The Fame Game

by Lauren Conrad

  Luke hesitated, then spoke. “That friend of yours. Kate.”

  Carmen sat back and crossed her arms. “Shut. Up.”

  Luke shrugged. “She hasn’t said anything to you?”

  Carmen shook her head.

  “Maybe I kept her too busy this week. What can I say? We hit it off. She’s down-to-earth. She’s talented. She’s totally not a typical Hollywood girl. And she’s beautiful, too, but she doesn’t seem to have any idea. Which I appreciate.”

  “I will overlook the fact that she didn’t tell me and just be excited. Oh, this is awesome!” Carmen clapped her hands, genuinely thrilled. “I love her, and I totally put you guys together! You can just call me Carmen Cupid Curtis.”

  Luke laughed. “All right, Carmen Cupid Curtis. How do you know her, anyway?”

  Carmen looked at him in surprise. “She didn’t tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  Carmen was chewing an ice cube, and Luke tapped his fingers impatiently until she could speak again. “She’s on The Fame Game with me,” she said.

  Luke’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared under his dark bangs. “You’re kidding,” he said. “Wow.” He scratched at the scruff on his chin, looking confused and slightly perturbed. “Why didn’t she tell me that?”

  “I don’t know,” Carmen admitted. “Shyness? Embarrassment? Midwestern reticence?” She poked him with her straw. “You don’t mind, though, right?” she asked.

  Luke thought about this for a minute. “No,” he said finally. “I guess I don’t. But I still think it’s kind of weird that she didn’t say anything.”

  “Fine,” Carmen said. “It’s weird. But so is a platypus.”

  Luke shot her a look. “What in the world are you talking about?”

  Carmen laughed and reached out to pinch his cheek. She was pretty convinced that Luke was really no slicker than Kate when it came down to it. They could be wide-eyed foreigners in L.A. together, making a successful go of it but being slightly baffled the whole time. “I’m just saying, what seems weird to you seems fine to someone else. No doubt the platypus thinks a kitten looks totally bizarre.”

  “I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about,” Luke said. “Did they put something illegal in your coffee?”

  Carmen grinned. She was feeling punchy but it was from her post-audition adrenaline. “Nope. Just high on life. But hey, let’s get out of here. I need to hit the gym, and you, Doctor Rose, have got a few autographs to sign.” She paused. “And Kates to kiss. Get it? You know, Kiss Me, Kate?”

  Luke rolled his eyes. “You are crazy,” he said.

  Carmen sighed dramatically. “Yes, but you love me anyway.”

  Chapter 13

  A Little Old for Stuffed Animals

  Madison wanted to know which PopTV genius had the idea to film at Santa Monica Pier, that tacky, run-down tourist trap jutting into the Pacific Ocean. Was Trevor trying to torture her by sending her to a place with gross food and grosser people? Or had he farmed out this shoot to Laurel, who seemed to enjoy watching Madison squirm?

  Of course, the location wasn’t even the worst of it. Maybe, if she held her nose and wore her biggest, darkest sunglasses, she could tolerate being among the unwashed masses, their stupid carnival games and their greasy funnel cake carts. But could she face it with her sad-sack father and her sociopathic sister in tow? She wasn’t feeling her typical confidence.

  Part of her bad mood came from her audition for The End of Love, which was weighing on her. She knew that some people accused her of having an overly inflated opinion of herself. Fine. But she wasn’t the type to lie to herself. In many things, Madison Parker was downright awesome. But in her reading with Luke Kelly, she had completely and totally sucked. The only saving grace was that the PopTV cameras were only permitted as far as the waiting room.

  When Trevor pitched her this story line (it was more like he told her to go to the audition if she wanted screen time not with her freeloading family), she knew it wasn’t going to end well for her. She would look like exactly what she never wanted to be: an oblivious wannabe. Even if she could emote like Meryl Streep, there was no way in hell any director would take a chance on Madison. Nobody who came from reality TV had gone on to be taken seriously as an actress. (That girl from The Real World didn’t count—that was the ’90s, which was practically another lifetime.) But somehow she’d forgotten all that while she was learning her lines and rehearsing with Gaby. She’d let in a sliver of hope that she didn’t suck and that she’d have a chance, and for that she’d never forgive herself, or Trevor.

  She cringed at the memory of stumbling over her lines. When she mispronounced the name of a minor character, she’d heard a snicker at the back of the room. She couldn’t relax at all; it was as if she’d split into two people, one of whom was trying desperately to do a decent job of reading the script and another who was hovering nearby, witnessing her failure. She wished she’d gotten her hands on some beta-blockers, or at the very least a Xanax, before the reading.

  Now, as she turned around so the sound guy could attach a mike box to her bra strap, Madison tried to convince herself that she’d have another chance to do it better. She’d never acted before—surely Colum McEntire didn’t expect her to be perfect her first time!

  Though, admittedly, in a way she’d been acting ever since she’d moved to L.A. Even before she was on L.A. Candy or Madison’s Makeovers or The Fame Game, she’d been pretending to be someone she wasn’t. She’d dyed her hair, spray-tanned her skin, and nipped and tucked in the places that needed it. Ever so carefully, she had constructed a new person; and, just as carefully, she had given that new person a fitting history.

  Madison had dreamed up glamorous, wildly successful parents who were camera-shy, old-money jet-setters (which explained why no one could ever find them and put their pictures in a tabloid). She had told stories of a childhood spent mansion-hopping and teen years spent abroad.

  Madison had been imagining better parents for herself ever since her days in Armor Falls. And, when she stopped to think about it, that was when she began her acting career, too. She’d acted as if she wasn’t embarrassed to be wearing the same pair of dirty jeans to school day after day. She acted as if she’d forgotten her lunch, when in fact there was no food in the house. She acted as if her mother was sick with the flu, as opposed to puking her guts out from a massive hangover (which Sophie, at least, always believed). She acted that she didn’t mind being unpopular, when every single day her loneliness was like a tiny knife piercing her heart.

  Yes, Madison Parker was a born actress. Too bad she could only deliver lines that she herself had written.

  Her BlackBerry buzzed, and she read Laurel’s text: LOOK TO UR LEFT.

  Doing as she was told, Madison saw Sophie in the distance, slowly wending her way through the crowd. She knew she had a few more minutes before the cameras began to roll.

  SO WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS? Madison texted back.

  IT WAS A JOINT EFFORT, Laurel wrote. ☺

  Madison took that to mean that she’d come up with it and Trevor had approved. She also assumed the smiley face was sarcastic. Bitch.

  She put her BlackBerry back into her purse. “You better not have us on any rides,” she yelled. “Those things are filthy.”

  “Only the Ferris wheel,” Laurel called back. Then she quickly ducked behind the cameraman, as if she thought Madison might throw something at her.

  Great. Madison hated heights. But this wasn’t something she wanted Laurel or Trevor to know, otherwise they’d schedule some outing where all The Fame Game girls went skydiving.

  “And after the Ferris wheel we’ll do cotton candy and the shooting range,” Laurel added.

  Madison rolled her eyes. Processed sugar and firearms. Perfect. Sophie was getting closer, and she squared her shoulders. It was time for some family bonding, maybe a trip down memory lane. She couldn’t think of anything she’d like less. Except for maybe riding the Ferris wheel.
>
  “Maddy!” Sophie yelled, belatedly spotting the cameras and bounding toward them. She wore a giant floppy hat, another maxidress, and a pair of Birkenstocks. Her look was boho—hold the chic.

  “Namaste,” Sophie said and wrapped Madison in a patchouli-scented hug.

  Madison peeled her sister’s arms off her. She hated patchouli. And what was with the yogi act? The cameras weren’t even on yet.

  “Where’s—you-know-who?” Madison said. She didn’t exactly want to call him Charlie, but she still had a hard time with Dad.

  “Parking the car.”

  Laurel walked toward them, grasping her earpiece. “Okay, on it,” she was saying. She turned her attention to them. “I’ll be right back. Stay here, and we’ll start in a few minutes.” Laurel jogged toward the far side of the pier, her ever-present travel mug of coffee in hand.

  Sophie reached out and clutched Madison’s arm. “Dad desperately wants your forgiveness. This anger you’re carrying around really puts off bad energy. It’s affecting everything around you.”

  “Cut the crap,” Madison said, tugging her arm from Sophie’s grasp. “That might play on-camera, but it’s just you and me right now.”

  Sophie blinked at her with her beautiful, long-lashed eyes. “This is who I am,” she said. “I’ve spent a long time becoming this person—”

  “Six months?” Madison scoffed.

  “A person of forgiveness and love. It’s really good. You don’t have to be filled with rage and pain.”

  Madison rolled her eyes. “Screw you.”

  “I can see the anger in your aura. It’s bright orange.”

  Madison barely stifled a guffaw. “Oh really? My aura? Well, I’ll be sure to get it bleached along with my roots next time I’m at the salon. Seriously, Sophie, give it a rest.”

  Sophie pressed her palms together in front of her chest and bowed her head. “What are you doing?” Madison asked.

  “Seeking the love of the Divine Goddess for you,” Sophie said, without looking up.

  Madison turned away in disgust. Either Sophie had taken some acting classes or she was insane. Or, Madison thought, both.

  She saw a hand waving eagerly at them then: Charlie. He still looked like he’d dressed himself out of the Goodwill reject box, but he was trying. His shirt was pressed and his khaki pants looked cleaner.

  “Good morning, Madison.” He rubbed his palms together and appeared uncertain about whether to hug his oldest daughter or shake her hand. He didn’t have to make the choice, though, because Laurel came bustling up with two more mike packs in hand.

  “The gang’s all here,” she said brightly, “so let’s get started.”

  Madison clutched the seat bar of the Ferris wheel as it shuddered to a halt. She might vomit. She might pass out. Or—if she was capable of speech—she might call Trevor and give him hell. She didn’t care if the cameras were rolling or not. They’d been pointed straight at her for the last painful hour, as three-quarters of the Wardell family from Armpit Falls, New York, spun around and around on a giant rickety wheel above the Pacific Ocean. Sophie was giddy, squealing. Meanwhile Madison had been clutching her stomach in a combination of nausea and fear. She prayed that Laurel wouldn’t add a roller-coaster ride to the shooting schedule, because if she did, Madison might not make it.

  “I loved it!” Sophie cried, leaping from the still-swinging seat. “Do we have time to go again?”

  Laurel shook her head no, and Madison breathed a sigh of relief. She steadied herself against the gate as a dirty-looking carnival worker leered at her.

  “You all right?” Charlie asked, touching Madison’s elbow. “Here, come here.”

  She was too queasy to protest as her dad led her to a bench and gently sat her down. “I’ll get you some water,” he said.

  “You know what I want?” Sophie asked, her eyes wide as a little kid’s. “I want some cotton candy!”

  Madison put her head in her hands. Wow, Sophie was (a) oblivious to her suffering, and (b) hitting every mark and location with the subtlety of a hammer. How much were Trevor and Dana working with Sophie on the Wardell family story line? From the looks of it, a lot—which did not make Madison happy.

  Charlie returned and handed her a bottle of water. “Four bucks for that,” he said to no one in particular.

  Madison took a few sips and eventually stood up. She felt a little better now; the ground wasn’t moving beneath her feet. “How about we skip the cotton candy and try the air rifle.” She slipped her arm through her father’s. It was a small thing, changing the shooting order, but it said that she was in control of the situation. Without waiting for Sophie’s response, she began to walk through the crowd, Charlie Wardell at her side. It seemed like the right time to play the role of the forgiving daughter to the repentant father.

  At the air rifle booth, cheap stuffed animals—hot-pink pandas, blue kangaroos, acid-green turtles—hung from the rafters in sad-looking clumps. The carnival worker wore a striped apron and desperately needed a shave.

  Charlie stepped up to the booth. “You remember the Harvest Festival in that little town on the Hudson, the one I used to take you girls to?” he asked.

  A dim memory of cool evenings, carnival rides, and baby animals that you paid ten cents to pet flickered at the edges of Madison’s mind. She kept it there at the edges, though, and said nothing. She watched as her father handed over a five-dollar bill to the worker and picked up an air rifle.

  “This was always your favorite part,” he said.

  “Shooting a gun was my favorite?” Madison said skeptically.

  “Nope,” Charlie said. “Me shooting the gun and you winning a stuffed animal was your favorite.” He bent over the counter and let three air pellets fly. Miss. Miss. And . . . a miss. He stood up and shrugged sadly. “I guess my aim’s not what it used to be.”

  “Well, I’m a little old for stuffed animals,” Madison said, inexplicably wanting to comfort him. “I like shoes now. Do you think there’s a booth where you can win me a pair of the new Marc Jacobs wedges?”

  Charlie smiled wistfully. “You’re so grown-up,” he said. “So sophisticated. You probably don’t even remember that old purple unicorn I won you.”

  “What?” Madison looked at him closely.

  “There was this unicorn,” Charlie said.

  “Yeah, I got that part,” Madison said. “It was purple.”

  “You were only three or four, and you named it Bitsy,” Charlie went on, smiling at the memory. “You carried it with you everywhere. I seem to recall wrapping Bitsy in a plastic bag so she could take a bath with you.”

  “How funny,” Madison said. But it wasn’t actually funny. Because she still had Bitsy in her apartment, tucked in the back of her sock drawer. She hadn’t remembered who’d given her the thing; she only knew that the unicorn was one of the few possessions she took with her when she left Armor Falls. Most of her memories of home were bad, but somehow some old good feelings had been attached to that cheap, made-in-China unicorn. And now she understood why.

  She was torn between wanting to hug Charlie and to hit him in the face. (Which would Trevor like more? The punch, probably.) She had loved that unicorn instinctively because it was all she had of her father. Her heart felt tight in her chest.

  “Bitsy probably ended up in the Dumpster years ago,” Charlie said. “Well, she was your best friend for a long time.”

  My only friend, thought Madison bitterly. What a joke her life had been! She’d had a drunk for a mother, a convict for a father, a headcase for a sister, and a stuffed animal for a best friend.

  But now she was Madison Parker, star of three (well, it’d be three soon enough) hit TV shows. Here on the Santa Monica Pier, amid the bustle of tourists and the stink of fried food, she straightened her spine and tossed her hair back. Thank God things were different now.

  “So, it’s been great,” she said, “but I should really—”

  “I thought if I left, then things would g
et better,” Charlie said, as if they were in the middle of discussing a topic neither of them had even gone near today. The sun was in his eyes and he squinted at her. It made him look much older than his forty-two years.

  “Well, they didn’t,” Madison said coldly.

  Sophie, who had briefly vanished, reappeared with a giant snow cone. “Yeah, Dad, it was bad.” She shook her head as if lost in a horrible childhood memory. “Really bad.” She didn’t seem angry so much as baffled. Maybe that was part of her new goddess-of-love trip: She wouldn’t blame him for leaving them with a mother who drank Wild Irish Rose for breakfast and whose best efforts in the dinner arena amounted to a few slices of wet ham on sale-rack Wonder Bread.

  Well, Madison wasn’t Sophie. She was pissed. Her mother couldn’t even keep a jar of mayonnaise in the fridge for the awful sandwiches! So what if she hadn’t realized how much she missed her father until right this very moment—it didn’t matter. She was still furious.

  “I’m so sorry,” Charlie whispered. “I tried to explain in my letters.”

  God, those stupid letters again, Madison thought. As if they mattered, as if they even existed. And if they did? Well, you could have a stack of letters ten feet high and they still didn’t add up to a father.

  She turned on her heel and walked to the edge of the pier. Leaning over the railing, she took a long breath of ocean air. Any dad who vanished for a decade and then showed up only after his daughter had made it was obviously in it for the money. Two could play that game, couldn’t they? She, Madison Parker, was in it for the ratings.

  Ratings, she whispered. Ratings, ratings, ratings.

  It was a mantra that kept her from flinging her mike pack into the Pacific Ocean. It gave her strength to turn back around and smile her megawatt smile.

  “So,” she said to her family, “how about that cotton candy?”

  Standing in her colossal walk-in closet, Madison brushed her fingertips along the sleeves of her silk tops, arranged by color from deep jewel red to coral, from lime to lavender. Even in her wildest dreams, she’d never imagined a life like this. That she would own these nice things. She’d been an eight-year-old scrubbing her jeans by hand in the kitchen sink because her mother couldn’t be bothered to take them—or anything—to the Laundromat. And now she didn’t have to even touch her dirty clothes: She tossed them into a basket from which they magically disappeared, and days later they reappeared, wrapped in plastic: crisp, fresh, and clean.