The Housing Lark

by Sam Selvon

  ‘In truth?’ Alfy ask.

  ‘I don’t tell lies like you people,’ the Englisher say.

  Right away Alfy went and buy a camera and begin to take photo left right and centre. And no kind of amateur work, either. When Alfy taking photo, is a big thing. You have to pose in such and such a position, you have to bend and twist and look up and down and sideways until Alfy satisfy that he have the proper angle. This time so, Alfy himself doing all sorts of contortions, he holding the camera sideways, upways, downways, and he squinting one eye and then the other, and he kneeling down and bending over and twisting and turning as if he in agony. And the adjustments! He clicking this button and that on the camera, as if he preparing to let off a atom bomb. Then after all the paraffle he suddenly say ‘HOLD IT!’ and he catch you with your mouth wide open or scratching your arse or something.

  Gallows do as if he ain’t see Alfy, and went in the market, certain that by and by he would see all the others he was after.

  Sure enough, Sylvester join Alfy, and Poor walk across from the market crowds to join them. Poor moving furtively, as if the police after him or something, his hands in his pocket. Poor always have his hands in his pocket, as if inside them he holding on to something what give him inspiration to continue living.

  Alfy call to him: ‘What happening, Poor? I am dying for a cigarette, but the old Gallows dodging in and out only waiting for somebody to smoke so he could report to Battersby.’

  Now, I want to make it clear that when the boys leave the conference at number 13A, all of them (except Gallows) was looking on the whole scheme as a lark, and had no intention of stopping smoking or drinking to save money for no house. You could imagine how they was thinking when Battersby come up with the idea. This is Nobby: ‘H’mm, what shit is this? But let me see what the others will say.’ And Syl: ‘Ha-ha, these fellars will never get together, but still, let me see who and who will agree.’ And Fitz: ‘This is my chance if the boys serious.’ As for Alfy: ‘I will go along and see how things go.’

  The point is, that all of them cagey. When they alone they conducting their lives as per usual, but when they get together, they don’t know how to behave. No one want to say outright, ‘To arse with that idea,’ and carry on.

  Was only Poor who say flat that he ain’t in all that. So now, he say to Alfy: ‘Fug Gallows man, look I have some chargers here. You want one? They going cheap, only two and six. As if you all fraid to smoke? As is you I make it two shillings.’

  But Alfy was looking at Syl, because after all it didn’t matter what Poor want to do, Syl was in the house-buying lark.

  Syl say to Poor, ‘Boy, you brave, oui. You ain’t fraid to sell them thing around here? I bet the law catch up with you.’

  ‘They been trying to for a long time,’ Poor brag, and he light up a weed and blow the smoke in Syl face.

  ‘You give up smoking Alfy?’ Syl ask, hopeful that Alfy would say no. But at the same time Alfy feel that if he say no, Syl might feel he ain’t have no guts to save for the house.

  So hear Alfy: ‘Yes man, and I was able to save more than a pound. You?’

  Syl ain’t do one arse about saving, but hear him: ‘It ain’t have nothing in giving up smoking. I ain’t touch a fag for weeks.’

  Nobby appear on the scene, and though he too dying for a smoke, he don’t know how to broach the subject. He tackle it this way: ‘You have any cigarettes on you Syl?’

  ‘I give up smoking,’ Syl say, as if he offended.

  ‘The whole set of you lying as if you fraid one another,’ Poor say. ‘I see everyone of you smoking already.’

  ‘Well anyway,’ Alfy say, ‘I change my brand. I only carrying Woods now—and filter tip, too besides!’

  That encourage Syl to say: ‘I give up, but I does smoke one now and then.’

  And that encouraged Nobby to haul out a pack and pass it around. All the same, he say: ‘I putting in some heavy overtime these days. I manage to save three pounds,’ as if that entitled him to smoke.

  Hear Alfy as he take one: ‘I don’t know if I should, you know.’

  And Syl: ‘Well, this is my first for the week.’

  As soon as all of them was lighted and taking some big drag right down to the bottom of their lungs, Gallows dart out the crowd in the market. To tell truth, the boys was feeling a little guilty and from the time they spot Gallows everybody nip their cigarette and put their hands behind their backs.

  ‘I seen a lot of smoke over here,’ Gallows say as he come up. ‘In fact, from the time I see all of you, I feel you was congregating for something evil. Is always suspicious when you together.’

  ‘This is a free country,’ Nobby say. ‘It so free that even a character like you could move around in peace. Why you don’t go and look for your fiver, Gallows?’

  ‘I see smoke!’ Gallows repeat, as if he playing landan-tweet-tweet-tweet, a game children does play in the West Indies where they have to find something that hide. ‘Which one of you it was?’ He ignoring Poor. ‘That is why we could never get on in this world. A little thing like smoking you all can’t give up to get a decent house to live in.’

  ‘Why you don’t go and fug a keyhole?’ Poor say.

  ‘I can’t trust any of you,’ Gallows mutter. He know that if he report them to Battersby they would deny that they was smoking, so what was the use? If Alfy was honest he could of ask him to take a snap whenever anybody smoking. Still, it was a good thing he was around to keep an eye on them, otherwise they spend all their money on fags and drinks. ‘You know,’ he change the topic, ‘ever since that day when I lost my fiver I have a feeling that is one of you who have it. I look all over London and I can’t find it.’

  ‘Never mind,’ Nobby say, ‘one of these days you bound to find it.’

  ‘You really think so Nobby?’ Gallows was anxious for some consolation.

  ‘Sure,’ Nobby say. ‘London is a big place. You only searching in the West End every night, but what about the East End, what about all up by Palmers Green and round by Willesden and Cricklewood and all of them places? You never notice the wind blowing in that direction?’

  ‘You know what I think?’ Alfy say. ‘I think that fiver fall in the river Thames and get drown.’

  ‘No man,’ Nobby say, ‘it must be in some drain or other, and he will find it.’

  ‘Is all well and good for you fellars to laugh,’ Syl say, ‘but is poor Gallows fiver what get lost.’

  ‘Tell them Syl, tell them,’ Gallows say.

  ‘Don’t mind them, boy Gallows,’ Syl say. ‘What you doing about the house? You save anything?’

  ‘I am a hard worker, I have money save,’ Gallows say. ‘I bet in the end I have more than all of you put together!’

  ‘How much you save?’ Alfy ask.

  ‘You don’t mind. When the time come, I will have my share. Besides, my grandmother ailing in Tobago, she might kick off any day now and leave some money for me.’

  ‘You better pray she dead in time,’ Poor say.

  ‘In any case Bat promise me a room,’ Gallows say. ‘He tell me to keep an eye on you all: I like a hawk these days. You all should be thankful I come just in time to stop you from smoking. You think I fall off a tree? You think I didn’t see when Nobby pass the pack around? Imagine if all of you had to pay two and six for breaking the regulations. We could buy a few bricks for the house.’

  ‘You too malicious,’ Nobby say. ‘One day somebody will chook out your eyes and stuff up your ears.’

  ‘Anyway,’ Gallows say, ‘I give everybody warning. I done see Harry Banjo in the market and he was smoking, and I warn him let that be the last time. I feel sorry for him.’

  ‘Why?’ Poor demand. ‘Ain’t all of we is sufferers?’

  ‘Yes, but Harry in love. In love bad with Jean. I don’t think he know she is a hustler.’

  ‘You is th
e best man to tell him,’ Alfy suggest.

  But Nobby say, ‘No, leave the man alone and let him find out for himself. Don’t interfere in any man business is my motto.’

  Gallows was just about to leave them when he glance down the road and spot Harry coming.

  Hear Gallows: ‘Hold everything! Look for yourself! Witness Harry smoking. Watch him over there, coming this way. You can’t say you didn’t see. ALL RIGHT HARRY! I GOT YOU THIS TIME!’

  Harry come up and say, ‘This was the last cigarette I had from Jamaica, I was just taking a quick draw.’

  ‘Don’t bother with Gallows man,’ Syl say. ‘You have any more? Make a good search. You never know, perhaps one or two fall out the pack and inside loose in your pocket . . . ah, you see!’

  ‘You ain’t even finish smoking the one I give you and you sponging on the man,’ Nobby say.

  By this time everybody light up and smoking, blowing smoke in Gallows face.

  Gallows wouldn’t give up. ‘That is why we can’t get on! That is why black people could never strive in this world, I tell you! I ain’t smoking at all, not even a Jamaica cigarette. Anybody have the time?’

  ‘What you want the time for?’ Poor ask. ‘You have some place to go?’

  ‘I want the time and the date. I going to mark it down.’

  But the boys turn their backs on Gallows and went on talking as if he not there. By and by Gallows drift off, muttering to himself about the evils of the he black race. He went away with a automatic hunch in his shoulders, and his head bend down from the habit of looking for the fiver. Gallows look like one of them fellars with a geeger counter when they looking for uranium: but he would of been satisfy just to find the fiver.

  A few minutes later Nobby and Alfy and Syl push off and leave Harry with Poor.

  Poor say, ‘What’s on your mind, you look worried. You want to go up to town with me?’

  ‘I ain’t feel like going to town, man.’

  Harry was looking as if he shipwreck, and Poor try to cheer him up. He say, ‘I know is Jean you bothering about. Don’t mind she, man, it have bags of other things in London. You want me to put you on to a little English bird?’

  ‘No Jean might find out.’

  ‘You have it bad, boy. I don’t like to see you looking so low. I have some chargers here, you want to try one?’

  ‘It have trouble in that,’ Harry say.

  ‘What trouble?’ Poor coax. Poor always anxious to get company to smoke weed. ‘Come and go across by the park and you could try one.’

  Poor push Harry along. Harry didn’t really want to go, he just wanted to walk around and mope about Jean, but Poor hold on to his elbow and pushing. They get out of the crowds and went in the park. Poor take out a brown packet and give Harry a cigarette.

  ‘Go on man, light it, it won’t bite you.’

  ‘Supposing I feel sick?’

  ‘A old Jamaican test like you won’t feel sick,’ Poor say, and give him a light. ‘Let we go and sit under that tree.’

  They went and sit down. After a few puffs Harry lay down on the grass and look up at the sky.

  ‘You feeling hearts, eh?’ Poor watching him. ‘As if the world is a football and you could kick it all about?’

  Every time Harry draw on the weed, as if he taking in something that making him swell from head to toe. As if he raise off the ground and floating in the air!

  Worries drop from him like water off a duck back. He wish he had his banjo with him—some sharp tunes and words flashing in the old brain. As for Jean, it didn’t matter so much now: if she was here with him he sure he would of been able to make a conquest.

  ‘Poor,’ Harry say, dreaming, ‘is which part Jean working at all?’

  ‘I tell you what,’ Poor say, ‘if you come up to town with me this evening we pass round by Hyde Park, and I will show you the place.’

  ‘We will see she?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘To talk to?’

  ‘Yes man.’

  ‘You know how these English bosses is, they don’t like it to visit anybody when they working.’

  ‘Jean boss wouldn’t mind, I could tell you that!’

  Poor himself was on his third charger; being as he was so accustom to it he had was to have about two or three before he could get any kicks. And he was just getting on top of a high kick when he look down by the park entrance and see two Englishers come in. Poor had a feeling he see these two fellars before, and he puzzling to remember. Then as they come nearer he realise is two fellars who been following him around for a couple of days.

  A fright take Poor. Supposing them fellars was coppers! Supposing they was keeping a watch on him all the time, and come to nab him in the park!

  Poor scramble up quick. ‘Harry,’ he say, ‘keep these cigarettes for me, I just remember something, I go meet you later and collect them.’

  ‘What happen?’ Harry ask, though he ain’t particular.

  Poor throw the brown packet on Harry chest. Harry lower his eyes looking at it.

  ‘Shit man, hide it!’ Poor say, and he push the packet in Harry pocket and take off like a bullet.

  The two Englishers start to walk faster, watching Poor. As they pass by they look at Harry. One of them start to come towards him, but the other one say, ‘Not him, let’s get after the other bloke.’

  Harry prop himself up on a elbow, wondering if Poor playing whoop with the Englishers.

  * * *

  * * *

  A lot of things happen that night in Londontown. But to come to them gradually, we start up with Jean. Jean sitting before the mirror in she room, putting on a pair of nylons what have butterflies embrodiered near the heels. She stretch out her legs like how you see them film stars doing when they putting on stockings. Is a funny thing, you might have your own way of doing something, but if you see people doing it another way, especially in films, you think that must be the better way. Before that Jean uses to stand up near the bed and hoist one foot after the other on top of it to put on her stockings.

  Inside of Jean wardrobe had all kinds of dresses and shoes what she make off of hustling. When Matilda first come to London she bring dress for Jean what her grandmother send. But Jean only laugh when she see it, and say that she have to get another wardrobe to keep all the things she have.

  Matilda there with her as she dressing. Matilda thinking about how Jean making so much money, while she herself have a hard work at a Lyons corner house washing dishes and plates and pots. This was a thought she had all the time, and it was like a battle going on in her mind day after day, because when you come to think of it, what is the qualifications of a hustler? As long as you have a split between your legs you are well away. You don’t have to know geography and arithmetic and algebra.

  But Matilda come from a religious family. The religion ain’t have no name, but Matilda mother uses to go out every night in Port of Spain and stand up by the corner with a candle and a bell and a hymn book, and warn people about their sins. From the time Matilda small she holding on to her mother and going to these meetings, and she have a good idea of the fires of Hell and the tortures and sufferings of all sinners. When she get big and her backside broaden out and her tits get high, her mother warn her to strap everything down and don’t cause any temptation. ‘Pray every day for the waters of the Lord to wash you clean,’ her mother say. ‘Don’t twist your bottom when you walking, and don’t hold up your breasts like you offering them for sale, like them other girls in this neighbourhood.’ Jean did tell she that over here in London nobody does mind your business, you could do what you like. But though Matilda make plenty strokes already, when it come to going out on the streets looking for fares, she draw the line. Some of the girls back home uses to show she bracelets and new clothes and shoes—just like how Jean have in her wardrobe. But Matilda uses to say she wouldn’t go out on
the road for anything. Like how a multiple-sinner would hold on to one virtue and extol its merits, so Matilda feel that if she didn’t whore the waters would wash her clean.

  All the same, it was a big temptation in London, especially as she was living with Jean.

  ‘You never think of marrieding and settling down?’ she ask Jean suddenly.

  Jean laugh. ‘One of these good days.’

  ‘I think Harry Banjo want to married you.’

  ‘Harry Banjo!’ Jean say. ‘Harry ain’t have a cent to his name. Only dreams. All them boys is dreamers. Look how they talk about buying a house. Is almost a month now and they ain’t save up one ha’penny. Unless they give it to Battersby to give me and he spend it. Renegades and reprobates, the whole set of them.’

  But still, as she powdering her face, Jean looking at herself in the mirror and wondering if it wasn’t time to retire before she get too old and can’t find a man. Hustling for fares wasn’t as easy as people think, especially in the winter when you out in the open with the wind slicing you in half. Last year she nearly dead with newmonia laying down in the cold grass, and she make up her mind that this summer she going to put in some extra hours so she could take it easy when winter come.

  ‘You don’t like Harry?’ Matilda ask. ‘He look like the best of the lot to me.’

  ‘I don’t like fellars who so innocent, man,’ Jean say. ‘He don’t make me feel at home.’

  ‘I would like to married a white man myself,’ Matilda say. ‘Black man too bad.’

  ‘All of them after the same thing,’ Jean say. ‘Anyway, I will see you later.’

  Jean left Matilda looking at a magazine, and went downstairs to wake up Bat on her way out.

  ‘Bat, Bat, wake up.’ She shake him hard. ‘Time to go to work.’

  Bat grunt and roll over.

  ‘Come on, get up.’ She haul the blankets off him. Battersby start to curse as he sit up and rub his eyes.

  ‘Put the kettle on for me,’ he ask Jean.

  ‘Put it on yourself,’ Jean say as she go out. ‘I late for work already.’