“No one said we have to stop talking.” Why do I have to be such a push over?
“Can we still talk?” he asks me.
“Sure.”
“You’ll be okay? If we just talk as friends?”
“I’ve been there before.” But this time it’s different. It’s going to be so much harder to just be his friend now. Before I didn’t know what it was like to hold his hand, or to feel the touch of his soft lips, or to get lost in his big green eyes. There goes my bruised heart again. Pain. Tears begin to swell in my eyes. I’m surprised I have anything left. At this rate, I’m going to be dehydrated before lunch.
“So I can still call you?”
“Anytime, Alex.” And I want him to call me. I’ll take anything I can get.
Forget math today, I have no desire to see Amy. I can picture the smug look on her face when she sees my puffy eyes. The sight of a girl with a red blotchy face and swollen eyes is always an indicator that she’s been dumped. So, no thank you. A Slurpee it is.
Halfway to Seven Eleven, I flip open my phone to make a call.
“You on your way to get a Slurpee, Meggie?” Ben asks, without even saying hello.
“Am I that predictable?” I sob into the phone.
“Sit tight, I'm on my way,” he tells me. How did he know I'd call? I bet Alex has talked to him. Or one of the girls. Most likely Steph. She probably went straight home yesterday and called Ben and Dominic to make them aware of my dreadful single status. Keesh probably told Josh and Travis. It's not like it matters. I'm not trying to keep it a secret.
I'm dragging my feet to the store when Ben drives up. He only has to drive a few blocks to get here but I didn't expect him this soon.
“Wow, that was fast,” I tell him when I open the door and slide into the passenger’s seat.
“Yeah, I've been up for awhile, killing time before class,” he says.
“Oh my gosh, I'm not making you miss class, am I?”
“No, no. I have plenty of time. Wanna go to Wendy's? I'm sure you can use a chocolate Frosty and some fries.” He smiles at me, and tears start to fall from my eyes.
“How did you know?” I tell him.
“There are few secrets in our circle of friends, Meg.”
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “So you think there are secrets?”
“None that I'm keeping, but probably,” he says. “So, how you holding up, little one?”
By the looks of my face, I'm sure he already knows. “What do you think?”
“Probably about as well as Alex is,” he answers, confusing the hell out of me.
“Why is he so upset? He's the one who decided to break up.” I know I'm being bitchy but I can't help it. I'm hurt.
“Meg, you know this decision was hard for him. He still loves you but he knows it can't work right now. I know you feel like shit, but you guys will be better off in the long run.”
“Glad you're so sure.” I sniffle some more. My nose is clogged and I want to blow the boogers that have taken up residency in my brain, but I can't do that in front of Ben.
“I am sure. And I think deep down in that sweet little heart of yours, you think this breaking up was a good idea too.” So what if it was a good idea, it doesn't make it hurt any less.
“You know, I get why he did it. I really do. It's hard to be with someone when you only get to see them once every other month or so. And his grades were going down because he was trying to find any chance to come and see me, or we talked on the phone a lot cause we couldn't see each other. But I'm still sad. I miss him already.” I let out a whimper, trying to catch my breath. Great, now I feel like a little kid who just skinned her knee and can’t stop sobbing long enough to breathe.
“You're gonna be sad for awhile. No one expects you guys to be normal over night. You guys can still talk, he doesn't have to completely disappear from your life.” Yeah right, like I can talk to him in this condition.
After a minute or so of concentrated inhaling and exhaling, I finally say, “Nah, I don't think I'll ever be able to move on if I talk to him all the time. It’ll be like we're still together. I need time to be by myself.” It kills me to say that because I want to talk to Alex so bad right now. I want to hear his voice and hear him tell me this was all a mistake. I want him to say that he's coming home for the summer and we can go back to the way things were. But that's not going to happen.
“Maybe you’re right. But don’t hurt him by ignoring him completely. You guys are too good of friends to treat each other like that.”
I nod in agreement. “Let’s eat,” I tell Ben. He turns off the car and we go in Wendy’s so I can drown my sorrows in about a thousand calories. So much for my new beach body that my now ex-boyfriend never had the chance to appreciate.
Alex calls me again on my way home from school. I wish I could be that same brave girl who talked to Ben just hours ago. What was it I said? I can’t just talk to Alex all the time if I’m ever going to get over him. Yeah right. I’m dying to answer his call on the first ring. And once I hear his voice, I don’t want to get off the phone.
He tells me about a test he’s studying for and how he needs to do well or he won’t pass the class. I listen, hanging on to every word hoping he will change the subject to talk about us. But he doesn’t.
A few more days of misery pass, and then things just get worse.
“Megan, Amy.” I look up from my desk to Mrs. Centeno, holding out a call slip. “You both are to report to the CRO.”
I look at Keesh who shrugs. Omigod. I’m not ready for my shrink session with Mrs. Flores and Amy. Really. This year sucks. I just can’t catch a break.
I gather my things, and tell Keesh to wish me luck. She can’t even hide the pity on her face.
“Nice to see you again, ladies,” Mrs. Flores says as I walk in.
“Hello,” I tell her.
“Where’s Amy? Aren’t you in the same class?” she asks me.
“Yeah, but she’s taking her time.” Just as I finish explaining, Amy walks in.
“Well hi there, Amy.”
“Hello, Mrs. Flores,” she says.
“Take a seat girls.” Mrs. Flores points to two chairs that are facing each other. Oh my. This is going to get interesting. Next thing you know she’s going to bust out with those spongy bats and let us hit each other with them. But I don’t think I could be satisfied hitting Amy with something soft.
I sit first. I don’t want to cause any more trouble. It’s bad enough we have to come back for one of these useless meetings. Amy draws out the suspense and lingers awhile before sitting. She’s such a freaking drama queen.
“So how have things been going in class?”
“Okay,” we both answer.
“And the new seating arrangements?”
“Fine,” we both say.
“Have you talked to each other since our last meeting?”
“No.”
Mrs. Flores leans forward in her chair, “Why not Amy?”
Amy leans forward to, challenging her. “There’s no reason to.”
“What do you think of that, Megan?” she asks me.
“I agree with Amy. We don’t have any reason to talk to each other. We’re not friends.”
“Well you finally agree on something.” Mrs. Flores lets out a slight chuckle.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say to the counselor.
“Sure.”
“Why are we here? We’re not violent. We’re not going to get in a fight. We are just two girls who don’t like each other. So what’s the point of all this? You can’t force everyone at this school to be friends.”
“You are absolutely right. But there was a problem with you two in class. We need to make sure that nothing like that will happen again. Especially since the chances of you two having the same classes together again next year are pretty high.”
Amy stands up. “Well, I guess we’re okay then. Meg and I are not going to fight in class any more. We are going
to be good students, so this therapy session is over, right?”
“Sure,” Mrs. Flores says. Amy walks out of the office before she can say anything else. She turns to me. “So is she always like that?”
“That was nothin’. You got off easy.” I smile for the first time in days.
“So how are you, Meg? Your eyes tell me you haven’t been sleeping,” she says. And I think, Are you sure that’s all they’re telling you?
“I’m fine. Just dealing with a breakup,” I tell her.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” She seems sincere. “What happened?”
I go over the gory details about how he thinks he’s too old for me now and he wants me to be a regular high school kid. I think that pretty much sums it up.
“Well, I think he’s being pretty mature about your relationship. And it sounds like he really does care for your well being. He’s definitely not trying to take advantage of you.”
“Yeah, well, I wish that could make me feel better. I really miss him.”
“I’m sure it’s hard. When you go from talking to someone everyday for a long time to not seeing or hearing from them, it can be very lonely.”
“Oh, I still talk to him. I don’t get to see him because he’s up north, but he’s been calling me every day,” I explain.
“Why is he still calling?”
“To torture me.” Here come the water works. I’ve been trying to fight the tears, but I can’t anymore.
“I think that’s an accurate way of putting it.” She passes me a tissue box.
“What do you mean?” I ask, blotting my eyes.
“Well, men are so ridiculous when it comes to breaking up. They want you one day and then the next day they call it quits. But then, when they’re bored or lonely, they call you. They don’t want you to get over them. They want you to keep wanting them. Sure, they don’t want you for themselves, but they don’t want you to want anyone else either. It’s just not fair at all.”
“So tell me how you really feel, Mrs. Flores,” I say. This is standard therapy procedure, right?
“I’m sorry, Megan. I really shouldn’t have said that. But the sooner you know the better.” She leans back in her chair. “Let me ask you a question. Do you really think you guys are going to get back together?”
I want to say yes, but it’s not true. “No. Not now. Maybe when we’re older if we’re both single.”
“Then why is he still calling you and torturing your poor little heart?”
“Because we’re friends. And he wants to just talk as friends.”
“And do you want to be just friends?”
“No.”
“Well I hate to break it to you but you can’t still talk to him every day and expect to get over him. I’m not saying you can’t talk to him at all, but just not on a regular basis. When you are totally and completely over Mr. Alex, you can finally be friends. But until then, I’d limit your conversations. It will be good for him too.”
Wow. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Sad thing is, I think she’s right. But it’s easier said than done.
Chapter Thirty One
Is it summer break yet? I can’t wait for the year to be over. No homework. No evil teachers. Sleeping in. Vegging out in front of the TV. Time to think. Oh no. Back up, maybe I need to take some classes this summer. The only time I’m not thinking about Alex is when I’m doing homework or when I’m in class taking notes. Maybe a summer to myself with plenty of alone time to just sit and think is not such a good idea after all.
I sling my backpack over my shoulder and stagger down the hallway to the kitchen. Instead of hearing the voice of Seacrest though, I hear my dad.
“Maybe I should call Alex and talk to him about getting back together with Meg. Maybe if he knows we're okay with the age difference,” Dad says softly. I'm not supposed to be hearing this.
“Are you crazy? I thought you wanted them to break up,” my mom says back.
“I know. I just thought this whole thing would run its course and they'd break up eventually. But I didn't think she'd be so miserable. She's been roaming around the house with those sad little puppy dog eyes. It's heartbreaking.”
“What did you expect? Alex was her first love. Don't you remember what that was like? She'll be fine. It will take some time but she will be okay.” I'm glad someone feels convinced.
“Maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if he was a total jackass, but he was a good guy. He treated our baby really well.” Sounds like my dad is going to cry too. Hello, he broke up with me, not you. “He was the perfect first boyfriend. But now she needs to act like a regular teenager. He was way too old for her. Maybe when they're older, they will find each other again. Who knows?”
“Well, I hope she gets better soon. I can’t get used to her being so sad. I'd do anything to see her smile again,” Dad says, with a sigh.
I look down at the mess I've become in the past several weeks. Yoga pants, my shirt is wrinkled, and I'm not even sure if I brushed my teeth. What am I doing to myself? What am I doing to my dad? Omigod, I'm not going to be like Bella and cry over the guy who dumped me for months and months and pages and pages until some werewolf comes along and tries to save me.
Snap out of it, Megan.
I march back into my room and throw on a cozy pair of jeans, a black cami, and an aqua printed shirt with rhinestones. I toss up my hair loosely in a clip and pull down a few stands to hang in my face. Just a little bit of powder, some mascara, and I'm off to the bathroom to brush my teeth for what is possibly the first time this morning. I take a glance in the mirror, finish off my look with some lip gloss and sashay down the hall again.
“Good morning,” I sing as I walk into the kitchen.
Dad looks up from his coffee and even Mom acknowledges me even though her morning sweetheart is chatting away in the speakers. They both look a little startled, as they give me the once over and notice I've broken my broken heart fever.
Dad speaks up first, “Good morning, honey. You look nice today.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say as I go to him for a squeeze.
“You want me to take you to school?” he asks.
“Nah, I'm fine. I'll walk. See ya both later,” I tell them before walking to the front door.
“Bye,” they both shout to me.
My phones rings. I know who it is. I don’t want to answer but I know I have to.
“Hey, Meggie,” Alex says, all cheerful.
“Hi, Alex.”
“Are you on your way to school yet?”
“Yeah, I just left.”
“You walking again?”
“Yup, I’ve been a downer lately so I’ve been trying to spare my friends from my crappy moods.” He doesn’t respond to that. “But things just got better this morning.”
“Really, that sounds good.”
“It’s like someone threw cold water in my face and I finally snapped out of it,” I tell him.
“I’m happy to hear that.”
“There’s one thing though, Alex.”
“What’s that, babe?”
“You can’t call me babe anymore,” I tell him. “In fact, you can’t call me anymore period. Not every single day, I mean. It would be nice to talk to you every once and while, but if I’m ever going to not be miserable because we broke up, then I need to stop hearing your voice all the time. It’s a constant reminder that we’re not together anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Megan. I just don’t want to lose you.”
“But you have. We’re not a couple any more. We can be friends, just not now. Give me some time. You said you wanted me to be a normal high school kid. Well, let me.”
“I…I…I don’t know what to say,” he says.
“Just say goodbye and don’t call me. I’ll call you. When I’m ready.”
“Okay, Megan,” he says softly. “Goodbye.”
“Bye, Alex.”
“Lookin' good Meggie. Lookin' good,” Travis says to me
as I take my place at lunch.
“Whatever,” I tell him. I've been hearing this all week. Gosh, I must have looked like shit lately. Who knew a change of clothes and a little makeup would make me feel better. And while I feel happier, I'm not happy enough to fall for Travis's one liners.
“What?” he says. “I'm serious. It's nice to see you're back.”
“I didn't go anywhere,” I argue.
“Yes, you did.”
“Yeah, you did,” Josh agrees.
“Omigosh, you guys, you're killing it. Leave Meg alone.” Steph pats me on the leg, and flashes me her sympathetic smile.
“Thanks, Steph.”
Keesh strolls up and plops herself beside me. I take a quick glance at her and then at Josh. They’re still acting like nothing happened at that party. They're just pretending like everything is normal. Wonder how long that's going to last.
“So you up for another party?” Travis asks.
“You talking to me?” I ask him.
“Who else would I be talking to?”
I look around at our friends.
“They already know about it, and we're all in. You?”
“Yeah, why not. I'm up for some more Jello shots.” I flash him my pearly whites, thinking about my first single night out since last year.
Steph smacks me on the leg this time. “Now you're killing me.”
“Ha, no way, Steph. Now she's talkin'.” Keesh rubs her hands together like an evil little kid planning to get into trouble.
I'd say this party is just like all the others I've been to, but there's one humongous difference. I don't have a boyfriend. I can dance with whoever I want and not feel guilty. I can talk to whoever I want and not feel guilty. I can do whatever the hell I want, and it won't matter. I'm not going to be waiting for any texts. I'm not going to be dying to leave early so I can call someone. I am going to have fun. Lots of fun.
“Got you something special for your birthday and your first night out,” Keesh says, holding up a bottle of coconut rum.
“Aww, I feel so special,” I tell her, swiping the bottle from her hands as we sink into an open couch at the party. One of the senior football players is having this kickback. Dominic hooked us up with an invite. I think we're the youngest people here, but everyone is being chill with us.
Double Threat My Bleep (Double Threat Series) Page 19
