The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous
Page 1
About the Book
Lysander Hawkley combined breathtaking good looks with the kindest of hearts. He couldn't pass a stray dog, an ill-treated horse or a neglected wife without rushing to the rescue. And with neglected wives the rescue invariably led to ecstatic bonking, which didn't please their erring husbands one bit.
Lysander's mid-life crisis had begun at twenty-two. Reeling from the death of his beautiful mother, he was out of work, drinking too much and desperately in debt. The solution came from Ferdie, his fat friend: if Lysander was so good at making husbands jealous, why shouldn't he get paid for it?
Let loose among the neglected wives of the ritzy county of Rutshire, Lysander causes absolute havoc. But it is only when he meets Rannaldini, Rutshire's King Rat and a temperamental, fiendishly promiscuous international conductor, that the trouble really starts. The only unglamorous woman around Rannaldini was Kitty, his plump young wife who ran his life like clockwork. Soon Lysander was convinced that Kitty must be rescued from Rannaldini at all costs, even if it means enlisting the help of the old blue-eyed havoc-maker: Rupert Campbell-Black.
Jilly Cooper
THE MAN WHO MADE
HUSBANDS JEALOUS
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Epub ISBN: 9781409032403
Version 1.0
www.randomhouse.co.uk
TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS
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THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS
A CORGI BOOK: 9780552156394
First published in Great Britain
in 1991 by Bantam Press
a division of Transworld Publishers
Corgi edition published 1994
Corgi edition reissued 2007
Copyright © Jilly Cooper 1993
Lines from ‘Naked in the Rain’ by McBroom and Glover
reproduced by kind permission of
Big Life Music and Bertelsmann Music Group Ltd,
© Big Life Music 1990 and © Bertelsmann Music Group Ltd 1990.
Lines from ‘The Last Night of the World’ from the musical Miss Saigon
by Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg. Lyrics by
Alain Boublil and Richard Maltby Jr. Music by
Claude-Michel Schönberg. © Alain Boublil Music Ltd.
Jilly Cooper has asserted her right under the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser
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Table of Contents
Cover
About the Book
Title
Copyright
About the Author
Also by Jilly Cooper
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Characters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
About the Author
Jilly Cooper is a journalist, writer and media superstar. The author of many number one bestselling novels, she lives in Gloucestershire with her husband Leo, her rescue greyhound Feather and her black cat Feral.
She was appointed OBE in 2004 for services to literature, and in 2009 was awarded an honorary Doctorate of Letters by the University of Gloucestershire for her contribution to literature and services to the County.
Find out more about Jilly Cooper at her website www.jillycooper.co.uk
By Jilly Cooper
FICTION
RIDERS
RIVALS
POLO
THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS
APPASSIONATA
SCORE!
PANDORA
WICKED!
JUMP!
NON-FICTION
ANIMALS IN WAR
CLASS
HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS
HOTFOOT TO ZABRISKIE POINT (with Patrick Lichfield)
INTELLIGENT AND LOYAL
JOLLY MARSUPIAL
JOLLY SUPER
JOLLY SUPERLATIVE
JOLLY SUPER TOO
SUPER COOPER
SUPER JILLY
SUPER MEN AND SUPER WOMEN
THE COMMON YEARS
TURN RIGHT AT THE SPOTTED DOG
WORK AND WEDLOCK
ANGELS RUSH IN
ARAMINTA’S WEDDING
CHILDREN’S BOOKS
LITTLE MABEL
LITTLE MABEL’S GREAT ESCAPE
LITTLE MABEL SAVES THE DAY
LITTLE MABEL WINS
ROMANCE
BELLA
EMILY
HARRIET
IMOGEN
LISA & CO
OCTAVIA
PRUDENCE
ANTHOLOGIES
THE BRITISH IN LOVE
VIOLETS AND VINEGAR
To Emily
<
br /> with love and gratitude
for so much happiness
Acknowledgements
One of the delights of writing The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous has been the kindness and enthusiasm of the people who helped me. These include in particular John Lodge, Managing Director of Lodge Securities, who initiated me into the mysteries of highly sophisticated security systems; trainer Nigel Twiston-Davies and his wife Cathy, who took me racing and allowed me to spend several days at their yard; Emily Gardiner and Alicia Winter who advised me on the pop music front; and Ian Maclay, the former Managing Director of The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and the orchestra themselves, who provided me with much joy and enlightenment, both at rehearsal and concerts.
I should also like to thank Martin Stephen for telling me about headmasters; composer Geoffrey Burgon and master cellist Bobby Kok for talking to me about music; Andrew Parker-Bowles and John Oaksey for being brilliant about racing; Shirley Bevan for advising me on the illnesses of horses; Simon Cowley for walking the Cheltenham course with me in a deluge; and Raymond and Jenny Mould for inviting me into their box to see Tipping Tim win gloriously at Cheltenham. Peter and Alexandra Hunter and Sally Reygate also told me wonderful stories about their horses Esperanta and Regal, both now sadly departed.
Many other people helped me. Like those referred to above, they are all skilled in their own fields, but as I was writing fiction, I only followed their advice as far as it fitted my own story, and their expertise is in no way reflected by the accuracy of this book. They include:
Anthony and Mary Abrahams, Richard Bell, Sebastian Birkhead, John Bowes-Lyon, Charlie Brooks, Peter Cadbury, Edith and Jack Clarkson, Peter Clarkson, Father Damian of Prinknash Abbey, Jim Davidson, Herbert Despard, Fiona Feeley, Dennis Foot, Miriam Francombe, Susannah and William Franklyn, Judy Gaselee, E. W. Gillespie, Managing Director, Cheltenham Racecourse, Tony Hoskins, George and Huw Humphreys, John Irvin, Geoffrey and Jorie Kent, Carl Llewellyn, Roger and Rowena Luard, David Marchwood, Managing Director, Moët & Chandon (London) Ltd., Pussy Minchin, Sharon Morgan, Lana Myers, Peter Norman, Managing Director, Parfums Givenchy, Rosemary Nunneley, Guy Ralls, Henry Sallitt, Lottie Sjögren, Edward Smith, Pauline Stanbury, Diane Stevens, Harry Turner, Barry Watts, Madeline and Malcolm White, Kate Whitehouse and Francis Willey.
I should also like to thank the National Canine Defence League and in particular Mrs Clarissa Baldwin for allowing me to use their slogan – ‘A Dog is for Life . . . Not Just for Christmas’.
The subconscious mind works in strange ways. Almost from conception, The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous was set in Paradise, a mythical village in the mythical county of Rutshire. Paradise Village in the book has a population of around eight hundred, an Anglo-Saxon church, a pub, a restaurant, a handful of shops and lies on a river at the bottom of a beautiful valley surrounded by steeply sloping woodland studded with beautiful houses.
During a driving lesson, when the book was well under way, I told my instructor, Peter Clarkson, about my fictional village. Did I know there was a Paradise in Gloucestershire, he asked, and promptly drove me to a tiny hamlet which looked down into a valley, even more beautiful than the one of my imagination. Charles II is alleged to have named the place Paradise. Arriving by night while escaping from the Roundheads, he gazed out of the window the following morning and asked in rapture if he had arrived in Paradise. As I had written so much of the book by then, and because the two ‘Paradises’ are totally different, except in their rare beauty, I decided to keep the name, but would stress that no-one living nor any of the locations in Paradise, Rutshire, bear any resemblance or are based on anyone living or any of the places in Paradise, Gloucestershire.
I must also reiterate that The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous is a work of fiction and none of the characters is based on anyone. Any resemblance to any living person is purely coincidental and wholly unintended.
An author is only as good as her publishers. Mine have been magnificent. I would like to say a massive thank you to Paul Scherer, Mark Barty-King, Patrick Janson-Smith, of Transworld Publishers Ltd., and all their staff for their continued encouragement and advice while I was writing the book. Once it was delivered I had marvellous editorial advice from Diane Pearson, Broo Doherty and Tom Hartman. Nor could anyone have a more charming, merry or skilful agent than Desmond Elliott. I also owe a special debt of gratitude to my son Felix, who in January 1992 restored the gazebo at the bottom of the garden so I was able to write in blissful seclusion uninterrupted by doorbells or telephones.
Finishing a big book is tremendously exciting and consequently I owe a further huge debt of gratitude to my friends Annette Xuereb-Brennan, Annalise Dobson, Anna Gibbs-Kennet and Marjorie Williams for entering into the spirit by working late into the night typing huge chunks of the manuscript, and often correcting factual mistakes and fearful spelling. Ann Mills was equally marvellous at clearing up after us all without throwing away any vital scribbling.
Nor could the book have been written without the wonderfully soothing presence of my PA, Jane Watts, who listened when I was in despair, provided numerous funny lines and spent hours collating and photostating the manuscript.
Finally, I would most of all like to thank my family, Leo, Felix, Emily, Barbara and Hero. All provided comfort, tolerance and inspiration. Few writers are as privileged.
CHARACTERS
EDWARD BARTHOLOMEW A significant grandchild.
ALDERTON
ARCHANGEL MIKE Landlord of The Pearly
Gates Public House
and captain of Paradise
Cricket XI.
JULIA ARMSTRONG A passionate painter.
BEN ARMSTRONG Her husband – a caring
beard in computers.
ASTRID A comely Palm Beach groom.
MISS BATES A temp with tempting
ankles.
BEATRICE A fair flautist misused by
Rannaldini.
JAMES BENSON A very smooth private
doctor.
BONNY A Palm Beach polo groupie.
SABINE BOTTOMLEY Headmistress of Bagley Hall
- a less caring beard.
TEDDY BRIMSCOMBE Larry Lockton’s gardener.
MRS BRIMSCOMBE His wife.
BUNNY An ace Gloucestershire vet.
RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK Multi-millionaire owner/
trainer, ex-world
show-jumping champion,
Mecca for most women.
TAGGIE CAMPBELL-BLACK His second wife – an angel.
MARCUS CAMPBELL-BLACK His son – an embryo concert
pianist.
TABITHA CAMPBELL-BLACK His daughter – a teenage
tearaway.
SEB AND DOMMIE CARLISLE The heavenly twins. Vastly
brave professional polo
players, whose serious
wildness has been tempered
by the recession.
CHLOE CATFORD Talented mezzo-soprano
and Boris Levitsky’s mistress.
BLUEY CHARTERIS Rupert Campbell-Black’s first
jockey.
LADY CHISLEDEN An old boot and a pillar of
Paradise.
CLIVE Rannaldini’s sinister
black-leather-clad henchman.
MRS COLMAN David Hawkley’s secretary —
nicknamed ‘Mustard’ by the
boys because she’s so keen on
him.
CAMERON COOK A talented television
termagent.
MISS CRICKLADE Winner of the home-made
wine class at Paradise Church
fete for ten years running.
DANNY One of Rupert Campbell-
Black’s stable lads.
DIZZY Rupert Campbell-Black’s
head groom. A glamorous
divorcee.
FERDINAND FITZGERALD Fat Ferdie. Lysander
Hawkley’s best friend and
minder. Estate agent and
fixer who is riding the
skill.
RICKY FRANCE-LYNCH Polo captain of England.
DAISY FRANCE-LYNCH His painter wife, a friend of
Julia Armstrong.
GERALDINE Guy Seymour’s London
secretary.
GRAYDON GLUCKSTEIN Chairman of the New World
Philharmonic Orchestra.
HELEN GORDON Rupert Cambell-Black’s first
wife.
BOB HAREFIELD Orchestra manager of the
London Met. A saint.
HERMIONE HAREFIELD His seriously tiresome
wife. Rannaldini’s mistress.
One of the world’s leading
sopranos and an applause
junkie.
LITTLE COSMO HAREFIELD A four-year-old fiend.
LYSANDER HAWKLEY A hero of our time.
DAVID ‘HATCHET’ Lysander’s father and
HAWKLEY an unmerry widower.
Headmaster of Fleetley
- a top English public
school.
DINAH HAWKLEY An old soak, and the
widow of David Hawkley’s
much older brother,
Alastair.
HEINZ A colourless assistant
conductor at the London