They're So Vein (The Grateful Undead series)

by Susan Stec

  "Get out of the friggin' way, dick-wad. I bowl first." Zaire pushed Dorius, grabbed her ball, her eyes daring him to say anything.

  He carried his ball off the lane with a rumble in his chest.

  Resi and Jeni watched them with amusement.

  Marcus cleared his throat, finally ready to address my statement. "I assure you, I was not made aware of your call or your email, Ms. Stech."

  "Then why in the hell don't you educate your staff to make sure you get called to the phone when you're asked for?" I asked, hands on my hips, nostrils flaring.

  JoAnn let out a sigh. "Oh, for heaven's sake. Can't you let the men talk? No one can get a word in edgewise when you're around."

  I ignored her, glaring at Marcus waiting for his refutation.

  "Are you saying you did or did not contact someone on the council? I'm sorry, Ms. Stech, but I seem to be having a bit of difficulty in understanding you." His boyish grin made me seethe with anger.

  "Oh, here she goes! I've got one simpleton for a daughter and one loud mouth. If I ever have another kid, it's gonna be a boy. I can bitch-slap the hell out of a frigging boy," Mom announced, swinging at Gibbie who was dusting her with silver flakes.

  "What I'm saying, Mister Morizzio, is that I did not contact you because your receptionist at BAMVC told me that you did not take calls from just anyone. None of the council did. So, Mister Morizzio Sir, we went to your website, and only found an email address for Dorius and we did email him about your concerns. I ordered… fertilizer… from the only voice I was allowed to talk to, and when it was delivered the next da-ay, we thought Dorius and the rest of you were fine with our explanation." Then I mentally pushed, So take that, Fang-Boy!

  "Well, she certainly made herself clear that time." Mom wore a devilish grin.

  "Jesus, Susan," my sister whined.

  "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ONLY TEAM MEMBERS ON THE LANES. THE GAMES ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN. EVERYONE NOT WEARING A TEAM SHIRT AND BOWLING SHOES, MOVE BACK FROM THE LANES AND GIVE THE BOWLERS ROOM, PLEASE."

  "Shit!" Dorius, flustered, strutted off the lane and sat in one of the chairs, waiting for his turn.

  Marcus' eyes followed him with a smile.

  Resi tossed Zaire a grin. "Make me proud baby."

  "Yep, I'm a real ball buster." Zaire shot Dorius a snide grin as she picked up her ball from the return rack and readied herself on the lane.

  "LET THE GAMES BEGIN."

  Zaire stepped up to the mark, eyeing the pins as a hush came over the crowd. She took three long steps, letting the ball sail down the alley at a speed that was clearly not human.

  "Ooops!" She turned to Nadine, mimicking her walk earlier, winking at her as ten pins literally exploded at the end of the lane in shards of wood.

  The crowd went crazy.

  "CHRIST, WE NEED CLEAN UP ON LANE THIRTEEN. CLEAN UP ON LANE THIRTEEN, PRONTO! DAVE, YOU ON IT BUDDY?"

  Dave's hand fell from the end of our lane, waving. The rest of his body dropped into the pile of busted up pins and he started picking up wooden shards as the tone of the wages shifted dramatically and pins cracked up and down the alleys.

  John Denver started ringing out, 'Rocky Mountain High' as Dorius got up and stepped onto the lane. He shoulder butted Zaire as she walked by.

  "Put your ball where your mouth is asshole," Zaire remarked with a saucy smile, waving at the crowd as they cheered her on.

  The shards of broken pins were replaced with new ones and Dorius shook his butt to the ball return while 'The Gay Blades' eyed his swaggering posterior. He selected his ball, flipped his long hair over his shoulder, pulled Zaire's jeans out of his ass and threw a gutter ball. He turned to Zaire with a big smile. "We're on the same team, asshole. How'd you like that move? Do I know how to bring down the numbers or what?"

  The crowd booed. Zaire fumed. Terrence eyed Dorius with wet lips.

  "I say we go out in the parking lot and F'n end this right now!" Zaire snapped.

  "I couldn't agree with you more." Dorius took the seat beside her and placed his hand on her knee with a squeeze that wasn't at all friendly.

  She viciously dragged it away, grabbing him by the hair.

  "Oh goodie, two down and six to go," Nadine said.

  Gibbie zipped toward them so fast my eyes hurt. "Little black woman, you are about to get squished. Let go of the thousand-year-old vampire’s hair," Gibbie screeched in her ear.

  "I am not your little black woman," she spat, giving Dorius’ hair a good tug.

  Everyone held their breath and looked at Dorius.

  Dorius yanked his hair out of her hand with a growl.

  Mom stepped onto the lane with Terrence.

  "What'cha got, small stuff?" Terrence asked.

  "More balls than you, Grace." Mom walked up to the diamonds embedded in the wood, wiggled her left shoe on the second mark, eyed the lane, swung her arm back, pranced toward the pins and tossed the ball. It hit the gutter. She pointed at the ball and it bounced out, heading for the pins, dead center. She flicked her finger and it sped up, smacking the head pin and knocking all of them down with a loud crack.

  The crowd exploded again, drowning out the background music as the DJ passed out gifts with a weary smile.

  Her finger action did not go unnoticed by Zaire.

  "What the hell was that hand jive shit?" Zaire asked."

  "Nanna, did you move that ball with your mind?" Resi whispered in Mom's ear.

  "Just a little something I've been practicing in case the vamp-brigade shows up again," Mom answered with a smile.

  The three men and the fairy exchanged looks.

  Marcus got up and changed the subject. "Did you get an email from them, Dorius?"

  "I did, and immediately deleted it. There is no explanation. The rules are the rules," Dorius said in a smug tone, then waved his hand at Marcus, signaling he was up next. But his eyes were on Mom. I could feel my teeth extending slightly and clamped my lips down.

  "You prick! Just who the hell do you think you are?" Zaire blurted out, her face in his again.

  "I'd say a hubris filled blow-hard," Jeni offered, surprising me.

  "A cute one, though," my mother said, batting her eyes at Dorius.

  A wiry man with black hair in an out-of-date pageboy and tight leather pants sauntered up, grinning at Marcus. "You gonna bowl sweetie, or should I?"

  Marcus smiled back and gracefully waltzed down the lane, bowling a strike.

  The crowd behind the chairs yelled their approval.

  I watched the anger wage a war with his senses as Dorius glared at my mother. "I know exactly who I am. You girls, on the other hand do not."

  "All right, ladies. I understand your frustration. Dorius, why did you not tell me they tried to explain themselves?" Marcus asked. He sat in one of the chairs and watched me as I picked up my ball. I nodded at a tall woman with bleached blonde hair dressed in a short tight jean skirt. She picked up her ball and stood back with a smile, her eyes on my chest.

  "I have a copy of the email, Mr. Morizzio," Jeni told him sweetly, disengaging herself from the group to dig in her purse.

  I turned back to see Marcus smiling at me. Get your eyes off my ass. I felt self-conscious as my arm went back, my legs carried me toward the line, and I let the ball go. It rolled down the lane, bounced off the back wall and took down seven pins.

  I eyed the slim woman, her hair falling in her face. She shook her head, giving me a 'too bad' look and took aim. She let the ball go and waited with anticipation as it curved close to the gutter before heading toward the pins. She left four standing.

  I shot her a smug smile as I picked up my returned ball and got in place. I took in a deep breath.

  My, you have great form. I could watch you bowl all night, my sweet.

  I clenched my teeth and hammered the remaining pins against the back wall.

  The crowd yelled their approval.

  "IT LOOKS LIKE 'THE IMMORTAL'S' ARE WORKING IT. BUCK UP BOWLERS, IT SEEMS THEY ARE CLEARLY IMMO
RTAL TONIGHT!"

  The crowed agreed.

  I heard Marcus in my head again. Susan, you are a treasure and every one of the other women you brought into our immortal world will make us feel alive again. I long to put a smile on your cute little face.

  I jerked my head in his direction. Yeah, well good luck with that.

  He grinned at me, eyes sparkling, legs crossed, as he leaned back in the plastic chair dressed in his pink t-shirt, his beautiful body relaxed. Only a matter of time, my love.

  I glanced at my sister. JoAnn was adding up numbers with all ten of her fingers, completely ignoring us. Why the hell can't you hear me, JoAnn! I pushed at her. She didn't budge.

  Mom was on the lane again. Terrence jumped up and down beside her after bowling a strike.

  "Easy sweetie, you wouldn't want to muss that Elvis hairdo you're sporting," Mom said, resuming a bowling stance.

  She tossed the ball at the pins and it sailed in the air landing mid-lane, heading straight for the head pin. I could see her fingers wiggling in front of her chest. The pins fell, leaving two standing. One on each side, hugging the gutters. A split.

  She huffed off the lane, waiting while Terrence bowled.

  Silence fell over the room as Mom stepped up to the ball return.

  Terrence turned to her after leaving only the nine and ten pin. "Wanna bet who gets the spare?"

  "I'd love to shove this ball up your well-oiled rectum," Mom said.

  "Oh, bite me, bitch." Terrence snarled.

  "Don't tempt me." Mom picked up her ball, walked slowly to the markers, and put the ball at eye level. She hesitated only a moment before taking three long strides, sending the ball gently over the lane as she froze, one leg back behind her body, her hands resting on her other knee. Her eyes followed the slow path of the bowling ball as it made its way down the lane hanging on the edge of the gutter. The ball glided toward the ten pin, slicing it across the lane to tap the other. In slow motion the pin rocked a few seconds, not a sound in the alley, before landing side down on the lane.

  The crowd went wild.

  Dorius frowned at her.

  The announcer called a break before the next round and Zaire walked out of the lane, heading for the bar with Dorius' eyes on her.

  Jeni handed Marcus a copy of the explanation we emailed to Dorius and he read it as she stood watching. His face changed several times as he stood there like a frigging sex toy. I tried to pull my eyes off his sumptuous, leather-clad, tight little buns as he turned to my daughter, giving her his attention.

  "You pen a very believable tale, Jennifer," he told her with a soft smile.

  Dorius growled.

  My mother sucked down a beer, eyes on his body.

  I believe you're watching my ass now. Marcus pushed with a laugh that bounced around in my mind.

  I simmered, prying my eyes from his tightly packed butt. He never even looked at me, his smile still focused on my daughter.

  Jeni smiled back. "Thank you Mr. Morizzio. I am sorry for all of this. They were, after all, gleaning rules from fiction that my mother and sister picked up in supermarkets."

  Susan, I have waited for you for fifteen hundred years. You are my first suitable mate.

  Jeni kept on, none the wiser. "I did try to do some research on the internet for them. Have you ever tried finding legitimate information about… well, your people?"

  Whoa, Fang-Boy, I am not mating with anyone.

  "Well, there isn't anything," Jeni went on. "Unless you expect us to take as gospel what we learned in paperback books..."

  You feel it Susan. You can't deny it. It's fate.

  "I assure you, having rules brought to our attention would not have been taken lightly by me," Jeni continued.

  Oh please, get over yourself. What I feel is lust, plain and simple. So if you're looking for a long term, total commitment kind of thing, you’re barking up the wrong immortal, Markie-boy.

  "I would have been glad to educate the others. And if I knew you'd sent something, I assure you, I would have contacted you immediately upon reading it," Jeni said as she turned to Dorius.

  I heard Marcus' laughter in my head as he turned to me and smiled. Ah, this is going to be such fun.

  Mom passed me, headed for the bar and a refill. I frowned at her, then gave Mr. I-Am-Oh-So-Sure-Of-Myself some attention. Look you arrogant…

  "Marcus, I'm through playing," Dorius grabbed me by the elbow. "Let's take it outside. Now!"

  ~~~~

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  ~~~~

  "We're going to Miami and the council will handle this, Dorius." Marcus folded the letter and handed it to Jeni. "We will not stand here and discuss the matter in a public place. Let Susan go, immediately."

  Are you out of your freaking mind? I am not going to Miami with you, Marcus. I yanked my arm away from Dorius.

  Marcus turned a heart-stopping smile my way. Be patient, my little one. There is protocol to be followed. All is well, I assure you.

  I glared at him. That's easy for you to say. It's not your ass on the line, mister. And I'm not going to mate, have sex, whatever, with you or anyone else to get all this settled!

  "I'm tired of this shit. Get the hell out of here and leave us alone!" my mother yelled. She strutted toward Marcus with a fresh beer in her hand, Zaire right behind her.

  Marcus turned his lethal grin in my direction. Ah, well, we need to talk, you and I.

  "I ain't going anywhere with anyone," Zaire announced. "I'm bowling!"

  I let out a loud frustrated sigh.

  "Ladies, I think it would behoove you to get this taken care of, " Dorius said, "You made your beds."

  Jeni grabbed her purse and shoved the letter inside.

  Gibbie flew up to the score-keeping monitor with a flourish of fluttering wings, his sword drawn. He looked so damn cute.

  My eyes fell on Resi and Zaire, both leaning against the seats separating us from the crowd, arms folded across their chests, eyes shooting daggers at the Morizzio brothers as Janis Joplin croaked out, 'Get It While You Can'. They were ready for anything the immortals were about to dish out.

  "FIFTEEN MINUTES, BOWLERS, AND THE SECOND GAME BEGINS. WE HAVE A TIE FOR FIRST PLACE BETWEEN 'THE IMMORTALS' ON LANE THIRTEEN, AND 'SEXY SADISTS SINGLES' ON LANE NINE. FOLLOWING IN CLOSE SECOND, WITH JUST FOUR PINS SEPERATING THEM FROM FIRST PLACE IS, 'THE GAY BLADES'," Mike yelled in the microphone from the front desk.

  Nadine let out a war hoop that had me three inches off the floor.

  "I'm finishing this. I want that money." Zaire was livid as she glared at Nadine.

  "Oh for heaven's sake, your lives are on the line and all you can think about is money? Typical!" Dorius spat.

  Buzzzzzz…Buzzzzzz…Buzzzzzz…

  My eyes shot to the front of Dorius' jeans. He fished out his cell phone.

  "We're through playing," Nadine shouted. "You're all dog meat in the next set!"

  I smiled at her and her motley crew.

  My mother by-passed Marcus and sashayed around the chairs to better position herself next to Dorius. She was about three feet from him, calculating her next move.

  Susan, If you all come along quietly and meet with the council, we can have all this settled by tomorrow night. You can drive with me in my car and we can have a nice long talk about mates and our future together. I'm sure when you realize…

  Oh, SHIT. Not now damn it.

  I felt Marcus' head jerk in my direction.

  Once again I beg your pardon. You have to be patient with me, amore. I have never found…

  Not about you this time, Markie Boy. I pushed back as I sidled toward Dorius. It's my mother. She's going to hit on your brother. I kept moving very slowly toward my mother. She sent me a nasty smile and took a step closer to Dorius, daring me to stop her.

  Did you just say your mother was going to HIT Dorius? That would be unwise.

  My mother had her eyes on Dorius' crotch as he clicked the cell off, trying to shove it back i
n his pants pocket.

  Not fight. Hit ON, you idiot. Make a pass. Get a little warm and fuzzy with him. Oh God, what's the use?

  "Concetta, will you join me for a minute dear? I wish to talk to you while the rest of your clan makes ready to leave." Marcus asked Mom.

  Every Stech woman's head jerked in Marcus' direction the minute he used my mother's birth name. No one called her Concetta except for her father and he was dead. My own father had even called her Chick.

  I watched in horror as my mother turned from Dorius and shook her ass so hard that I was sure it would come off her damn hips. She sashayed up to Marcus, placing her hands on his chest. "I'd love to talk with you, handsome. Can we do it in private? I suggest the locker room. It's quiet back there."

  Over my undead body, I pushed at him, much to my surprise. At least I got a chuckle out of him.

  "I'll be right back and then we are all leaving," Dorius said, walking toward the front door of the alley.

  We're not going anywhere. You better tell your brother to back off Marcus.

  "We're not leaving!" Zaire yelled. "We still have a game to finish!"

  The DJ, back on his microphone, yelled, "THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG! WE HAVE JUST BEGUN! LET'S ALL SIT BACK, TAKE A BREAK, AND THEN HIT THOSE ALLEYS WITH WHAT IT TAKES!" With that he hit the off switch on the microphone sending a reverberating backlash around the alley. ZZ Top cranked up, with 'Got Me Under Pressure' and practice balls began cracking pins.

  "Come sit with me, Concetta," Marcus said, smiling, placing his hand over hers and escorting her to the end of the chairs by our lane.

  Marcus turned to Zaire. "If you agree to leave without a fight I will personally give you the prize money. Will that be satisfactory?" See, Susan? Concetta is putty in my hands and I think I have placated Zaire for the moment.

  "Are there any strings attached?" Zaire asked.

  "None." Marcus sat down, beckoning Mom.

  My mother placed her hand on his knee as she sat next to him. Marcus smiled down at her hand. She snuggled closer. The girls were leaning over to watch. Mom's hand slid further up his thigh, dangerously close to Marcus' joy stick.