"Speaking of the kids, I'd better get back over there." Jen rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around her friend. She kissed Billie on the head and hugged her once more. "Don't lose hope, my friend. Just remember I'll be here for you if you need me, 'kay?"
Billie closed her eyes and nodded her thanks.
Jen stood erect and immediately grabbed her side as well as the back of Billie's chair to prevent her from doubling over.
Billie swung around sharply. "Are you all right, Jen?" she asked.
Jen smiled. "Yeah. Just growing pains, I think. I'm fine. I'll send the girls home whenever. Okay? See ya later this afternoon." With that, she was gone.
Billie watched her friend go then headed upstairs to check on Cat.
***
Billie spent a good part of the morning pacing back and forth across the living room as she painstakingly waited for the phone to ring with news of Cat's mammogram results. She checked on Cat several times as the hours passed, each time finding her sound asleep. Billie saw this as a good thing, as each hour spent asleep was one less hour Cat would spend torturing herself with worry.
Tara and Skylar returned home from Jen's late morning, trailed closely by Karissa.
"Mom, we're home!" Tara called as they entered the kitchen.
"I'm in the living room, sweetie," Billie called out.
The girls found Billie standing by the mantel, looking intently at the numerous family pictures proudly displayed there. She turned as she felt Tara touch her shoulder.
"Mom? Are you all right?" the astute girl asked.
Billie looked at her daughter. For the hundredth time, it stuck her how much this beautiful young girl resembled her mother. She cupped the side of Tara's face with her palm. "You look so much like Mama, it brings tears to my eyes," she said softly.
Tara narrowed her eyes. "Mom, what is it that you're not telling me? Is Mama all right?" she asked directly.
Billie realized she was scaring her daughter, so she forced a smile to her face. "Mama will be fine," she replied. "She's just a little tired," she said in half-truths. She then turned to Skylar. She dropped to one knee and held her arms open for the little girl. "Hey baby-cakes. Were you a good girl for Jen last night?"
"Mom, Karissa and I are going to the mall. Do you want us to take the runt along?" Tara asked.
Billie looked at the sincerity on Tara and Karissa's faces, and then at the eager face of Skylar. "Do you mind?" she replied hopefully. "That would be really great if you would. I think your sister would enjoy it," she confirmed, seeing Skylar nod vigorously.
"Sure. No big deal. Come on, rugrat," Tara said affectionately to her excited younger sister.
"Tare..." Billie said, halting the girls' departure, and causing her older daughter to turn around. "Here, have a sundae and a coke on me." She handed Tara a twenty-dollar bill to treat the three of them.
"Cool!" Tara shoved the money into her pocket. "We'll be back later this afternoon. Love you, Mom!" she called over her shoulder as the trio quickly departed for an afternoon at the mall.
"I love you too, baby," Billie said softly as she turned back to the pictures on the mantel.
***
Billie stealthily made her way across the bedroom carpet and knelt on the floor beside the bed. She gently propped her elbows on the comforter, and placed a light kiss on Cat's lips. Cat squirmed slightly beneath her touch, but remained asleep.
Billie smiled at the peaceful look on her face. Once more, she placed a kiss upon her lips.
Cat's eyes fluttered open. "Hi!" she said as she made eye contact with Billie.
"Hi, yourself!" Billie watched the relaxed look fade from her wife's face, only to be replaced by worry etched across her brow.
"Any word yet?" Cat asked.
Billie shook her head. "Not yet. If they don't call in the next hour or two, I'll call them," she replied.
"What time is it?" Cat asked. She looked at the alarm clock to answer her own question.
"Just after one," Billie answered. "You were really tired. I was glad to see you sleep."
Cat maneuvered herself into a sitting position. "Where are the girls? Have they come home from Jen's yet?"
Billie sat on the edge of the bed to face Cat. "Come and gone. They're gone to the mall with Karissa."
"Skylar too?" Cat asked.
"Skylar too. She was thrilled to be included," Billie responded.
Cat stared at the hands she had folded in her lap. Long moments passed in silence this way.
Billie tucked a long strand of red-gold hair behind Cat's ear. Before she could retract her hand, Cat grabbed it and brought it to her lips. She kissed it gently and then clutched it fiercely to her chest. A few teardrops fell into her lap.
Billie sat there in silence and struggled to hold back her own tears. Moments later, Cat regained her composure and released Billie's hand.
"Cat?" Billie said softly. "Sweetheart, talk to me. I can understand why you would be upset and preoccupied with this breast lump, but things weren't right even before that. Have I done something to upset you? Have the kids?" she asked, desperation tingeing her voice.
Cat looked into her wife's eyes. Tears threatened to spill out as she fought to keep her composure. "I... I don't know," she began. She drew her knees up and clutched the bed sheets to her chest. "Life has just been so hectic and so overwhelming. The kids...Jen...the horrible disease that may be growing in my body. I feel so out of control, Billie. I feel like I'm disappearing under this dark cloud that is hanging over me. I'm scared, Billie," she cried.
The vision of Cat sitting there—knees clenched into a fetal position, tears pouring from her eyes—broke Billie's heart. She wrapped her arms around Cat and drew her close while she cried.
Finally Billie spoke. "Cat, you need to talk to someone about this. Someone who can help you. You have an appointment tomorrow with a counselor, remember? I'll go with you."
Cat nodded and Billie visibly relaxed under her approval.
"Good. Now, I've got a pan of stew simmering on the stove, and a nice ham sandwich waiting for you in the kitchen. What do you say?" Billie asked, hoping Cat's appetite had returned.
Not really hungry, but needing to diffuse the tense situation she had created, Cat looked at Billie and asked incredulously, "You made stew?"
Billie threw her head back and laughed. "Not exactly. I had a little help from Chunk E. Soup."
"Whew! For a moment there, I thought I'd have to eat your cooking," Cat dead-panned.
***
Brrrring . Brrrring!
"Come on, answer the damned phone!" Billie growled into the receiver.
Brrrring . Brrrring!
"Hello? Hi, this is Billie Charland. I'm calling to see if you have my wife's mammogram results," she said into the phone. "No, this is not a joke. Look, I know I'm a woman," Billie stammered frustrated.
"Billie, let me have the phone," Cat instructed. "Hello... This is Cat, I mean, Caitlain Charland. I'm calling about my test results. Yes. They were done yesterday," Cat supplied. "Yes, I'll hold."
Billie paced impatiently back and forth across the kitchen as they waited for the technician to return to the line.
"Yes. Ah, huh, okay. So, when? Tomorrow? Are you sure? Okay. Good bye," Cat replied haltingly through the conversation.
Billie stood with hands on her hips. She knew from listening to Cat's end of the conversation that she made little progress with the test results. "Well?"
Cat sighed deeply, and then turned around to face Billie. "Tomorrow," she said. "The radiologist covers the entire region and won't be there until then."
Billie threw her hands up. "Great! That's just great," she complained. "Don't those doctors have one shred of compassion? They've got to know we're worried out of our minds over this. Jesus Christ!"
Cat had nothing to say. One part of her wanted to defend her chosen profession. The other part was just as upset and worried as Billie. All she could do was shake her head.
; Billie realized her behavior was only adding to Cat's stress, so she willed herself to calm down. She took Cat into her arms and rubbed her back. "Hang in there, my love. We'll get through this. One more day. Just one more," she said soothingly.
"Hey, Ladies," Jen said as she once more let herself in. "How goes it?" she asked, and embraced the two ladies in a giant bear hug.
No response was necessary as raw emotions permeated the trio. "Any word from the hospital yet?" Jen asked.
"Tomorrow," Cat replied wearily.
"That sucks!" Jen exclaimed.
"My sentiments exactly," added Billie.
"Is there anything I can do?"
Cat touched the side of her friend's face. "You're doing it, Jen... you're doing it," she replied.
CHAPTER 15
The phone rang bright and early the next morning. Billie jumped up from the kitchen table and grabbed for it. Her heart was in her throat as she anticipated the results of Cat's mammogram.
"Hello?" she said breathlessly into the receiver.
"Billie? Billie, this is Art. Look, I know you planned to work from home for the rest of the week, but I really need you to come in for a few hours this morning. We've received an intent-to-audit notice concerning the government anti-trust suit you worked on a few months ago and we're meeting with our records department this morning. Can you make it in?" Art asked.
Billie hesitated. She really didn't want to leave Cat alone. "Ah, is it really necessary to have the meeting today, Art?" she asked.
"I'm afraid so. The first meeting with the auditors is on Monday. That leaves just today to go over the facts and set the records department up to work on it over the weekend," he replied.
Cat listened to Billie's end of the conversation, and realized that Billie was hesitating because of her. She approached Billie and covered the receiver with her hand. "Sweetheart, I'll be all right. Go ahead. If I hear from the hospital before you get home, I'll call you," she urged.
"Are you sure, Cat?" Billie felt uneasy about leaving Cat alone.
Cat nodded her assurance.
"Okay, Art. I'll be there in about an hour. Is that all right? Oh, and I've got to leave around one," she added, remembering Cat's appointment with the counselor. "Good. Okay, I'll be in soon. All right, goodbye." Billie hung up the phone and turned to Cat. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"Billie, go to work. I'm fine."
***
Cat was consumed in thought as she sat by herself on the edge of her bed. She was alone in the house, the kids having gone to their respective friends' homes. Part of her mind logically analyzed the problem and invented ways to prepare her family for her impending demise. Another part screamed in heartbroken agony at the thought that she might possibly leave everyone she loved. She knew she was thinking irrationally, but part of her was terrified that Billie wouldn't be strong enough to endure her death. Part of her was concerned that Billie would fall apart, and their children would be left with no parent to provide emotional support for their pain. She knew her own parents would be there for them, but it wouldn't be the same. Waves of fear ravaged her heart as she sat there fretting over what might be.
She glanced at the clock and realized it was already after noon. Acknowledging she had a one o'clock appointment with the counselor, she rose to her feet and headed toward the bathroom to shower, only to be interrupted by the phone. Cat stopped short and stared at the offending appliance. Fear once again welled in the pit of her stomach. She forced herself forward and reached for the receiver.
"Hello?" she said softly. "Yes, this is Caitlain Charland."
Cat silently listened to the voice on the other end of the line, the creases in her brow deepening with each second that passed. Finally, it was her turn to speak.
"Ah, yes...I understand. Monday? Okay. All right," she said, haltingly and somewhat in shock. "Good bye."
She placed the receiver back on the cradle, lowered herself to the bed and stared at the floor as her shoulders shook.
***
Billie closed the last manila folder of audit material at noon. She interlocked her hands behind her head and stretched before looking at the clock. Damn! I've got to get home. Cat's appointment is in an hour.
Billie grabbed the folder and tossed it on her secretary's desk on the way out. "That should be the end of it, Deb," she said. "I'll be home later this afternoon if Art has any questions, okay?"
"Sure thing, Billie," Deb replied. "Will you be in next week?"
"I'm planning on it," Billie responded.
"All right then, have a great weekend," the secretary offered.
"You too."
Before heading home, she stopped at Jimmy's office to see if he had made any progress reconstructing the last seven years of Gary Crawford's life.
She stood in the older gentleman's doorway. "Hey Jimmy, have you got anything for me?"
Jimmy looked up. "Have I got anything? You know better than that. Take a look at this." He handed Billie a piece of paper with neatly written notes.
Billie's eyebrows shot into her hairline. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "Damn, you're good!"
Jimmy retrieved a folder from his desk and removed a few photographs from it, which he handed to Billie.
Billie picked up the photograph and stared at it. "So how does this explain his sudden appearance?" Billie commented out loud, more to herself than Jimmy.
"My guess is that he's motivated by money. Why else would a guy like this show a sudden interest in a child he hasn't seen in seven years?"
"You may be right, Jimmy," Billie said, smiling. "Once again, you've come through for me, my friend. What can I do to repay you?" she asked.
"Seeing that smile is payment enough, Billie. Glad to help," he replied.
Billie glanced quickly at her watch. "I've got to run. Thanks again, Jimmy." She planted a kiss on the older man's cheek before heading out the door.
***
Billie rushed into the kitchen and glanced at the clock. They had only twenty minutes to make it to Cat's appointment.
"Cat, are you ready? We're going to be late." Billie made her way toward their bedroom. She found it odd that Cat was not responding. "Cat?" she repeated.
Billie hesitated as she entered their bedroom. "Cat?"
Billie heard a faint noise coming from behind the closed bathroom door. She reached for the handle and found it locked. She shook the handle. "Cat, open the door," she demanded.
The only response was Cat's angry voice sputtering something indiscernible from behind the door.
Panic began to rise in Billie's chest. "Damn it, Cat! Open the God-damned door!"
Billie began to pound on the door. "Cat, please. Open the door. Don't make me break it down," she warned.
The door remained locked.
Billie looked around frantically for something to break through the door and then suddenly remembered that the small key that came with the lock was sitting just inside the nightstand drawer. She rushed to the nightstand and yanked the drawer out, spilling its contents all over the carpet. She grabbed the key and quickly returned to the locked door. She fumbled and dropped the key twice as she tried to insert it into the hole.
"Son of a bitch!" she exclaimed, angry at her own clumsiness. "Cat! Talk to me," she shouted as she retrieved the key from the floor. Once again, all she heard was angry mumbling.
Finally, she managed to insert it into the lock and felt the tumbler surrender. She grabbed the handle and flung the door open. There before her was Cat, standing in front of the bathroom sink, shears in hand, surrounded by the long red-gold tresses that had once adorned her head.
"Oh, my God, Cat! What are you doing?" Billie snatched the shears from Cat's hands before she could do any more damage. Cat's eyes were wild with rage, fear and confusion.
Billie threw the shears to the floor and grabbed Cat by the shoulders.
"Let go of me!" Cat shouted.
Billie captured Cat's face between her palms. "Cat. Honey, talk to m
e," Billie pleaded. Tears filled her voice as she took in the shredded mass of hair that remained on her wife's head. "Why?" she asked.
A look of pure sarcasm crossed Cat's face. "I'm going to lose it any way," she shouted. "So, I'd rather lose it by my own hand!"
Billie's brow knit together in a confused frown. "What are you talking about?" she demanded.
Cat broke free of Billie's grasp and stomped out of the bathroom, strands of her once-long hair falling off her shoulders to the floor along the way. Half way across the bedroom, she stopped and swung around to face Billie.
"What am I talking about?" she asked angrily. "I'm talking about cancer, Billie. I'm talking about my hair falling out from chemo."
Billie's face went ashen. "The results came in, didn't they?" she stated more than asked.
Waves of anger crossed Cat's face. Clearly, she was struggling with the news she was given by the hospital.
Billie once again approached her wife and took her by the shoulders. In a much calmer voice, she asked once more. "Sweetheart, tell me. What did the hospital say?"
Intense fear and anxiety replaced the anger in Cat's face as she locked eyes with her wife. "It's what they didn't say that's alarming me," she replied.
Thoroughly confused by the riddles coming from Cat's mouth, Billie tried once more. She led Cat to the bed and urged her to sit down. She pulled a chair toward her and sat facing Cat. "Cat, I need you to tell me exactly what the doctor said," she instructed.
Misty green eyes met blue. "They said the results were 'suspicious'. They said they need to do a needle biopsy to determine if the lump is cancerous," she explained softly.
Billie felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Trying to control the emotion in her voice, she looked at Cat. "When?" she asked.
"Monday, at ten o'clock."
"Today is Friday. Can't they get you in sooner? Don't they realize Monday is two days away?" she pointed out.
Cat sat there in silence, already resigning herself to a weekend of emotional hell.
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