wagons when she first moved out here. Her thoughts were interrupted by Bill as he began to explain what he expected from her.

  “You’ll find the house is a decent size. Timmy has his own room, and you can take the bedroom. There is another room in the house that I keep locked always. I have my own personal belongings in there, and I would appreciate it if you would respect my privacy.

  The rest of the house is free for you to explore, so don’t be afraid to help yourself to anything. As I said, I would like someone to be able to help me out with the basic chores around the place, and to mind young Timmy there. I will be spending much of my time out in the fields, and running errands to town.

  You’re welcome to join me when I come into town if there is anything you need, or you can give me a list and I’ll pick it up for you. Do you have any questions?” He turned to look at her, and Susan shook her head. She had been doing her best to keep up with what he was saying, but it was difficult for her to concentrate.

  Part of her wanted to ask him if he had ever heard of her sister, but she knew the odds were slim, and she didn’t want him to think that her purpose in coming out to the West was to find her. It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack as it was, and she was taking on the role of being a mother now, she couldn’t be spending her time thinking about that constantly.

  “I hope you get settled in quickly. I think you’ll find everything to your liking, although I can’t promise you it will be as fancy as where you came from.” Bill continued to drawl, and Susan smiled.

  “I might have grown up with a luxurious lifestyle, but I can assure you, I do not miss it. I like working for what I have, and I am more than willing to get down in the dirt with you.” She rocked Timmy back and forth in her arms, and for the first time she believed Bill to have a genuine smile.

  “Good, that’s what I like to hear. I was concerned when you came out here you would realize what this kind of life is compared to the kind of life you walked away from. I still don’t know if I would choose to marry a dirt-poor farmer over a wealthy businessman.” He shook his head and Susan shot him a look.

  “As I said in the letter, this businessman has no decency, and he is old enough to be my grandfather. I never wanted to be forced into any marriage, anyway. If I am getting married, I get to choose who to, and when.” She spoke with more passion than she meant to, and apologized.

  “For what? Speaking your mind? Never apologize for having an opinion, my dear. Timmy’s mother – she was a woman who was never afraid to tell you what she was really thinking!” He chuckled but Susan could see the pain in his eyes, and a twinge of pain filled her own heart.

  Hannah had never been afraid to speak her mind, either. That was part of the reason she didn’t get along with Grandmother Hattie very well. If there was something Hannah didn’t want to do, she would tell you straight that she didn’t want to do it. That was something that Grandmother Hattie couldn’t handle very well, so the two would fight often.

  Susan’s eyes skimmed the prairie. The sun was starting to drop in the sky, and the air felt cool as it blew against her skin. Bill was still talking, but Susan’s mind was far away.

  She needed to find her sister.

  Chapter 6 – The Locked Room

  Susan was surprised at how quickly she settled into her new life and, to her relief, she could see that Timmy was beginning to warm to her. Bill was right, he was very shy at first, but the more time he spent around her, the more he wanted to be with her.

  By the end of the first week, Susan could carry him around the house with her as she went about the chores, and he would happily sit at her feet and play whenever she set him down. Susan hadn’t known what to expect with motherhood, and she was relieved to learn that it wasn’t as hard as she had feared it was going to be.

  She figured the boy’s age helped; even though he was still small, little more than a year old, he was old enough to not require her constant attention. Susan would spend her days tending to the chores around the house, and would take Timmy with her when she was feeding the chickens and checking for eggs.

  True to his word, Bill spent most of his time working, and Susan really only saw him at mealtimes, or for a few hours in the evening. She made a point of getting up before he did, and always had breakfast on the table when he came out of his room. He would always bid her good morning, and the two would chat briefly as he ate breakfast, but then he went outside and didn’t come back in until supper.

  Susan, on the other hand, would spend her morning with Timmy, trying to get the house cleaned up as best she could with him crawling or walking beneath her feet.

  The only thing Susan couldn’t grow accustomed to was the locked room. She didn’t know why it bothered her so much, but she badly wanted to know what was on the other side of that door. Of course, there was no way she could ask Bill to show her, as he had already told her it was private and wanted her to stay out of it.

  But the room was always closed, and besides seeing little glimpses of the inside when Bill walked in or out, there was no way for her to see what was inside. Part of her wondered if he was hiding something from her in there, and if she were to go in, would she discover some terrible truth about him?

  Another part of her wondered if there were secrets about his family in there, and if he was secretly corresponding with someone he shouldn’t be. Perhaps he was related to an outlaw and was working to keep them hidden from the sheriff.

  The more she thought about it, the more her imagination ran away with her, and the more desperately she wanted to know the truth. Susan knew that he kept the key above the door, and that for her to reach it she would only need to stand on a chair, but there was no way she could be certain she could get in and out in time before he came home and discovered her.

  Bill was nothing but kind to her, but she didn’t know what he would do if he were to find her deliberately disobeying him and violating his trust in the process. So, as the days passed, Susan was left to wonder what was behind that door, and what secret he could possibly have that he couldn’t tell her.

  Despite this secrecy, with the passing days, Susan couldn’t help but fall in love with Bill. He was a quiet man and he kept strictly to himself in many ways, but there was a gentleness about him that she simply had not seen in other men. All the men her grandmother had entertained were rude and selfish, and
cared only for money.

  With Bill, things were different. It was clear that he cared for his child most of all, but Susan could see with each passing day that he was also caring for her more, too. There were times when she would be tending to Timmy, and she would see him watching her with a loving look on his face.

  There were other times when she was cooking dinner or washing the dishes and she would catch him watching her as well. Neither one of them addressed their emotions, but Susan could see that the affection growing between them was mutual.

  Even so, with each passing day, she couldn’t shake her curiosity over the locked room, and as she grew more comfortable with Bill, she began to fear she would question him about it. Even with the mutual affection between the couple, there was still a coolness to Bill.

  She couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to lose a spouse, although she strongly felt the pain of losing her sister. She knew that it had to be different in many ways, but she wished there was a way she could tell her husband that she could relate to what he was feeling.

  Susan had never mentioned her sister to Bill, as she had never known how to bring up the subject. Now, she feared if she were to tell him, he would wonder why she had waited so long.

  With her emotions torn in different directions, Susan chose to remain silent.

  There were some things she needed to take care of on her own.

  Chapter 7 – The Truth Comes Out

  “I’ll be in town all day; you’re welcome to come if you like – but I don’t know what you will do with Timmy if you do.” Bill said at the breakfast table one morning. Susan looked over her shoulder from the pan she was scrubbing and smiled, but declined.

  “He’s a bit of a handful these days, and I don’t think I would enjoy chasing him around those busy streets. He could get stepped on or hit by a wagon, and you know he hates being held all the time.” She brushed the hair out of her face and continued washing the pan, and Bill laughed.

  “That he does. He’s got a lot of his mother in him. Fierce and independent.” Bill’s voice trailed off, and Susan couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder. It was rare for Bill to mention his wife at all, but when he did, he was always saying how headstrong she was. Susan thought his wife and Hannah would have been good friends, if there was a way for them to have known each other.

  She wanted to ask him what his wife’s name was, but every time Bill brought her up, it was clear that his wife was a delicate subject, and she didn’t want to make him feel as though she was prying. Susan knew Bill would warm up to her more with time, and perhaps when he felt comfortable he would tell her about it.

  Rising from the table, Bill set his plate in the wash water and laughed at the hair that was stuck on Susan’s face.

  “My hands are wet and I can’t get it off!” She said with a laugh of her own. He gently brushed the hair out of her eyes with his hand.

  “There!” He said, but instead of walking away, he held her gaze for a moment. Suddenly, he leaned forward and gave her a kiss. It was a light kiss and caught Susan by surprise. She could see as soon as he had done it that he was surprised by his own actions.

  “Have a good day.” He said, and grabbing his hat, he walked out the door. Susan had been so taken aback by the kiss, she didn’t find the words to reply. He was gone so quickly and she just stood in the kitchen, smiling to herself.

  “He talked about your Ma then he leaned over and gave me a kiss. What do you think about that?” She asked Timmy as she picked him up and carried him out to the living room. Suddenly, Susan had a thought.

  He’s going to be gone all day. She walked over to the window, making sure Bill was really gone. She could see the wagon disappearing over the hill and smiled to herself. Running to the kitchen, she grabbed a chair, then quickly snatched the key from the top of the doorway.

  “We are married, so I don’t think it’s actually snooping.” She said to Timmy who was sitting on the floor with his toys. Sliding the key into the lock, her heart pounded in her chest. Susan knew she should stay out of the room, but not knowing what was on the other side was driving her crazy.

  “I’ll just look around for a few minutes, then I’ll lock it up again, and no-one will need to know anything about it.” She winked at Timmy and slowly opened the door.

  The room was small and dark, with little light coming in through the curtains. Susan wondered why he didn’t open the curtains to let the sun in, but deciding it was just another one of her husband’s oddities, she left it alone.

  Looking around the room, she could see that there were a mix of things stored in there – both Bill’s and things that Susan assumed had belonged to his wife. There was a hairbrush and bows, some pretty ribbons, and a few dresses hanging on a hook on the wall. Susan felt her heart start to pound.

  “Perhaps now I’ll get to know who she was.” She said as she looked over the gowns. Her eyes fell on something on the night stand, and she walked over and picked it up.

  “A journal!” She said triumphantly. Walking back out to the living room, she checked on Timmy, then Susan flipped open the pages. She knew it was wrong to read someone else’s journal, even if they had passed away, but she couldn’t help herself.

  There was so much curiosity surrounding the family, and unless she were to look through this book, she would never know what some of the secrets were. Susan’s heart started to pound even harder as she read the words, and a tight knot formed in the pit of her stomach.

  “I miss my sister, and I fear she isn’t happy living with our grandmother, but I couldn’t stand it another second. The West is a scary place, but Grandmother Hattie is scarier still.” Susan read the words out loud, and her hands began to tremble.

  Flipping through the book further, her eyes fell on more entries that only served to confirm her suspicions.

  “Bill is a good man, and kind, but I don’t think he understands why I miss Susan so much. She was the only family I had for so long, and I feel like I have abandoned her. I haven’t had a single reply to any letter that I’ve sent. Perhaps Grandmother has turned her against me.” Tears filled her eyes as Susan ran back into Bill’s room and tossed the journal back on the table.

  How was it possible? Bill had been married to her sister? How had he not said anything about it? If Hannah had told him about her, he had to know what he had done, yet he hadn’t said a word?

  With tears welling in her eyes, Susan picked up Timmy and went outside.

  She needed to go for a walk.

  Chapter 8 – Decisions

  Susan felt numb. After the initial shock of learning that she had married her sister’s widower, she realized another awful truth: Hannah was gone. Her sister had moved to the West to get away from their grandmother, and something had happened to her.

  Now, Susan would never get to see or talk to her sister again. No letters, no conversations, no more hugs. The night Hannah had left, she had given Susan a hug and told her she loved her. She promised that she would always be there for her, and that she would write often.

  That was the last time Susan saw her sister. Pacing back and forth in the kitchen, Susan tried to figure out a way to bring the topic up to Bill without him becoming angry with her.

  She had deliberately disobeyed him, and she had violated his trust. How would he ever be able to trust her again after what this? But then, how could she trust him, knowing that he knew who she was and had never mentioned her sister to her? Why would he keep that information from her, and let her raise his child – her own nephew – as a son without telling her.

  The thoughts were running through her mind so quickly, she could hardly keep up with them. Susan tried to push them out of her mind, but no matter what she did, all she could think about was her sister’s journal.

  Had her sister lived out the rest of her life thinking that she had abandoned her? Had she really thought it possible that Grandmother Hattie could turn her against her own sister? Had she really written letters that Susan never got t
o read or even see?

  With so many unanswered questions, it was hard for her to concentrate on doing anything. Susan had so many plans for things she had wanted to get done around the house that day, but now she couldn’t even concentrate well enough to play a game with Timmy.

  Instead, she sat in her rocking chair while Timmy played at her feet. Every now and then she would look down at the boy and see the resemblance to her sister. Now that she knew who the boy’s mother was, the familiarity was even more obvious than she thought possible.

  His heart-shaped face; his auburn hair that looked copper in the sunshine; his green eyes. There were so many things about him that reminded her of Hannah, she didn’t know how she hadn’t seen it before.

  Susan knew that she and Hannah had looked alike, and wondered even more how Bill could have kept silent. Perhaps the reason he chose to marry Susan was because she looked so much like her sister? Perhaps that was the reason he had leaned forward and kissed her that morning.

  Perhaps that was the reason he was always pointing out how independent Hannah was. There were so many questions, but for each one, she could think of a possible answer for why he had done what he had done.

  Regardless of his reasons, Susan felt betrayed, and tricked. He hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, but she firmly believed if someone didn’t say something they ought to say, they were also guilty of lying.

  Susan suddenly stood and walked quickly to the kitchen. The day she had arrived, he had told her to stay out of that room, and as anger filled her heart she realized he must have been trying to keep her from knowing that he had been married to her sister. It was clear to her now that not only had he not told her, but he had taken steps to prevent her from ever finding out.

  Susan stoked the fire in her little cook stove, and began gathering the ingredients she would need to make dinner. Part of her wanted to run away. Bill would be home within the hour, so if she were to put Timmy down for a nap, she could leave him in his cradle and just go.