The Lost Girl

by Lilian Carmine

  He leaned back and tilted my chin up with one finger, still dancing. “Kiss me.” His tone held so much emotion. It was both a quiet request and a resolute order; a desperate plea within a whispering wish; a despairing urge and unfaltering hope, all at once.

  And then he dipped his head and claimed my lips.

  He really was like a drug to me, because his lips meeting mine felt like the wildest rush. I was on the highest high and wanted to stay there for ever, to keep kissing him like that for all of time. Energy jolts flashed and burst out of me. I was losing control; I could feel it slipping out of my grasp, like steaming liquid lava, unstoppable and endlessly consuming. Too much longing and lust, love and joy rushing out of my core. It was too strong for me to contain it all.

  The wind picked up speed around us, making the trees dance and slash their branches. A storm was mimicking the state of my mind. And then all the lights around the yard burst and shattered, one by one, until the whole garden was left in darkness.

  I pushed Tristan harshly away from me, and he stumbled backwards with a look of surprise on his face. That’s when I heard the deep, menacing, nerve-racking hiss that I’d been fearing all day long.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Rescue Me

  As soon as my ears registered that threatening hiss, I ran towards Tristan to protect him. But Nick was faster than me and launched himself in my direction. He hit me like a sack of cement, making all the air rush out of my lungs as I landed on my back, sliding along the lawn with the impact. It was like a Sumo wrestler had just brick-pounded me in the chest.

  “J-Joey? What’s going on?” came Tristan’s scared voice. He couldn’t see Nick in the dark and didn’t understand what the hell was happening.

  I wheezed, trying to catch my breath so I could warn him, but Nick had bounced off of me and was already preparing to attack Tristan.

  Panic filled my mind with such an intensity that it somehow caused lightning to strike above the backyard, cascading light over us. Nick hesitated in fear, giving me time enough to catch my breath and shout a warning: “Tristan, watch out! It’s Nick!”

  Nick turned his malign yellow eyes to me and hissed loudly, sickeningly sharp teeth revealed. He had come to take something of mine and wasn’t going to leave before he was true to his word.

  “Celeste, out here!” Tristan shouted as loudly as he could, his voice full of urgency.

  Celeste was leaning against the sliding back door, concentrating on casting a powerful spell. A brilliant sharp light glowed intensely above our heads, making everybody freeze and look up. The bright light made Nick’s camouflage fur flicker and malfunction. We could see the sneaky, evil thing now. But that didn’t deter Nick from his evil purpose. He skipped fast as lightning towards Tristan, at the same time that Celeste threw a light ball at the spot where he had been standing, missing him by inches. The light burst on the grass, momentarily blinding me, and when my vision returned, I watched in astonishment as Tristan did the most unbelievable thing.

  He faded out.

  The last time he had been able to do that was when he still had his “ghost powers” – before I had made a deal with Death. After Sky brought him back, he told me he couldn’t do it, his fading, any more. In the three years we’d been living together he hadn’t done it even once.

  He faded quick enough for Nick to pass right through him without a scratch. Nick pounded on the grass in anger at having missed his primary target, Tristan. His eyes flickered everywhere, trying to understand how he had missed his mark so badly. I stared in shock as a faded Tristan stood unscathed in the dark.

  “T-Tristan? H-how …? How’s that even possible?” I choked out in disbelief. “It can’t be … You said you couldn’t … after all these years … you’ve been lying to me?”

  “Wait, Joey! Please, it’s … I-I can explain,” Tristan pleaded, when he saw the broken look on my face.

  Nick’s head snapped angrily towards Tristan’s voice, his yellow eyes squinting in the dark. He couldn’t see Tristan, but he had heard him. That was good enough to locate him and he jumped again, long sharp claws already stretching out of his paws. But Nick again passed right through as if he had jumped through a mirage. He couldn’t catch Tristan when he was faded.

  “Vigil! In the yard!” Celeste shouted from the door, already conjuring up another light spell. All I could do was stare at Tristan.

  He had lied to me.

  “All this time … you were lying?” I whispered again. My head felt too heavy; there was something wrong going on inside of me, but I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t make it go away. My legs felt too weak and finally they faltered, making me fall to my knees on the grass. That’s all he does to you. He lies; he lies all the time! He’s a liar and a cheater. He doesn’t deserve you! You need to make him pay for this, something wicked whispered in my head. Make him suffer. Make him pay!

  “Everybody stay inside! That’s an order!” Vigil’s sharp voice boomed near the sliding door.

  He ran outside and then stopped abruptly, trying to assess the situation. Seeing Vigil arrive was enough to make the evil little creature give up on his attack. Nick hissed one last time before flattening himself against the grass and sliding quickly towards the wall, trying to escape.

  Celeste tried to launch one more light spell at his scurrying back, but once again she missed him by inches. Nick was just too fast for her aim. He was far away by the time the light ball burst over the grass.

  The scorching ground and the blackening spot on the wall was all that was left in the yard. Tristan immediately faded back in, walking hurriedly in my direction. I had managed to stand up by the time he caught up to me.

  “Joey, please …”

  I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I was done with his begging.

  He didn’t deserve my forgiveness; he didn’t deserve anything from me any more.

  He deserves to fucking die! That’s what liars and cheaters deserve. Make him pay. Make him suffer! You need to step on him like the filthy trash he is.

  Chains were rattling too loudly; it was too much noise, too much betrayal to take in.

  “Shut up!” I hissed, clutching at my ears, trying desperately to make these maddening voices go away.

  “Joe, let me explain,” Tristan urged, getting close to me. Too close. I couldn’t let him get close. Not again. Not ever again. Something inside, vicious and uncontrollable, snarled at the thought of Tristan’s touch. Shaking shackles, rattling chains; it pushed and pulled, yanking at its leash. It wanted out. Something powerful wanted out.

  Tristan took one more step towards me and lightning struck once again, this time over our house, making the ground shake with its powerful fury. It shattered a piece of the roof, making it crack and tumble onto the power lines, snapping the wires and making the lights throughout the entire block blink and go dark. Sparks of electricity showered over us, but I didn’t cower. I didn’t care any more. Nothing could hurt me more than Tristan’s betrayal.

  “Stay away from me!” I shouted at Tristan, but he paid no attention and kept reaching out his hands, trying desperately to make me listen.

  Vigil was also running in my direction. I could hear Celeste’s voice in the background, urgent and full of fear. Everybody was panicking now. And I was losing my mind, energy crackling and bursting out of me, the wind lashing viciously against my body, making my hair fly out wildly in all directions. The rattling chains were too loud. They deafened all my thoughts, all my reason; they made my blood sizzle and boil inside.

  You want to hurt him. I know I do. You could hurt everybody.

  “Don’t touch me,” I growled angrily, and then I raised my eyes slowly, my voice coming out cold, hoarse and completely not my own. “You don’t get to touch me ever again.”

  Inside a whisper lingered in my head: I am free now. I don’t need him any more. I can rule my own life. I don’t need anyone.

  I closed my eyes and wished with all my will to be elsewhere
, anywhere but here. I imagined every part of me away from Tristan, away from his web of lies and deceit that had grabbed me and held me for so long in its sickening prison. Not any more.

  There is no one holding you back now; no one to make you weak and pathetic. You can do anything you want to. The world is yours for the taking.

  When I opened my eyes again, everybody had disappeared. I wasn’t even in my backyard any more. Where was I? I looked around, trying to recognize my location. I was still in my town. I knew this place, but I was too far gone to remember anything.

  You have beamed yourself … just like Vigil used to do. I had used one of his powers.

  You can use all of them now. You can do anything you want. Strike at your will!

  Strike? I didn’t want to strike anything … or anyone …

  Of course you want to, can’t you feel it? In your heart? The hurt, the anger, the hate?

  “Shut up, shutupshutup!” I mumbled, clutching my head in despair. I wanted this alien voice out of my head. I wanted to make it stop saying all these horrible things. These were Vigil’s powers taking up my mind, making me go insane.

  But of course you know this isn’t true. This isn’t Vigil or anyone else; this is all you, Joe Gray. All your anger, all your thirst for revenge, your violence wanting to break out. You cannot make it go away! It is a part of you, and you know it.

  “NO! It’s not! Shut up!” I shouted at the empty air, completely lost in madness.

  You cannot silence your own thoughts, or make your desires go away. This is what you truly want. You want payback. You want revenge. You want to make him pay for all the pain and hurt he has caused you. It’s all his fault. And the hate is all your own.

  I whimpered in despair, looking desperately around, trying to find an escape from this madness. The street was almost deserted. A storm was moving closer, thick black clouds rolling over one another, clashing with thunder and lightning in the inky sky.

  I crouched on the pavement, my head still between my hands. “I don’t hate him,” I whispered to myself, rocking back and forth. I was drowning. Suffocating.

  You hate him now. Stop fighting your true emotions. Stop being so weak and pathetic, with this stupid co-dependence. Remember Jessica; remember how close her lips were to his; remember the look on his face when he faded out of sight: you saw it. He knew what he was doing; he knew of his lie. You know he betrayed your trust. He tossed your love away like it was nothing to him. How does that make you feel now?

  Rattling, rattling …

  You need to let it out. You know I’m right. You know you are right. Let it out. Let me out.

  I stopped rocking and stood up slowly. Everything felt blurry and dark; the chains were too loud, my boiling blood too scalding. My whole body felt feverish, but strong at the same time. I’d never felt as strong as I did then.

  Nothing can ever hurt me if I remain like this. Yes. Let it out.

  I looked up and watched the sky, the storm reflecting what I was feeling inside: raging, uncontrollable, powerful. Anger leaked out of every pore of my skin, burning hot. So hot.

  Cold rain started falling. It poured and drenched me in seconds, the water sizzling and steaming when it touched my burning skin. I wasn’t aware exactly when I had started walking. I just knew I needed to keep walking and not stop. There was too much energy barreling up inside. I could walk for ever.

  I didn’t know where I was going, but at some point the entrance of a park loomed over my head. I headed inside, tossing my shoes away at the borders of the grass. I wanted to feel the soaking grass beneath my toes, all the energy rushing out of me, the grass, the earth, the water seeping through my skin.

  I could control it all. They are there to do my will.

  I don’t know for how long I walked in that park, how many times I crossed those grass fields. Could be dozens, could be barely once. I had completely lost track of time. There wasn’t anyone in sight; it was too dark, too late in the night and raining too much for anyone to dare go in there.

  There was only me and the rain and the trees. Or so I thought.

  Shouts in the distance disturbed my already deranged thoughts. I felt like I was dream-walking in a nightmare and that soon I was going to wake up. But the dream kept going, the rage kept flooding out of me, sizzling in the rain. Would I ever wake up from this? Or would I stay in this nightmare for ever?

  The shouts were much closer now, making me look in their direction with a cold, curious detachment. It didn’t matter who was doing the shouting. Nothing could hurt me. Nothing mattered.

  Two dark silhouettes appeared in the distance. Two big, heavy men who let out excited, drunken howls. They spotted me and started heading my way. “Look what we’ve got here!” One of the men ran and halted right in front of me, blocking my way.

  I stopped and regarded him coldly, as if he were a fly buzzing in front of me. He was massive, a huge, heavily muscled thug. The second man stopped by his side and sneered cruelly. He didn’t look as strong, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be just as harmful as his buddy. In fact, maybe even more so, because he seemed more intelligent, which made him more dangerous and manic.

  It was clear they meant me harm; I could see it. It was written all over their faces, flashing through their crazy red eyes. They howled excitedly and clapped their hands, their dark clothes drenched and heavy with the rain, clinging to their bodies and showing their muscles. “What luck we have, mate. Look at this fine piece of ass here,” the clever-looking one shouted. “And you said we shouldn’t cut through the park. We could have missed this perky treat!”

  “I was the one who spotted her, man. You should be thanking me and my blessed eyesight,” burly, stupid-looking thug barked.

  “I don’t care, I’m the one who goes first. You can have her after,” the friend said, taking a step closer to me.

  Stupid thug regarded me for a second, starting to get edgy. He looked like he was dumb and slow, but apparently he had a better survival instinct than his “buddy”. He knew something was off with me; something definitely looked wrong.

  Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t moved since they’d arrived. Nor did I try to run or even cry out in fear.

  Maybe it was the fact that although I was drenched and barefoot, walking alone in a park in the middle of the night, I didn’t seem to care. At all.

  Maybe it was the eerie storm lurching in the background, making everything seem scarier, as if we were all in a horror movie.

  Or maybe it was the fact that I was grinning at them – and not a friendly grin. There was nothing friendly about my smile and he knew it.

  “Uh … dude, I think maybe … it’s best we let this one go,” he suggested with a smidgen of apprehension, his eyes never leaving mine. Alarms were sounding inside his thick skull – I could tell by his expression. He wasn’t as stupid as he looked, after all.

  My grin widened.

  “What the hell are you talking about, you idiot? If you don’t want it, stay the fuck away! She’s all mine,” sneering guy barked, and then pushed his friend away, making him stumble backwards. He turned his attention back to me and matched my wicked grin with one of his own. “So, sweet cheeks, we’re going to have such a good time tonight.” He grabbed my wrist.

  We sure are, I hissed inside my head. I glanced down at his hand.

  Something snarled in me, loud, vicious, merciless. Strike them down, it growled, rattling its chains. Make them pay.

  “Shit! Your skin … it’s burning up!” the man exclaimed, puzzled, looking at my wrist and back up to my face. We locked eyes. His grin faded slowly and then his sloshed, drugged brain realized that something was seriously wrong. Deadly wrong.

  “Y-your eyes … They’re all … white! W-what’s wrong with you?” He panicked and tried to move his hand away but I was faster and grabbed his wrist. I was the one holding him now. It was my time to sneer while I squeezed, slowly and painfully.

  He cried out and hit me in the face with his
free hand, trying to break free from my iron grip. I didn’t move an inch. I was made of stone; nothing could stop me. I felt a tingling on my cheek that disappeared in less than a second.

  He raised his hand slowly, looking at the blood staining the rings on his fingers. He had cut me when he slapped me.

  And now you must kill him for striking at you.

  “W-what the …? H-how did y-you …?” he stammered, looking wildly at my face.

  I knew I had healed by now. And he had watched it happen. His weak mind was trying to process this, trying to understand what was happening.

  I grabbed the arm he had slapped me with and constricted it until I heard the bones break. Then I let go. He was shouting and crying. I didn’t care. I barely listened.

  “Let go of him, demon!” his stupid friend yelled, running at me.

  My eyes darted quickly to my second attacker, and I grabbed him by the arm, too.

  He cannot stop me. I kicked him in the legs and heard bones cracking again. There was more shouting and crying. I still didn’t care when I punched him hard in the chest, making him fly into the air and crash a few feet away, landing on the grass with a loud thud. He tried to stand up, but ended up slumping back down, clutching at his broken leg.

  I turned my attention back to the man I was still holding by the wrist. He looked terrified out of his mind now.

  Good. He should be scared. You need to strike him down. End his miserable, filthy, pathetic little life.

  “You have done this many, many times before, haven’t you?” I asked, my voice sounding raspy, like a soft growl.

  “W-w-what?” he whimpered.

  “Preying on other girls. How many others did you have a ‘good time’ with?”

  He didn’t answer and kept sobbing like a baby.

  “How many girls have you hurt? How many have shouted and cried because of you?”

  “Ah! P-please! Stop! STOP!” he shouted in abject horror as my grip tightened around his wrist.

  “How many begged for you to stop?” I asked again. The fury in my voice burst out like steaming lava. Red and pure, blasting out of my core. I could feel my hands heating in rage and then I smelled skin burning. He started screaming and thrashing against me, trying to free his arm. I was burning him.